Raven Reyes was arguably the smartest person I knew. She was the best engineer on the planet, her mind worked faster than a computer and she had almost single-handedly saved us from a Grounder attack. Despite all that, there were days where she could be remarkably dumb.
'I'm telling you, it's fine!' she insisted.
'Right.'
'I'm the one who broke up with him, and I'm okay. More than okay.'
'Hmm.'
'And we'll still be friends, so that's cool.'
'Obviously.'
She slapped her hand on the table, throwing me a dark look.
'Stop it!' she yelled. 'I'm okay!'
'Raven. Look at your knife.'
She dropped her head and winced when she realized she had stabbed the knife so hard in the table, it had come out on the other side.
'Shit.'
I chuckled and Raven glared at me, but before long, she couldn't help herself and she started laughing as well. There was pain in our laughter, but any means to forget about the ache in our hearts was good to take. Our friendship was recent. Over the last few days, I had been searching for a way to distract myself from my father's death. And since I had pretty much lost hope of ever seeing my grandmother again, the knowledge that my family was gone had hit me hard.
But Raven had been there, with plenty of work to keep the both of us occupied. If I cried, she pretended not to see it. If I wanted to scream, she listened. If all I did was stay silent and work, she was fine with that too. In return, I blamed Finn for all the woes in the world, agreed to her claims when she said she was fine and let her punch things without saying anything. Whatever she was in the mood for, really.
'Okay, that's enough about Finn,' she decided. 'Let's get back to work.'
Unfortunately, right as she said that, Finn entered the tent.
'What's for dinner?' he asked tentatively.
I looked at Raven, wondering if I should leave and she shook her head wordlessly. The tent was nearly bursting with tension, but I stayed, focusing on my work.
'Split loads,' Raven said with such a fake happy tone I winced. 'Turning one bullet into two. That's all we can do until we get more gunpowder. Jasper has a recipe. Yesterday, I saw him taking buckets from the latrine. I didn't ask.'
He laughed, and Raven flinched.
'Is one of those for me?' he asked, gesturing at the bullets.
'Maybe. Still deciding.'
'All right. Y/N, would you mind giving me a moment with Raven please?' he asked.
I looked at Raven, and she nodded reluctantly. Without a word, I exited the tent and spotted Bellamy. He was shouting orders to a bunch of people, head held high, holding his rifle tightly.
'Don't you ever relax?' I asked him.
He turned around with a scowl but his face softened when he saw me.
'Not with the Grounders out there,' he replied. 'I haven't seen you all day. Where were you?'
'With Raven, trying to double our supplies of bullets. We're almost done and she-'
I stopped talking abruptly. There was a weird smell in the air, and before long, Bellamy had noticed as well.
'Fire,' he breathed out.
At that moment, we heard shouts come from the other side of camp. We ran towards the sound, only to see the meat shack engulfed in flames. Octavia was inside, trying to save some of the food. Bellamy ran in and pulled her out, holding her against his chest.
'Are you okay?' he asked as he helped her sit down.
She was coughing violently but she nodded, making Bellamy sigh in relief.
'This is all your fault!' Murphy, who was coughing as well, suddenly yelled. 'We told you it was too much wood!'
He threw himself at Del and they started throwing punches at each other. Bellamy looked at me and I nodded, taking his place at Octavia's side. He interposed himself between the two boys, separating them.
'Hey, stop! Save it for the Grounders.'
'Bell,' Octavia called, 'what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food!'
I stared as the flames destroyed the meat I had worked so hard to bring back to camp. Weeks of hunting, reduced to nothing in the span of a few minutes. There was nothing to be done. We just watched in silence as the meat shack turned to ashes.
With the food gone, we had to hunt. Despite Bellamy's worries of leaving the camp when the Grounders might attack any moment, it was decided that starving was worse.
'Each group take someone with a gun,' Bellamy said as we all filed in the dropship to take our orders. 'But they're for killing Grounders, not food. We don't have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can and be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark.'
The others murmured their assents, as Bellamy walked to me.
'Hey Sunshine. Wanna head out together?'
I winced. I loved spending time with Bellamy, I really did. But when it came to hunting?
'Don't take this the wrong way,' I said tentatively. 'But you're not exactly the most discreet guy when it comes to hunting. I think I might be more efficient alone.'
'That's out of the question. Y/N, there are Grounders out there.'
