I didn't sleep that night. I had gotten used to my small tent, to the sound of Charlotte's steady breathing as she dreamed. I even missed the nightmares that would have her screaming herself awake, I missed holding her, I missed her rare smiles and the way she said my name. I missed my sister. How insane was it to care so deeply for someone you'd just met?
I felt more alone than I'd ever had before and I wished Bellamy hadn't left. He had cared for Charlotte too. If anyone could understand what I was going through, it was him. But from the sinful moans of Roma and Sophie that echoed through the night, he was kind of busy.
I didn't mind. If that was the way he dealt with grief, he could fuck the entire camp for all I cared. I would just have to find my own way to deal with the pain. I'd done it before, with my mother. But my grandmother had been there for me at the time. Even my father had, in his own way.
And here I was now, alone in somebody else's tent, my only friend dead and my family condemned. I wished I was back in my cell. Life had been simpler then.
I was so deep in thought I didn't even hear people shouting until Amara burst into the tent.
'Y/N?' she said, frowning. 'What are you doing here?'
'I-'
'Never mind. Come on, you need to see this.'
I hurried out after her and joined the others, wrapped up in Bellamy's covers. Unsurprisingly, the man in question was just coming out of Roma and Sophie's tent, covered in hickeys and scratches. Amara pointed at the sky and I followed her finger, only to see a huge shooting star fall from the sky. Except, it wasn't a meteorite. It was a pod.
The Ark had sent us help. And with hope, there would be a way to talk to them.
I had another chance to save my family.
I looked carefully at where it was headed. It disappeared near the ridge, which meant it was most likely by the lake. I had hunted there several times and knew the area well. I needed my bow and arrows, in case Grounders were headed there as well. I had almost no doubt they would. But to get my weapons, I had to go back to my old tent. The one I shared with Charlotte.
You're a big girl, I told myself. You can do this.
Entering quickly, I pointedly ignored Charlotte's side and grabbed what I needed, exiting just as fast. I went back to Amara, who seemed strangely disappointed.
'What's wrong?' I asked.
'Bellamy said we have to wait until sunrise. It's too dangerous to go now.'
Something wasn't right. Whatever was in that pod, it was invaluable and Bellamy knew that. He would never risk the Grounders getting to it first, no matter the cost. I smiled at Amara and told her I'd catch up later, immediately going to Bellamy's tent. He wasn't inside, but his gear was gone. Cursing, I looked around camp. He wasn't there, which meant he had gone after the pod. Alone.
Discreetly, I entered the woods. No one saw me and I started to walk quickly in the lake's direction. Bellamy was fast, but I knew the woods better than anyone else. I would find him and if he'd done anything to damage the pod, there would be hell to pay.
I don't know how long I walked. It was too dark to search for foot prints so I headed straight for the lake, hoping I'd beat him there. The sun rose slowly and I started jogging, more confident now that I could see where I walked. By the time I finally managed to catch up to Bellamy, it was mid-morning and we were only a few minutes away from the lake.
'Hey!' I shouted.
He turned around and cursed when he saw me.
'Y/N, go back to camp.'
'And let you destroy the radio? No way.'
It was obviously what he was after. From the start, Bellamy had done everything he could to make the Ark think we were dead. And he knew there had to be a way to contact them in the pod. Most likely, a radio.
'You can't stop me,' he said, confirming my theory.
I nocked an arrow and drew my bow, pointing it at him. Bellamy didn't budge. In fact, he didn't even seem surprised.
'Come on, Sunshine. You and I both know you're not gonna shoot me.'
'My family is on the Ark, Bellamy. If you take the radio, you take my only chance of saving them. And I can't- I can't lose anyone else.'
I didn't mention Charlotte, but he had to know I was thinking about her. I could hardly believe it had just been a few hours since she'd died. God, how I missed her.
'I'm sorry,' Bellamy said and I could see genuine regret in his eyes. 'I wish there was another way.'
He's not going to change his mind, I realized.
In a split second, I made my decision. The pod was most likely a few minutes away. If I could get there first, I would be able to send a message before Bellamy had a chance to destroy the radio. But I couldn't shoot him, he was right about that. Which left me with only one option: running.
Immediately, I took off as fast as I could towards the lake. Behind me, I heard Bellamy shout and soon enough, he was running after me. My ribs, already bruised from my fight with Liam and Mike the day before, burned with pain. But I ignored it and forced myself to move faster, knowing from the bottom of my heart that this was my last chance to save my family.
Suddenly, I saw the pod. It seemed almost inconspicuous, just standing there on the ground, almost completely intact. I'd expected smoke, flames and debris.
'Y/N!' Bellamy shouted behind me. 'Stop!'
