Well, we've reaching a turning point for Manda and Dean... and hopefully you like where it went for them. Do note... it's going to get a bit steamy at some point.
Dean questioned the clerk that was still on duty before he headed to Sam's room. All he learned was that Manda had been there for three days under one of her aliases, and the clerk hadn't noticed anything unusual about her when he'd seen her days before.
He even tossed a little holy water on him while his back was turned just in case he happened to be a demon lying through his teeth, but nothing had happened. He wasn't taking chances anymore, not after that last bit of what had happened to her, and they figured this demon had to be close by. It would probably make an appearance sooner or later, and he was ready and waiting for it to.
Once Dean was done, he went to Sam's room. "You've got some reading to do, Sammy," he greeted his brother as he walked in. Then he tossed the journal beside Sam. "Call if you find something."
"I'll get through some of it tonight." Sam could see the way his brother was a little less angry now, but still strained. "We'll find her a way out of whatever this is, Dean."
Dean went to grab his bag. As much as he wanted to talk to Sam, he didn't. "Of course, it's what we do," he said confidently.
"Did you give her your speech about staying in the room and watching porn?" Sam wondered if he'd order her around the same way he did with him.
"Yup, and unlike you, she listens." Dean grinned at his brother. He hadn't given her the exact same speech, but Sam didn't need to know that.
Sam scoffed. "I doubt that."
"Get reading, Sammy… anything scars, demon psychic crap related, you call." Dean's tone was more serious now, the smile already gone from his face.
"About what it said about you watching her die…" Sam wanted to bring it up even if he figured Dean would avoid it.
"She's not dying, the son of a bitch is wrong about that," he gritted out. "Manda's tough, and was raised a hell of a lot like we were. She'll fight it like we would." Dean knew some of her strength, but he figured she was tougher than she wanted to admit sometimes, because she might have been pushed even harder than they had been since she was a girl.
"Maybe she's tough, but I noticed how different she was before and after she walked in the bar with you. She broke down on you finally, but now with what happened when we were leaving… I saw her fear just as much as you did. And I saw how you handled her then." Sam had seen the way Dean had needed to calm her, but also how protective he was in that moment. It had reminded him of the way his brother got with him, but slightly different.
"Dude, she… I just…" Dean started, but stopped. He didn't want to open up about why he had needed to touch her in that moment. He didn't like seeing Manda scared, it just wasn't her, and she'd been scared shitless. Dean had seen it in her eyes, her stance, and the way her fingers had gripped her parents' rings hard enough to break them if it was possible.
"Manda needed you," It had been obvious to Sam from the way her wide with terror eyes had stared at his brother as she said the words about how it asked her how Dean would feel when he watched her die. "She still needs you, and that's why we're here. I get it."
"If this is the same one that took out her parents, she'll kill herself going after it, Sam. I can't… I can't let her do that," Dean blurted out harshly. Then he cursed himself for letting Sam manage to get something out of him. "She needs our help." He tried to downplay it now even when he knew Sam saw how much he cared.
"I know you care about her, Dean..." Sam started.
"Just get started on reading, Sammy. I want to call Bobby still, and then make sure that Manda's not gone a little Linda Blair by now," Dean cut his brother off, and headed for the door with his bag in his hand. He wasn't going to listen to Sam now. He wanted to call Bobby and get his take on it, plus ask a little of what he might have known about her parents, and then he was heading back to Manda.
"Fine, and after you see her head isn't spinning around, maybe you should let her know how you really feel, Dean," Sam said as he watched the way his brother avoided this now.
Dean walked out the door then. Sam was right, he needed to tell her just in case he couldn't protect her the way he wanted to, but he wasn't letting some demon bastard kill her either way.
He walked over to the Impala, and then leaned against for awhile before he made his call.
-
Playing it cool in front of Dean wasn't easy, but Manda had done it, or he'd just been willing to overlook what she felt was a poorly worn disguise of someone being okay. She was far from okay. So far from it that the breakdown she had on him earlier was nothing compared to what might come if something didn't give soon.
