Manda sat down in a chair and saw Dean's eyes pierce through her. He knew there was something up and he wanted answers. Suddenly she didn't want to talk. She would take anything as an excuse to stall. "Uh… how about we let Chuch get settled in first?"
Chuch and Sam came in and sat on the loveseat.
"Hi, Dean," Chuch said as she looked at him. "And I don't need to, Manda, I'll do that later."
"Hey, Chuch… and that's good, it means Manda can get started." Dean knew he was putting her on the spot now, but she would have to tell them all one way or another and sooner rather than later.
"Should we order some food first? Or does anyone want anything to drink?" Manda was scrambling for a reason to delay talking. She wasn't looking forward to this, and right now she hated Chuch for calling the brothers. The way Dean was looking at her as she sat there, she knew he was going to get angry with her.
"It can wait." Dean's voice was calm but to the point. "How about you stop stalling and get on with it?"
Manda pulled her knees up to her chest and tried to push herself as far back into the chair as she could. She wished it would just swallow her right then and there. "Uh…"
Sam knew his brother was being a bit insensitive because he wanted to know what was going on, and rushing her was only going to make this worse. "Take your time, Manda. Start wherever you think you should."
The three of them had their eyes on her and Manda felt like a deer frozen in the headlights.
"You could start with the day before the first missing one, or what you remember of the missing one," Chuch suggested. She could see how Manda was ready to flee the room in a split second if she could without at least one of them stopping her.
"I… It uh…" Manda sighed heavily. "I had wrapped up a job the night before, and in the morning I drove away from the hotel I was at. Next thing I know I'm waking up in my car to my phone ringing. I reached for it, found my hands were covered in blood, looked down and so were my clothes." Her voice was detached as she spoke, and she didn't look at any of them. She just stared out the window instead as she talked.
None of them said anything, just watched and waited for her to continue.
"Finally I grab the phone and look at the date. It's been eight days since I left that hotel. I'm panicking, wondering where I've been… what I've done. I don't hurt anywhere so I figure that it's not my blood I've got all over me." She wrapped her arms around her knees a little tighter, and briefly looked at them.
"Do you have any injuries at all?" Sam asked her.
Dean sat there listening to her, and he hated this. She was trying to remove herself from how much it bothered her, but it clearly wasn't working. He knew that feeling all too well.
Manda shook her head. "Anyway, I discover I'm parked out front of here, and I'm wondering why I would drive home. That was two days ago, and I haven't found a single clue as to where I was, who I probably killed or what happened at all. I called Chuch to help me figure this out, because I'm at a loss for what's going on with me."
Dean wondered if he heard her right. She had been here for two days already, which meant this was the third now. Manda had called Chuch instead of him for help, and he'd been leaving her messages wondering where she was, thinking about all sorts of things that could have gone wrong on a job or had happened to her. He was getting angry now. She had avoided him instead of reaching out to him like she knew she could.
"Are you going to tell us what you've failed to mention?" Chuch asked her. There was more, Sam had found the books and the notes, and Manda had spoken like something was still happening.
"The books and your notes in the library, Manda… what exactly are you looking for?" Sam saw Dean look at him, and he knew his brother wondered what else he knew that he didn't know himself.
"I… god… it's just," Manda stammered and closed her eyes. "The scars on my back," she whispered and tried to keep her voice from breaking.
"What about them?" Chuch inquired.
Manda took a deep breath in the silent room. She could feel the eyes on her and one set of them were digging into her so deep that it stung - Dean's. His stare and his mood were hard to ignore even if she wasn't looking at him. "Well… look, I don't even know if it's related or not, but two days before I was possessed they started itching. Not a lot, but enough to notice the sensation. That's never happened except for when they were healing, but I didn't give it much thought at the time."
"What scars?" Sam didn't know what she was talking about. "I saw something mentioning scars in your notes, but it didn't make sense."
"Something happened to her on a job awhile ago, after you guys saved me. It left her with some pretty big scars down her back." Chuch told him.
Sam nodded. "What gave them to you?"
"I don't know exactly what it was," Manda answered quietly.
