I loved hunting. The patience it required, the thrill of the chase, the few seconds of breathless anticipation before the arrow hit…I loved it all. But the best part was always the cheers of the others when I brought back the meat. I had finally found my place in the world and I enjoyed it immensely.
Ever since the panther, I'd gone to the woods whenever I could and even though most of what I caught were rabbits and squirrels, there was still the occasional boar. With Charlotte's help, I had also built traps and scattered them in the nearby woods. She would check them once every day and from what I could tell, she loved her job. Now, people actually knew her name and talked to her. She was far from happy, but we were getting there.
The fact that I'd started on her bow helped as well. I was busy so it was slow going but Charlotte didn't mind. She had told me she would rather I go slow so she could learn how to make one herself. It also distracted her from the nightmares that plagued her every night. She refused to tell me what they were about, so the best I could do was keep her busy during the day and hold her at night.
As for Jasper, he wasn't doing good. His moans of pain kept the entire camp on edge, myself included, and I often took hunting as an excuse to get away from the sound.
'It's horrible,' Charlotte said as she walked next to me. We'd been checking the traps in the woods and had found two rabbits so far. 'Do you think he's going to die?'
'Of course not. He'll be right as rain in a few days, you'll see.'
She shot me a doubtful look.
'Are you lying to make me feel better?'
'Maybe. Is it working?'
'Maybe.'
I laughed and we kept on chatting as we went. I had forgotten how good it felt to have a friend. Obviously, I had never had a sister, but I imagined it was a little like what I had with Charlotte. Maybe I would ask Bellamy.
Since the incident with the wristbands, I gave the food to a few people I trusted and oversaw the entire process. With Clarke and Finn's support, there was nothing Bellamy and Murphy could do to stop us from feeding people who still had their wristbands. Bellamy had been sour about it for a while but he knew when a battle was lost. Since then, we'd gone back to teasing each other as often as we could. I wouldn't say we were friends, but we weren't enemies either. We stood somewhere in the middle, still wary of each other but willing to make it work for survival's sake.
'Look, it's Bellamy!' Charlotte said suddenly, pointing at the man in question.
Him and a few of the others were standing a hundred yards away, their backs to us, weapons in hand. They appeared to be hunting.
'Stay here,' I told Charlotte. 'I'll check it out.'
I whistled softly, warning them I was coming so I wouldn't get a spear in the chest, and approached as quietly as I could. Bellamy pointed in front of him and when I leaned down, I could see a female boar sniffing at the ground. I went to nock an arrow but Bellamy grabbed my arm, stopping me.
'She's mine,' he whispered, gripping his hatchet tightly. I rolled my eyes but let go of my arrow. Men.
Suddenly, a branch snapped behind us and Bellamy turned swiftly, throwing the hatchet. It lodged itself into a tree. Right next to the trunk, Charlotte stood, terrified.
The boar fled and I heard the others chase it, but I couldn't care less. I was livid.
'Are you insane?!' I yelled, right into Bellamy's face. 'You could have killed her! You didn't even look!'
Bellamy opened his mouth, ready to protest, but I had already turned to Charlotte.
'And you! I told you to stay back! When you see people with weapons, you don't sneak up on them! Christ, Charlotte…'
'I'm sorry,' she said, tears in her eyes. 'I didn't mean to.'
I sighed and engulfed her in a hug, my heart racing in my chest. I couldn't believe I had been so close to losing her.
'Never again, you hear me?' I said.
She nodded against my chest. Atom joined us, shaking his head.
'There are Grounders out there. It's too dangerous for a little girl.'
'I'm not little,' Charlotte protested as she pulled away from me. I couldn't help but smile.
'Okay, then,' Bellamy said with a smirk. 'But you can't hunt without a weapon.'
'I have a bow. Or I will, when Y/N finishes it.'
Bellamy looked at me, chuckling.
'Another Robin Hood? Really, Sunshine?'
I grinned and put my arm around Charlotte's shoulders.
'Better watch out, Blake. In a few days, we'll bring back more meat than your little group ever has.'
'Wanna bet? Ever killed something before, Charlotte?'
She shook her head.
'Who knows?' Bellamy smiled. 'Maybe you're good at it. Here, take this. Until Kane finishes your bow.'
