Damon roamed. He had been close to many women over the years, but it had always only been physically. He had never, never cared for one before. Yes he'd admit that back in Fell's Church he had relished the chance to seduce the shy little psychic but now the same psychic had become a confident detective and it was obvious that she had nurtured her powers. Was it still the challenge? No, he couldn't lie to himself. If he had been after the challenge, she would have lost appeal as soon as she voiced her feelings. Yet Damon still couldn't get the little vixen out of his mind and every time he was close to her, he felt like protecting her. He couldn't justify it, but he knew what was happening.
Even if he didn't want to admit it, he knew he had fallen in love. He was loath to voice it – the number of times he had mocked Stefan about Elena, the number of times he had told him they couldn't love, not fragile humans at any rate. Bonnie isn't fragile. Something in him whispered and he had to agree. She had confronted him to begin with. He had been content to follow her but she had asked for him to come to her. She had invited him into her apartment, perhaps not showing trust in him but showing trust in her abilities to protect herself. No. She wasn't fragile.
Still even if he did admit he cared for her – hell, even if he admitted he loved her, there was no chance between them. He wouldn't give up the hunt, the thrill of being in control and more than anything else, and the power as life slipped away from his victims. Yet Bonnie had made it clear that she couldn't condone his menu. This he felt was also the only thing he could not sacrifice for her. He was not his brother and he was not a tamed vampire. He was Damon, one of the most powerful vampires of all time and the most powerful alive today, the only vampire to be able to change form as he wished into one of three animals and control the weather while he was doing that.
*****
Bonnie soaked in a bath filled with calming lavender as she thought. She knew Damon cared for her in his own way. She truly believed that – he had kissed her too softly – too gently to not care, but at the same time she knew he had killed. She also knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill again, and she tried to ignore the fact that he was probably out stalking and killing now. He was a vampire. She knew that, she knew he resented his brother because he didn't kill, but she couldn't condone it. If they were to get involved, she knew she wouldn't be able to kiss him, to look at him and wonder who he had killed that night.
Bonnie sighed. She loved him, or she thought she did. She knew he wouldn't stop killing and she knew her stand on this wouldn't change. She saw little Gina in her mind. She still wasn't sure if she could continue her life normally knowing the killer of this case and not doing anything about it, but she couldn't do anything about this case. Not because it was Damon, but because there was nothing she could do.
Bonnie was still undecided when she dried herself off half an hour later and when she changed into her nightgown. She pottered about her apartment trying to justify why she shouldn't love him – and that was easy. What was harder was telling her heart that she couldn't love him because of those reasons. When she finally gave up and went to bed, she found she couldn't sleep because her mind was still trying to justify it. She also wanted to see him again but she couldn't face him right then.
*****
Damon roamed and eventually found himself outside her house again. He could feel her power in turmoil around her, around the whole apartment. He didn't dare go up to the window. She would have felt him change form in an instant if he did. Instead, he analysed the patterns formed as she paced back and forth around the kitchen. She had walked around the kitchen for a while, making dinner, making a hot drink, looking for a snack and not finding one. The path from Kitchen to living room was an angry fire orange while the rest of the house was only faintly tinted orange.
So he was not the only one thinking tonight. He stayed, intrigued at how conflicted she seemed. He knew she would be conflicted – but he didn't think that she would have been that conflicted. Again he shied away from getting any closer – even with his mind. His mind was made up. He couldn't stand here, watching her pace and not do anything about it. He didn't care anymore that it was against everything he had ever believed or had ever done. He only cared for the conflicted red head in that building. Still he waited. He wouldn't force his presence on her if she didn't want it. He would wait for her to call.
*****
Bonnie eventually fell into a fitful sleep – thinking about everything from Gina and her work to Damon and how right it had seemed to kiss that mouth even though she knew that it could just as easily be the mouth of a predator. He was what he was.
It was days however before she realised that that was exactly why she loved him. He was what he was and he wasn't afraid to show it. He was dangerous and he was a killer but he didn't hide this from her. Yes, it was against her beliefs to let him kill – but could she really ask him to defy his own nature? When she finally accepted that as the truth, she was afraid when Damon didn't answer. At all. She worried about whether she had been too late in deciding – whether he had changed his mind, gone to live his life how he wanted with no one to answer to...
She was shocked when he finally arrived. Not because she had resigned herself, but because for the first time he used her door. The knock sounded surreal as sat reading quietly. Her steps seemed exaggerated as she moved hesitantly to open it.
Damon seemed... tired. He had lost quite a bit of his swagger and he was much paler than usual. Even his hair seemed to be much more displaced than usual. She stood back wordlessly allowing him to enter. He staggered into the room and sat awkwardly on the closest chair.
"What... What happened?" Bonnie asked, shocked that he could fall so far. She moved towards him and knelt in front of him. He stiffened and drew back from her.
"I..." He stopped as he drew a shallow un-needed breath. "I haven't fed since we talked." He managed. It took a full minute for the meaning of this to sink into Bonnie. When it did, she recoiled in shock and horror. That had been 5 days ago – and she guessed Damon would normally have fed every day, if not more often. She watched Damon closely, noting that he wasn't breathing and his whole body was tensed.
Trembling, Bonnie crawled forward slowly, placing her hands gently on his knees.
"Don't." He managed in a chocked voice, as he cringed away from her. Bonnie shook her head defiantly.
"I'd feel more comfortable without you fighting your urge to feed." Bonnie said. Damon still hesitated. "I'm not giving you an option here." She said, moving closer and tilting her neck.
