One advantage to living on a radiation soaked planet where most of the population was extinct was the abundance of wildlife. Nature had taken back the ruins of long-forgotten cities and animals prowled the land, undisturbed.
For the most part.
I crouched behind some bushes, nocking an arrow on the string of my bow. A few yards away, a deer was grazing. The rest of the herd wasn't far, but this one had wandered off and I knew this was my only chance of bringing back some meat for tonight's dinner.
I had sneaked out of camp that morning, before the sun rose. It had been two days since we had rescued Octavia from the Grounder and my concussion was now no more than an unpleasant memory. But Bellamy didn't see it that way. Every time I had tried to get out of bed, he appeared out of nowhere and dragged me back to the drop ship. And although it was sweet of him to worry, I was very close to murdering him.
So, when I'd heard we had no more meat, I'd slipped away. I had missed hunting. Being alone in the woods, bow in hand, listening intently for the slightest noise, all that was exhilarating. I knew there were Grounders out there, but I was careful not to stray too far away from camp.
I focused back on the deer. I had to make a perfect shot, or it would run away and scare the rest of the herd. I didn't particularly want to get trampled to death. I rose slowly, careful not to make a noise and drew the string. I aimed for the head, wishing for a quick and painless kill. I released the string and the arrow flew, embedding itself into the animal's frontal bone. It dropped to the ground instantly.
I approached, kneeling beside the deer. Thankfully, it wasn't too big, and although taking it back to camp would be a pain, I could do it on my own. It was cold enough outside that the meat wouldn't spoil if I didn't gut it immediately, so I simply rolled the animal in the piece of parachute I had cut specifically for this and hauled it on my shoulders. I grunted at the weight but kept going.
I expected cheers when I entered the camp, like every time I brought back meat. But all I saw was complete mayhem. Andy was lying on the ground, staring at the sky with a wide smile. Ahmed was clapping his hands gleefully for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Jessica, on the other hand, was screaming insults at a tree. There wasn't a single person in camp acting normally.
I dropped the deer, gaping at the sight. I went to Andy, shaking him but he didn't even look at me. When I tried with Jessica, she insulted me. And I didn't even want to talk about Ahmed.
'Y/N?' someone called.
I turned around and saw Amara. She was sitting on a log, frowning at me. I hurried over to her.
'What the hell is going on?' I asked.
'I- I don't know. Everything just got weird suddenly. And I don't feel so good. Where were you? Bellamy was pissed when he saw you were gone.'
'Yeah, I bet he was,' I said, rolling my eyes.
'Said something about tying you up,' she continued.
'Where is he?' I asked, ignoring her last comment.
'I'm not sure? I think he left with Clarke.'
I sighed. Of course the two leaders were gone when we needed them. I was about to get Amara some water when I saw something green in her hand. I opened her fingers and cursed when I saw she was holding a nut.
'Amara, how many of those did you eat?'
'I don't know. Not much. They taste funny.'
'Okay. I can't be sure, but I think these nuts are hallucinogenic. You seem better than the others, so I want you to find as much of those nuts as you can and burn them. And make sure no one leaves camp. Can you do that?'
She nodded, standing up.
'Bellamy and Clarke took a lot,' she said. 'What do I do about them?'
'Leave them to me.'
Amara didn't know where they were, only that the Ark had given them a mission so I headed for the communication centre, which was no more than a glorified tent. But inside, Raven had upgraded the radio with a screen. I had been able to talk to my grandmother the day before, briefly. I had told her about Earth and all the beautiful things I had seen. My father hadn't been there, but I had learnt he was supposed to be on the first drop ship from the Ark.
I sat on the chair, and I wasn't surprised to see someone waiting on the screen.
'Thank God!' the man said. 'No one came for hours, what the hell happened?'
'I don't have time for this,' I replied. 'Get me Chancellor Jaha or Councillor Kane in here, now.'
The man must have heard the urgency in my voice because he left immediately, and it wasn't long before I saw my father's face on the screen. I inhaled sharply. God, how I wished I could just talk to him and tell him all about what I had been through on the ground. But I didn't have the time.
'Y/N, what's going on?' he asked immediately.