He handed her a knife and she took it, blushing. It wasn't a bad one either and had obviously been sharpened with care. Probably by Bellamy himself.
'Alright, Charlotte,' I said. 'Let's get back to work.'
She waved to Bellamy and Atom and we turned around, but before we could take a single step, the sound of a horn echoed throughout the forest. I froze, looking around in confusion.
'What the hell was that?' I asked.
'No idea,' Bellamy answered. 'We should get back to camp. Come on.'
He started walking but Atom stopped him, grabbing his arm.
'Wait. Look,' he said, pointing at the sky.
Hundreds of birds were flying in the same direction, chirping loudly. I looked at the ground and saw mice and insects fleeing as well.
'We have to go, now,' I said, reaching for Charlotte's hand.
'Why?' she asked as she took it.
I didn't answer, too shocked to talk. Two hundred yards away, a yellow fog had erupted from the trees and was heading straight for us. I didn't know what it was, but at the moment, I didn't care. All I knew was that I needed to go. But when I tried to run, my legs didn't move. I couldn't even breathe properly. Had I been alone, I would have let the fog reach me without doing anything. But I wasn't alone. Charlotte tugged on my hand and yelled my name, knocking me out of my daze. Bellamy grabbed her other hand and we started running away from the fog. Charlotte wasn't as fast as we were but we pulled her along, almost making her fly between each step.
'Come on!' Bellamy yelled. 'There are caves this way!'
The fog was gaining on us and my skin burned from where I had touched it. After what seemed like forever, we reached a vine-covered rock. When Bellamy pushed the plants out of the way, I could see a hollow in the stone. I pushed Charlotte inside before entering myself, Bellamy right behind us. The cave was small and any light that might have brightened it was obscured by the fog, but it was safe and that was all I cared about. The best part was the small pond, barely wide enough for one person. I took off my jacket and plunged my arms deep inside the water, sighing in relief as the burning eased.
'Charlotte, come on. This helps.'
Neither of us cared about intimacy at this moment. All we cared about was getting the pain to stop. Bellamy had the worst burns on his hands but he didn't complain, barely letting out a sigh of relief as he put them in the water.
'Where's Atom?' I asked, realizing he hadn't followed us inside.
'I don't know,' Bellamy answered, his face blank. Despite the whole thing with Octavia, Atom was Bellamy's friend. I hoped he was okay, holed up in some cave like the rest of us.
I focused on helping Charlotte get comfortable. There was a small alcove in the stone and she sat there, Bellamy's jacket around her shoulders.
'How long do we have to stay here?' she asked.
'I don't know,' I answered. 'At least until tomorrow. Maybe longer.'
She nodded without another word and I was once again surprised at how brave she was. At her age, I would have been panicking.
We talked for hours, whispering as if we were scared the fog would hear us. Eventually, Charlotte started yawning repeatedly and I told her to sleep. As always, she tried to fight the fatigue, probably scared of her nightmares, but she was too tired. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep.
'You're good with the kid,' Bellamy said after some time. He hadn't said a word for hours. 'How long have you been taking care of her?'
'Since the day we landed. But don't make any mistakes. She takes care of me.'
'Still. I hadn't pegged you for the motherly type.'
'Guess I'm full of surprises.'
He laughed, careful not to wake up Charlotte.
'And here I thought you were just one of the privileged,' he said.
'I grew up on Tesla station, in a cabin smaller than this cave with three other people. I'd hardly call that privileged.'
'So why do you insist on keeping the wristband, then?'
His tone was casual and I knew he wasn't threatening me. Like with the blueberries in the woods, there was a kind of truce in this cave. So, I told him.
'I keep it for my family.'
'I thought you hated your father.'
'We don't get along, and I don't approve of what he's done. But he's still my dad. And he wasn't always this…cold and calculating. He used to be a great father.'
'That's hard to believe.'
'It's true, though. Did you know he refused to have a better cabin than the workers at Tesla Station? He didn't feel it was right to be given more just because he was Councillor. He was a great man. He cared about people, did everything he could to help them.'
'What changed?'
'My mom died.'
Thinking about my mother used to be impossible for me. The pain was so intense, I would just try to forget I even had a mother. But over the years, as my father changed for the worse, I held on to memories of Eleanor Kane, finding comfort in remembering her and all the happiness she brought into my life.