I couldn't, and he knew it. With one last push, I reached the pod and collided painfully against the side door. I opened it as quickly as I could, aware that I only had a few precious seconds to make the call. There was someone inside the pod, slumped in the seat but I didn't have time to check if they were alive. I grabbed the radio and was just about to push the recording button when suddenly, I was yanked back.
'No!' I screamed.
Bellamy pulled me away, the radio crashing to the ground. I fought him with all I had and managed to twist in his arms, facing him. I headbutted him and pain erupted in my skull but he loosened his hold just enough for me to break free. However, it wasn't enough to get to the radio. He pulled me back again, too hard, and we both fell to the ground, him underneath me with my back to his chest.
'Y/N, it's over,' he grunted as he seized my arms. 'Stop fighting.'
I yelled, trying against all odds to break his hold but I wasn't strong enough.
'Please, stop,' he begged. 'Don't make me do this.'
I wasn't listening, too busy trying to figure out a way to free myself. So when his arm came around my throat, I froze. For a second, I stared at the sky, my eyes wide in confusion. And then, his arm started pressing. I went mad. My hands, now free, clawed at his skin and my feet slammed against the ground, desperately trying to find purchase. But no matter what I did, I couldn't escape the choke hold.
'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' Bellamy was saying over and over again. I could barely hear him over the blood rushing in my head. But I could feel his heart beating wildly against my back, almost as fast as my own.
The reasonable part of my brain knew he wasn't going to kill me. He was just trying to render me unconscious. But the other part, the one that was screaming in pain from oxygen deprivation, the one that could only think about survival, that part thought I was about to die.
My vision slowly ebbed away, my body stopped struggling and I sank into unconsciousness, going limp against Bellamy's chest. The last thing I felt was someone's fingers pressing gently against my wrist, and then I was gone.
I woke up to someone shaking me. I sat up, my head pounding. Above me, Clarke was talking but my ears were still ringing and it took me a few seconds to hear what she was saying.
'-you okay? Y/N? Say something!'
'What?' I said, my voice hoarse. My throat was killing me and I rubbed it gently, wincing at the pain.
'Thank God,' Clarke sighed.
'He choked me,' I whispered to myself. 'He actually choked me.'
'Y/N, did Bellamy do this to you?' Clarke asked, her eyes wide.
I nodded and got up, immediately looking around for the radio. It was gone, and I realized Bellamy must have taken it and probably destroyed it. I had lost my last chance to save my family. All because of him.
'Where is he?' I asked.
'No idea. Did he take the radio?'
'Yeah,' I confirmed. But suddenly, I remembered something else. I ran to the pod and yanked the side door open, taken aback at the sight of the very much alive girl inside. She was about my age, maybe a little bit older and besides the gash on her forehead, she seemed alright for someone who had just crashed on Earth.
'Oh my God,' Clarke said next to me.
'Hi,' the girl answered. 'I made it?'
'You did,' I said. 'Are you hurt? Can you tell me your name?'
'Raven. And I think I'm okay.'
'All right, Raven,' I said. 'I'm Y/N. How about we get you out of this thing?'
We helped her out of the pod and out of her suit while she observed her surroundings, mesmerized. I couldn't help but smile, wondering if this was how I'd looked when I first came out of the drop ship weeks earlier.
'I dreamed it would smell like this,' she said. 'Is this rain?'
Clarke nodded with a smile. 'Welcome home.'
Raven turned around, her arms outstretched to feel the rain. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and turned, half hoping it was Bellamy so I could kill him. It wasn't him, but Finn, who looked like he'd just seen a ghost.
'Raven!' he called.
'Finn!' she laughed and ran towards him, throwing herself in his arms. She looked at him like he was her whole world and I turned to Clarke. I had seen the way she stared at Finn and I had thought there might be something there. But from the look on her face, her relationship with him was much more than that.
'I knew you couldn't be dead,' Raven said softly.
Finn looked at Clarke, then back to Raven and saw the wound on her head.
'You're bleeding.'
'I don't care.'
She kissed him and Finn didn't hesitate, kissing her back. Clarke looked as if she'd been slapped and I felt so out of place I considered leaving. Thankfully, they stopped.
'How did you get here?' Finn asked Raven.
'You know that big scrap hold? The one on K deck?'
We all turned to the pod. I didn't know much about engineering, only what my mother had taught me, but even I knew that pod shouldn't have been able to start, even less get someone to the ground alive.
'You built that from scrap?' Finn asked, impressed.
'I kind of rebuilt it. Please, like that's hard. It just needed a couple of parts and some love.'
'You're insane.'
'I'd do more for you and worse. Just like you would for me.'
The situation couldn't have been more awkward and I was almost happy when Raven stumbled. I rushed toward her as Finn helped her sit down on a rock and gave her his jacket. He went back to Clarke as I kneeled beside Raven, keeping a careful eye on her in case she fainted. I opened my pack and gave her some of the berries I'd collected along the way, hoping some food would help.
