Lord Voldemort was about to open the door of Number 4 Privet Dr. when he heard footsteps.

"Curses", hissed Lord Voldemort. "I'd better hide in case someone sees me here!".

So Lord Voldemort slipped under his invisibility cloak and held very still.

Two men walked over to the driveway. They were whispering to one another and taking notes. Even though Voldemort had never seen them before, he knew right away that they were wizards from the clothes they were wearing.

"Some wizards just don't know how to dress like filthy muggles", he said to himself.

"Did you say something?", asked one of the wizards to his friend.

"No", he answered. "Did you?".

"We've been through this", said the other wizard, looking annoyed. "I don't ask that question if I've said something".

"Then, you're probably imagining things again", said the other wizard.

"No, I'm not", said the other wizard. "I heard someone say that some people just don't know how to dress like filthy muggles".

"Oh", said the other wizard. "Well, there's some truth in that. Look at the way you're dressed".

"I look like your average, everyday muggle", answered the other wizard, who was wearing an Elvis Presley costume.

"Ha!", laughed the other wizard. "That's what you want people to think!".

"I don't think. I know", said the other wizard. "We came across those two muggles on the way here. They waved at us and said, 'Oh, look, there go two muggles just like us!'".

"That was your mum and dad", said the other wizard.

"How long is this going to last?", Voldemort asked himself in frustration.

The reader is probably wondering the same thing.

"So, remind me again why we're here?", asked one of the wizards.

"We are here", said the wizard dressed as Elvis Presley. "To investigate the murder of the muggle who died here".

"A muggle died here?".

"Yes", the wizard dressed as Elvis whispered. "On this very sidewalk".

"Gasp!", the other wizard gasped. "How are we gonna track down the killer".

"With magic, of course", said his friend. He pulled out a wand and waved it across the sidewalk.

"Blagamothaorogagin", he muttered, using magic words that the author just came up with randomly.

"What does that spell do?", asked the other wizard.

"It lets me know", he explained, pointing at the sidewalk as it changed color. "What type of wand was last used here. As you can see, the sidewalk is turning orange. That means, one can only assume, that the last wand used here was a goblin's wand. Therefore, the next person whom we find with a goblin's wand is our killer".

"Ah", said the other wizard. "So, we're after a bad boy, aren't we?".

"Yes", said the wizard, watching as the color faded from the sidewalk.

"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna, whatcha gonna do", sang the other wizard. "When they come a-lookin' for you".

"Oh, I LOVE that song!", shouted the other wizard, clapping his hands together. "Let's sing the whole thing".

And, to Voldemort's horror, they did just that.

Six times.

"But wait a second", said one of the wizards (don't these guys have names?) when they were finished singing. "What if the killer is in fact a woman?".

"That's right", said the other wizard, snapping his fingers. "We could be after a female criminal, like Paris Hilton".

"I do wish that I were a guard at the prison she's going to", said the other wizard with a chuckle. "After all, someone has to watch the inmates when they shower".

That last joke, of course, will date this chapter forever, since Paris will probably be out of jail by the time the author updates again.

"Well, right now we have a killer to catch", said the other wizard. "We can't daydream about Paris Hilton in handcuffs".

"But we can sing the song again", said the other wizard. "This time with 'Bad Girls' instead of 'Bad Boys'".

And they did.

Six times.

Finally, they left.

"At last", said Lord Voldemort, taking off his Invisibility Cloak. "I so wanted to kill those two".

He then grinned an evil grin. It was time.

"I can do it", he said, laughing a sinister laugh. "I can finally kill the Dursleys".

And so Lord Voldemort went back up the steps of Number 4 Privet Dr. and opened the door.

"Hello, Dursleys!", he shouted as he ran into the house. "Daddy's got a surprise for you".

"Keep it down, dad", said a voice from the living room. "I'm trying to watch television".

Lord Voldemort went into the living room to find Harry Potter's cousin sitting on a sofa.

"Hello, Durs--", he began to whisper, but he stopped dead in his tracks.

Dudley Dursley was wearing something that Lord Voldemort hadn't seen in years.

"My pants", he whispered. "Could those be...my beloved jeans?".

And with that, Lord Voldemort was so filled with emotion that his head exploded.

That of course didn't happen. The author is just playing a cruel joke to make sure that the reader is paying attention.

What really happened is that Lord Voldemort killed Dudley and put the pair of jeans, which he had stitched together so many years ago, onto his butt.

It felt so good to be wearing them again.

And yet...he sensed something.

It was an awful feeling.

"It's...not possible", he whispered.

But there was no denying it.

"Harry Potter has worn my jeans", he muttered to himself.

He frowned. He couldn't stand that Harry Potter had actually worn the pair of pants that meant the world to him.

The pair of jeans...that reminded him of happiness.

The pair of jeans...that reminded him of the woman whom he had once loved.

The pair of jeans that reminded him of...

Lily Potter.