Bellamy was silent next to me, staring at his hands. Maybe he was thinking of his own mother. Whom my father had floated.
'How did she die?' he finally asked.
'She was an electrical engineer. There was an accident and she tried to fix it before it would kill everyone in the station. She didn't make it.'
'I'm sorry.'
'She saved everyone else. If she hadn't done it, hundreds of people would have died. But it broke my dad. Her death is what changed him. I'm not excusing any of the things he's done. But he never recovered. I'm hoping one day, he'll get better. That's why I keep the wristband. I can't give up on the chance that he might turn back into the father I know and love. And then, there's my grandmother. She has dreamed of seeing Earth since she was a kid. How could I take that hope away from her?'
Bellamy didn't answer, but I didn't mind. I hoped he was thinking about what I said. Maybe he would ease up with the wristbands. I yawned, jaw popping.
'Tired?' he asked.
'Exhausted.'
And cold. Without the means to make a fire, the cave's temperature had dropped. I was shivering, my jacket zipped up to my neck. Bellamy, in just a t-shirt, seemed perfectly comfortable.
'You can't be human,' I said.
'Nah, you're just weak.'
I glared at him and he laughed.
'Alright, Sunshine. I'll help. You ready?'
'Ready for what?' I asked, wary.
'The oldest move in the world.'
Bellamy faked a yawn and stretched, raising his arms above his head. Then, he dropped one around my shoulders and grinned at me.
'Oh my God, you did not just do that,' I said, appalled.
'Come on, that was smooth as hell.'
'That was lame. Where did you even learn that, anyway?'
'Some guy I knew from my time with the guards. He swore up and down his wife had married him because of that move.'
'Really?'
'Yeah. Until she divorced him a month later.'
We laughed. Here he was, the Bellamy I liked. The one who joked around and didn't strut like he had an invisible crown on his head. I was also grateful for the added heat, and it didn't take long for my eyes to drop. I leaned my head against the stone and fell asleep, safe and warm.
I woke up to the sound of Charlotte screaming. My head was resting on Bellamy's shoulder and when he sat up quickly, my teeth knocked together. His eyes settled on Charlotte, who was shivering under his jacket.
'Charlotte, wake up.'
I sat up more slowly and stroke her hair as she woke up, tears in her eyes.
'I'm sorry,' the young girl said, her voice trembling.
'Does that happen often?' Bellamy asked her. 'What are you scared of?'
She looked at her hands, staying silent. Bellamy shot me a look but I couldn't help him. I didn't know what her nightmares were about.
'You know what?' Bellamy told her. 'It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.'
'But I'm asleep.'
'Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you're awake, they won't be there to get you when you sleep.'
'Yeah, but how?'
'You can't afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death.'
Charlotte looked at him pensively. She was calm now, Bellamy's words more effective than mine had ever been. I would have been jealous if I hadn't been so relieved.
'Let me see that knife I gave you,' he asked.
He took it and smiled at her.
'Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say: "Screw you. I'm not afraid."'
He handed her back the knife and she held on to it, repeating his words in a small voice.
'Come on, Charlotte,' I said, still stroking her hair. 'I know you can do better than that.'
Charlotte repeated, more firmly this time. Satisfied, Bellamy patted her knee.
'Slay your demons, kid. Then you'll be able to sleep.'
Charlotte lied back down and I stayed next to her. I fell asleep there, curled up against the stone, my hand holding hers.
Hours later, I opened my eyes to see that the cave was much lighter. I woke up Bellamy and Charlotte and we stepped outside gingerly. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw the fog was gone.
'Anybody out here?' Bellamy called loudly. 'Jones?'
'We're here!' Jones answered. He didn't sound too far away and we headed towards him.
We found Jones with Amara and Chase. They looked unharmed and seemed as relieved to see us as we were to see them.
'Lost you in the stew,' Bellamy said. 'Where'd you go?'
'Made it to a cave down there. The hell was that?'
'Acid fog,' I answered. 'I think.'
That was the only thing that made sense, as bizarre as that sounded.
'Where's Atom?' Bellamy asked.
Jones stayed silent and Bellamy cursed.
'We need to find him, now. Split up.'