'I know that! But if I want to bring back something big, I need someone who can walk in the woods in complete silence. Please, Bell.'
He looked at me stubbornly and I huffed, throwing my hands up and walking away. Bellamy chucked behind me and I turned around just long enough to glare at him.
He was waiting for me at the entrance of camp, a rifle in his hands. I was surprised to see him alone. Most of the other groups had been at least three people big, mostly four. This was probably Bellamy's doing and I was grateful for it.
'I sent Amara to check the traps,' I told him as we headed out. 'We should get a couple rabbits at least. And another group left to scavenge plants and nuts. We should be able to stretch our rations by a few more days, at least.'
'Nice thinking. So, where to?'
I led him to a place that was frequently ripe with deer. Bellamy was trying hard to be silent, and although he wasn't entirely successful, it was still better than what I had expected. Along the way, I managed to shoot two pheasants and one rabbit, which wasn't much but still better than nothing.
'You're good at that,' Bellamy said. 'Hunting.'
I blushed. God, what was wrong with me these past few days?
I was saved from answering by the sound of a branch snapping behind us. We crouched and I nocked an arrow.
But what I saw wasn't a vengeful Grounder armed to the teeth. It was a boar, the biggest boar I had ever seen. And it was standing just a few feet from us. Under Bellamy's watchful eyes, I drew the string. I had to make a perfect shot, or we would be in danger. I aimed for the animal's heart and let go of the string. My arrow soared and embedded itself in the animal's chest. But it didn't die. It grunted and stumbled to us, its eyes wild.
With a shout, I tried to get back but tripped and fell on my back. I reached for an arrow with shaky fingers but before I could get one, a knife flew over my head and planted itself in the animal's heart. It collapsed with a grunt and I stared at the dead boar, breathing harshly. I recognized the knife. It was the one I'd given Bellamy on Unity Day.
'Jesus fucking Christ,' I breathed out, 'that was close.'
'Still want to hunt on your own?' Bellamy asked as he helped me up.
Our eyes met and I started laughing, still high on adrenaline. By the time I finally calmed down, Bellamy was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I ignored it and we got to work. The boar was too big for us to bring it back home like this. We quickly skinned and deboned the animal and stored them in bags for later. We cut the rest of the carcass and stored it as well. It was still heavy, but more manageable.
'I think we got enough,' I said. 'Let's head back. It's getting dark anyway.'
We made our way back to camp as the sun set above us, panting under the weight of the meat. The others saw the sheer size of our bags and they cheered. I inspected what the others had brought back, and although we weren't saved yet, it was still enough to lasts us for a few weeks.
'Is everyone back?' I asked Amara.
'Finn, Clarke and Myles are still out there. But they should be back soon.'
I nodded, a little worried. It was late, and with Finn with them, it didn't seem likely that they had gotten lost. If Clarke and Finn had been alone, I wouldn't have been surprised. But they had Myles, so they probably weren't…occupied.
No. Something was wrong. I tried to find Bellamy, but I couldn't see him. He was probably in his tent.
'We have a problem,' I said as I entered. 'I think Clarke and-'
I stared, unable to move. Bellamy was lying in bed, naked under his covers. Raven was sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on a shirt, her legs bare. They both froze when they saw me.
'I'm so sorry,' I mumbled as I left the tent. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I couldn't breathe properly, as if a weight was pressing on my chest. I left camp, heading into the dark woods. I heard footsteps running after me and soon, someone grabbed my arm. I turned around, not surprised to see Raven.
'Y/N, I- I didn't mean-'
'It's okay,' I said quickly, interrupting her. My voice was small and I hated how weak it sounded. What was wrong with me? 'It's fine. You guys can do whatever you want.'
'Y/N, please.'
'I'm fine,' I repeated, and my voice cracked.
Why was I even upset? Bellamy had been sleeping with girls since the day we'd landed, and it had never bothered me before. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. And Raven too. So why did the thought of them sleeping together hurt me so much?
'I didn't know you had feeling for him, I swear,' Raven said.
My head snapped up.
'I don't have feelings for him. He's my friend.'
Raven stared at me, doubt evident on her face. I ignored it.
'And so are you,' I told her firmly. 'If that's what you need to get over Finn, then great. I'm happy for you.'
