Wallflower
Chapter Thirteen: The Funeral
Sirius was worried for Adelaide for many reasons. She had planned the funeral almost completely by herself, with some occasional guidance from Nurse Witte or her friends. She picked out the casket, decided on the flowers for the casket and from her, designed the pamphlet explaining what exactly happened on her funeral, picked out the dress that Maddie would be dressed in for the viewing and the burial (they didn't as for shoes), and picked out the music and the order of things. Oddly enough, she chose muggle music to be played, upon insisting that Maddie loved muggles.
By the time night came, they had the whole entire funeral planned out. All Adelaide had left was the eulogy. Sirius sat beside her while she jotted down ideas, not actually writing a speech ("I want this to be from the heart; she deserves more then prewritten words on a piece of paper,"). She ended up falling asleep at the table, with her head resting on his shoulder, and he moved her back to her room after a minute of enjoying the silence
She awoke at six in the morning and immediately began to pick out everyone's clothes; and that means everyone's. Sirius awoke to the sounds of someone shuffling through his closet, and saw Adelaide, almost looking like a zombie, pulling out his dress robes and matching shoes.
"What are you doing?" he'd asked groggily, "The funerals tomorrow."
"And the viewing is today," she returned briskly, "I'm sorry this looks so weird; I need to keep myself busy. I've already picked out what Remus and James are wearing; I'm letting James borrow some of my dads shoes because his are a bit scuffed up."
So, Sirius allowed her to pick out everything, and Remus seemed surprised that she let him borrow some of her fathers dress robes from his younger years. It was a bit behind the times, but it wasn't terribly noticeable.
Lily seemed to put up more of a fight, but when she saw how dead Adelaide looked when she just sat down and did nothing, she quickly retracted her words and allowed her to shift through her clothes for a nice outfit.
And then, they were standing in the living room waiting as Jessica Witte prepared Jean for the viewing. Adelaide was dressed in a black long-sleeved turtleneck and black slacks. She had on her glasses for a change, and had pulled her hair into a low ponytail. Lily was wearing an emerald green v-neck top and a black skirt that looked a bit small length wise, and she looked nervous as she held tightly to James' hand. All the boys had on black dress robes, though Sirius had a tie, James a bowtie, and Remus had neither.
"Oh my god," Adelaide whispered after a moment, and she began pacing the room, her fingers weaving into her hair, "I can't do this, I can't do this. I'm going to freak out." Sirius immediately was by her side, and his hands gripping her upper arms firmly.
"You'll do fine," he said softly, "She'll just look like she's sleeping." Adelaide shook a little, but she didn't cry. When Nurse Witte finally entered the room, pushing Jean in his chair, she smiled sadly; Jean was definitely paler then they remembered.
"We can leave now," she said, and Adelaide grasped Sirius' arm tightly.
"I can't do it, I can't focus," she said shakily, her eyes pleading, "Help me please?" He smiled in what he hoped to be a soothing manner.
"No problem," he responded, before picturing the funeral house in his mind and apparating on the spot.
There were the first to arrive at the funeral home, as expected, and Adelaide kept a tight hold on Sirius' arm even though they had already apparated. He didn't say anything, and walked at the pace she set, which was surprisingly slow.
"I don't think I can do this," she whispered as they made their way through the building, and they could see the casket ahead of them. Adelaide's grip tightened, and her eyes widened, "I don't want to see her…I can't look at her…"
"You don't have to now," Sirius said softly, "We have all of today and all of tomorrow to see her, it's okay." She shakily too a breath, and stood off to the side while the others went up to look at her. Remus and Lily seemed to be worse of then James, since Maddie had interacted with them more (and had a small crush on Remus), and James kept an arm wrapped around Lily's waist in a supportive manner. Adelaide could see Maddie from where she stood, and that was about all she could handle; if she could see her up close, she would completely break down in front of everyone.
She didn't like crying in front of large amounts of people. She didn't mind if one person saw, in fact she preferred it, but as soon as another person stepped in she tried to stop. Here, there were several people. They were starting to arrive, and finally, she broke when Jessica wheeled her father up to Madeline's side. He watched her for a moment, before he started to cry. He stood from his chair (to Nurse Witte's disapproval) and gently stroked her hair, a distraught look on his face. Adelaide saw that he had Maddie's crimson scarf in his pocket. Her heart began to beat faster as her emotions tried to break free, and her face began to heat up.
