When Harry woke up the next morning, he found himself in an unusally good mood. He was in such a good mood, in fact, that he went downstairs for breakfast in his nightie, leaving those darned pants behind him in his room.
"What did I tell you, boy?", growled Uncle Vernon when he saw Harry in the kitchen. "This is house is not yours until--".
"It's okay, Vernon", interupted Aunt Petunia. "We'll feed him dog food. That always makes Dudley laugh".
"Oh, God, no!", said Harry. "Not again".
Splat! A blob of chicken liver was placed on Harry's plate.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha!", laughed Dudley.
Now Harry wasn't upset because he was being fed dog food (it actually tasted better than most of the stuff the Dursleys fed him). He was upset because he knew that if the Dursleys had dog food in the house, it meant only one thing: Aunt Marge was coming to visit.
Aunt Marge hated Harry even more than the Dursleys did ("I fail to see why", Vernon had said. "She doesn't have to live with the bloody boy like we do"). The thought of her visiting made him lose his hunger, so, alas, he didn't finish his dog food.
"Awwwwww", whined Dudley as Harry was sent upstairs. "I wanted to see him barf it out".
"Don't worry, Dudders", said Aunt Petunia, rubbing her son's chubby cheek. "Harry will barf, your mummy will make him".
"No!", growled Vernon. "Let him go! We can't let the pest be seen by--"
Ding-Dong!
"Bloody hell", yelled Vernon. "It's her!".
"Harry, get down here and open the door", said Aunt Petunia.
"No!", said Uncle Vernon. "Get out of our sight!".
Ding-dong!
"Harry", said Petunia. "Do as your auntie tells you".
"I want him to barf", said Dudley.
"So does mummy", said Aunt Petunia, who was determined to satisfy her son's craving for a disgusting sight at the expense of her nephew.
Ding-dong!
"Who cares about him barfing?", spat Uncle Vernon. "I have to get the--"
BANG!
The front door of the Dursleys' home fell to the ground, revealing the sight of Aunt Marge, almost as fat as the time when Harry had blown her up by mistake. She was carrying, in addition to her awful dog, a shotgun.
"What's with the shotgun?", asked Dudley. "Dad, can I have her shotgun?".
"Your auntie will buy you one, sweetie", said Aunt Marge to Dudley. "But for now, I've taken up a new hobby: Wizard hunting".
It was hard to tell whose facial expression changed the most. Uncle Vernon's jaw dropped as if her were a cartoon character. Aunt Petunia's eyes grew wide as if she were an Anime character. Dudley belched, causing his mouth to expand like the opening of a garbage can, and smelling twice as bad. And Harry just stood there on the stairs, not sure what he should do.
"Where", began Uncle Vernon, clearly straining to say his words, "have you heard about wizards?".
"The internet, Vernon", said Aunt Marge. "I've been looking around, and found out about this boy who murdered this poorl guy when he was just a baby. And now, everyone's calling him the most savage person in the world, and I'm not going to let someone like that roam around London. I'm going to kill him!".
She said all of this, and then, no one said anything, and everyone was quiet for more than two hours. Finally, Vernon spoke.
"What's his name?".
"No idea", said Aunt Marge. "As far as I know, he's only called You-Know-Who".
"You're completely mixed-up!", Harry blurted out. "You're talking about two seperate people! You-Know-Who is Voldemort, who is not a boy, nor his he some poor guy who got murdered. He's still alive! As for the other person, that one would be--".
"YOU!", snarled Aunt Marge, pointing her gun at Harry.
Harry gasped. What had he done?
"YOU NEVER CORRECT ME, BOY!", yelled Aunt Marge. "EVER AGAIN!".
"Don't talk to me like that!", yelled Harry, though heaven knows why he did so. "I happen to be that other person you were--"
BANG!
A bullet zoomed past Harry's head, barely missing his glasses. Marge's awful dog yelped and ran into the kitchen.
"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!", screamed Aunt Marge, her face growing blood red.
Then she charged at Harry, knocking Petunia, Vernon and Dudley in the process, and began shooting rapidly.
"Aaaahhhhh!", yelled Harry, and hebolted down the stairsand ran out of what used to be the door.
"GET BACK HERE, KILLER!", yelled Aunt Marge, running after him.
Harry would've looked back to shout something at her, but he thought that thismight slow him down, so he just kept running. He heard a shout from behind him, but couldn't make out what the voice was saying.
Thud!
For some reason, Harry stopped running and looked behind him. There, crumbledon the sidewalk, was Aunt Marge. She was dead.
Harry felt sick just looking at her. So he did the only thing he could do: He threw up.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha!", laughed Dudley.