'They're safe to eat, I promise.'
She took one, biting into it gingerly and moaned at the taste.
'Oh God, this is so good.'
Finn and Clarke came back and he gave her some cloth to press against her wound.
'This is Y/N and that's Clarke,' he said gesturing at us. 'They were on the dropship too.'
I had already introduced myself but Clarke hadn't, and Raven looked at her with a frown.
'Clarke?' she said, standing up. 'This was all because of your mom.'
'My mom?'
'This was all her plan. We were trying to come down here together. If we waited- Oh my God. We couldn't wait because the Council is voting whether to kill 300 people to save air.'
I wished I could say I was surprised. But after Clarke had told us the Ark's life support was failing, I suspected something like this would happen.
'When?' Clarke asked.
'Today. We have to tell them you're alive!'
Raven started running to the pod but I grabbed her arm, stopping her.
'Don't bother. The radio's gone.'
'What? How?'
'Someone got here before us,' Clarke explained while I tried to remain calm. 'We have to find him.'
Raven was pale but insisted on staying with us as we searched for Bellamy. Finn offered her his arm to help her walk but she marched ahead, proving she was capable of moving on her own. I liked her already. The fact that she was pissed at Bellamy and would probably help me murder him helped as well.
Somewhere in my mind, I knew I was angrier than I ought to be. I remembered Bellamy asking me to stop and I could hear him apologize. He had given me an out, one that I had ignored. That didn't make what he'd done to me okay, not anywhere close and I was right to be pissed. But there was something darker and deeper to my rage that his actions didn't explain.
I knew what did, though. After my mother had died, I had been angry at everything and everyone. I had almost assaulted a guard, tried to steal food and wrecked our cabin. I had been brash, careless and violent. It had taken me weeks to calm down. And it was happening all over again.
I thought of Charlotte, disappearing over the edge of the cliff. The shy smile on her face when I promised her a bow. The trust in her eyes.
No, I thought, pushing back the images almost violently. Focus on the radio.
I did everything in my power to stop thinking, concentrating on finding tracks to find Bellamy. God, I hoped he hadn't destroyed the radio yet. We found a trail quickly enough and followed it. Clarke spotted him first and ran after him.
'Hey!' she shouted, grabbing his shoulder to stop him. 'Where is it?'
'Hey, princess. You taking a walk in the woods?'
I joined them and when Bellamy saw me, his eyes jumped to my throat. The swelling had gone down and it barely hurt, but I knew the skin was beginning to bruise. He seemed regretful but I ignored it.
'Just tell us where the radio is,' I said. It wasn't on him, that was for sure, but I hoped he had hidden it somewhere and not destroyed it.
'They're getting ready to kill 300 people up there,' Clarke added. 'To save oxygen. And I can guarantee you, it won't be Council members. It'll be working people. Your people.'
Finn and Raven caught up to us, the former shoving Bellamy roughly.
'Bellamy. Where's the radio?'
'I have no idea what you're talking about,' he answered, shoving Finn back.
I scoffed.
'I don't think lying is an option here, Blake,' I said, baring my throat. He winced.
'Bellamy Blake?' Raven asked. 'They're looking everywhere for you-'
'Shut up,' Bellamy said. He suddenly seemed worried.
'Looking for him why?' Clarke asked.
'He shot Chancellor Jaha.'
And just like that, everything about Bellamy Blake made sense. How he'd gotten on the dropship, why he had taken control of the group, his war on the wristbands, the radio…he needed the Ark to think we hadn't survived so he wouldn't be killed for his crime.
'It's why you took the wristbands,' Clarke said, having her own epiphany. 'Everyone would think we're dead.'
Finn scoffed, staring at Bellamy with contempt.
'All that "Whatever the hell we want"? You just care about saving your own skin.'
Bellamy walked away but Raven went after him.
'Hey, shooter. Where's my radio?'
'Get out of my way.'
'Where is it?'
'I should've killed you when I had the chance,' he threatened her.
'Really? Well, I'm right here.'
Before any of us could react, he had grabbed her and shoved her against a tree. But just as quickly, Raven had pulled out a switch knife and held it against Bellamy's face, a cold smile on her face.
'Where's my radio?'
'Okay, stop it,' Clarke ordered.
I put my hand on Bellamy's arm and he backed away, letting go of Raven.
'Jaha deserved to die,' he said. 'You all know that.'
'Yeah, he's not my favourite person either,' Raven scoffed. 'But he isn't dead.'
Bellamy's face fell, but not in disappointment like I'd expected. It was relief, in its purest form. And I realized that despite his earlier words, Bellamy hadn't wanted to kill Jaha. Whatever had motivated him to shoot the Chancellor wasn't hate, or revenge. It was something else entirely.
