I managed to finish up this chapter after many headaches with where to take it. A few ways I had written it before posting had it hurrying the story along, which didn't feel right to me in the end. So after much scrapping of and tossing around ideas over how to go about it, this is where it went.
A little bit of that softer side of Dean I gave him around her before is coming out again in this chapter. Hopefully not too soft, but a good balance of what it should be.
Manda tried lying down and resting. Her eyes were heavy but she fought against closing them. Closing her eyes had become a sort of like a nightmare for her the past few days. Each time she had tried to sleep she was flooded with ideas of what she could have done while being possessed.
There were so many ways she saw what her missing days might have been filled with, and each scenario Manda's mind was throwing at her had kept her from falling asleep because she didn't know which one would turn out to be right. The only thing she knew for certain was that no matter which one it turned out to be, it ended in the death of someone innocent, or a few people even. The blood that had been on her hands and her clothes indicated that much.
Then there was the matter of feeling something dark inside her still, but whether it was from her scars that were itching or from having had a demon in her, she wasn't sure.
She was either right about that feeling or was just being paranoid that something horrible was lurking inside of her, waiting for the moment to take her over again.
Manda decided then that she had humoured everyone downstairs long enough. She'd been up in her room for about two hours now and was still wide awake even if she was beyond tired.
She knew she should feel safe enough to sleep since there were three hunters downstairs, and none of them would let anything happen to her. They were all here to help her figure things out too, but it wasn't putting her mind at ease.
Manda pulled the necklace out of the breast pocket on her shirt and held it tightly in one hand. Dean had been right when he told her she should wear it all the time from now on.
She got up, and dug out a different chain from a hiding spot. She had very little jewellery, as it was, and some of it never went on the road with her in case she lost it. Leaving it in a house that wasn't lived in full-time probably wasn't smart, but if someone could find the hiding spot, then she thought maybe they deserved to take it. No one ever had though, and for that she was thankful.
Manda transferred the symbol to the new chain, and then did the clasp up around her neck and tucked the necklace under her shirt.
Then she headed back downstairs because she wasn't about to get any sleep, and she knew it would be time to feed her guests soon. She could also do with being around one of them, because he always made her feel a little more relaxed and she needed that right now.
-
Dean had brought in the wood for Manda when he'd taken a break from looking for answers awhile ago, and now was just lying on the couch thinking and resting.
He had left Sam and Chuch in the library as they went through the books Manda had left out as they tried to come up with a theory or two. Dean was sure they were having a geeky moment over the collection of books they had come across as they scanned the titles. Manda's grandfather or father had put together a collection that could rival Bobby's, and while it might be helpful for something, Dean wasn't sure where to start.
He heard the footsteps approaching and opened his eyes.
"Looks like you're getting more rest than me," Manda said as she sat down on the loveseat.
Dean sat up and looked at her. "Didn't manage to fall asleep at all?"
She shook her head.
"I might be able to help you with that later." Dean knew she needed things to be kept light right now, and that she needed a little of their normal playful banter.
Manda laughed. "You're definitely welcome to try, Winchester."
He raised a brow at her. She was throwing a loaded suggestive challenge at him, and he would gladly accept it. "Oh, I've got an idea or two that should work."
"And I've got more than one or two after three months." Manda's grin was naughty as she made another insinuation. She knew he enjoyed when she got this way with him.
"I bet you do." Dean returned the grin, knowing he had more than one or two ideas himself.
"So, where are Sam and Chuch?" Manda changed the topic, even if she did enjoy the effort he was making to play around a little.
"Still going over all that stuff you had out in the library," Dean answered her. He wasn't sure what the sudden switch was about, but he wouldn't ask.
"Guess you guys have come up with as much as I did then," she replied quietly.
He sort of wished there was something he could tell her, but there wasn't as of yet. He knew how badly she wanted to know something, no matter what it was that might have happened. "We'll figure it out, Manda."
Manda didn't say anything. She just looked around the room. "Thanks for bringing in the wood, Dean," she said as she noticed the pile stacked by the fireplace.