Manda had waited a minute until after he'd left, and then she had run into the bathroom to throw up again and again, and yet again. She had emptied her stomach at the sick feeling that was still there from the vision, and from hearing the voice's words repeating in her head still.
Three times there had been a voice in her head. There was no doubt for her that it was a demon with the way it taunted and the evil she felt inside. But what it wanted with her, she didn't know.
She showered, brushed her teeth to get rid of the purged stomach taste, and then downed a few sips of holy water from granddad's old flask. It wasn't sensible, but she needed to do it. Then she poured a little of it down her scars just because it was a precaution she needed to take, and while maybe it was overboard, she felt relieved when nothing happened.
Touching the rings that hung from her neck for some strength, Manda settled into bed with the only one of her father's journals she had never been through. He had two more, and she had them here too since she used them for reference at times, but the one in her hands was one she had never brought herself to open.
For the things it held and the path of destruction it could bring her, the end of the rope feeling was there as she held it. If this turned out to be the same demon, Manda knew she was done for, because if the damn thing didn't get her, she'd end up dying in her attempt to seek a revenge that had never been fulfilled mixed with a new one.
Her hands shook as she opened the journal and started to search for what she needed, but she didn't get far. Her mind was too full, she was scared, and soon enough she just laid her head on the pillow and stared at the writing without reading it.
Manda wasn't sure she was ready to know at that moment. As much as she wanted to know, if she knew it was the same demon, everything would change. She'd be running out of here, pushing away who she needed most, and would meet her demise quickly.
Flipping absently through the pages then, she came across something that ripped into her heart. A picture she'd never seen of her parents with the toddler version of herself lay tucked between two pages, and it was then that the promise of keeping the rings made sense to her.
Daniel Chambers had wanted his daughter to find the same small happiness that he had in spite of the hunter lifestyle. For as tough as he'd always been on her about not forming attachments and shutting off her emotions, he'd known she had his heart in the end. That eventually she'd find someone to love and try to have a tiny bit of happiness with – the same kind she'd seen between her parents on and off hunting jobs.
She wondered what her dad would have thought of Dean, and knew he would have tested the hell out of him for one key reason – he was John Winchester's kid.
Manda had seen the name awhile ago crossed out one of her father's other journals, and had remembered John's name being used years ago between her family and a few other hunters they knew in a heated argument, but she had never met the man. And once or twice her father had warned her about staying away from his boys should they ever cross paths on something when she'd been a teenager.
That meant her dad would have preferred her sleeping with the gun instead of the man by the same name, but Manda had always butted heads with her dad when he'd been alive. The stubborn streak he'd tried to rid her of had always kicked in against him at some point, and even now, she was once again disobeying something he'd told her to do. But he would have eventually understood why she liked Dean.
So if her time was running out like she felt it was now, then Manda knew she had to come clean with Dean about her real feelings for him. "Please just let me have tonight with him," she muttered in a whisper to whatever demon had been in her head, to a god she wanted to believe in, and to her parents who might be watching over her.
Manda took one last look at the photo, and then closed her eyes. She was so lost in her torn thoughts over what to do, what was happening, and finally figuring out what she wanted, that she barely registered the sound of the door opening.
"No more episodes of demon whisperer happen while I was gone?" Dean asked as he opened the door and walked in. Then he saw Manda lying there curled up on the bed. She had left the sheets down and was there on her side with her back to him. He couldn't help but notice she'd opted for nothing more than a tank top and matching boy-short cut underwear.
He locked up, and then went to put his bag down lightly as he wondered if she was asleep. "Manda?" he called her quietly. She didn't answer though, so Dean took off his boots and jacket and headed to the bathroom.
Manda had heard him, but just continued to lie there like she was asleep. It was easier for now to pretend she was sleeping when her will to admit things just wasn't fully there.
He took his time, and when he came out he wandered around to double check everything she'd put out to keep the room protected was still there. Then Dean took off his jeans and left on his t-shirt. He figured she was pretending, so he cleared his throat before he climbed into bed beside her.
She lied there so still and quiet with her eyes tightly closed. She needed to be open with him, wanted so badly to, but just didn't know if she could or how to even start.
