AN: Hey guys sorry for another long delay! This year is akin to snowballing over a cliff without a parachute. Two surgeries and a death in the family later and I've been completely writer's blocked. Anyways I will try to update sooner and I never abandon my stories. Thanks for reading and reviewing! It really helps me to know you guys enjoy it! And as always Criminal Minds does not belong to me...I'm simply borrowing the characters.
"I love my husband. I love my children. I love my life. But I am begging you, if anyone comes to the door in the next 10 minutes I was never here and you haven't seen me."
JJ collapsed dramatically on the bed beside her, flushed and breathless, and Penelope couldn't help but laugh. Considering the chaos still emanating one floor below them, she could only imagine what prompted such a request.
Their exceptionally long afternoon trapped in the conference room had ended a few hours ago and, while it wasn't ideal, Penelope found herself glad that she was residing in her friend's guestroom.
"I wish you had told me who your stalker was Garce."
Penelope grimaced though she had not been unprepared for such a comment.
"It was a...calculated decision. We thought…" she began choosing her words carefully.
"You and Hotch?" JJ interrupted.
"Yes. He thought, and I agreed, that the fewer people who knew the better chance we'd have to catch him."
"Right. Because how could another profiler help?" JJ spat sarcastically.
"Alright. I insisted that we not tell you...or the others." she added quickly. "I didn't want anyone getting hurt."
"But you were disposable?" her friend's voice changing to concern.
Penelope looked down at her hands. She didn't want her friend to read her thoughts in that moment.
JJ knew her too well though and interrupted her silent contemplation. "Just because he couldn't see how absolutely irreplaceable you are, do not think for a second you are disposable. I have two little boys downstairs not to mention a certain best friend of yours lying right here beside you who could not handle if anything happens to you."
"I'm sorry," Penelope said wiping a rogue tear from her cheek. "If it helps, that wasn't the only reason. The things in the UNSUB wrote in his letters…. He knew things...things I didn't want to share with anyone. Whether they knew how I felt or not."
JJ turned to face her, "As a reasonable person I understand your rationale; as your best friend it breaks my heart to think of you going through this, ALL of this, alone."
Penelope met JJ's sad eyes with her own, "I don't mind sharing this with you, especially now, and it's not like I can hide anymore if I wanted to. As soon as Pandora's box opens, nothing will stay secret for long."
"Nothing the team can't handle," JJ stated confidently, "besides what secrets are even left?"
Penelope propped herself up and gazed out the window. The rain was falling in sheets and she was back in a moment she'd buried so long ago. "When Derek left, everyone assumed he'd keep in touch. It was months before we all realized he'd completely cut off contact to the entire team. I remember how surprised and concerned you were when I told you I hadn't heard from him either. I didn't have the heart to tell you then... You were already so worried about me. I mean, you guessed before I did that I…. That he and I… That I wanted…"
She drew in a deep breath trying to quiet her thoughts and held a hand up to stop JJ from interrupting, she needed to say this. "The day he left… he told me that we… he and I, we weren't going to speak again. I was...asked not to contact him."
JJ sat up very slowly. Her hands balled into a fist at her sides and she opened her mouth a few times before she actually spoke, "He did...what now?"
"I was…" she started quietly the words 'a distraction' getting caught in her throat. Even after all this time she couldn't say them out loud. Instead she continue, "I mean, I think he just wanted a fresh start...away from everything."
"Away from you, you mean." JJ stated reading the volumes of subtext hiding clumsily under her words.
"I...don't know," Penelope stated, feeling and hearing the defeat in her own words. It had been easier to talk to Hotch, probably because he didn't know her like JJ did. She wouldn't accept the half truths and likely could infer the rest anyway.
She drew a deep breath, "I honestly can't say what his true reasons were. He didn't explain...but I was devastated. Even if I had admitted to myself back then what I had felt for him, I lost one of my best friends."
"Even if I could begin to understand any of that, what does it have to do with the case?"
"Because I don't believe I was targeted for my relationship with Sam."
"But you weren't dating Morgan, that doesn't make any sense."
"Most of the bureau believed we were having this illicit affair for years. Is it so far fetched for an outsider to misinterpret our former friendship?"
"Is Hotch aware of your suspicions?"
"He arrived at this conclusion early on. I think he is avoiding revealing the connection as a way to further protect me. Though I have a feeling it will not take much investigative genius to piece it together after all the evidence has been gone through."
"Thus the pandora's box reference."
"Yes."
JJ was silent for a good few minutes pondering this new revelation. Finally she took a deep breath and let her thoughts try to work themselves out, aloud."Okay so I can understand Hotch distancing Morgan from the main investigation. The timing of Morgan's return could serve as a distraction and have us focused on the wrong aspect. Which in itself is suspicious on the part of the UNSUB. I know for a time we believed the UNSUB was beginning to lose interest or was somehow out of the picture. But his return coinciding with Morgan's return suggests that his dormancy was more a game of calculated patience. His vested interests are in the pair of you and not just with you."
Penelope recognized the look in JJ's eyes, the fierce insight and steeled gaze of a seasoned investigator.
Grabbing her phone JJ called Hotch. "I want to schedule re-interviews with the three males convicted of the previous murders."