"You can thank me later when you show me a few of those ideas you have." Dean had to try to lighten the mood again when she looked this lost, stressed out, and too serious.
She looked back at him and laughed. She should have known he would try to distract her from thinking too much about everything. "We do have some catching up to do, don't we?"
Dean nodded and could only smirk. They definitely did have some catching up to do.
"Not exactly the weekend I wanted to ask you here for though, is it?"
"No, that definitely would have been a better reason to be here." He knew it was true. If it had been that weekend, there was no way they'd be sitting here talking right now.
"But it's not," she sighed.
Both of them got quiet for a minute or two then, their eyes avoiding each other.
"Any good places to eat around here?" Dean was hungry, and he had been through her fridge before, so he knew she hadn't done much shopping.
"Oh yeah, that's what I came down here for. I wanted to know what you guys wanted to eat. I would cook everyone a real dinner, but I barely shopped enough for two people, never mind four." Manda had forgotten about the food, she wasn't even that hungry anyway.
"You cook?" Dean looked at her surprised. He figured she cooked a little, as in frozen food or something out of a can that only needed to be heated.
Manda laughed. "Don't be shocked, at some point I had to learn domestic skills too. Plus, I get a little sick of eating all of that diner and fast food, and whatever junk food can be bought from a gas station."
Dean chuckled. "Living the normal life when you're here?"
"Not quite normal, but as normal as it gets for people like us," she said.
She had him there. "Making a run to the store and for some take-out then?"
"I should be nice enough to feed the three of you while I'm playing hostess instead of hunter," Manda grinned a little sarcastically. Hunter was the role she knew and lived, hostess wasn't.
"Are you okay to drive?" He figured she was because half the time they all drove around tired, but she probably hadn't slept in a few days now.
"Going to escort me, Winchester? Do all the heavy lifting of grocery bags?" she joked. She knew he was hinting at her lack of sleep, and she really didn't want to drive as it was.
He laughed. "You're capable of lifting them yourself, but I don't think you should be wandering around alone in case something is still going on, so I'll go with you." Dean didn't want her going anywhere by herself. He had thought about it, and no matter how much she could handle something on her own, she wouldn't have to as long as they were all here.
"Fine," Manda agreed. She wouldn't fight him on it because whether she wanted him to be or not, Dean would be a bit protective over her while he was here. And in a way it was a relief for her. "Let me go ask Sam and Chuch what they want, and then we can go."
Dean nodded.
Manda got up and went to the library.
Chuch was behind the computer, and Sam was digging through a bookcase when she got there.
They both looked at her as they heard her come into the room.
"Find anything guys?" she asked.
"Nothing useful yet," Chuch answered her. "But Sam and I have come up with a few things that need a little more research."
"You can tell me over dinner when I get back with it. What do you guys want?"
"Um… one of us should probably go with you just in case," Sam said.
"Dean volunteered already," Manda replied.
"Of course," Sam chuckled under his breath. He knew how his brother got over her, and right now Dean would be sticking pretty close to her for most of the time they were here.
Chuch laughed silently as she looked at Sam and he looked back at her. The two of them found it funny how her friend and his brother danced around each other with this weird understanding instead of actually dating.
Manda saw them hiding their laughter, but ignored it. "I guess you get whatever then."
"You need to buy some other stuff too, Manda, The fridge is just about empty," Chuch said.
"I know. I'm hitting the grocery store too to pick up some more stuff." She sighed at the reminder. Right now grocery shopping just didn't sound appealing at all.
Sam looked away, trying not to laugh as he pictured Dean wandering around a grocery store with Manda. It would just be too funny to see.
"I'm sure whatever you get will be fine." Chuch wasn't picky, and Manda knew what kind of stuff she ate or didn't eat.
"I agree," Sam added in.
Manda turned around and left.
Both Sam and Chuch laughed when she was gone.
"Did you get the same mental image I did of them grocery shopping?" Chuch asked.
"Yeah," Sam answered. "And Dean will wait in the car even if he won't want to leave her alone."
Manda had heard them and tried not to laugh herself as she walked to the kitchen.