Charlotte and I stayed with Bellamy as we walked, looking around for any sign of the boy. Jones and the others were going to check out the caves in the area. At one point, Charlotte fell behind and I took the opportunity to talk to Bellamy.
'Thank you,' I told him. 'For what you did last night.'
'What, let you drool on my shoulder?'
'I do not drool. And I meant with Charlotte. I think it really helped her.'
'Yeah, well. Octavia used to have nightmares too. Obviously, we couldn't have her screaming in her sleep every night.'
He said it casually, but I wasn't fooled. These times weren't happy memories and that he shared something like that with me was huge.
Suddenly, Charlotte screamed. I turned around and realized that the young girl was gone. Panicking, I yelled her name but she just kept screaming. I ran toward the sound and quickly found her. I pulled her to me, checking her over, searching for any injury. Bellamy reached us and froze.
'Atom…'
I looked down and had to fight off the need to throw up. Atom was lying on the ground, his skin covered in welts and pus. He was struggling to breathe and one look at him was enough to realize no amount of medicine could save him. Bellamy approached and knelt next to Atom but I stayed behind, my nails involuntarily digging into Charlotte's shoulders. Jones arrived with the others, having heard Charlotte's screams, gasping at the scene. Before I could react, Charlotte had slipped from my grasp and was walking towards Bellamy, who had just stood back up with a haunted look on his face. Without a word, she handed him her knife.
'Don't be afraid,' she told him.
Bellamy grasped the knife, sighing heavily.
'Go back to camp,' he told the others. 'Charlotte, you too.'
I wish I could say I had stayed, supporting Bellamy and offering him what comfort he needed as he was about to kill his friend. But I didn't. I fled, mumbling something I didn't even hear to Charlotte as I passed her. I walked for a long time, half blind with tears, uncaring that I might get lost of run into a Grounder. All I cared about was getting away.
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore and I collapsed over a fallen tree. I threw up everything I had in my stomach and dry heaved for an eternity after that. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even think. And above all, I hated myself for leaving Bellamy behind. He had probably saved my life the day before, and this was how I repaid him? By leaving him when he needed someone?
You're a coward, I told myself.
That made me cry even harder and by the time I calmed down, I was a mess and it was getting dark out. Looking at my surroundings, I was relieved to see I knew the way back to camp. It took me a long time, but I eventually saw the dropship. I was surprised to see Bellamy waiting outside the wall. He looked pale and his hair was even more messy than usual. He had been pulling at it. He raised his head and saw me, his eyes studying me from head to toe. He noticed my red eyes and I rubbed them, feeling oddly guilty.
'You okay?' he asked, his voice rough.
'I'm fine. Sorry I made you wait.'
I was almost afraid to ask about Atom, but I had to know.
'Is Atom-'
'He's dead. Clarke…Clarke did it.'
It was terrible of me, but I was relieved that Bellamy hadn't been the one to kill Atom. It didn't make me feel any better that I'd left, but it was better nevertheless.
'Did Charlotte make it back to camp okay?' I asked, my voice weaker than I would have liked.
Bellamy nodded. I couldn't think of anything else to say, but I didn't want to leave. Maybe I wanted to redeem myself for what I'd done earlier. Maybe I didn't feel like being alone just yet.
'I'm sorry,' I whispered.
His eyes snapped to mine and I flinched. His face was blank and to most, he would have seemed completely emotionless, even numb. But in his eyes, a storm was raging. Grief, despair, guilt, fear. All these emotions were threatening to take him away and I realized he was drowning. I couldn't take it. I stepped forward and wound my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He tensed up, and I probably should have let go and left but I couldn't shake the feeling that if I left him like this, I would never forgive myself. So, I held on.
And finally, Bellamy Blake broke. He wasn't a pretty crier. His sobs were loud, violent and he fought every single one of them. His arms closed around me, his face was buried in my neck and I felt tears wet my shirt. He was a man drowning at sea and here I was, an unexpected lifeline.
I don't know how long we stayed like that. But it was over as quickly as it began. Bellamy stepped back, took one look at me, and left. I stared at the ground for the time it took my heart to stop racing, and walked back to camp. Charlotte wasn't in our tent, but I was too tired to care. I fell asleep, knowing that my night would be filled with nightmares.