Jean gently patted Maddie's hands, which were crossed over her stomach stereotypically; she would have never lied like that. Adelaide's grasp tightened.
"My baby girl," Jean croaked out, "My poor Maddie."
With a soft sob, Adelaide buried her face into Sirius' shoulder and began to cry heavily. He looked a bit awkward standing there, but he carefully wrapped his arms around her and gently held her to him as her shoulders shook. She didn't approach the casket all day, and just watched as people would come to her casket and gently kiss her cheek or forehead, or to place something in the casket with her. Jean still held tightly to the scarf after he took his seat in his chair again, and he remained beside the casket the whole time. People would come up and talk to him, and he wouldn't speak much in return.
"Oh, Addy, darling," a larger woman said, dressed in fine robes and with the same eyes as Jean and Adelaide, and she ripped Adelaide from Sirius' arms to take her into a hug. Adelaide looked positively murderous at the sight of her, and simply offered a smile that clearly showed her distaste for the woman: it was a mocking smile that Sirius hoped to never see on her face ever again.
"Auntie Bell, I'm surprised you found the time to come," she said softly, and her eyes flashed dangerously. Aunt Bell didn't notice.
"Well, of course! She was my niece, after all, as well as my god child."
That seemed to send Adelaide into a mental rage, and the only sign of it on the outside was the muscle in her jaw jumping and the tightening of her smile.
"Well, you haven't even sent my father a letter in seven years, I thought you might have died," Adelaide said stonily, and Aunt Bella seemed a bit nervous suddenly, but Adelaide seemed to have turned the tables on her and had her upper arms gripped firmly. Obviously Aunt Bell didn't want a scene, because she remained in the tight grasp with a worried look.
"Well, I…I have been quite busy," she said lamely. Adelaide pulled her aunt a bit closer, and began to speak, whispering loud enough for Sirius to hear her, and quite frankly, he never thought he would ever be that scarred of Adelaide again.
"Listen, Annabel," she spit out her aunts name like it was venom, and she suddenly drew her wand and pointed it at the woman's nose, causing her to go cross-eyed, "I spent eight months trying to contact you after mums death. Never once did you reply. I had to sit there and comfort my father while raising a two year old essentially by myself. If you even try to show up to daddy's funeral, I will personally see to it that you have a one way trip to St. Mungos." Then she added as an after thought, "Oh, and just try to call me Addy. See what happens."
She let a few sparks emit from her wand, singing her aunts nose, before letting go of her as if she had a disease, disgust clear on her face. The woman quickly left the funeral home, stumbling on the way out, and Adelaide watched with pure loathing. Sirius stuck his hands in his pockets with his eyebrows raised. Adelaide glanced at him, and relaxed slightly, taking out her pony tail and running her fingers through her hair with a grin.
"I've been wanting to tell that to her for nine years," she admitted, and Sirius let out a bark of laughter before placing an arm around her shoulder.
"I'll remember to keep in contact," he said with a grin. Adelaide seemed honestly happy for a moment
The day came to a close, and Adelaide left without going up to her sister's casket. Sirius said nothing and just stood with her as people continued to sign the guest book and see Maddie, eventually leaving after sharing a few words with some other visitors. No one really approached her, and they seemed to only be there because it was what was expected. Half the time, even Jean seemed angry at the people who had walked through the door.
When they returned to Vicknair Mansion, while Nurse Witte wheeled Jean back to his room, Adelaide hurried to a cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of Firewhiskey and sat it on the counter, conjuring up a glass quickly. She looked at the others.
"Want one?" she asked, and they all shook their heads. Adelaide nodded before pouring some into her glass and taking a drink. She sighed when she finished, and leaned against the counter with a lazy look on her face.
"I hate my relatives," she said simply. She poured more in the glass, before capping the Firewhiskey and setting it back in the cabinet. She took her time with this glass, and hefted herself so she was setting on the counter. She looked around the kitchen with a frown.
"It's hard to believe that just seven days ago, we were celebrating New Years together in here," she said softly, before taking another drink with a glazed look to her eyes; she was shifting through her memories. When she finished her glass she vanished it, and hopped down from the counter, "You all might want to head to bed; we have a long day ahead of us."
-
The same thing as last morning happened the next morning. Adelaide was up, though a bit calmer then yesterday and it was eight o'clock, and shifting through everyone's things to find clothes for them. Amazingly, no one woke up save for Sirius as she went through their things.