She took a quick look to see what she needed to grab, and then she went back to the living room to find her wallet, phone and whatever else she needed.
Dean was waiting there for her. "Ready?"
"Almost," Manda said. She grabbed her wallet and phone, and shoved them in her jean pockets. Then she opened a small drawer on the table and pulled out a gun.
Watching her tuck the old Smith and Wesson pistol that Dean knew had been her dad's, and was one she usually carried on her, in the back of her jeans and pulling the back of her shirt down over it to conceal it, he chuckled. "Expecting an attack of the killer tomatoes or do you always shop with that?"
"That movie was terrible, and the gun would be useless for those, but you know old habits." Manda grinned at him. Then she walked over to where the door was, grabbed a jacket and her shoes, and stuck them on. "Let's go."
Dean nodded in agreement as he followed her, and reached for the knife he and Sam had gotten from Ruby in his coat pocket. He walked out of the house first, and went to the Impala.
"So, where are we going?" he asked Manda as she climbed into the passenger seat.
Manda gave him the directions as Dean backed up the car and turned around to head out.
-
Manda had done some shopping. She'd gotten enough to make sure there was stuff for everyone while they were at her house.
Sam had been right after all too, Dean had waited in the car for her since he didn't want to appear overprotective. He had also figured that the store was busy enough, so chances were she'd be fine by herself in there.
She had told him she'd call him instantly if anything did happen before she went in, but it had been uneventful, and she'd come back out with what she had bought and loaded it in his car.
Dean had no idea what he wanted to eat, and when he asked Manda, she had said she didn't know either, so he drove around for awhile looking for somewhere.
He finally decided, found a place and parked the car. He looked over at her and saw her eyes were closed. "Manda?"
She didn't answer and her breathing was a little deep, and Dean knew she had fallen asleep while he had been driving. She'd gotten quiet for awhile and he hadn't bothered to keep her talking, so she had probably only closed her eyes for a second and then the exhaustion had taken over.
Dean didn't want to wake her, she was tired and it seemed she had felt safe enough to fall asleep while he was around her.
He reached over her carefully and locked the door. Then he got out, and left her asleep and locked inside the Impala while he went to order something for everyone. He ended up calling Sam and finding out what Chuch wanted, and chose something Manda would want from what he knew about her eating habits.
When Dean came back to the car, he put the food in the back, got in the front and had just closed his door when Manda jolted awake.
Manda heard the car door close and it had roused her from the light sleep. Her eyes searched around frantically as she tried focusing on where she was. "No, not again… not again," she mumbled quickly and in a panic as her hands shot up in front of her so she could look at them.
"Hey… look at me, Manda." Dean reached and gently brushed her cheek with the back of one finger a few times, and then he slipped his fingers under her chin, turning her head towards him. "You're okay, you fell asleep."
"Dean…" She looked at him strangely for a second, and then with relief. She took a deep breath as she calmed down at knowing she was in fact okay right then. "How long was I out?"
"Twenty, twenty-five minutes give or take. You passed out before I found somewhere to grab some food." His hand left her chin, and then he started up the car.
"Sorry," Manda yawned.
"It's all right." Dean started driving back to her house.
Manda had closed her eyes while he'd been driving before and somehow had fallen asleep without visions filling her head for a little while. She knew that had to be because she was with Dean. He always made her feel safe when they were around each other.
She reached out across the seat with her left hand, and placed it on the back of his head. Then she brushed a few fingers through his hair gently before she put her hand back at her side. "Thanks for coming out here for me, Dean."
Dean grinned at her. He knew she was relaxing a little now because he was around, and now she was acting a bit soft too. "Anytime, Manda, you know that."
Manda's smile was small as she looked back at Dean before he looked back at the road. She needed him, and she wanted to tell him that, but she wasn't sure she could or if she was ready to say it out loud yet.
-
Chuch and Sam had decided to take a break when Dean and Manda returned.
Manda tossed her jacket by the door, and then went about putting everything away while the rest of them started to eat.
"So you didn't find anything yet?" Dean asked.
"Well, it's hard to say. There are some things that could be what Manda did, but we don't really know where she was yet," Sam answered his brother.