'The others ate hallucinogenic nuts. They're high. I think Bellamy and Clarke took some as well, but they left and I don't know where they are. Please, tell me you do.'
My father, recognizing this was an emergency, immediately put on the Councillor mask. He took out his pad and pulled up coordinates on the screen.
'Here. They're searching for an old bunker.'
I took out my map and put a mark on the location the coordinates indicated.
'Thanks,' I said. 'We'll update you on the situation as soon as we're able.'
'Be careful,' he answered. 'Your grandmother would never forgive me if something happened to you.'
I nodded and stood up, putting down the headset and leaving the tent. Outside, Amara was emptying the rations into the fire, and although she looked a bit pale, she was steady on her feet. She would be okay.
I left camp and headed straight for my father's coordinates, going as fast as I could. If Clarke and Bellamy had eaten those nuts, they were in danger. Being high in an unknown place filled with Grounders and wild animals? Not a great idea.
I had finally reached the coordinates and I was staring at my surroundings, trying to see where the entrance of the bunker was among the ruins, when I heard a loud bang. It sounded like a gunshot, but it didn't make sense. Bellamy was the only one with a gun and he had no bullets left.
But with the subsequent echo, I couldn't figure out where it came from. I circled the lake, trying to find a door, but I came up empty. However, as I returned to my starting point, I saw a dark shape near the trees. I approached and recognized Bellamy. He was sitting down on a log, staring at his hands. As I came near, he stood up and looked at me with a confused expression.
'How are you here?' he asked. 'You're on the Ark.'
I frowned.
'What are you talking about?'
'I did what I had to do,' he replied.
'Bellamy, I don't understand-'
'That's right,' he interrupted me.
I cursed. I was too late. Bellamy had already eaten the nuts, and god knows how many of them.
'If you're gonna kill me,' he continued, 'do it.'
'I'm not going to kill you. Bellamy, it's me. It's Y/N!'
I got closer but he kept staring at the place I'd just left. He was seeing things, and from the look on his face, it wasn't anything good.
'What are you talking about?' he asked, pausing as if someone was answering him before he continued. 'The radio. I didn't know that would happen.'
I didn't know what to do. He looked more and more panicked, looking around him with terror in his eyes. I tried to take his hand but he suddenly shoved me away, screaming at me to stop. I barely caught myself and cursed when I saw him running away.
'Bellamy!' I yelled. 'Come back!'
I chased him through the woods, trying to find my footing on the difficult terrain. Eventually, Bellamy stopped, backing up against a tree and looked at me with fearful eyes.
'Stop,' he begged. 'Please, stop, I'm sorry.'
I took a step towards him and he whimpered. My heart broke in my chest but I kept going, ignoring his pleas. He stopped breathing when my hand grasped his.
'It's my fault,' he cried. 'I'm sorry, I made a mistake.'
I pulled him against me, holding him as tightly as I could. Bellamy tensed up, his body shaking against mine.
'You're okay,' I said. 'You're alright, Bellamy. Just come back to me.'
'I didn't know, I swear,' he insisted.
'I know, Bell.'
I didn't even think about the nickname and how natural it felt. I just kept saying nonsense to try and get him out of his hallucinations.
'Y/N?' Bellamy called, finally recognizing me.
'Yeah, it's me.'
He locked his arms around my waist and clutched me to him, his head falling to the crook of my neck.
'They won't leave me alone,' he whispered against my skin.
'Who?' I asked, stroking his hair.
'The people from the Ark. They're everywhere. They know what I did.'
He's talking about the culling, I realized.
320 people had sacrificed themselves to save oxygen for the people of the Ark. Bellamy seemed to believe he could have stopped it if he hadn't destroyed Raven's radio. But he was wrong.
I pulled back and cupped his face between my hands.
'That wasn't your fault,' I said firmly. 'You couldn't have stopped it, even if you wanted to.'
'Why not?' he asked, his dark eyes desperate.
I opened my mouth, ready to reveal what I had been hiding from everyone for the past few days but I suddenly heard a branch crack behind me.
'Clarke?' I called. 'Is that you?'
No answer.
'I'm gonna check it out,' I told Bellamy. 'You stay here.'
