Here's where it went in my mind. Maybe not where you were expecting it to once you get past a little thinking time for Dean. Now, he might be a bit soft here... and I do hope I pulled it off without making him super soft. I hope I'm keeping him in line, and like always - not wrecking the heck out of him!
Dean had never intended to fall for the woman who was still asleep in his arms.
Manda had been likable from the first time he'd met her, and the more he'd gotten to know the fellow hunter, the more he'd recognized pieces of himself within her. It had been hard then to stop it from happening, and while he'd held it back for awhile, it had happened anyway.
There was no more fighting it, they were together. While relationships made them both a little uncomfortable, they were completely done with trying to deny what was between them and were ready to at least try to be together for awhile. Both knew the timing was far from right considering the situation Manda was in, but it would never be right anyway.
Last night had been a bit intense for both of them, and after finally admitting she needed him, Dean couldn't keep hiding what he felt for her. Neither of them had spoken the words, but their true emotions had been exposed. How much they both cared and their desire to be together was out in the open now.
He'd seen the love in her normally hardened eyes last night, and maybe he didn't deserve it, but it was there for him if he wanted it. He did want it too, and he only hoped he could love her back that way or that what he could give her would be enough. She'd never press him for more than he could offer her, and while he didn't know how much he could give her in the end, he knew she'd take what she could get and offer him what she could in return.
He had also felt the passion in the way they had made love and lost themselves together for awhile. Dean knew that he was in her heart now, and while it was a bit weird to him, it was oddly comforting and somewhat natural feeling.
The ways Manda was like him, the comfort they found in each other, and now being closer than they had been, Dean felt he needed her almost as much as she needed him. To have a girl at his side that lived this life and understood him, maybe that was something he needed.
But it almost made him want to laugh thinking about what kind of pair they made. He was caught in this battle of the apocalypse approaching thanks to Lilith breaking seals, and she was fighting all things supernatural on the scale she always had. Both of their lives were so tangled with destruction and chaos, and had never been lives they would have chosen. Manda had been born into it without a choice, and his had been made for him at a young age.
Maybe they would always be doomed. He didn't know, but he did know that while one of them would have to walk away sooner or later, he'd be stupid to let Manda go without trying to date her for however long it would last. When she had admitted wanting more with him, it hadn't scared him to hear it from her. He'd wanted it for awhile too, and now they were in whatever would be as normal as a relationship could be for them.
But right now Manda was in trouble, and he wished he knew why and how to stop it. If this demon wanted to kill her, it had to be ready to fight, because he was even more determined to keep her safe now.
And the way she was lying there pressed into his side with her head on his chest and a few of her fingers resting on his tattoo, he knew she was seeking the safety he seemed to offer her. Manda needed him to protect her, and for now she felt safe in his arms. If Dean could keep her there he would, but he couldn't. All he could do was be ready to make sure she stayed safe regardless of where she was.
He reached for his phone wondering if he had missed a call from Sam if he had come across anything, but found there was nothing and sighed. The sooner they could get her out of this mess, the better.
Manda pressed herself closer to him then and mumbled something softly, but it was nothing Dean could understand. He tightened his arm around her, and gently stroked her arm as he lay there with her.
It was almost time to get up, grab some breakfast, then head to the morgue with Sam and shove in a few interviews. He didn't want to leave her behind today, but so far she'd been demon free since before they'd come back to the hotel last night, and he trusted she'd stick in the room if he demanded it.
Dean figured he'd wake her up soon if she didn't get up, but just wanted a few more minutes in this spot. As soon as they were out of here, everything would be different. They'd put up their normal act in front of Sam and Chuch, he knew that's how it would go.
After a few minutes of just laying there, he suddenly felt the sting of intense heat from under the arm he had over a part of her scars. She wasn't too warm, but the scars were on fire at that moment.
He lifted his arm, looked at her back to see the scars were bright red now, and then he rolled Manda on her back to look at her. Her eyes were moving rapidly under the lids as if dreaming, the expression on her face was blank, and she had gotten very pale.
Dean debated waking her then, but if the demon was giving her something at that moment, it might be useful to them later. The mumbling started and he wondered what was going on in her mind, and just what in the world this goddamn thing wanted with her.
-
The dream started out without warning. Manda heard the voice calling her name in the darkness and had been trying to avoid chasing it, but she had run towards it without thinking. In the middle of the darkness she came face to face with a stranger she'd never seen before.