Chuch nodded. "And as for the scars… still nothing and still not sure it's related."
Manda was vaguely listening to them as she put groceries away. They were sitting at the kitchen table even though she had told them it didn't matter to her where they ate.
"Okay, we keep looking then. Maybe call Bobby, see if he knows of anything." Dean smirked as a beer was placed in front of him. He had forgotten to grab one, and now Manda had just brought him one without asking. He found it a little weird how she seemed to be able to read his mind at times, but that was just how she was. She usually seemed to know what he needed probably because of how alike they were in ways.
"Yeah, Bobby might be able to figure out what left those scars and if it's connected," Sam said.
"Then one of us should call him," Chuch threw out the obvious suggestion.
"Guys… until we know where I was, we're not going to know what the hell I did. I want to know what happened more than any of you do, but can we just take the rest of the night off and get back at it tomorrow? I'm tired, you guys are probably tired of looking for something that might make sense, and it's been a long day." Manda finally sat down in the empty chair and reached for her food.
The three of them traded looks with each other, and then all of them agreed to let it go for the rest of the night for her sake.
They all got to talking then, sharing a few stories about hunts and funny things that had happened while on the road while they ate, cleaned up and then ended up scattered in the living room.
Manda was glad they had decided to agree to the night off, but she didn't want to force them to hang around for her sake either. "Okay… I'm heading up to take a long hot bath, so stick around or go out if you want to. Chuch, you know where the spare key is if anyone needs it," she said as she put her empty beer bottle on the table. "Oh, and somebody start up a fire soon please, and keep it going or else it's a bit cold overnight without one." She got up and went upstairs then.
Chuch looked at Sam. "What do you say, Sam? Want to hit a bar… catch up for awhile?"
Sam nodded at her. "Sure, sounds good."
Dean smirked to himself as he heard them, and flicked on the TV. He needed to kill some time if Manda was taking a bath before he went up to her room. They'd be alone in the house now, and from what she had said earlier, he knew she would welcome a little help with getting to sleep tonight.
"Okay, I'm driving then. So let's go." Chuch got up and went to grab her keys from where she had left them.
"Call if anything else happens," Sam said to Dean as he got up.
"Have fun catching up with your girlfriend, Sammy," Dean teased. He knew what catching up meant for Chuch and Sam, and that usually involved more than just a couple of drinks. The few times they'd seen each other since they'd met, Dean knew Sam hadn't come back until the next morning or close enough to it.
Chuch came back then, and heard Dean. He was joking around and she knew it. "He will, Dean, don't worry about that." She headed towards the door.
Sam laughed. "Dude... I'd say have fun with yours, but then you'd have to admit that's what you want Manda to be."
Dean's eyes went wide for a second as he realized Sam had it figured out, and then he glared at Sam.
Sam walked away before Dean could say anything, and found Chuch by the door sticking on her shoes.
Chuch laughed as she grabbed Manda's jacket since she didn't feel like running upstairs to where she'd left her own. "Nice job at shutting him up," she said as they left.
Dean sat there for awhile thinking about what Sam had said. Maybe that was what he wanted Manda to be, but he wasn't sure that's what she would ever be.
He wondered if he could find a way to ask her for more than this understanding they had, or if she would find a way to ask for it first. Dean didn't know if either of them ever would though, or if they'd just continue to weird little game of denial they sort of had about what they both wanted, and what they would both let themselves have with each other. He cared about Manda a lot, loved her a little even, and yet he still hadn't said anything about that to her.
Dean went and helped himself to another beer, and then got the fire going in the fireplace. He decided he'd wait a little longer before he went upstairs, and then that maybe when he got there he'd find a way to tell her a little bit of how he felt. But if he couldn't, then at least he was here for her, and he hoped that would be enough for her right now.
So, Manda needed a small break from everything, because things will get a little weird after the next chapter.
Hope you like where it's going so far... and that I haven't managed to completely screw the boys up by making them too out of character.
antariangirl93 - Thanks for reading and the comments :)
As always - thanks for reading! Do leave a review/comment if you want to.