He didn't react. He was looking fearfully around him, still caught in his hallucinations. I nocked an arrow as I went to investigate the sound. Hopefully, it was Clarke. But it could just as well be Grounders. I had barely searched for ten minutes when I saw something shine at the bottom of a pit. I leaned over the hole, squinting to see what it was.
But suddenly, I felt hands shove me forward. I couldn't catch myself and I fell, hitting the bottom painfully. I landed on my bow, which snapped in two under my weight. Cursing, I looked up. There was no one there, but I could hear heavy footsteps getting away.
'Hey!' I shouted. 'Come back!'
No answer came. I looked at my surroundings. The pit was deep, and the sides were too steep for me to climb out. Not to mention the fact that the rain made everything slippery. I knelt and cursed when I realized the shiny thing that had caught my attention was nothing more than a shard of glass.
I had to get out of there. Bellamy was alone, incapable of fighting and god knows where Clarke was.
I tried to climb out, digging into the dirt for support but I slipped every time. I had a rope in my bag, but with nothing to tie it around, it was useless.
'Help!' I yelled. 'Somebody get me out of here!'
But no one heard me and I was left down the pit, keenly aware that both Bellamy and Clarke might be dead. Night fell and the moon rose high above my head as I kept trying to climb out, only to fail every single time.
But then, I heard footsteps coming near me. They sounded lighter than the ones of the person who had pushed me in.
'Hey!' I shouted. 'Over here!'
Seconds later, Clarke's face appeared above me.
'Y/N? Is that you?'
'Christ, I've never been happier to see you. Please, get me out of here.'
I threw her the rope and after a few tries, she caught it. She managed to pull me up and we collapsed in the mud, the both of us panting heavily. Clarke had a rifle clutched to her chest and I wondered where she'd fount it. Probably in the bunker.
'There's someone here,' I said.
'No kidding. Where's Bellamy?'
We got up and I led her to where I'd left Bellamy. Unsurprisingly, he was gone. But we heard shouting coming from our left and we ran towards the sound. To our surprise, we saw Bellamy on the ground, staring in fear at Dax, who had a gun pointed at him.
'Put it down, Dax!' Clarke ordered, aiming her rifle at his chest.
I felt painfully vulnerable without my bow, whose remains I'd left in the pit. With nothing but a small dagger to defend myself, it all depended on Clarke.
'Should've stayed down there, Clarke,' Dax said. 'I tried not to kill you. But here you are and Shumway said no witnesses.'
'What is he talking about?' Clarke asked Bellamy.
'Shumway set it up,' he answered. 'He gave me the gun to shoot the Chancellor.'
And now, this Shumway wanted to erase all traces of his involvement by having Bellamy killed.
'Walk away now,' Dax told Clarke and I, 'and I won't kill you.'
'Put. It. Down,' Clarke insisted.
'Your choice.'
Clarke pulled the trigger, recognizing Dax wasn't going to surrender. But there were no bullets left. We both ducked as Dax took his shot, the bullet hitting the trunk of a tree.
'No!' Bellamy yelled.
He launched himself at Dax, tackling him to the ground. He punched him, trying to pin him down, but Dax quickly took the advantage and shoved Bellamy away. I ran and lunged at Dax, but before I could land a hit, he pushed me back. He then tried to choke Bellamy with the side of his rifle.
'Get the hell off him!' Clarke yelled.
Dax hit her in the stomach harshly before she could reach him and she collapsed backward, the breath knocked out of her. But the distraction was enough for Bellamy to grab a bullet lying beside him and shove it as hard as he could in Dax's neck. We watched in shock as he collapsed, choking on his own blood. Seconds later, he stopped breathing.
I reached for Clarke, helping her lean against a tree as she clutched at her stomach. Bellamy stumbled to us and sat down next to me, panting.
'You're okay,' Clarke gasped.
'No, I'm not,' he replied in a hollow voice. 'My mother…if she knew what I'd done…who I am… She raised me to be better, to be good.'
'Bellamy-' Clarke tried to say, but he interrupted her.
'And all I do is hurt people. I'm a monster.'
'Hey,' Clarke said. 'You saved my life today. And Y/N's. And you may be a total ass half the time…but…I need you. We all need you. None of us would have survived this place if it wasn't for you. You want forgiveness? Fine, I'll give it to you. You're forgiven, okay? But you can't run, Bellamy.'
