If you've been waiting for this chapter (and I know there's a few of you!) - sorry!! It took awhile to work it out right, and hopefully it's just that.
Manda was hiding in the bathroom just for the space. She couldn't be around Dean right now, because if she was then she'd do what this demon seemed to want her to do – send him away. And if she wanted to have a small hope in hell of surviving, she needed him there.
Holding on to the rings around her neck, a voice she missed hearing rattled off in her head then with something she'd heard when she'd been learning how to fight as a child.
You want to cry, then you do it when your butt isn't on the line, because those tears don't get you anywhere sweetie. You cry and deal with the pain once you're safe and sound, that's how you survive.
She managed to stop crying then, knowing her dad had always been right about that. There was only one way to handle this, and Manda knew it was to fight.
It was time to push out the weak girl this was turning her into. There was no time to be shattered right now, especially not in this town where it had already happened once before.
Staying weak would only get her killed quicker now, but if she went down fighting then at least it would be on her terms.
Dying was part of the hunter life, and sooner or later it happened. A mistake was made or you just got in over your head and wound up dead. She knew it, and so did the two hunters on the other side of the door.
She knew she had to be strong even though she barely had the strength to move right now. And she needed a few minutes to get back her will to fight, accept that her time was just about up, and to start pulling herself together in order to be ready to do whatever needed to be done.
But Manda was preparing herself for the end as she sat there on the edge of the hotel's bathtub, because that looked to be what was approaching now. It wasn't an outcome she favoured, but if that was the only one there was, there wasn't much she could do but be ready for it.
-
Dean read through the pages again. The words her father had written began to sink a little more in as he finished reading it again for the second time and started on a third.
The first encounter with this demon had been through another hunter who had needed their help. He'd gotten slashed during a demon hunt that was described in an eerily similar way to the one Manda had been on when she'd gotten her marks. About a year later his scars from that hunt had started acting up out of nowhere, then he'd been possessed for a few days, and shortly after that, the voice in his head had started.
He'd called her parents for help then, figuring he needed to break the tie that bonded him and the demon together, and that it was the scars that connected them. He wasn't sure how it worked since his details on getting the scars was vague for how badly he'd been hurt. But after the voice had started in his head, his theory had been that the demon wanted to take him eventually, because of what it had been saying, but it had never gotten around to being proven though.
Manda's parents had been with him when the demon had shown up and they had managed to exorcise it, but everything went wrong. The demon had resisted the exorcism at first, they had fought hard to send it back and ended up fairly injured, but the hunter it was linked to was dead when it was all over. The details were there, but the reasons where unclear as to how he'd actually died. Her father had gone on the basis of figuring the link had been severed, and in doing so, it had been too much for the hunter to take, and it had killed him.
Then there were the notes on the next time they'd come across it after finding it had escaped from hell somehow.
It was a similar story again, but this time it wasn't a hunter, just a regular Joe who'd been referred to them after finding himself in this situation after what he described as being randomly attacked one night. Then he had a couple of missing days a few months later and the voice had started in his head.
When they met with him, they'd tried numerous things to sever the link, but nothing had worked and the demon had shown up in an ambush. Her parents had been better prepared that time around, but the man had died during the attempt at sending the demon back to hell just like the hunter had. It was clear the demon had been attacking the man's mind through the link, and it had killed him somehow using that bond before fleeing from the body it was possessing at the time.
The next few pages had been ripped out, and the one that followed ended with words that were clear and summed up what was known.
Excruciating pain as demon seems to sever link before fleeing or being exorcised – none survive. Demon resists exorcism and still kills victim. Scars are link – demon blood, infection or? Sever link without killing victim – ? Kill demon – ? Demon's endgame – ?
The notes were made two years before her parents had died saving her from it, which meant they'd been after it for awhile.
Dean wondered what had happened to the missing pages, but it seemed that just like his dad, her parents had kept things hidden and hadn't always told her about what jobs they'd been working at times.
But there were differences between what was written and what was going on, and Dean had spotted them right away.
Manda had four scars instead of only two like both men had had. There was nothing about their scars opening up like hers had now, and the demon was attacking her quicker than it had with them. Dean knew that meant it had either learned new tricks over the years, wanted more with her than they knew, or that the connection it had with her was stronger.
This couldn't be all they had though, and as much as Dean wanted to go through the rest of the journal to see if there was more, the reality of this was settling in and he closed it for now to start thinking of a plan.
Sam watched Dean put the journal aside, and decided to break the silence finally. "She's right, Dean. That's likely to kill her from what's written in there."
"They only knew how to send demons back to hell, Sam. They didn't have a knife to kill them," Dean grunted out. He rubbed a hand over his face. The frustration was there, but his mind had settled on a solution. A quick kill with the knife would take care of it. The demon wouldn't have a chance to play the games it had when her parents have gone against it, and it definitely wouldn't be able to kill her then either.