Dean's eyes narrowed in on her even more then. The scars were from the job she had thrown herself into after they had first met over five months ago. She had pushed him away when he had gotten too close, and he had left and then ignored her attempts at apologizing. He had never really asked her what had given them to her though, and she had only said she'd gotten them by being careless. And while he knew it wasn't his fault, he still felt a little of the blame rested on him when it came to how she had gotten them.
"Since I've been back they've started to itch again, not too badly, but a little more than before. I stuck some stuff on them and it numbs the itching. But now they're beginning to look like they never healed." Manda stood up then, turned around as she undid a few of the top buttons on her long-sleeved shirt, then pushed down the sleeve from her right shoulder, and held her hair out of the way so they could see the scars.
All three of them looked, but only Sam and Chuch got up and walked towards her to get a closer look.
Sam saw the two scars that started on her shoulder and kept going somewhere that was hidden by her shirt. He noticed how they looked fresh, like the stitches had just come out a few days ago. He had no idea what could have caused that, but it wasn't normal.
"Hmm, never seen that happen before," Chuch muttered as she thought about it.
"So that's what you're looking for? You think a demon did this? That it's linked to being possessed?" Sam fired out the questions. He was already searching his mind for anything that was similar to this that he had read or seen before.
Manda put her sleeve back up and turned around. "That job, I thought it was a demon, but when I got there… it was something else. I don't know, maybe it was a demon in true form, and not the black smoke they are up here. But whatever it was… it slashed me deep and hard, left its mark on me, and needing a whole load of stitches."
Dean sat there not saying anything because he was more pissed off at her now. She hadn't called him to let him know that this was going on, never mind the missing days. He wondered why she didn't want to let him know. He had already figured out that her 'will call soon' had meant not at all. She would have kept this from him, and he wanted to know why.
Chuch and Sam sat back down, both of them clearly in thought, trolling their minds for an answer.
The room was suddenly quiet between the four of them.
Manda didn't look at Dean. She could tell by how he'd been silent this whole time and then had not bothered to look closely at her scars that he was angry at her. "You want to know about that job, go back into the library. There's a notebook in the desk where the computer is that has everything written down that I remembered from it. Then ask whatever you want, I'm going to fix myself a drink." Manda headed to the kitchen.
"I'll get it," Chuch said and then headed to the library.
"Dean?" Sam wondered what his brother was thinking. He hadn't said anything to her at all, or looked at her scars. Sam could see the anger brewing inside of him, and knew it was because she had kept this from him, and that it had to hurt considering their relationship. "You got any ideas?"
Dean just looked at Sam, then got up and went in the direction of the kitchen.
Manda had finished one shot when she turned around to see who had followed her and was blocking her from leaving. She gasped as she saw the way he looked at her. "Dean… what…"
"Two days, Manda? You avoid me for two days before you send a text message that lies about how you are?" His voice was a loud, harsh and serious as he cut her off.
She froze. His eyes were searing into hers, and she knew he was pretty angry with her. "I… I… wanted to call," she managed to get out quickly.
"But you didn't. You were possessed, something weird is going on with you and you don't call to let me know, never mind to check in when I've been wondering where you are. And why the hell didn't you come to me first?" Dean needed to know why, so he was going to press her for it even if she looked ready to bolt.
Manda stared back at him. She didn't need this, not from him. "Who would be your first call if this was happening to you, Dean, Sam or me?"
He knew she had him there. Sam would always be his first call. "Sam," he gritted out his brother's name.
"Exactly, so just back the hell off. I called Chuch because she's like a sister to me, you know that." Manda didn't want to fight, but if he was going to back her into a corner, as exhausted as she was, she would still stand up to him.
"Were you even going to call? Or tell me what had happened and is still happening?" Dean pushed a little more. She wasn't getting off easy no matter what had happened to her.
Chuch and Sam heard the raised voices. They knew this had been coming. Both of them were listening to the fight that was coming from the kitchen.
"What the hell do you want from me, Dean?" she shouted out the question at him.
"The truth." His voice was almost at a yell, hard, heavy and rough. "I told you to call if you needed anything, and you need help with this. You should have called, not Chuch… you." Dean knew he was backing her into a tight corner, but right now he didn't care.
"Chuch can help me just as much as you can." Manda's tone was cold.