"Manda… so nice of you to come running at my call, but what choice do you have at this point?" The stranger raised his hand in the darkness.
His voice was taunting her out loud, but it was also echoing in her head at the same time. She went to draw back an arm to punch but found she was frozen in the spot.
The stranger's eyes went blacker than night at that moment as it stepped closer towards her, and he smiled devilishly. "You hunters, always so cute thinking you can fight us when you can't."
"We're all damn adorable, fighting you or not." She smirked at the bastard in front of her with her own devilish grin.
He ran a finger down her nose. "Little Manda Chambers, always one for getting sassy at a time like this. Something you've got in common with that Winchester you're screwing on and off. Is that the attraction? Like a bit of lip from your men?"
Manda felt her insides tense up. She knew that as real as this felt it was only a dream, and that she had to keep her cool. It had been drilled into her at an early age that you had to try your hardest to never let them see you sweat, and to taunt them back when you could. "He's just got a great ass, plus he busts the hell out of the balls on assholes like you. Guess he's just a man after my own heart."
The demon laughed. "He busted balls all right. Has Dean ever told you how he spent some of his time in hell?"
She glared hard into the black eyes before her. "Doesn't matter, he's out and back to cleaning up sons of bitches like you that crawled out of a pit." Her grin was sweetly twisted. "Not the greatest job, but someone's got to do it."
"You do love being the hunter. I noticed that when I had my run of you. Guess that's what Dean likes about you, besides that spiteful little tongue. Or maybe he just senses a ruthless side in you that almost matches his own."
Manda didn't know what this demon was getting at. "If you want to call all that teasing he does with me ruthless… bring it on, because I've always enjoyed it."
"As you wish… let's see how you fair out against the infamous Dean." The demon laughed wickedly, and just stared at her before laying his hand on her head.
Suddenly she was somewhere else and watching Dean, but it wasn't the man she knew. This one was completely heartless, and what he was doing broke her heart and turned her stomach at the same time.
"Look at his face, Manda. Look at how much he enjoys it. That's the real man you love." The demon's tone was collected but slightly evil.
She couldn't turn her head away. Her eyes were locked on his face, but this wasn't the man she had fallen for. This had to be the Dean that had been in hell, she knew that as she watched him inflict torture right then. And it hurt to see him be this way, it was so far from the Dean she'd been with last night. The things that must have done to him to get him there, it broke her heart trying to imagine it. Manda knew why he wouldn't talk about it, and at that moment she felt the gut wrenching pain for what he'd been through as the scene faded before her.
"Oh god, Dean… what did they do to you?" she whispered painfully, feeling the wetness in her eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby," the faint statement left her lips with such sorrow.
The demon's shrill laughter came from beside her. "No god there… or in our next scene as you'll see."
Then she was somewhere that looked strangely familiar, and Manda was watching herself with a man. She knew then this was one of the two the demon had made her murder. Her stomach dropped at the sight of how fast, efficiently, and without hesitation she took this man down with a few simple moves, and then as she slid the shiny blade across his neck.
She stared at the vision of herself and saw that her eyes were not her own in that moment. They were completely void of anything but a cold hunger for destruction, and a smile formed on her lips as the body slumped down in front of her.
"You bastard," she sneered. "I'll kill you, you twisted fuck. I'll kill you," she spit out the words as she turned her head to look at the demon.
"Did you see how much you liked that? The smile on your face said it all. And you won't kill me if I kill you first, Manda… or maybe we'll let Dean have the honours of finishing you off."
The demon touched her again and they were somewhere else. A new vision played out, and if she wasn't stuck where she was, she would have fallen to her knees or run into it to try to stop it even if it was pointless since it wasn't actually happening.
She watched herself fighting against Dean, and he was winning in that moment. Then he did something that just tore her apart, he thrust his knife right into her and watched her body fall. "No!" she screamed, unable to do anything else. The vision vanished as she closed her eyes and opened them again to see only the demon in front of her.
"You're almost ready for me… I'll be seeing you real soon, Manda. Sweet dreams… and say hello to Dean for me, if you can still bear to look at him."
The demon disappeared, and then she heard her name being called from faraway.
-
Dean was leaning over Manda trying to wake her. Hearing his name, her screaming – he hated to think of what had happened in her mind. "Manda, it's just messing with you again. Wake up, baby."
Her eyes shot open despite the pain in her head. She looked up completely mortified, and then just flung herself around Dean.
