In the unlikely event that no one noticed that Percy was being an even bigger jerk than usual, there is a reason for this.
This is a fanfiction.
And unless the reader has never read a fanfiction before, he (or she) probably read the last chapter, shook his (or her) head, and said to himself (or herself), "How typical for a fanfiction to make a charcter like Percy into an even bigger jerk than usual. He was bad, yes, but not that bad".
The reader hasn't seen anything yet.
"I can't believe I'm showing up for my brother's wedding", said Percy, talking with his mouth full at the dinner table.
"Neither can I", said Mrs. Weasley, looking at her husband. "They grow up so fast, don't they?".
"That's not what I meant", said Percy, spitting out a potato. "This tastes awful!".
Mrs. Weasley frowned.
"I meant", said Percy, acting as though he hadn't complained about his mother's cooking for the fifth time that evening, "That I'm a very important man. I don't have time for silly weddings!".
"Den why did you show up?", asked Fleur, looking at her future brother-in-law with disgust.
"Because, if I'm honest", said Percy, looking at his future sister-in-law, "The bride has a nice arse, and I don't mind looking at it".
Percy grinned as Fleur dropped her fork on her plate, looking shocked.
"May I please be excused?", she asked.
"I've been wanting to ask that question all evening", said Percy.
Fleur glared at him.
"Of course you can", said Mrs. Weasley, who still didn't like Fleur very much.
Fleur got up from her seat and walked up the stairs to her room.
"There goes that nice arse!", Percy shouted at her as she left.
Harry, who had been very quiet for a long time now, noticed that Bill had made his hands into fists.
"So how long will you be staying with us?", he asked through gritted teeth.
"I'll be gone as soon as the wedding's over", and Percy. "Maybe sooner".
Percy had no idea how right he was when he said that.
"Well", said Hermione, trying to make conversation. "What have you been up to at the Ministry, Percy?".
"Oh, just trying to put a cloud over the memory of Professor Dumbledore", said Percy with a cold frown. "You wouldn't believe how many people keep saying that we should live up to his silly standards! We hated him at the Ministry when he was alive, and now we're supposed to worship him when he's--"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence!", growled Mr. Weasley.
POW!
Percy punched his father in the face, knocking him out of his chair.
"Aaahhhhh!", screamed Mr. Weasley from the floor. "My nose! My nose is bleeding!".
"I have the right to finish any sentence I want, father!", Percy shouted.
Harry looked down at the floor. Mr. Weasley looked as though he were going to jump up at pounce on his son, but he seemed to think better of it.
"I'm going to go wash my face", he said as he got up and went into the washroom.
Mrs. Weasley glared at Percy.
"Why don't you go to your room?", she asked as tears welled up in her eyes (again).
"Best thing you've said all evening!", said Percy.
He then got up from his seat and stormed up the stairs. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!", he went.
Everyone was very quiet (except for Mrs. Weasley, who was sobbing into the table cloth). Eventually, Mr. Weasley came out of the bathroom, wiping his nose.
"That boy is going to pay for what he's done!", he said, which made Mrs. Weasley sob still harder.
Finally, the day of the wedding arrived, which is a good thing, since the seventh Harry Potter book now has a date, meaning that the author is going to have to rush through his brilliant fanfiction.
Harry Potter put on his tuxedo. He knew that today would be a bittersweet day for him.
After today, he knew that he would have to leave and go off on his quest to destroy Lord Voldemort once and for all.
He was the chosen one, after all.
Just like Frodo, Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Peter Parker, Superman, Eragon, the Pevensie children, that elf thingy in "The Dark Crystal", Kim Possible, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He sat down on a bench in the Weasleys' backyard, watching the other guests arrive.
There were Hagrid and his gigantic brother (why was he here?), Profeser Mad-Eye Moody (who, being a recent victim of pointless fanfiction violence, now had two magical eyes), Professor Lupin and Tonks (or, as they were known to the more cynical HP fans, "One romantic subplot too many"), Luna Lovegood (who Moody was keeping a close eye on), Jar Jar Binks, and various other characters who weren't worth naming.
"What a great day for a wedding", said Professor Lupin, taking a deep breath. "You can just smell the romance, can't you?".
"That's probably actually Gwarp you smell", said Hagrid with a small chuckle. "He don't smell too nice, do ya, Gwarp?".
Gwarp made a groaning noise before speaking.
"Noooooo raaaiin, Hagggrriidd", said Gwarp.
"Right", said Hagrid. "Gwarp can only shower when it's rainin', since no bathtub's big enough for 'im".
At this point, the reader is probably wondering what any of this conversation has to do with anything.
DON'T GO AWAY!!! A CHARACTER IS ABOUT TO DIE!!!!
"Isn't that odd?", said Professor Lupin, sniffing the air again. "Now I can smell the stench of death".
"That's probably Gwarp you smell", said Hagrid with a small chuckle. "He don't smell too nice, do ya, Gwarp?".
Gwarp made a small groaning nice before speaking.
"Can Gwarp smash him?", pointing to Jar Jar Binks.
"What?", said Hagrid, looking at Jar Jar, who was humming a song to himself.
"Gwarp SMASH!", yelled the giant, and he slammed his fist into the ground, missing Jar Jar and creating a small crater.
