So...hey guys! I'm back sorry for the delay, but no worries I'm back :) Anyways thanks for the follows, favs and reviews they mean so much. Now, enough talking here's another chapter. Enjoy
Brittany's POV:
I start feeling frustrated and sit down in the waiting room with my head in my hands. I feel a sudden shadow in front of me and when I look up I smile.
"I think my dad can take you to your son."
I can see through her eyes that she's fighting something, needing something to say but she can't or doesn't want to say it, and I can't help but feel curious about it. I stand up and she averts her eyes, which in turn makes me frown. We start walking, silence overtaking us , even if I love hearing her voice, but after all this months that I haven't seen her, I'll take silence when she's with me any day. Mr. Lopez is in the front desk of the waiting room, and gives me a tight smile.
"Brittany..." he says and I look down clenching my jaw.
"Doctor Lopez." I tell him, voicing my anger and he frowns but then nods.
"You can go see your son, but..." he starts and I cut him off.
"Can I go see him now?" I ask and he looks down and nods. Then clicks his tongue and looks at me.
"Sure, let's go." he says and we start walking down a hallway. When Mr. Lopez comes to a stop and looks through a glass window. And there they were... every baby that was in critical condition or born too early. It's clear that's were all of them where since they have tubes and machines strapped to them. I frown because I can't recognize which is mine, cause they are so little. I see Santana rest her back on the wall, she's not looking through the glass and although I wish she would say something, I think I understand. Mr. Lopez clears his throat and I turn to him.
"Your son is the third one of the second row." he says and I look to see him. He looks like a small doll that if you picked up slowly would break, and although I didn't pay that much attention to him or his mother I feel the sudden care. I don't know what possesses me to say the next thing but I felt like I needed to voice it.
"I wish it was ours..." I say without looking at her, and all I hear is her breathing catch up. Because although we didn't talk about it, my feelings for her were and still are strong.
"I'll check if you can go in and...yeah be right back." Mr. Lopez says and leaves us alone.
"I'm sorry Santana...I'm sorry for all the hurt I've made you pass. But I just don't want to be...like all of those fathers who leave their children. I'm just not that kind of person, and... I know now that... evidently, your feelings for me aren't strong enough, and even if I'm dying inside and it'll take forever to forget...What am I saying? I'll never forget what happened between us, I'll just never let it go. " I turn and her eyes are puffy and she's looking down. I feel my eyes water, and I touch her cheek, caressing it with my thumb because she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.
" Even when I couldn't remember you, those feelings were there, and I fell for you again." when I said the last part she let out a sob, and I wish I could kiss her. So I did the best next thing and kissed her forehead. I lingered there for a while, and then hugged her.
"Why would you say that?" Santana says, her breaths irregular and I smile.
"Because I want you to know, that although we're not the same, loved up couple...my feelings for you haven't changed and I... I know that there's no trust..." I get cut off by her.
"And who's fault is that?" she asks and her voice cracked at the word "fault".
"I know it's mine, but you have to know I didn't do this to hurt you. I would never do that, and especially not to you. And I can't be friends with you Santana... if we have a friendship, I can't handle hearing or seeing you with another person." I tell her and she shakes her head.
"At this point, believe me Brittany I don't want to be with anyone. I've just been hurt so much, and..." she starts but then someone interrupts.
"Brittany Pierce?" I step away from Santana to see a doctor.
"Ummm...yeah." I say and she looks between me and Santana.
"Doctor Lopez told me that you wanted to see your son." she says and I nod and then look at Santana.
"Could you give us a minute?" I ask and the doctor nods and leaves us alone. When I look at Santana she still have puffy eyes and now she's looking everywhere but me.
"You should go..." she says and I nod.
"I wish I could go back and change everything. But now I hope you find someone who makes you really happy... bye Santana." I tell her and leave her. Once I enter a the hallway leading to were the babies were I let out tears. I feel my heart ache but I can't make her like me again. I fucked her trust, and I can't be selfish. I have to let her be happy.
Santana's POV:
"I wish I could go back and change everything. But now I hope you find someone who makes you really happy... bye Santana."
I stand there speechless, I let more tears fall, every moment, every kiss, every time we made love, passing through my head, and I know she's right. But then comes back the Kitty incident, and I can't help but feel anger. Not at her, but at myself. Yes, the trust was gone and aren't I suppose to feel better. Isn't this what I...
"Santana.." I hear my father say and look up to see him worried.
"Yeah...What's up?" I ask and he looks at me sighing.
"That's my question for you actually. Is Brittany inside the baby room?" he asks and as much as I want to speak I can't cause I feel like I'm going to break, so I nod.
"Ok. Did you guys talk?" he asks and I smile and nod.
"Yeah we did and..." I have to stop because is hard for me to say it out loud. My dad stays silent waiting for me to talk again and that's when I say it.