"She can't keep you safe." It came out fast and hard, and for Dean it was the truth. Nobody could keep her safe like he could, especially if she was in trouble, just like now.
"Oh, and you can? Whatever is happening is going to happen with or without you trying to protect me. And you won't always be able to either," she said loudly. Her exhaustion was being replaced with the fuel from irritation, and it was keeping her going right now.
"Damn it, Manda… you know I'll find a way to stop whatever it is, but that's not what this is about. You should have called to let me know what was going on considering what's between us." He hated that she was right, he wouldn't always be able to protect her, but he would try to when he could.
"Don't bring that into this. You're not my boyfriend so you don't get to pull that card on me." Manda didn't want to do this, but she had to. He couldn't demand something of her when he didn't exactly hold the right to.
Dean knew that was true, but he had to remind her of something. "You're the one who wanted it that way, sweetheart. You made that choice since this arrangement was your idea." His voice had come out angry and hurt because that's exactly what he was.
"Yeah, and you put up such a fight for something more didn't you? You didn't even bother, Dean. You just took it because it works for you. So tell me, in three months how many girls have you been with?" She stared at him, and saw something that looked like guilt as he shifted his gaze from hers briefly.
"That has nothing to do with this, Manda." Dean shouted, jumping on the defense, knowing that she knew what he was like though. "Not a goddamn thing."
"Wow… real nice. Don't give me any bullshit about how you want more when that speaks a whole lot about what you want… or should I say, what you don't actually want?" There was no more exhaustion Manda could feel, just a whole lot of pain and anger. His lack of denial had just been a smack in the face, and it left her feeling like he didn't want her at all.
"You can't get mad at me for something you said was okay if it happened when we aren't together. That was all your idea, and that should have told me how you felt since you're the one that came up with it." Dean threw back what she had told him three months ago.
"What did you come here for then, Dean? Because it sure as hell doesn't seem like you came for me at this point. You know I wanted to call you, but doing that means letting you know exactly how I feel, and right now it looks like I made the right choice by not bothering to." Manda shoved him out her way as she stormed out on him. She didn't look at Chuch and Sam as she hurried by them, and stopped only to grab her shoes by the door before she left. The door slammed behind her, echoing through the house.
Dean stood there in the kitchen fuming. She had been right though, it's not like he had tried to fight for anything more. And he had been with a few girls in the past three months. He had tried not to, and had felt a little guilty later, but she had said it was okay with her if it happened while they apart. That made no sense to him, why Manda would say it was fine with her if it actually wasn't.
He knew then that she hadn't been with anyone since the last time she'd been with him. Dean had wondered about that, but hadn't been sure because one never really knew, and now he did. Manda had been faithful during the three months even though they weren't dating, and that meant she cared more than she would admit out loud to.
Her last words hurt though. That she wanted to call him, but it would say too much about how she really felt and now she was glad that she hadn't.
Dean felt like an ass now. He had come here to help her and all he had done was added to the list of things that she was already dealing with. He knew the fight they had just had might cause her to finally break down because she was already stretched too thin physically and emotionally as it was.
Chuch and Sam walked into the kitchen then.
Sam just looked at Dean with disbelief. Manda was already going through enough and then his brother had started on her.
"Nice job, Dean," Chuch said as she sat down at the table.
Dean glared at her. "It was a joint effort in case you didn't catch that."
"She knows it was wrong not to call you. Manda just didn't know how to tell you she needs you right now, and clearly she does." Chuch looked at him, wondering why he didn't realize how alike her friend was to him in that sense.
Sam watched his brother and could see he realized he had been an ass to her. "We'll get started on trying to find some answers, and maybe you should go cool off for a bit."
Dean didn't say anything, but he knew Sam was right as he walked out of the kitchen. He needed some time to let the anger disappear.
-
Manda had wandered out to the garage, and had started to collect some chopped wood that was stacked in there to keep dry. The nights were still cold and she had burned through what little had been in the house the last two nights, and with three extra people, more was going to be needed.
She lugged quite a bit of wood back to the house in a few trips and stacked it on the porch as she thought about everything. There were too many things going on inside of her head right then, and there was only one way she knew how to clear all of that out – she had to focus on something.