"It's okay," he whispered, and held on to her. "You're okay." She looked utterly distraught, and he had no idea what had gone on this time.
Manda wrapped herself tighter around him. "It's coming for me," she said anxiously.
"What do you mean it's coming for you? What did it to you this time?" he asked quickly.
How could she explain this? Were the things she'd just seen real or had the demon just created them frighten her? She pulled back and just looked at him.
Dean leaned back against the bed's headboard and took her with him. She should have been safe with him, but apparently she wasn't. The demon had gotten to her anyway, and that annoyed him to no end.
"It was…" she mumbled, and looked up at him. She wanted so badly to tell him she was sorry for whatever had happened to him, the things he'd had to do, but if she told him she'd seen him that way, she knew what would happen. Dean would pull away no matter what had changed between them last night. "The things it made me watch…" Manda trailed off hastily. "It made me watch myself killing someone while it was in me… I was so cold, evil and enjoying it."
He held her tighter. The anger rose in him, and he felt the tension within her at that moment. All he could was hold on to her right then because he knew exactly what it was like to know you'd been that way. "You're not that way, Manda, it wasn't you," he reassured her.
"It made me watch you kill me." Her voice broke, and she just clung to him. "I watched you beat the crap out of me and then just stab me like I was something we hunt." She choked back on the tears then, because having to watch that scene had been unimaginable to her then, never mind having to think about now.
Dean stared down at her. She was helpless in that moment, and he was just flat out enraged. "I'm gonna kill this son of a bitch," he growled out in anger. Then he took a deep breath. "What it showed you will never happen, okay?" He spoke firmly, but tried to be soft even if he was beyond pissed for the games this demon was playing with her mind. It had to want her away from him, but he didn't know why. He raised one hand, and brushed her face gently with the back of his fingers, trying not only to calm her, but also himself.
Manda looked at him and nodded. "Dean…" she whispered. She didn't want to get the next bit out, but she had to.
He looked down at her staring up from his shoulder and saw the pain in her eyes as she stared back at him. She was holding something back, he could tell. "What else is there?"
"I saw you… oh, baby, please don't do what I think you will when I tell you." Her tone was pleading, and the tears brimmed in her eyes.
"What? What else did you see?" Dean was confused as he saw the worry on her face and her tears forming.
"I don't know if it was even real… and I know you can't talk about it… but I think I saw you… oh god, Dean." Manda reached up, stroking his face lightly with her fingers. "No matter what they made you do when you were in hell, you're not that man to me." She gazed into his eyes, and hoped he understood that it didn't matter to her. He wasn't that man, she knew that, and she just hoped he did too.
Dean looked at her shocked, and then his face turned stone cold. It made sense now. Why he'd heard her say what she had in her sleep about him with such pain in her voice. She had been watching him do something, and had probably been sickened by his actions. Even with how much Manda seemed to understand him, she'd probably never be able to look at him the same now, and he knew it. He could barely live with that guilt and shame, and now she seemed to know a piece of it.
He titled his head away from her and brushed her hand away from him. "Why?" he grunted out. "Why would it… no… you can't…" The ashamed feeling kicked in, he pulled away from her completely and sat up.
A few tears rolled down Manda's face then. She had known he'd do this, but she couldn't let him. "Dean, please… look at me," she pleaded in a broken voice, and put a hand on his arm.
His nostrils flared with anger and he completely tensed up. This demon was just going to get it now. He had wanted to kill it before for what it was doing to her, but even more so now for making her see all of that, including him in a way he had never wanted her to know. But now he was thinking maybe she'd been right last night about how something like this would destroy them. He didn't know how they'd manage to stick this out now if she'd seen something that had actually happened.
Manda pulled the sheet tighter around her, sat up beside him, and placed a hand on his cheek. "It broke my heart seeing it. Whether that's how it was or not, I don't know, but I can't even imagine what it's like for you." She had never been able to anyway, but after seeing the vision the demon had given her, she just had no idea how he dealt with it if that's what had happened to him at some point.
Dean flinched under her gentle touch, and at the compassion she had for him right then. "Don't," he muttered quietly. He just didn't know how to handle this.
"It doesn't change anything for me, baby… please know that who I saw in that vision isn't who I see here. You're not that man, believe me." She removed her hand from his face, then leaned in and kissed him softly on the side of the head. "Please don't pull away from me, Dean… you know how I feel about you," she whispered in his ear.