"You're my last stop," she said softly, "and then I'm going to get dressed." He watched through tired eyes as she finished pulling out his outfit, and she turned and smiled at him. "Thank you for being by me yesterday, it really means a lot to me." He smiled and finally got up, a muscle in his back popping as he did so.
"It was no problem," he said truthfully. She smiled at him, her gratefulness shining through.
They met together in the living room again, and while the guys wore the same general thing, maybe made of a different material, Adelaide wore a black turtleneck dress that came to her knees, and dressy high heeled shoes. Her hair was hanging free this time. Lily was wearing a box-next black dress that also fell to her knees, and shoes similar to Adelaide's.
"I have to speak today," Adelaide said timidly, wringing her hands nervously in front of her, "I'm getting anxious."
"You'll do just fine," Sirius said, placing a hand on her shoulder, and offering her an encouraging smile, "If you want I can make stage cards for you." She laughed and shook her head in amusement.
"You're something else," she said, when Jessica wheeled Jean into the room, and they apparated to the funeral home like last time. They made their way to the casket, and Adelaide grabbed a pamphlet from the front, but she didn't look at Maddie for to long before she began to gnaw on her thumb. She took a seat in the front row, and while the others got their own pamphlets, Nurse Witte helped Jean into a seat on the left of Adelaide while Sirius took the seat to her right, observing the pamphlet with only slight interest.
On the front was a picture of Madeline holding up nine fingers, and one of her front teeth were missing. Her head would suddenly turn with wide eyes and someone (he suspected it to be Adelaide) tugged on a lock of her hair as they passed behind her. Underneath it read:
Madeline M. Vicknair
January 8, 1967 – January 4, 1977
Sirius frowned; her funeral was on her birthday. This had to be some sort of sick joke. He glanced at Adelaide, who was very quiet as she stared at the cover of her pamphlet. Her hand was shaking slightly, but she managed to keep her tears in. Sirius returned his attention to the pamphlet and opened it to read what was inside. The back of the cover had a poem in it by a muggle poet, and he didn't recognize the name.
Tardy, by B.E. Nomads
I'm Sorry
But my remorse is a bit tardy
I want to go back
and pick up all the slack
I loved you
and now I'm seated in a pew.
I just wanted to say
It hasn't been the same since you went away
Sirius re-read it several times, before moving on to the next page, where it went through the list of events. He smiled as he realized that the pamphlet definitely had Adelaide written all over it. She may not know much about muggles, but she loved muggle literature and music. That explained why he had no idea what the songs were that were going to play.
The Viewing
Dust in the Wind, Kansas
Eulogy by Priest
Three Little Birds, Bob Marley
Eulogy by Adelaide Vicknair
Have You Ever Seen The Rain?, Creedence Clearwater Revival
Dismissal
He looked over at Adelaide again, and she was staring at the casket, worrying her bottom lip as she tried to decide on going up or not. He gently placed his hand over hers, and her head snapped over to his in surprise. He smiled slightly.
"I'll go up with you if you want to see her," he offered. Her eyes flickered over to the white casket again, before she nodded. He stood, setting his pamphlet in his seat and she did the same. That gained the others attention.
"Where are you going?" Remus asked from beside Sirius.
"To see Maddie," he replied. Remus nodded, relaxing in his seat, and Sirius kept a hand on Adelaide's back as she made her way to the casket. Her heart was beating in her chest as she got closer, until she felt it would explode. Then, she was in front of her, looking down at Madeline's peaceful face. She bit down her lip, before gently brushing away a strand of hair from her sisters face.
"Hey," she whispered softly, her voice cracking, "bet you thought I wouldn't come up here after yesterday. Sorry about that, but I wasn't up to it. I bet you liked seeing Remus," she chuckled a bit, "he even pulled himself from the hospital wing to come. I think he liked you; I think all my friends liked you. How couldn't? You're so bubbly and full of…energy." Sirius felt his lip twitch up slightly; she was going to say 'life'.
"It's not fair," Adelaide whispered, staring down at her sisters face, and half of her wanted her to wake up, throw her arms around her, and cry out 'I'm Alive! I'm Alive!', and Adelaide chuckled at the ridiculous thought, but continued to speak, "You never did anything wrong, and I don't see how you deserved to die so young. You were so smart, you would have been a wonderful witch; I know it."