"Do you think it's going to let you get close enough to kill it without doing what it just did or something even worse to her? And if attempting to and sending it back to hell managed to kill those people, what do you want to bet killing it will do?" Sam was thinking that even if they killed it there was no guarantee she'd still be alive, because severing the link would probably kill her, and apparently she had come to the same conclusion.
Dean got to his feet then. "You think I don't know she's screwed twenty ways to Sunday? That maybe there's nothing that will save her?" His voice was raised and he stared at Sam with hard eyes. "But if we don't try, she'll die anyway, Sam. She'll go after it and get herself killed this time. So yeah, it's either us or it, and I want to bet on us killing it and not her, but I know there might not be a damn thing that will keep her alive." His voice was louder, his tone angrier as his emotions for her were leaking out. It was sinking in fast that maybe he couldn't get her out of this, that he just might kill her in the end by killing this demon.
Then Dean realized she could hear everything he'd just said and felt like an ass over the outburst. He needed to be strong and sure of things for her just like he was with Sam when things went wrong, but Manda would spot his uncertainty anyway. She almost always picked up on what he hid for how similar they were in that sense.
The bathroom door opened then making both brothers' heads snap around to look at her.
Manda avoided looking at either brother even though she could feel their eyes on her as she moved wearily towards where her bags were. She didn't want to acknowledge what she'd heard through the thin door. Dean's doubt had hit her hard, leaving her feeling like even more of a lost cause. "I'm going to shower, then someone can start on the stitches, and then I imagine we all need to talk." She grabbed her bag and headed back towards the bathroom slowly. Everything in her felt sore or weak, walking wasn't helping, and she was pushing herself to keep upright now.
Dean was paralyzed then, not able to move towards her. She wouldn't even look at him. "Manda, I-I… damn it, I didn't… you…" he stammered, and stopped. He could only watch as she walked away without saying more. Her legs shook with weakness, she moved slowly, and blood was smeared and drying across her back. She was injured and scarily vulnerable looking to him, even if the hunter in her had her on her feet still. The instinct to keep moving until not being able to had kicked in, but the struggle she was having to do so was obvious.
Sam didn't know what to say, so he remained quiet. What could he say? She had heard them, she knew what was in the journal, and he didn't know what the demon had said this time, but he saw what it had done to her.
She stopped in front of the bathroom door, but didn't turn around. "It's only the truth Dean. There probably isn't a damn thing that will keep me alive, so at this point it's just a matter of dying on my terms or this demon's, and you know I'd rather do it on mine." Then Manda walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.
Sam looked at Dean. "She's ready to…" he stopped, not wanting to say it for Dean's sake.
"She's ready to die," Dean sighed as he looked at the door that separated them. "Get Chuch back here, call Ruby again. We can't let her die, Sam… and I'm not letting her give up like this." He knew she was preparing herself to die, but that didn't mean she wanted it. He sure as hell didn't want it, so why would she?
"You heard her, and you know Manda better than I do, but I can see it in her. She'll fight with whatever she has left, but she knows it might be futile, Dean." Sam could see how she knew the only thing left was to either face it head on or let it just happen. At least she wanted to face it head on though, which gave her a chance. But the way she just accepted it reminded him of how Dean had been that year before going to hell.
Dean ignored the comment. "Stick to this room and keep an eye on her, Sammy," he ordered, grabbing his normal clothes and then getting changed quickly. He needed to get out of this room while she was in the shower. That would give him the time to think about what to do, and to call Bobby again.
"You know I'll keep her safe while you're gone, but where are you going now?" Sam looked at his brother in wonder. He was leaving her alone, but Sam knew Dean needed a few minutes to process what they knew now before he dealt with her.
"Manda needs food. This drained her physically as well as mentally. We both saw how weak she is, and if she hopes to sit through my stitches, she needs to eat," he said, and saw Sam's amused smirk at how he was caring for her. He would offer her other comfort later if she wanted it, but this was all he could do for now. It would help to get some of her strength back, and he needed her strong and ready to survive.
He'd protect her as much as he could, but Manda had to be determined to stay alive at any cost instead of dying. Dean walked out the door then, knowing that was the only way they'd get her out of this.
-
Manda had showered quickly and then ended up staring at her back in the mirror for a little, wondering how she'd screwed up so badly. But there was no use in wondering, it was done. The only thing left was accepting it and trying to take down this demon while it took her down. She knew she was beaten now.
The way it had taunted her, rubbing salt into old wounds, reminding her of past mistakes. This last invasion had just drained her completely. She was tired, sore and just about ready to fall down, but she still had to sit through stitches and talking about everything.