'Y/N-'
'Stop. I said it's fine. We don't have time for this. Finn, Clarke and Myles are missing.'
Her eyes widened.
'Wait, they were with someone else?'
And suddenly, it all made sense. Raven must have thought Clarke and Finn had gone off together. She hadn't realized Myles had accompanied them.
'We need to look for them,' I said and she nodded firmly.
I tried to forget about Raven and Bellamy, focusing on the problem at hand. She went to finish the walkie-talkies she had been building while I went to find Octavia. I explained the problem and she left to tell Bellamy. I didn't want to talk to him. Not yet.
But it seems luck wasn't on my side. I was barely in the woods for five minutes when I heard footsteps behind me. Bellamy had found me.
I ignored him, staring straight ahead. I couldn't make sense of what I was feeling, not when my friends' lives were at stake. And Bellamy wasn't helping.
'It didn't mean anything,' he whispered.
'I don't care.'
'There's nothing between us.'
I closed my eyes, stopped walking and took a deep breath. I turned around. Bellamy was looking at me, guilt evident on his face.
'I don't give a flying fuck who you sleep with, Bellamy. I was just surprised. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to find my friends. So stop talking and help me.'
Thankfully, he didn't say anything. We walked in silence, trying to find any sign of the missing hunters. Monty's voice suddenly buzzed from the radio.
'You said you were heading west. Where are you?'
'Just keep the moon on your left and you'll find us,' Bellamy answered.
'Is anyone else hearing this signal?' asked a short time later.
'Just keep your eyes open,' Raven replied. She was with Octavia, scouting the woods a few yards to our right.
'I think it's the same thing we heard on the black box of the Exodus ship,' Monty insisted.
'Damn it, Monty, pay attention!' Bellamy cursed. 'Do you see anything? Report.'
There was nothing but silence, and a high-pitched sound that suddenly stopped. I exchanged a worried look with Bellamy. The radio buzzed again, but it wasn't Monty.
'There's someone in the bushes,' Raven whispered.
We headed towards the girls as quickly and quietly as we could, gun and bow at the ready. But when we finally reached them, we didn't see a Grounder, or better, Clarke and Finn. We saw Myles, arrows embedded in his leg and chest.
'Myles, what happened?' Octavia asked.
'Where are they?' Raven added. 'Clarke and Finn? Where are they?'
'Grounders took them,' he answered with difficulty.
'Take it easy,' Bellamy told Myles before turning to us. 'We have to get him back to camp.'
'Bell, what about Clarke and Finn?' Octavia asked.
He didn't answer, but we knew. There was no way we were getting them back tonight, especially with Myles injured.
'Raven…' Bellamy said. She was standing away from us, clearly upset. 'I'm sorry.'
'We need to make a stretcher,' she said with a rough voice, blinking back tears.
She walked into the woods, searching for branches long and strong enough to carry Myles.
'Monty, we're heading home,' Bellamy said to the radio. 'You copy? Monty, can you hear me?'
Bellamy kept trying to reach him but there was no answer. My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute in my chest. What if Monty had been taken as well? He sounded so worried on the radio. We should have waited for him, it was stupid to make him go alone. Quickly, we assembled an improvised stretcher. We carried Myles back to camp, his moans of pain too loud in the silent woods. Once in the dropship, I headed out with Octavia to try and find Monty
'Wait,' she said suddenly. 'What is that?'
She knelt and gasped, reaching down. I ran to her and cursed when I saw she was holding a walkie talkie. The one Monty had been carrying. I looked around, but all the tracks that could have led us to him were destroyed by the rain.
We stayed out there as long as we could, until we couldn't ignore Bellamy's calls through the radio anymore. Defeated, we headed back to camp.
Inside the dropship, Myles was crying out in pain, his brow sweaty and his hands shaking. Clarke was the only one with medical knowledge, and I feared that without her, Myles wouldn't survive. I climbed to the third level, and sat down heavily on one of the seats. With a shaky smile, I realized this was the same seat as the one I had sat on when the dropship was released from the Ark. Things had been so simple then.
I was exhausted. Today had been a roller coaster of emotions that I still didn't understand. Why had I reacted so violently to Bellamy and Raven? But then, I remembered my conversation with Raven. And I realized that maybe, I was just too blind and scared to admit that she was right. And the longer I thought about it, the more it made sense.
I had feelings for Bellamy Blake.