Then, soft guitars began to play from somewhere that no one could exactly pinpoint (it sounded as if it were coming from everywhere), and Adelaide sighed.
"That's my cue to sit my fat ass down," she said with a chuckle. She gently kissed Maddie's cheek, and began tearing up; she was so cold. She tore herself away quickly, before making her way back to her seat, her hand now tightly entwined with Sirius'.
'I close my eyes,
only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind'
Sirius had to admit: muggle had good music. The song could easily lull someone to sleep with the soft violin and the sounds of the acoustic guitar. Adelaide tightened her grip on Sirius' hand, and leaned her head on his shoulder.
"The song only just came out," she whispered softly, "I heard it on the muggle radio the other day, and I knew Maddie would have loved it." He gently pressed his lips to her head.
'Same old song,
just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind
Don't hang on,
nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy
Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind'
Adelaide felt tears roll down her cheeks, but she didn't wipe them away. The last verse really stuck a chord inside of her (excusing the pun).
She barely listened to the priest as he spoke. To her, none of his words mattered. He hadn't known Maddie, and he was only doing what his job entailed. He might have grieved the loss of someone so young, but he didn't know her personally. His words did not matter.
It seemed like he dragged on for hours, and Adelaide couldn't help an annoyed sigh that left her. Sirius chuckled.
"Anxious?" he asked, and Adelaide shrugged, before nodding.
"I don't like him. He didn't know Maddie," she said simply, and Sirius nodded in understanding. Finally, the man silenced himself, and Sirius felt Adelaide stiffen against him as the beginning of the song came in, sounding very relaxing.
"This song is going to make me cry," she whispered, swallowing nervously. Sirius untangled their hands and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and she snuggled closer to him, her eyes glued to the casket.
'Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"
Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:")'
It was a song full of hope, but right now it just seemed to tear people to pieces. Adelaide softly sang the words, tears falling down as the words rang through her head. The song's lyrics didn't change at all, and simply repeated, but everyone still listened as if it were telling them the secret of life.
Maybe it was, but when the chorus repeated, signaling the end, Adelaide made her way up to the podium and placed her hands flat against the smooth plane of wood. She had no paper, as she promised herself, and looked nervous. The song faded, and she smiled.
"Hey," she said casually, "Well, I'm Maddie's older sister, as you all probably know." A few chuckles went through the crowd, and Adelaide shifted her weight from side to side before speaking again, sounding oddly casual for someone who had tears still rolling down her cheeks, "Well, I didn't write anything down before hand for me to read. My reasoning for that is simple enough: Maddie deserved better then prewritten words, preaching about the injustice of her death and of how she deserved more. Originally, I was going to talk about that.
"But I thought it over a whole lot. I barely slept, and while I busied myself doing all sorts of menial chores the muggle way, since it took less concentration and more time, I began to think over her life," she laughed, "And I'll be damned, she had a good one.
"I couldn't tell you how many times I went to the hospital because they were afraid she was going to die. The first time was when I thirteen, when she was first diagnosed with Leukemia. It was during the summer, so I didn't miss any classes, but I was completely terrified. I remembered how I thought back to two days prior where she had annoyed me to the point that I, in my big-headedness, told her that I wish she would just crawl into a hole and die.
"When I heard she was in the hospital, I felt like I was going to explode. I loathed my self, and I threw a fit when they wouldn't let me see her without an adult (daddy hadn't yet arrived). Then, a nurse came along and let me in," Adelaide smiled, "That nurse became the same woman who still takes care of my father, and took care of Maddie. It was Nurse Jessica Witte. She didn't have to stop by and let me in, and she didn't have to do anything. But she did, and I ran into the room where Maddie sat with an innocent smile on her face. I ran up to her, almost hugged her to tight, and told her that I lied, and I never wanted her to leave me.
"Unfortunately, that was only the beginning of those terrifying hospital trips. I ended up spending my fifteenth birthday in the hospital by her side," Adelaide smiled again and looked down at her hands, letting the memories fill her up until she began to cry again, but her voice was steady as she spoke.
"I remember once, we went on a muggle vacation. My dad had to cancel last minute because of his own poor health, and I took Maddie by myself, just last summer. We stayed in a muggle hotel, with a telly-vision, and I made the mistake of letting her watch what the muggles call a 'Soap Opera', which is a dramatic story usually involving murders, love triangles, fatherless children, and some form of necromancy (very confusing half of the time).