She put on the brave face and opened the door. "Dean, can we get started on the…?" Manda called out as she walked out half dressed with her torso wrapped in a towel, finding only Sam there.
Sam was reading through the journal, stopped and turned his head to look at her. "He'll be back soon," he said as her eyes met his after sweeping the room.
Manda just nodded, went to put her bag down, tossed a shirt on the bed, and then started digging through her bag of supplies. She was a little disappointed, but understood Dean needed time on his own for awhile, and didn't bother to ask where he'd gone. "Find anything else in there?"
"No, but I'll keep looking," he said, noticing how the way she shifted the focus from herself reminded him of Dean. "Manda, are you all right? Do you need anything?" he asked, rising to his feet. She was exhausted, he could tell, and pushing herself the way she was now would only weaken her more.
"Could you just put a dressing over the open scars for now, Sam?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah… sure." He walked over to her. Dean wasn't here for her, so Sam knew he had to be, and if this is all she wanted, it was easy enough to do.
"Thanks." She handed him what he needed and then turned around. Manda moved the towel to open from her back, and held as much of it as she could against her chest. She wasn't worried if Sam saw more than he should. He'd already seen her in a bra so it was no big deal, but she knew he wouldn't look anyway.
Sam looked at her wounds. The stitches were going to hurt, and he knew his brother wasn't always gentle at putting them in. "You're sure about not going in for stitches and letting Dean do them instead?" He unrolled a large portion of gauze, held it to her back, and cut as much as was needed.
"I'll manage… he can't be any worse than the intern that did it the first time, but thanks for asking." She was touched by his concern for her.
Sam felt a little awkward in this moment as he cut and pressed the tape around to hold the gauze in place. "Manda, I know you're a lot like Dean, but if you need to talk about anything…" he stopped as the door opened.
Dean walked in followed by Chuch. He eyed his brother oddly, but then noticed that Sam was just giving her a temporary patch up and looking after her for him. He'd been gone for awhile now, talking to Bobby, picking up food, and then talking with Chuch for a few minutes just outside the door, and she probably just wanted this over with already. He stayed quiet, and wondered why she hadn't turned her head to look at him yet.
"Are you sure you're all right, Manda?" Chuch asked concerned. Sam had filled her in a little on what had happened over the phone, and Dean had just told her more of it now, but she had to ask for herself upon seeing her friend.
"Done," Sam said as he finished.
"Yeah, Chuch… and thanks again, Sam." Manda grabbed the shirt off the bed and walked back into the bathroom.
"She okay?" Dean asked, setting down a large bag of fast food and a tray of coffees.
Sam shrugged. "Seems to be, but it's a fine line."
Dean just nodded, Sam went back to the table to get the journal and Chuch just stood there waiting.
Manda walked back out doing up the last button on her shirt. She looked up and stopped as she saw how the three sets of eyes seemed to scrutinize her sluggish movements and pierce right through her. "Okay, all of you quit gawking at me like I'm a zombie." She looked to Dean then. If anyone would stop, it'd be him.
Dean saw her finally look at him and knew what he had to do. "Zombie now, and Frankenstein when I'm done stitching you up, but first you gotta eat." He smirked, hiding his worry.
"Frankenstein… nice, Winchester," Manda scoffed. The food was thoughtful, and she knew he'd comfort her differently later when it was just them. She could see through the grin he'd plastered on for her sake though, and decided just to go with it. "Sure you just weren't hungry, used me as your excuse?" She walked to the table and to where he was.
She knew him too well, he was hungry, but it wasn't an excuse. "It's going to be less fun for you, but just as taxing for me, sweetheart, so we both need to eat," he chuckled. "And then I'll try to hang in there if you do." He gave her a playful grin then.
Manda chuckled, and touched his arm as she got to him. "Thanks, Dean," she whispered as she kissed him lightly, and then sat down in a chair.
Chuch and Sam looked at each other funny over the simple display of affection, it wasn't like Manda to be that open in front of them, but things had changed.
Dean gave her an odd look, but grinned.
"Can't I kiss the guy for being sweet in his own weird way?" Manda smirked as she looked at the three of them.
Dean chuckled. "Sweet? You haven't sat through my handiwork yet, Chambers. Sammy can tell you how much fun it is though."
Chuch stifled a laugh.
"I asked her again if she wanted to go in, but she's just as stubborn as you, Dean," Sam shook his head and chuckled.
"Good, then she won't bitch and cry through it like you do," Dean teased as he handed Sam two coffees, and gave him a look.
Sam read the look and knew his brother wanted them out of here. "How about we give you awhile, and then we'll talk after you're done?" He kept one coffee and gave the other to Chuch.