Dean reached over her and took the journal from in front of her. He saw the picture instantly, and right then he didn't know if she had managed to read anything upon seeing it herself. He started reading from where it was opened at, but kept glancing towards her.
It had been so hard when he'd reached over her for Manda not to just grab his arm and pull it around her at that moment, but she stayed motionless there on her side, breathing lightly.
About fifteen minutes later he closed the journal, put it on the night table on his side and then rolled onto his side behind her. "I'm good at pretending to sleep too, so I know you're still awake Manda." Dean's tone was calm and quiet as he called her out on it.
She didn't answer, but inhaled deeply and moved just a little. She felt like a chicken for not being able to just get it out, especially after the way he'd looked after her today.
"Okay, if you're playing it that way…" Dean leaned over her to click out the light on her side of the bed.
It was now or never to get it out, so Manda grabbed his arm to stop him, pulled it down a little and then let go.
Dean froze where he was, and then let his hand rest on her arm. "You all right?" He looked down at her then.
She couldn't keep up her brave act anymore. Manda reached for his hand and then pulled his arm over her. "Now I am."
"Uh…" Dean didn't know what to do for a moment since she had never pulled his arm over her before. Then he smiled to himself since this was a gesture of needing him, and sunk back down on the mattress behind her.
"Yeah, uncomfortable territory of me doing another of the ultimate chick flick moves on you today, but I just need you to hold me for awhile okay?" she said softly as she put her hand over his and pressed their hands against her chest. She just needed to feel him there while she tried to get out what she wanted to say.
He pulled her tightly against him with his arm she held over her. "Not like you to ask, but I think I can manage that, and to live through another one or two of your chick flick moments." She had never asked for him to hold her before either, but he knew she had to be worried for her life if she was reaching out this way to him.
Manda uncurled herself a little, and adjusted to the shape of him behind her. "I always feel so safe with you, Dean… and we both know that I don't feel safe on my own right now."
Dean wasn't sure what else was going on with her besides being scared the worst was going to happen. "Manda, you're…"
"Shhh," she cut him off. "Just hear me out for a minute all right?" It came out as more of a demand.
"Okay," Dean replied in a whisper. Sometimes there was no arguing with her, but he was the same way sometimes too.
"I wanted this in every lonely hotel bed in every lonely city in the past three months, Dean. You with me… like this." The vulnerability the confession held was apparent, but it had been what Manda had thought about most nights in empty hotel rooms from city to city. She had wished so much that he was there when she opened her eyes, but he just never was, and she hadn't been able to bring herself to change that.
"You could have called," he blurted out quietly. He didn't quite admit that's what he'd thought about too. That sometimes in the dead of night he'd wish she was right there next to him. Having her around would have made hunting more fun since things had gotten harder lately, and having her beside him like this would've been a welcomed change from a gradually growing more distant Sam in a bed across from his in each room they had stayed in.
She lifted up his arm and rolled over to face him, but he had shifted to his back, and his arm had slipped from her hand and was across his stomach now. Manda sat up on her knees and looked down at him. "And have said what? That I want more? You know I'd never push for something you can't give me. I wouldn't do that to you."
Dean looked at her strangely as he sat up. She wanted more and she had just said it, but she wouldn't demand it from him. This woman wanted him at her side, but he knew she was right. Manda would never ask him for more than he could give or try to make him be someone he wasn't for her, and that was something he liked about her. "How do you know what I can or can't give?" His look became questionable in a funny way then with the partial tease and somewhat of his own admittance for wanting more with her too.
"Don't ridicule me right now, Dean, because we both know what happens if either of us says we want something more stable." She just looked at him with a gloomy expression. "One of us will walk because of how much it will cost if we don't… and a situation like this one would only destroy us anyway."
Dean didn't say anything to what was the truth. The emotional tie a relationship held seemed to be too much for either of them to get involved any deeper with each other because of what it would entail. It's why he held back and so did she, no matter how much they both seemed to want it.
"I thought I'd be okay with this arrangement we have, but I'm not. And now with all this happening… I need you to know that just in case I don't make it out of this… I never wanted to keep holding you back at an arm's length." She bowed her head and looked down instead of at him. This admission was almost as vulnerable as it got without saying just how much she wanted and needed him.