He sat there for a minute wondering why Manda was so understanding, but he knew she'd done things she wasn't proud of and would never forgive herself for either. Her guilt and shame weren't the same, but were almost equal to his in ways. He turned his head to look at her and then he saw it in her eyes. The truth was there, nothing had changed for her. The love she had for him was still present in her eyes, he could see it. "I can't talk about it with you."
"You know I'd never ask you to, but if you ever need to, I'm here." She reached for his hand and grabbed it tight. "And I still want this… you and me." She lifted their hands to show him she meant it.
Dean did the only thing he knew how to at that moment, even if he knew it was wrong and he hated to do it. As much as he wanted to stay there, he knew that she'd love him more than he could ever love her right then, and just didn't think he could do this. He didn't deserve that kind of love, and they'd only been kidding themselves in thinking they could try this. He pulled his hand from hers. "Maybe it's better if we don't, Manda." Then he quickly threw on some clothes and headed for the bathroom.
"Don't do this to us after last night… or to me… I love you," she blurted out. Manda just couldn't keep in the words she hadn't gotten out last night as she watched him walking away from her now.
The words hit him. She had said them without choking on them, and Dean hated that they had to come out in a moment like this. He closed the door behind him not believing she had told him she loved him or that he had walked away from her. Her love for him was already strong, he knew it. She had just put him before herself when she was terrified inside from this dream. He knew that sometimes he just fell short on things, and this was one of them.
Manda sat there sadly staring at where he'd been. She'd had the night she'd asked to have with him, and evidently that was all she would ever have. She sank back on the bed and wished to god this demon would just come for her already, because if she lost Dean now, her will to fight against it would go with him.
A few minutes later Dean came back, lied down next to her on his side and threw his arm over her. He knew it had been wrong to pull away like that, and to leave her there alone. It was clear that's what the demon wanted, to get her away from him for some reason. But this relationship stuff wasn't something he knew how to deal with either. She still needed and wanted him though, and he couldn't walk away after everything, including those three words she'd had the courage to say. "Okay, so maybe I'm just an ass sometimes," he admitted.
She rolled on her side to face him, and looked at him. "It's all right. I'm not much better sometimes, you know."
Dean kissed her forehead. She was right, she wasn't much better at times, but he had managed to deal with it just like she did. He liked how she could just accept that though, and still just take him for how he was. "So, Chambers, you love me, huh?" he teased, and cocked a brow at her.
A tiny guilty grin formed on Manda's face. "Yeah, well… you knew that already, Winchester."
"Maybe." He smirked, but just couldn't find a way to tell her he loved her back. He was sure she knew anyway.
"This is going to be weird right… us?" She looked at him questioningly. It would be weird, but she had to believe it would work somehow. He had come back after pulling away briefly, and she knew what it meant. He did love her back, and it was okay if he couldn't say it. She could tell he did, and that would be enough for her whether he ever said the words back or not.
He gave her the 'true' look after thinking about it for a second. "But weird is our business…" Dean pulled her closer to him by the arm he had over her still.
"That it is," she chuckled. Then Manda put her hands on his face and kissed him.
Dean rolled them over, and just looked down at her for a minute before he kissed her deeply. They had a little more making up to do just now, and he couldn't let this tear them apart before they even actually tried to be together. He would pull the demon apart soon enough, because whatever it took, this bastard was going to get what it deserved once it came around. He despised how it was messing with her, but also how it was now trying to mess with them.
Hopefully the use of 'baby' was just right at the times it was thrown in... considering things have changed between them.
Now, making Dean pull away and then come back... well, I believed that it would work that way for him. The way I've written it, he's never really talked about it with Manda, and to have her know something about the hell time (whether what she saw was real or not - which I obviously didn't go into detail with) - I imagine that would make him back up for a moment. Especially after saying he's not that man, saying she still wants them and knowing she's fallen that hard for him... I don't think he'd quite know how to handle that. Hopefully that worked as well because I liked the idea of making that happen. (Evil of me or what?)
As for admitting to being an ass, she's called him one before, so he could openly admit it with her... whether he would or not for real - who knows.
I think Manda would put him before herself within a second now. And saying that she loves him, well, you knew it had to happen soon enough. I imagine you can guess her love will be fierce in that whole-hearted way. No matter how long she's been without it, what she knew of it from before losing everyone she loved... it would have been that way and still would be now that's she open to it again.
Soon I will get to what the demon wants with her... still working it out fully for now. For now, it continues to screw around with her.
Comment if you'd like - always welcomed and appreciated :)
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!