She tossed the last armful of wood on the porch and ran back to the garage.
The old punching bag still hung in one corner, and this is what she needed right now. She could almost hear her grandfather's voice in her head telling her how to channel all her emotions onto the bag before her as she shoved on the gloves she kept near it.
-
Dean had seen her carrying wood to the house, but not bringing it inside. He had sat there for awhile in the living thinking about what to say to her later.
Then he heard the wood clatter on the porch and he thought she had finally fallen over from exhaustion, but she wasn't there when he looked again. He wondered where she had gone or if something had happened to her.
The side door on the garage was still open, and as Dean got closer to it he could hear a faint thumping. He wandered over, and stopped at the door as he saw Manda hitting a punching bag.
Her hits were hard and coldly delivered, one after the other. Her hooks were solid, and he knew it had probably taken awhile for them to get that way. Dean had to admit the girl definitely packed a punch, and wondered how much it would hurt.
The bag swung back a bit and Manda grabbed it as it returned, then jabbed it with a knee a few times. Then she let go and stood sort of on an angle now, her back was still to him. The bag hung still now, until she raised her leg in a kick and her foot hit the bag hard. It went back a little and she didn't move. Dean was sure it would hit her as it came back, but she stayed firmly planted on one foot and gave it no time to as she kicked again fast. The second kick been a bit lower and harder, the squeak of the metal from where the bag hung could be heard as it rocked back further this time.
The third kick came in at almost the same spot, and she had put almost all of her weight behind it. She had sent that bag as far back as it would go, and Dean was a bit impressed. He knew she could fight, but had no idea she could fight that hard especially when she was as worn out as she was. If the bag had been a human, he was sure her last kick would have at least cracked, if not broken, a few ribs from how hard it had been.
Manda stepped out of the way let the punching bag swing back and forth as she tore off the gloves and threw them at the wall. They hit and landed with a thud.
She slouched as if defeated. Her anger had been spent, and either she was ready to break down now or she was just too tired to keep going. One hand went to her forehead and Dean was sure she was about to cry now, but he heard nothing out of her.
And he wanted to go to Manda, but he didn't. He would have taken her in his arms then, but he knew better than to do it, especially since that bag had probably been wearing his face in her mind.
Dean turned around and left before she saw him. He walked over to her car, deciding to have a look inside if it was open. Maybe she had missed something that held a clue in there, or maybe she hadn't even looked for one in it.
He opened the driver's door and started to search for anything that might indicate where she had been.
-
Manda stood there for a few minutes with her head tipped and a hand covering her eyes.
Letting herself focus on practicing some moves had gotten rid of her anger, but the pain was still there, and now she was even more drained than she had been before.
She wanted to collapse, but she couldn't do that yet. She was drawing on strength she didn't think she had anymore, and for some reason her legs weren't ready to give out from under her just yet.
She walked out of the garage after awhile and closed the door behind her. Then she noticed the driver's door of her car was open and who was digging under the seats.
Manda went over, leaned against it a little in front of the door, and then jumped up to sit on the hood.
Dean got out of her car, closed the door, then leaned back on slight angle and looked at her.
"Find anything in there?" she asked and looked at him.
"Just this." Dean held up a necklace that had a symbol to ward off possession hanging off it. "Is it yours?"
Manda saw it and then reached for her neck. "Damn, I didn't even notice it had fallen off, so much for starting to wear that again."
"Again?" Dean had never seen it on her whenever they'd been around each other before.
"I only wear it sometimes, but I always have it with me in a pocket or something." She had always kept it on her even if she didn't wear it around her neck.
"Needs a new chain, but you should wear it all the time from now on." He handed it back to her.
"Thanks." Manda took it from him and held it in her hand. She looked at it and saw that the clasp had broken. Tracing the symbol with her fingers, she felt some small comfort from it before slipping it into a pocket on her shirt.
"So, did that bag look a little like me when you were kicking the shit out of it?" Dean smirked a little. He knew she had blown off all her steam and that now they could go back to their usual way of being around each other.
"Maybe," she half-smiled as she looked back at him. "Actually, no it didn't, because if I wanted to kick you then I would have."
Dean's eyes searched hers for a moment. "About before, Manda…"
"I know, Dean… me too," she said softly.