"GWARP!", yelled Hagrid. "We already talked about this. No smashin' anybody at the wedding".
DON'T SWITCH TO ANOTHER FANFICTION!!! IN THIS CHAPTER, A CHARACTER WILL DIE!!!
But it won't be Jar Jar.
Anyway, after much meaningless conversation among the characters who really served no purpose in this scene, the wedding began.
Harry watched as Fleur Delacour walked across the Weasleys' backyard, noticing Mad Eye Moody mouthing along to "Here Comes the Bride". He watched Fleur and Bill say their vows to each other.
And he noticed that Professor Lupin was acting kinda strangely.,
"Professor", said Tonks, looking at her boyfriend with concern. "You did take your potion tonight, didn't you?".
"No, of course not", said Lupin, drooling slightly but not looking too out of the ordinary. "Severus used to make my potion, remember? And since he's vanished..."
"But you're a werewolf!", Tonks gasped. "You're dangerous when you haven't taken your potion".
"Nonsense, Tonks, my love", said Professor Lupin, his voice growling slightly. "Look! It's not even a full moon tonight".
Tonks looked up at the sky.
"There are clouds covering the moon", she said, looking very nervous indeed. "It could still be full for all we know".
"You worry too much!", Lupin barked at her (ha, ha, ha!). "Now, come, the wedding feast has begun".
So everyone, including Harry, sat down at the many tables which the Weasleys had set up.
"A toast", said Hagrid, rising from his seat. "To the happy couple".
"To the happy couple", everyone cried.
"May the bride's arse never change", said Percy.
Fleur gasped, but kept her anger to herself as she cut the cake.
"Vis is a very romantic night for a wedding", she purred to Bill, placing some cake into his mouth. "Look at the sky. The moon is full".
But Bill didn't seem to be paying attention to his new bride. In fact, as far as Harry could tell, the only thing that was catchig any of his interest was the moon.
"Does anyone else smell wet dog?", asked Tonks, notably not looking at Lupin or Bill.
"That's probably Gwarp you smell", said Hagrid with a small chuckle. "He don't smell too nice, do ya, Gwarp?".
Gwarp made a graoning noise before speaking.
"Weeerreewolvesss", he said.
"What?!", said Hagrid, finally taking notice that Lupin and Bill were both no longer there and that two huge, disgusting wolves now stood in their place.
"Blimey!", he gasped. "Ain't they jus' beautiful?".
Harry held his breath. He remembered that the last time Lupin had become a werewolf in front of him without taking his potion, he had turned into a dangerous monster. No one--not even his best friend in the world--would be safe from him. He would tear anyone in his path to shreds.
Of course, the reader already knows all this, so why is the author wasting time explaining it?
"Out of my way", shouted Percy, knocking Fleur to the ground as he ran over to her new husband. "There's only one way to deal with werewolves!".
"No!", shouted Fleur from the ground, but Percy just kicked her in the face.
"Quiet!", he growled, but he was grinning at her. "The day will come when you want to thank me for saving your life".
He pulled out his wand and pointed it at Bill.
"Till death do they part!", he whispered to himself, laughing a sinister laugh.
Then he looked his own brother in the eye before he shouted his curse.
"Avada--AAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!".
Bill had chomped off Percy's arm.
"NOOOO!!!!", shouted Percy, his eyes growing wide with terror. "YOU WILL NOT EAT ME!!".
"He may not, but I will!", growled Professor Lupin, suddenly revealing that he was able to talk even when he was a werewolf.
And with that, the former Hogwarts prefect found himself being stuffed headfirst into the deadly jaws of the savage beast.
There was so much commotion following Percy's death that Harry could barely hear himself think. Mrs. Weasley put her hands over her mouth and gasped, clearly at a loss for words. Bill and Lupin were tearing up the table, devouring everything on it, but otherwise leaving the guests alone. Mad-Eye Moody was trying to come up with a curse to stupify the werewolves, but couldn't manage to strike them. Jar Jar Binks was running around in circles screaming. Bill and George were having a mock moment of silence for their brother.
And Luna Lovegood was having a quiet conversation with Greg the Goblin.
Greg the Goblin!??!
"Luna!", shouted Harry, running over to them. "What the heck are you telling this creature?!?!".
"Oh, not much", said Greg the Goblin with an evil cackle. "She just told me who Dumbledore's most trusted agent was! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!".
Harry looked at Luna. "How could you do something like that?!?".
Luna shrugged. "If he had been wearing oregano, he would've survived that attack".
"WHAT?!?", shouted Harry, once again having no idea what Luna was talking about.
"The boy", answered Luna. "The one who liked the bride's arse. He wouldn't have been eaten if he had been wearing oregano. God knows werewolves can't stand the stuff!".
"HAHAHAHAHA!!", cackled Greg the Goblin. "This is the best wedding I've ever been to! Now, Loony Lovegood, I think ye'll be coming with me!".
"Why?", sighed Luna, staring at her arm and picking at a scab.
"Because I'm kidnapping you!", said Greg the Goblin, waving his wand in the air and magically placing handcuffs around Luna's wrists.
"Okay", said Luna, who didn't seem alarmed at all.
"NO!", screamed Harry, and he was about to pull out his own wand to attack the fanfiction villain, but Greg grabbed Luna by the arm and snapped his fingers.
CRACK!
They were both gone.