"You're not going to die, Manda." He knew she was hiding her fear inside, and that what she was exposing to him now was hard for her.
"I don't want it to… but it could happen, and I'm scared it will." Her eyes stayed focused on her knees, she couldn't look at him. This was so weak and emotional of her, and yet Manda couldn't keep it in anymore.
Dean reached out, put two fingers under her chin, and raised her head slowly. "Hey, look at me… it's not happening, so quit talking like it is." He saw how the tough girl was once again wearing thin in that moment, and all he longed to do was protect the hell out of her while she wasn't strong enough to do it herself.
Manda closed her eyes and then opened them to meet his. "You don't know that. We don't even know the full extent of what I'm dealing with yet."
"It doesn't matter, because I know it's not going to come to that." His voice got a little more forceful then as he tried to get her to believe in his words.
"How can you be so sure?" she asked quietly. "Sometimes we can't stop things like this."
"Because I'm not letting it happen, but you're also too stubborn to let it too." Dean pressed his lips into a soft grin, and let his fingers fall to from her face to one of her knees.
Manda chuckled softly at the reasons he gave. "That might be true."
"That's my girl." Dean flashed a confident grin. He'd finally said it out loud. If she'd been willing to admit she wanted more, the least he could do was get out what he thought of her as being.
She looked at him oddly for a moment. He'd never called her his girl before, and a piece of her heart melted just at hearing him say it. "Your girl… is that so, Winchester?" She cocked a brow at him in question.
"You definitely act like it, Chambers... and I could do worse." He gave her his best adorable smirk then.
That was it for Manda. She leaned in, kissed him hard, and felt his hands pull her closer by the knees. She climbed over him in a straddle then, and bit his lip gently a few times in between kisses. "Not really a good time for us to admit to all of this."
"Is there ever a good time for people like us?" Dean stared into her eyes then. There would never be a good time for hunters like them, but they took what they got when they could.
"Jagger always had it wrong about time if you ask me… it's not on your side, especially for people like us." She stared back into his eyes, and saw a layer of hardness stripped away from them then.
Dean grinned and let his hands rest on her hips with his fingers splayed out on her rear. "Pulling a line now… I knew there was a reason why I liked you." He pushed her a little closer on him then, and let his lips trail down her throat.
She let out a naughty giggle. "All part of my charm… and a little like yours." She heard the small chuckle as her back hit the mattress and she was under him before she realized it.
The look he gave her was mischievous, and then Dean worked his lips down from hers urgently, going over the tank top all the way to her stomach. He felt her fingers rake his hair, and he grinned before he pushed the tank top up just a little.
The tender moan escaped from Manda's throat as he came back up while inching the fabric slowly up her skin with one hand, and the alternating of his lips and tongue followed.
Dean stopped just before her breasts, and went for her mouth instead while he let his hands explore her.
Her kisses got more demanding of his at the feel of his hands. They always felt just right even if they were rough, but she loved the feel of them on her skin and the strength they held even in the lightest of his touches.
Their mixed desire was stirring, and Dean wanted to build it up more, so he kept at soft kisses to match with the gentle gliding and squeezing his hands were doing on her now.
Manda was grabbing at his t-shirt and pulling it up. She needed to feel his skin on hers right then.
Dean backed off and yanked his t-shirt off before he planted his hands on each side of her. He teased with false starts and snuck in a few light, open kisses where his mouth barely met hers.
Manda leaned up on her elbows and kissed him hard as she let her fingers comb up and down his sides. But he kissed her sweetly in return and got her back down against the mattress again.
He felt her hands slide up his arms, and how she went slowly delicate over the handprint on the one side before her hands rested at the base of his neck. She looked at him for a moment, and then moved fast and quick to roll them over. Dean grinned under her. She was fast when she needed to be, he'd give her that.
The kiss was silky and open. Then she trailed down his chin and his throat. When she got to his chest she kissed around his tattoo with sweet, soft kisses, and then continued going down again.