"She's giving me space, and letting me be happy." I tell him whispering the last part and then he looks down to his hands.
"And are you happy by the decision?" he asks and I try to mask what I'm really feeling, so I smile and wipe the maschera.
"Yeah, I mean there's no trust and...what can I do? Nothing can change that right?" I ask and he looks at me and I know that he doesn't believe in what I'm saying.
"Right. But if there's still something inside telling you that it's wrong...then listen to it. Because we will always be hurt in some way." he tells me and grabs me by the shoulders.
"Let's go home." he says and I lean on him as we walked out of the hospital.
Three Days Later
As I walk inside the school hallway, I see people putting flowers on what I think is Kitty's locker. I have a mixture of feelings, cause I'm still pissed at her but at the same time I would never wish her to die. When I realize the people putting things in front of her locker are looking at me like if I was crazy, and I roll my eyes. As I walk away, I bump into someone and I feel annoyed.
"Would you watch where you're going?!" I tell the person and when I look up, I'm met with blue eyes, that show nothing but concern.
"I'm sorry... I should've been...yeah.." she mumbles and walks quickly past me. I look to where she was going and see her entering the principle's office. I bite my lip, and groan by my curiosity. I grip my book bag and decide to hear why she was in the principles office. I look inside to see if the secretary was there, but weirdly,- as if someone wanted me to be there-, she wasn't at her desk.
"What the fuck am I doing?" I mumble to myself.
"She clearly doesn't care about you, so why ar..." I'm cut off when I hear someone other than the principle talk.
"Ms. Pierce, I know we've talk about it..." the voice is kind of annoying, and I immediately know it's our counselor, but then I hear her.
"Exactly, we've talked about it, and I'm not doing it."
"You have to think about your future...what that child needs..." another voice says and I can't recognize it, all I know is that it's a woman.
"He needs his mother..." Brittany says and then I hear the woman scream.
"He needs support, stability, education!..." I flinch and I know Brittany does too, cause her screaming is deafening.
"And he needs love, family, and a mind of his own. And I'm sorry Mrs. Wilde, but by looks of it...you didn't have those feelings towards your own daughter. Because if you did she wouldn't be where she is now..." Brittany says and I feel shock at what I heard. I mean what was happening.
"I don't have time for this. I have a funeral to organize, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't show..." the woman says and I hear footsteps and dock down the secretary's desk. When I hear the door from the principles office close, I start looking around to see if someone was there, and suddenly I hear someone clear their throat.
"Santana?" I hear her ask and I shut my eyes because 'crap'.
"What?" I ask without looking at her and then she sighs.
"Nothing.." I hear her footsteps and then look at her back. She's wearing a black jacket and her hair is messy. I frown and then shake my head.
"What's wrong with me?" I tell myself and then see Brittany putting her stuff on her locker. And then I walk out of the principles office, not wanting to know, see and hear more of problems.
After school, I go to the hospital since my dad texted me he needed a drive to the house. His car broke down yesterday and he has been tagging along with one of his 'colleagues'. As I walk through the football field to get to the parking lot, I see Brittany sitting alone on the bleachers. Her face described every feeling sadness,angriness,emptiness and most of all she looked tired, devastated even. I wanted to keep walking but my feet had other plans. I walk to her and she looked up at me, and although I'm mad at her, I can't let her like this.
"Are you ok?" I ask stupidly, she looks down and doesn't answer.
"That was dumb, I'll leave you alone." I say and turn my back.
"Why are you even talking to me?" I hear her ask and I turn around.
"I don't know. Maybe because of my stupid conscious or..." I start but she cuts me off.
"Your conscious is not stupid. Don't ever say that." she says with no emotion or power in her voice. She just talks like she's numb.
"Ok." it's all I could say and she then stands up and grabs her book bag.
"Thank you for your concern. I hope everything's going great." she says and pats my shoulder while she walks passed me. And I close my eyes because, if only she knew everything isn't that great.
The Next Day
Brittany's POV:
Although Mrs. Wilde told me not to show up at Kitty's funeral, I felt that at least she needed a flower from someone who was close to her, the say that everyone talks good things when you die, but when you're alive they don't', it really is true. I see people crying, grieving for someone they or barely knew or didn't even help or show love to her. Someone like her parents, who were always travelling or going out, forgetting there was someone else with them. They are now lowering the coffin and I whisper 'bye', because I myself am one of those people that talk good things about someone who isn't here anymore. People start walking out of where she was buried and I see Quinn, Rachel and Sam with frowns. I nod at them and thank them because I send her flowers with them. Yes, she was a horrible person for what she did to me, but that doesn't mean I wanted her dead.
After the funeral, Sam, Quinn, Rachel and I made our way to the hospital to see my son. Which I already named him James, and all the time I passed with him, even in his state, made him love him. Everytime I sat there with him, I imagined if Santana was his mother, and smile at the thought of having a family together. I knock on the door and the doctor looks at me.