Something named Octavia.
'What?' he said, shocked.
'You're a lousy shot,' Raven mocked.
'Bellamy, don't you see what this means?' Clarke said, a hand on his arm. 'You're not a murderer. You always did what you had to do to protect your sister. That's who you are. And you can do it again. By protecting 300 of your people. Where's the radio?'
We all stared at him, praying for an answer. But we didn't get the one we hoped for.
'It's too late,' he said softly. 'I threw it in the river.'
Raven cursed loudly, walking to Bellamy.
'Where? Fuck, where?'
'Not far. I'll show you.'
It wasn't far and we all stared at the river dejectedly. It would take us hours to find it, hours we didn't have.
'I'll go get more people,' I said. 'You guys start searching.'
The others nodded and I grabbed Bellamy's sleeve, pulling him with me. He didn't resist but he didn't look at me either. We walked in complete silence for a while. I had wanted him to come along to talk, and probably argue, but my anger had left me and now, I was just tired. This had been a lousy day, and that was saying something considering the past few weeks.
We had walked for an hour and were about halfway there when Bellamy stopped me, grabbing my arm. I yanked it out of his grasp, more surprised than anything else but he looked as if I'd slapped him. His eyes on the ground, he took a few steps back.
'Does it hurt?' he asked, his voice barely audible.
I raised a hand to my throat. For a second, I considered telling him it did. But what was the point?
'No,' I told him truthfully. 'It doesn't.'
He looked relieved and I was torn between anger and sympathy. We stood there in silence for what seemed like hours before I managed to talk.
'I- We would have protected you,' I said softly.
His head snapped up, his eyes suddenly boring into mine. I forced myself to continue.
'The others…they respect you. You're a big part of why we're still alive and everyone knows that. We wouldn't have let the people from the Ark kill you.'
'How do you know that?'
'Because that's what people do when they care about someone. They protect them.'
And I had no doubt I would have been one of his fiercest advocate. Because I'd seen the real Bellamy, the one who loved his sister more than anything and had risked his own life to save a little girl he barely knew. That Bellamy was worth saving. But the one I had in front of me, who had just thrown my only way of contacting my family to the river? That one, I couldn't tell.
'I'm sorry,' Bellamy said.
'For what?'
'For everything I did today. And for Charlotte.'
I breathed in sharply. Even hearing her name hurt and I teared up.
'I couldn't protect her,' he continued and I fought not to cry. 'I tried, but it wasn't enough. I'm sorry.'
I couldn't speak. I nodded, telling him without words that I understood what he was trying to say. Then, I started walking again. We reached the camp and Bellamy explained the situation quickly, without giving anyone an occasion to ask questions. We walked back to the river and searched the water, making our way downstream.
I had thought Bellamy wouldn't help but he got into the water with everyone else and I appreciated that. It didn't fix what he'd done, but it was a step in the right direction.
'Hey! I found it!' someone finally yelled.
I joined Raven as she ran towards Daniel, taking the soaked radio from his hand.
'Can you fix it?' Clarke asked.
'Maybe,' Raven answered. 'It'll take half a day just to dry out the components and see what's broken.'
'Like I said,' Bellamy told us. 'It's too late.'
'Do you have any idea what you did?' Clarke yelled. 'Do you even care?'
'You asked me to help,' he answered. 'I helped.'
'Three hundred people are gonna die today because of you!'
That wasn't exactly true, and I realized there and then that not one of them had realized the otherproblem the Ark was facing. The one that, no matter what happened, was going to kill a whole lot more than three hundred people. But I was smart enough to know it wouldn't do any good sharing what I knew right now.
'Hold up!' Raven said. 'We don't have to talk to the Ark. We just have to let them know we're down here, right?'
'Yeah, but how do we do that with no radio?' Finn asked.
Raven smiled widely and I knew that no matter what she was going to say, it would be good.
Night had fallen and the flares Raven had built with the others' help were all lined up and ready to go. Her plan had been pure genius: using her pod's supplies and materials, we would launch a series of flares in the sky, which the Ark would hopefully see. This way, they would know we were alive and they wouldn't have to kill those three hundred people. At least, that's what the others thought.
I knew better.
But for the time being, I enjoyed the way the flares lit up the sky, one after the other.
'Can you wish on this type of shooting star?' I heard Clarke ask Bellamy.
Yes, I decided, you can. I looked at the lights, took a deep breath, and thought about Charlotte. She would have loved this.
I knew my grief would follow me until the day I died. But I also knew she would have wanted me to keep going, as cliché as that sounded. The best way I had of honouring her was to live and do everything in my power to make sure the others survived. And I would.
'I promise.'