The kisses got shorter and lighter, and she used the tiniest bit of tongue in between each one. Dean let out a deep moan at how slow she was going in such a teasing way. He let her get as far as his stomach before he wrapped his hands around her arms and pulled her back up.
"You didn't let me finish," she protested with a naughty grin.
Dean chuckled before he crashed his mouth against hers, but Manda broke away, sat up on him, and he followed. His hands were lifting off her tank top that was pushed up too far up anyway, and then tossing it aside. Before she could put her arms down, he grabbed them by the wrists, and then ran his hands slowly down them. He didn't kiss her, but his lips were right in front of hers as he looked at in her eyes and both of them breathed hard.
It was too much to hold back then; she dropped her arms to his shoulders and locked her mouth to his.
He ran a hand down Manda's scars, and when he didn't feel her flinch or tremble, he kissed her more passionately at knowing she was finally comfortable with him touching them. A minute later he went to roll them over, and then flipped her to be on her stomach with one quick expert move instead.
In the back of his mind he knew there was a possibility this could be the last time he'd ever be with her, and if that was the case, he wanted to make this count, and there was something he needed to do. Dean leaned over her without being on her.
"You're a little too good at that," she chuckled. Then Manda turned her head to the right and raised herself a little to see him, but he leaned in lower and was just above her back. She could feel Dean's body heat more than she could feel his skin.
"Stay down… just relax," he whispered in her ear. He waited until she was flat against the bed again with her head kept to the right to brush all of her hair up and over to the left side to leave her back exposed.
His breath was warm as it crawled across her skin in the light blowing he used down her neck and out to her shoulder. Then Manda felt the soft touch of his lips, and knew what he was going to do. She reached behind her with one hand, and felt Dean's hand lock on her wrist quickly. She wasn't sure she could handle this as he bent her arm slightly upwards and out on the bed. But his hand went over hers, and his fingers slipped through hers to keep it there. Then he started to do what she knew he had been going for.
The kisses were gentle and slow, the stubble on his chin rubbed in a bit of a tickle down the tender part of her skin.
Halfway down the first scar, Dean heard the breath catch in her throat, saw the tremble run down her spine, watched the goose bumps spread out across her back, and felt her body tense up a little, so he stopped. "It's okay, baby, this isn't about pain tonight," he reassured her in a soft tone. He intertwined his fingers tighter with hers to help calm her, and then picked up where he left off.
She knew it wasn't about pain, but it was intense and a bit unnerving for her, so Manda gripped his fingers tightly. The kisses got even softer as he came up the second scar. His breath was hotter as it edged up her skin since he was breathing heavier. She started letting go of her anxiety and tried just to feel him.
Maybe he wasn't the cause of her scars, but Dean still felt as if his actions had been what sent her on that job in a careless way months ago, and now as if he was partially to blame for the situation she was in. For all the pain it had caused her, he just wanted to replace it with something better just once. And if the demon was connected to her right now, he hoped it felt him there with her, and that it knew he wasn't letting it take her. He reached the top of the second scar, stopped, and then put his mouth right over her ear. "Two down… two more to go," he said in a hushed tone.
Manda shivered at how low and sexy his whisper was. This was getting more intimate than the usual foreplay, and not what she'd been expecting from him at all. She closed her eyes as she was slowly losing herself in the moment and with him. Her fingers loosened the grip she had on his, and then she felt him squeeze her fingers a little harder.
"Stay with me, Manda, we're in this together," he said in a firmly quiet tone. He knew she was starting to lose herself in it, and that she trusted him, but he wanted her right there with him. Her tight grip said she needed him, and he wanted that.
He waited until he felt her fingers grip his tightly again, and then began to lick his way down to the first smaller scar where he proceeded to kiss down it the way he had the other two. His grin was wide as he heard her satisfying moan when he blew a gentle breath up her back, and then let his tongue connect to the last scar. He came up it and continued all the way up to her neck with gentle kisses.
She was breathing hard when his lips met the corner of hers. "Done?" Manda barely whispered out the simple question. Her breath was hard to find, and so was her mind. She knew what he was going for tonight, it was clear Dean just wanted to feel her and be with her in case he never got to again.
