"It's dark in here", Luna said blankly as she was lead into an interegation room by the tiny hands of Greg the Goblin.
"That's because I've put a bag over your head", snapped Greg. "Now, if you tell me everything you know about it, I might take it off".
"Sorry, but I can't tell you that", said Luna simply. "I've been told not to tell anyone".
"But aren't ya afraid of the dark?", asked Greg. "I thought that all girls were afriad of the dark!".
"No, I rather like it", sighed Luna. "It makes me feel like I'm asleep when I'm actually awake".
Greg let out a small laugh. "Fine, then, you're not afraid the dark", he cackled. "But I have other ways of making you talk!".
"But I'm not supposed to tell anyone", said Luna.
"Exactly!", shouted Greg, slapping Luna across the knee. "Which is why the Dark Lord wants me to get you to tell me everything".
"No one call tell you everything", Luna said with a muffled giggle. "No one on earth knows everything. Why don't you just talk to a very old tree?".
"Because I'm a villain and I hate trees!", snapped Greg, spitting on Luna's foot. "Now, I'm going to spit on ya again if you don't start talking".
"Haven't I been talking?", asked Luna, sounding confused.
"YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TALKING ABOUT 'IT'!!!", shouted Greg, jumping up and down. "TELL ME WHAT MAD-EYE MOODY TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE, OR ELSE I'LL TAKE DRASTIC ACTION!!!".
"What could possibly be more drastic than spitting on me?", asked Luna.
"Oh, you think that's all I can do?", said Greg with a cackle, clearly amused. "I can do many things to hurt you, Luna Lovegood!".
"Like what?".
Greg jumped in the air and tore the bag off of Luna's head. She blinked blankly.
"Don't you know who I am?", asked Greg, his large eyes bulging at her.
"Of course I do", said Luna simply. "You're Greg the Goblin, the most wanted goblin in all of London".
"CORRECT!!", shouted Greg, and he spat on Luna's foot again. "And what does that make me? Someone who you should just play stupid with? No! It makes me someone you should fear!".
"What are those?", asked Luna, not even making eye contact with Greg and staring across the room.
"What are what?!?!", snapped Greg, slapping Luna across the knee another time. "Are you not paying attention to a word I tell you?!?!".
"No", asked Luna, still staring across the room.
Greg jumped into Luna's lap and got very, very close to her face.
"I can hurt you, girl", he whispered. "I can torture you. I can tear off your finger nails. I can make you listen to 'Mr. Lonely' twenty five times in a row. I can even rob you of your virginity"
"Oh, no thank you", answered Luna. "I'm not a virgin".
"Then I'll just lock you up!", shouted Greg, exasperated.
The villain then lead Luna across the room, changed her into a bondage outfit and locked her up inside a small cage.
"Let's see if you talk now!", he shouted at her as he left the interegation room. "If I were you, I'd start talking before I went mad from being in captivity".
"Lonely", Luna sang from inside the cage. "I'm Miss Lonely. I have nobody. For my own".
"Well, it may already be too late for that", sighed Greg as he shut the door.
"Did you get here to talk?", asked Bagman eagerly when he saw the goblin exit the interegation room.
"Not yet", growled Greg. "I'm wondering if she even knows how important the information that she carries is".
"You've got to get her to talk", said Bagman, looking a little nervous. "You-know-who is counting on us!".
"He's counting on me!", growled Greg. "The Dark Lord doesn't even like you".
"I didn't know that he liked anyone", said Bagman.
"Well, what matters at the end of the day is that we keep our heads on", said Greg. "Which is why we're going to have to lie to the Dark Lord".
Ludo Bagman spat out the fruit punch that he was drinking.
"Lie to the Dark Lord?!?!", he choked. "Are you insane?!?! We could never get away with something like that".
"Leave it to me", said Greg with a small smile. "Us goblins are very good liars. That's why so many of us become lawyers".
"But what if he finds out?", whispered Ludo Bagman, shaking in his knees. "He'll surely have us killed!".
"He won't find out because I'm going to tell the lie", said Greg simply. "You're not going to tell him anything".
"What are you going to tell him?", gulped Bagman.
"I'm going to tell him", said Greg with a truly evil grin, "That Luna Lovegood had a sore throat when I was questioning her, which is why she didn't tell me anything".
"But he'll know that you're bluffing!", yelled Bagman. "I can hear her singing from out here!".
"You idiot!", snapped Greg. "I already have a solution for that".
He then grabbed Bagman's juice box and spat into it.
"Give this to our prisoner", he said, handing it to him.
"Uh..Okay", said Bagman, looking sadly at what was once his beverage.
Bagman entered the interegation room and shut the door behind him. Five minutes later, he was back out, clutching his throat.
"Well", said Greg, rubbing his fists together. "Did she drink the juice or not?".
Bagman didn't answer.
"Answer me, you fool!", shouted Greg, kicking Bagman in the foot. "Don't tell me that you couldn't get her to drink the juice!".
Bagman still didn't answer.
It took Greg over an hour to figure out what had happened.
"You idiot!", shouted Greg. "She got you to drink the juice, didn't she!?!?"
Bagman nodded.
"You complete fool!!", shouted Greg. "What are we going to do if the Dark Lord finds out about this?".
"If he finds out about what?", asked a cold, icy voice.
Bagman and Greg both nearly jumped out of their skin. In the corner of the room, wearing a pair of jeans, was Lord Voldemort.
