Author's note: I wanted to do something a little different with Clarke leaving and going into solitude in the forest and how that leads to her and Lexa seeing each other again. I hope you all like it. Let me know what you think.

I own nothing.

Chapter 1

As she walks out of the exercise room slowly taking the wraps off her hands Clarke has a twisted smirk to her lips because of the pain that radiates through her hands as the cloth wrap pulls the skin hanging off her knuckles. Most people would be flinching and crying out at this point, hell a short while ago she would have been doubled over with the pain she could feel. Now, Clarke enjoyed the sweet torture of this task because she knew she was succeeding in stripping the weakness away with each pull of the wraps. This was going to work. She was going to get rid of this pain in her heart if it was the last thing she did.

Clarke rounds the corner to go to her quarters and passes by the common room as she goes. As she walks by she slows just enough to see everyone checking on the people they care about and helping one another. For them the events at the mountain brought back loved ones and friends and now was the time to reunite and heal the wounds. Well, for most of them. She glimpsed Jasper from the corner of her eye as he sat hunched over and alone in the corner of the room not seeing anything but the vision of level 5 that haunts him, that haunts her. She will never be able to forgive herself for the decisions she was forced to make. No, she will never forgive Lexa for making her make those decisions alone. For abandoning her when she needed her the most. The anger flowed through her veins as it scalded a path up her body until all she could feel was the heat of it as the bile rose up her throat from her stomach. She clenched her aching fists until she felt her battered knuckles pop into place ready for the next fight. She shook her head as she quickly walked past the doors knowing that this was not a place she could stay, nor would she be openly welcomed by everyone.

Picking up her pace she ducked her head so no one would catch her eye and try to include her in a conversation that she could not bare. While she was trying to get to the safety of her room as quickly as possible she ran straight into an unsuspecting person. She wanted to just apologize and move on but when she looked up she realized it was her mom and the words about to tumble over her lips froze. She tried to give a small smile and walk around her but Abby stopped her with a quick grab to her hand that made Clarke yelp as she pulled it away. Abby quirked an eyebrow at the noise and looked at her daughter's hands to see the damage that had been done.

"Those need to be cleaned and bandaged. Let's go." Abby stated leaving no room for protest from Clarke as she grabbed her shoulder and guided her to the medical bay. Clarke knew better than to argue and also didn't want her voice to betray her when she opened her mouth.

Once they walked into the medical bay Abby had her sit on a bed as she gathered all the supplies she would need. She knows that Clarke will not want to explain why her hands look this way but seeing the wraps hanging out of her pocket lets her know that these wounds are self inflicted. Instead of pushing for answers she gingerly starts cleaning the mixture of fluid and blood that has started to coagulate across her knuckles. It stings but Clarke just grits her teeth together and relishes the burn that comes with each stroke of the cloth her mother holds.

There is so much she wants to say to her mom. Things she should say but as she looks around and starts thinking about this place that everyone from the Ark is trying to build into a home she realizes that she doesn't have a place here. Everyone from the 100 has fallen into some semblance of normalcy and she just can't find it in her to do that. She is not the girl who grew up amongst these people who think they are the only hope for the human race anymore. She has learned so much since reaching the ground and experienced things she would never have even dreamed. Not even in her worst nightmares would she have foreseen the amount of death she would be responsible for, how much blood is on her hands. She has the overwhelming sense that she doesn't belong here and suddenly the tightness of all the metal surrounding them is suffocating. She can't stay here. Looking up and seeing her mom's face lined with concern and a hint of frustration at not knowing what to say to help her daughter Clarke knows she needs to do something, say something so her mom knows that she is not responsible for healing all of Clarke's wounds.

"Mom" she started but didn't know what else to say. How do you tell the woman who raised you that you are leaving and that she can't stop you? This is something she knows she needs to do but she also knows that it will hurt a few people. The weight she carries on her shoulders is draining and she has to take a break. She has taken on every challenge since they crashed onto Earth and she is tired and broken. It may be selfish but she is taking this time. If the people who claim to love her can't understand that then they don't care as much as they say they do.

Abby watches the many emotions flash across Clarke's face after she spoke and she starts to ask what she was going to say but something stops her. She finishes putting on the last of the bandages as she patiently waits for Clarke to finish what she was saying.

"I forgive you. For Dad. I know tough decisions were made and trust was put in people that you expected to help you and they betrayed you. I understand that now. I know that pain will always be with you and I'm sorry for adding to that." The words flowed out of her mouth before she realized how much that weighed on her and each word helped ease that pain of the past just a bit. She also wanted her mom to know she forgave her in case they never saw each other again. She wouldn't tell her that she would be leaving because she knows she would try to stop her but she could give her this.

"Clarke" Abby whispered as she felt the tears spring to her eyes. It hit her how long she had been waiting to hear these words from her daughter. "Thank you. That means a lot to me even though I wish you didn't understand all of this so well. I wish I could have protected you from all of this. I should have as your mother."

"You couldn't have protected me from it. You did what you thought would give me the best fighting chance by sending me and the rest of the hundred down to Earth. If you hadn't I would have been floated once I turned 18. Sending me here saved my life." But destroyed my soul. That thought made her look down at her hands and realize that her mother had finished bandaging them.

"I love you, Clarke. I know I don't always make the right decisions but I try to make the ones that I think will be best for you and your future." Abby wraps her arms around Clarke and pulls her into her chest like she used to when she was a child and it's so comforting that she falls into it as she inhales the scent of her childhood. She lets herself enjoy the moment for a little while before she pulls back and straightens her shoulders, putting her mask back on.

"Thank you for taking care of my hands. I may have overdone it a bit." Clarke hops down from the table shrugging as she glances at her mom seeing that her explanation didn't do anything to ease the concern. She didn't really have time to think about that because she knew if she stayed much longer it would get emotional again and she couldn't do that. She kissed her mom on the cheek as she started to walk past her.

"I love you too."

Without looking back she walks out of the medical bay with new found energy in her steps that carried her to her room. Quickly she packs a bag with the few grounder clothes she had and her knife she could clip to her belt. After changing into her boots and jacket she throws the bag over her shoulder and walks out of her quarters and to the opening of the ark. With each step her resolve gets stronger and the walls she had started to build get higher.

Just as she was about to the gates she hears her name being yelled over the noise of the guards. She didn't have to turn around to know who was calling for her. She was hoping to get out of camp without having to face this but her luck is never that good.

"What's with the bag? Going somewhere?" Bellamy asked as he caught up to Clarke. When she turned around and their eyes met his joking smile fell. With that one look he knew that Clarke was going somewhere and he wasn't going to like it.

"Bellamy, I can't stay here. Not after what I've done. I need a break from all of the pressure of being the leader of our people, especially since most of them don't think of me as their leader. I've lost a part of me and I know I can't fix that here with the constant reminders of what happened at the mountain. For once since we landed here I need to be selfish and take care of me first. I'm tired."

"Please don't leave."

"I have to." Tears started to well up in her eyes but she stood taller and breathed deeply to keep them from falling. No more weakness.

"I know you will take care of them." She watches him try to think of something to say that will make her stay but there isn't anything. She gives him a sad smile and turns around to walk through the gates.

Reaching the tree line she fights the urge to turn around and take a look at the home her people were building but she reminds herself that this place was not home. Maybe she will find her home but for now she was going to enjoy the solitude of the forest where no one needed her to make a decision that could take lives. God knows she has plenty of faces that haunt her dreams each night to last a lifetime. The worst one being the one that looks into her soul with shining green eyes.