Both of them didn't have to say the words "I'm sorry" to each other, they could read it in the other's eyes. And apologies weren't something either did often or were any good at anyway.
"Guess we should head inside and see if Sam and Chuch have ideas or found anything." Dean knew that if they had though, then they would have come outside to let one of them know by now.
"Can it wait a minute?" Manda asked with a tone a little louder than a whisper.
Dean looked at her oddly, a little curiously too.
"Sorry about not calling you, but you know me… too stubborn to reach out sometimes." She slid off the hood then and turned on her side to face him.
"It's all right," Dean reassured her.
"It's good to see you, Dean, despite what brings you here... it's been too long." Manda stepped closer, and threw her arms around him in a hug.
Dean slipped one arm around her waist and the other behind her shoulders as he pulled her close. "You too… it has been awhile." He could smell the honey and almond shampoo he knew she used, and he had forgotten how sweet the scent of it was when she was this close.
Neither one was willing to say the three little words they wanted to right then – I missed you. Admitting to that was hard for both of them to do, so it remained unspoken.
Manda stretched her neck up and kissed him softly on the cheek before she started to pull away from the embrace.
Her kiss had been too polite and unsatisfying for him after not seeing her for over three months, so Dean pulled her back and let his lips crash against hers before hers gave way for him to take it deeper briefly.
She smiled as she stepped back. "Now that we got that out of the way… I could really use some more coffee, and I'm sure there are questions waiting for me inside." Manda started walking away then.
Dean followed her without a word. He had wanted to tell her to lay off the coffee, but he wasn't about to start another argument with her, and he was almost certain that she'd be able to sleep for a little anyway when he was lying beside her later.
-
Both Sam and Chuch had read through Manda's notes and were trying to figure out what could have given her the scars, but were coming up with nothing much. It sounded like a demon to them, except for when she had seen it, that made it sound like it had been something else.
Sam was now searching for anything that sounded vaguely like what was happening with her scars.
Chuch was searching online for anything that Manda might have done while possessed, but since they had no idea where she had been there wasn't much to work with.
They both looked up when they heard the door open and Manda walked back in followed by Dean.
"Got anything yet?" Manda asked them as she walked into the living.
"Nothing, but we're working on it," Chuch answered.
Sam shook his head. "We're not even sure your possession and the stuff happening with your scars is related either, but we're not ruling it out yet."
"Where's the notes on that job?" Dean asked as he sat down on the couch.
Sam picked a notebook and handed it to Dean.
"Okay, if no one needs me right now then I'll make some fresh coffee," Manda said as she headed to the kitchen.
"Make it for us, not for you," Chuch called after her. "I'm sure the three of us can handle this and you can try to get some rest."
Manda cursed silently as she stuck on another pot of coffee. She walked back into the living room when she was done.
"Chuch is right… let the three of us talk about this for awhile and we'll ask you whatever we want to know later," Sam said as he looked up from his laptop at her.
Dean stopped reading and nodded as he looked at Manda to let her know he agreed.
"So that's no to Hollywood then is it Randy, Paula, and Simon?" she joked.
Sam chuckled. At times Manda was too much like his brother with the wisecracks and while it was a bit disturbing, it was also funny when both of them got started.
Dean smirked because that was more like her, back to being witty and joking around. He loved that her humour could match his easily.
Chuch laughed, she knew she was Paula but wondered which brother would be the other two singing competition judges to her.
"Fine, I'll go. Chuch knows where everything is if you guys need anything, but my house is your house for as long as you're here, so help yourselves to whatever," Manda said and then headed for upstairs.
Chuch, Sam, and Dean stayed downstairs to continue searching for the answers to the questions about what had happened to Manda, but weren't coming up with much besides more questions that had no answers still.
So I made him get angry with her, and yes a bit of a fight because they know how to push the other's buttons when they do fight. But yes, they made up in a way that seems typical of them.
Here's to hoping I haven't butchered the boys!
Now, the next chapter might take awhile. I've been trying to get it just right and have written it like twenty times over... so hopefully that'll be up soon - I'll try for later this week.
Thanks for reading, hope you're enjoying and please feel free to review!