"Brittany...what are you doing here?" she says shocked but I just ignore it.
"I'm here to see James..." I tell her and she nods.
"I thought you would still be at the fu..." she starts but then the beeping starts and she runs to the room. When I see her come to a stop in James crib, I run next to her and start to panic.
"What's happening?" I ask and she just shakes her head.
"All of you out..." she says quickly and Sam,Quinn and Rachel run out of the room.
"His lungs are stopping..." she says and I shake my head.
"No...he can't leave me...please James don't leave me..." I tell him and the doctor takes her beeper and clicks on something.
"I'm calling ..." she says and my eyes go wide.
"Why?" I ask and she doesn't have time because he quickly enters with Santana behind him. I look at her and then at .
"Doctor Edwards, what's happening?!" he asks and I answer for her.
"His lungs are...I don't know...stopping." I tell him trying to be sarcastic but failing by the shaking in my voice.
"Santana get Brittany out..." he says but I cut him off.
"No, he's my son and he's all I've got...I deserve to be here." I tell him and he grunts.
"Let's us do our job Brittany..." he tells me and I shake my head.
"I can't lose him..." I tell him defeated.
"I promise I'll do everything in my power to save him but please wait outside." he says and starts checking the monitors and the tubes. I walk out, and in the hallway breathe in and out to calm myself. Suddenly someone touches my shoulder and I jump, only to see a very worried Santana.
"He's going to be fine...my dad is going to save him." she says and I chuckle ironically.
"Right...now you want him save. You didn't want him in the first place, and now you're telling me that he's going to be fine and your dad will save him. Really Santana?!" I scream and she backs up like she's been slapped.
"Brittany look you need to understand my side..." she starts and I cut her off.
"What side?! The hurt one, the betrayed one or the broken one. Tell me which side Santana, because I've felt them all. You and Puck, you and leaving without letting me explain, so don't you dare say I need to understand you cause I've been through it all." I tell her and she nods.
"I've apologized a million times, I let you go so you can be happy Santana. So, please just...you clearly don't care about me anymore...so please just let me go..." I tell her and walk away to where Quinn, Rachel and Sam where sitting. As soon as they see me they stand up and hug me.
"We're here for you Britt?" Rachel says and I nod crying on her shoulder.
"Lay down here Britt." Quinn says and I sit on one of the chairs in the hallway. My feet start to shake by the nerves. I feel Quinn touch my knee telling me to calm down.
"Hey I'm going to the bathroom, be right back." Sam says and I nod.
Sam's POV:
I'm running through the hallways looking for a bathroom, when finally I see one and without looking enter. I quickly make my way to the toilet and start to pee. I sigh in relief when I start and then I feel eyes in back of me.
"Shit!" I scream and almost fall when I turn to see a devastated Santana sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. She looks at me annoyed and I feel weirdly. Cause there she was the girl I liked sitting on the floor crying.
"What are you doing here?" she asks and I furrowed my eyebrows clearly confused.
"Ummm...relieving myself from certain duty." I tell her and she rolls her eyes.
"What are you doing here?" I ask her and she sighs and then sniffs.
"Nothing." she says and then makes her way out the room. I sigh and quickly put my friend inside my pants. I run to catch up with Santana and then I see her talking to her father. She looks down and then nods. Her father leaves her and I make my way to her. She looks at me and I instantly know.
"He's not doing well is he?" I ask and she shakes her head. She then walks past me and makes her way inside the baby room and I follow. When I see Brittany's baby, he looks so pale and every time he breathes, his stomach shakes.
"At first...I thought that...I was so mad because of what Brittany did. But I should've...why is it that when you're angry, you get mad at people who are just victims in the situations. And then make the only person who you ever really truly like feel hurt and broken." she says and I don't know what to answer, but only one thing.
"Because you said it they're victims, it's easy to get mad at someone you haven't met, but circumstances change things. Everything is for a reason, everything that happens is for a reason. Shitty. Yes. But if you can pass this hurt, although things won't be the same, you can pass through ." I tell her and she nods. She stands there looking at Brittany's son, and then starts to get him out of the crib.
"What are you doing?" I asked obviously panicking.
"I just want him to feel something, real skin, not gloves." she says and carefully takes him in her arms. Suddenly I hear the door and in comes Brittany and Doctor Lopez.
"What are you doing?!" Brittany screams and I walk to her.
"Britt just..." I start but doctor Lopez interrupts me.
"Wait..." he says and makes his way to the babies monitor.
"His lungs are..." he starts but Brittany cuts him off.
"Is he dying? Santana put him back." Brittany says panicking but with her voice soft.
"No, his lungs are getting back to normal. His breathing is...normal." Doctor Lopez says and we all look at Santana because...
"You just saved this childs life."
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