"Just getting started," he whispered above her ear. It was true for him. He planned on taking his time and really making love to this girl, his girl now. Dean backed off her and let go of her hand then.
Manda started turning over, but didn't even get halfway when he leaned in again and eased her into the rest of the way while he kissed her to get her on her back again.
She was just raising her knees when Dean slipped a hand behind one and pulled her leg around him. He let his fingers crawl slowly up the side of her thigh to her hip as he kissed the spot on her neck he knew turned her on.
Her moan was deep before she gently pulled his face back up to hers. There were words Manda needed to say now, ones she'd finally found the nerve to tell him, and ones that were difficult to admit to. She switched off as much of the hunter as she could in her then. It was time to be the woman she needed to be, the one she wished she could be more often with him. One hand went on the side of his head, and her thumb grazed lightly near his eye. She searched his eyes for a moment as she held his face an inch from hers. "I need you," she confessed softly.
The words hung in the thin air between them briefly.
Dean grinned at her for finally saying it. It was something he had wanted to hear from her for awhile now. "About time you admitted that."
It was time for Manda to tear down the wall and let him in completely. Loving someone like this was something she'd denied herself for a long time, but Dean was different. He was a hunter just like she was, and while maybe they wouldn't last together for long, she needed to know she could do this again. And he needed to know in case she died soon just how she really felt. "I mean it… I need you, Dean… I-I…I…" She couldn't get out the words she'd thought she had been ready to say, so she gave him a look that contained the emotion she had feared for almost ten years, but he had brought out in her now.
Dean saw what was in Manda's eyes, and how exposed and vulnerable she was right there in this moment under him. She was showing the love she had tried to deny, to ignore, and was difficult for her to feel, and he knew it was for him.
A part of him wanted to run then, because he'd never feel he was deserving of it for the things he'd done that she didn't know about, and for how torn he'd always be inside. But there was something about her that had drawn him to her more than once, and also kept Dean from running – the way he felt about this woman that was like him in so many ways she understood not only the best parts of him, but the worst parts too, and had still fallen for him.
"It's all right, Manda," he whispered before he kissed her lightly. "I know." He stared into her eyes hoping he reflected back a bit of the love he felt for her in return. He reached for her hands then, pinned them by her head once he had them locked with his, and then kissed her with the desire he couldn't hold back anymore now that their real feelings were out in the open.
With their vulnerabilities exposed to each other, both of them started to get lost in the other quickly. They were together now, and in the middle of this mess, Manda was finally ready to love Dean, and he was just as ready to love her back.
That night they were doing the one thing they'd been holding back on – they were letting themselves fall in love with each other without hiding it.
I figured this story needed a little more brother time - so it's there at the beginning. Not big, but there.
Now, if you've been waiting for it (and in such fanfic fashion) - Manda and Dean are more together. Nothing like a little 'I might die soon' to bring out what a girl really wants, so it had to happen. She opened up, let him in, and in the way this story goes, he meets her halfway with how he feels back. Her time could be up, he can't just run away. Now if they stay together or not... well that's another thing. But I wanted to get them nice and tangled with each other to get this where it needs to go.
This story is turning out to be longer than I expected it to. I often run away with description (ie: the foreplay - which I needed to build it up for her to get out her words), and hopefully it works.
Hopefully I'm not destroying the beloved Winchesters with my spin on them... especially Dean. Sometimes I feel I make him too soft, but I feel like he'd be able to indulge in it with Manda when she gets that way with him. It's just as difficult for her to be that way as it is for him, they understand each other, she doesn't tend to get that way with him in front of other people, and it's not like she'll say anything or tease him for it - well, maybe a little in their normal banter at times when it's just them. I think he'd see that sometimes she just aches to be taken care of in those moments, and he'd be able to do it with that gentle guy he hides deep inside because of how they've bonded and their similarities. Once again, just my take on the layers of Dean with a girl who might be tough most of the time, but isn't always so. Let's face it - Dean isn't always so damn tough either...
Hope you liked it! As always - comment if you wish - it's always nice to hear what you're thinking.