I inhaled sharply. He wanted to leave camp? Was that why he had accompanied Clarke to the bunker? Had he planned to take off, without saying goodbye to anybody? Without saying goodbye to me? The thought hurt more than I expected it to.
'You have to come back with us,' Clarke continued. 'You have to face it.'
'Like you faced your mom?' he asked.
Clarke sighed.
'You're right. I don't wanna face my mom. I don't wanna face any of it. All I think about every day is how we're gonna keep everyone alive. But we don't have a choice.'
'Jaha will kill me when he comes down.'
'I won't let him,' I said firmly. Clarke nodded.
'No one will. We'll figure something out.'
Bellamy chuckled darkly, looking at the both of us.
'Well, can we figure it out later?'
'Whenever you're ready,' Clarke said.
We stayed under that tree for some time, but eventually, we knew we had to get back. Bellamy stood up, offering a hand to the both of us. Clarke's stomach was going to bruise badly but she could walk and we all headed to the bunker, where they had discovered blankets, and more importantly, firearms.
But there was something I needed to do, something I had been putting off for the past few days. And I couldn't let Bellamy keep blaming himself. I grabbed his shirt at the entrance of the bunker to stop him from going in and nodded at Clarke, telling her wordlessly to head inside. Bellamy looked at me quizzically.
'There's something you need to know,' I told him. 'About the culling. I know you think it's your fault. That if you hadn't destroyed the radio, they wouldn't have died. The truth is, people were going to die anyway. And they won't be the last.'
'What the hell are you talking about?'
'There are roughly 2,500 people living on the Ark. But there are only enough ships to bring 700 to Earth.'
Most on the Ark didn't know there were only eight Exodus ships, seven now that one had served to bring us to the ground. My mother, as an engineer, had known and she had told me. We were supposed to have decades to build more. No one expected the system failure.
'Are you telling me that 1,800 people are going to be left up there?' Bellamy asked, his eyes wide.
'Yes. If they don't find a way to save everyone before the oxygen runs out, anyway. Which is why the culling, despite how horrifying it was, helped. When they sacrificed themselves, these people gave the others enough time to figure out a solution. Or to try, at least.'
Bellamy's face was blank and I realized how nervous I was. Would he blame me for keeping that information to myself?
'I know I should have told you earlier,' I said. 'But I- I didn't want people to panic. Especially now that we made contact with the Ark. If that information goes to the wrong people, it could be a catastrophe. Riots, mutiny, a full uprising…the Ark couldn't survive that. I thought it was for the best. I'm sorry.'
Bellamy stayed silent for a long time, staring at me. I cowered under his gaze, my hands shaking. I had kept something huge from him, from everyone. I had let him blame himself for the death of 320 people. He had every right to be angry with me.
'I get it,' he finally said, his voice low. 'I get why you didn't say anything. And I agree, we should keep this quiet.'
'You're not…angry with me?'
'It'll take a lot more than that to piss me off, Sunshine. Come on, Clarke needs our help.'
He held the door for me and we both went inside.
As we went back to camp, rifles slung over our shoulders, and our packs full of blankets, I filled Bellamy and Clarke on the hallucinogenic nuts and their disastrous effects on camp. Hopefully, no one had gotten hurt. We finally entered the gates, just in time to hear someone start shouting.
'He's gone! The Grounder is gone!'
Bellamy cursed and we hurried to the dropship.
'What if he brings other Grounders back?' Miller was asking.
'They'll kill us all!'
'Or worse!'
'Let the Grounders come!' Bellamy said loudly, startling the crowd. 'We've been afraid of them for far too long. Why? Because of their knives and spears? I don't know about you…but I'm tired of being afraid.'
Together, we put the rifles on the ground. The others cheered and I couldn't help but feel hopeful. With these, we had a real chance.
'These are weapons, okay?' Clarke said. 'Not toys. And we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the drop ships come. But until then, they're gonna help keep us safe.'
'And there are plenty more where these came from,' Bellamy added. 'Tomorrow, we start training. And if the Grounders come, we're gonna be ready to fight.'
And maybe, I thought, we can even win.