"I was fixing food, and Maddie came bounding in. I asked her how her day was, and she got really dramatic. She huffed, and said, 'I fell down, scrapped my knee, and I'm pregnant' with such sincerity I almost choked. Needless to say, I kept her away from soap opera's from then on." Everyone laughed, and Adelaide kept smiling softly, but she turned her head back up to everyone, and suddenly she looked upset.
"One thing I hate was that after mum died, her family completely ignored daddy. No one tried to comfort him after my mum died, and I was left to do that. I was left to do a lot of things, really, so I missed out on a lot. But I didn't want Maddie to go through that," she crossed her arms then, and her smile faded, "So I did what I thought would make her feel more normal. I didn't sign her up for fancy treatments or anything, instead I sent her to St. Mungos, in the children's ward. There, she hung out with children her own age. Really, it was just like a day care center, except she lived there.
"Every holiday break I got, I took her out of St. Mungos so she could spend it with her family. Really, it was like she was at school. I know that it wasn't the wisest thing to do, but I didn't want her confined to her bed. And people have called me stupid for my choices, but god dammit, she was only five years old! I wasn't going to take away her childhood, I would not be that selfish."
Everyone was silent as they clung to the words she said. She didn't look at anyone, and instead looked off to the side as she continued.
"Maybe it was selfish of me to keep her with me, maybe I just don't want to believe that it's partially my fault she died four days before her tenth birthday," she said, her voice surprisingly strong, "But even if it was, I wouldn't regret my actions. She grew up with people who loved her unconditionally, and she always knew that someone loved her. She may not have gotten everything she wanted, but she got everything she needed, and she was thankful for everyday that she lived.
"She may have been young, but she knew that she could die at any second. It was very scary how aware she was, but I guess having a sickly father and no mother might make you have to grow up a bit too fast, because I know that she was more mature then I was when I was nine, or even when I was thirteen." She bit her lip, and glanced at the crowd again, "and it's because of her that I not a spoiled brat. Every second of every day, I think about her. I have since I was thirteen and found out she might die, and I don't think I'm going to stop any time soon."
She uncrossed her arms, muttered a 'thank you', before making her way back to her seat. Sirius wrapped an arm around her and kissed the side of her head.
"You did a brilliant job," he said softly, and she blushed.
"I think I kind of dragged on," she admitted shyly, and then music began to play again as people stood to leave. They all remained in the pews and listened, knowing that now came the burial.
'Someone told me long ago theres a calm before the storm,
I know; its been comin for some time.
When its over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day,
I know; shinin down like water.'
Adelaide rested her head on Sirius' shoulders and watched as the casket was closed, and they levitated it behind them as they led it down to the graveyard. After a second, she stood and followed them, her friends following behind her. She could hear Lily crying, and she could still hear the music.
'I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin down on a sunny day?'
Adelaide watched beside Sirius as they lowered the casket down into the dirt, the sun bearing down on them. The gravestone was smooth and new, with Madeline's name carved into the reflective surface, and the image of a forest underneath. She bit down on her lip, and again bit down too hard, causing it to bleed. She just ran her finger along the cut, smearing the blood, and then stared at her finger for a moment.
She smiled as the lyrics of the song rang through her head, and chuckled.
"What's so funny?" Sirius asked in her ear. She kept smiling.
"Listen to the lyrics," she said softly, as the songs chorus crepeated itself for a final time. She dropped her hand to her side and took her bottom lip into her mouth as the lyrics rang through her head, tears slowly falling down her face.
'I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
Comin down on a sunny day?'
-
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all things concerning belong to J.K. Rowling. I own Adelaide Vicknair, Vanessa Wolfe, Caryn Gree, Elise Barnes, Madeline Vicknair, Annalisa Bertucci, Professor Sicily and Jean Vicknair. I also do not own any of the songs mentioned. I OWN TARDY.
A/N: Again, based off of my memories save for Aunt Bell. I just wanted some reason for Addy to get angry. And I know that Dust in the Wind came out in early 1978, but for the purpose of this story, it came out in 1977. It was hard to find songs, because the ones I wanted came out a little later then possible, so I had to tweak reality a bit.
And PLEASE. Out of respect, do NOT use the poem from Madeline's funeral pamphlet. I wrote that in memory of my grandfather, and please, PLEASE ask before you use it. I hold it very dear to my heart.
Yours truly,
B.E.N.