"Wait. By the time he's done playing doctor, I'll just want to crash. I'm wrecked, and all of you can see it. So, let me just give you the rundown of what happened before you go. That work for all of you?" Manda peered at all of them from behind her own cup of coffee now.
The three of them traded looks, they'd do it if that's how she wanted it right now.
"Get on with then," Dean muttered. The sooner they were gone, the sooner he could find out how she really was.
Manda nodded, and then told them about how bad the heat and pain had been this time, how awful the taunting was, but left out the parts of the demon saying it was Dean's fault and the newest vision.
They were all quiet while they listened, and each one could tell this was based on revenge when she was done. It was unfinished business or an attempt to settle the score with the family who had stopped it from doing whatever it was up to years ago.
Dean knew right away that she was holding something back, which only meant one thing – it had to do with him. But he'd have to wait to ask her about it.
"I'd like to get a better read through both journals, Sam can help me with that now," Chuch said. "Where's the other one?"
"By the bed," Manda answered, and watched as Chuch went to get it.
Sam looked at his brother. "If you need anything, just call."
"You find anything, you call," Dean said through a mouthful of food.
Chuch looked at Manda. "If you can't sit through his doctoring, let me know and I'll come do it."
"Thanks guys… if I don't… well, thanks for everything," Manda looked at them with a sad smile as she wondered how much time she did have left.
"It's what we do, and we'll get you out of this one way or another," Sam said, knowing she needed that comfort now. Then he looked at Dean, but nodded slightly towards Manda.
Dean glanced at her, and returned the nod. Sam just wanted to remind him of the fine line she was walking.
"Sam's right. Thank us when we get you out of this and it's all over, Manda." Chuch smiled back with a good fake grin, and then headed for the door. At this point it seemed unlikely they could, but they'd all try their damn hardest to do it.
Sam and Chuch left then.
Manda tipped her head down and stared at the food in front of her as she felt the tears rising. There was no use in crying, but the reality was she was falling apart inside and barely holding it together on the outside.
A few minutes later Dean was done eating and was watching her pick at her food. "Manda… you okay?"
She didn't look up. She didn't want him to see what a mess she was right now. "Yeah."
He knew what he should say, but he also knew she was holding it together right now for his sake instead of her own. "Eat a little more, you need the strength," he paused, not sure of what else to say. "I'll get everything set up, and we can get started when you're up to it."
"Sure." Manda knew he was right. She took a deep breath and then took a few more bites.
Dean cleaned up, and then started pulling out what he needed to stitch her up. He didn't try to talk to her yet. He wasn't even sure what he could say or if it was the right time to ask her about what she had held back when she was explaining things.
It was too silent in the room and that was allowing everything to really sink in for Manda. She got up, avoided looking at Dean knowing she'd break if she did, and went to walk by him quickly. Then she felt his hand clamp down on her wrist.
He knew she needed to breakdown again, and he couldn't hold it against her. Manda was doing her best to remain tough, but she'd lose it soon enough again and it was better that it happened now instead of later. "Come here," he muttered, pulling her close to him.
"Don't… I just… I can't…" she stammered. "Don't," her voice broke as the tears started to fall when he wrapped his arms around her carefully.
"Have your chick-flick cry it out moment, and then get ready to destroy this bastard instead of yourself, Manda," he spoke firmly. But as he looked at her, he saw what little fight there was left in her and wasn't sure if she could do this.
She nodded, and just folded in his arms. Burying her face in the collar of his shirt, Manda started to cry her silent tears, and felt even weaker and more helpless against Dean then. He was stronger than she was, he always had been if she had to admit it, and knowing what she'd seen in the visions the demon had given her of him, he was stronger than she could ever be. He was even letting her breakdown on him again, despite how uncomfortable it was for him.
He held on to her and just let her cry for a few minutes. She was falling apart, and as out of his depth as a moment like this was, he knew she needed him to let her do this. None of this was easy for her, and while this moment wasn't easy for him either, she was his girl now and she was hurting badly, so Dean let her cry it out.
"I'm not strong enough, Dean… it has me so damn weak already… and we're not even face-to-face with it yet." Manda pressed her forehead against his shoulder.
He kept one arm around her waist and titled her head up to look at him. "You're strong and stubborn, babe… and you'll kick this demon's ass for as long as you can, but when you've not able to then that's what you've got me for. And you know I will." Dean let his cocky confidence come through for her then. She already knew he'd do whatever he could to protect her.
She nodded as the silent tears kept rolling down her face. Manda hated crying in front of him, but she couldn't stop it right now.
Dean's eyes searched hers and recognized a look of despair he saw in his own when he looked in the mirror sometimes. He caressed her face gently, accidentally wiping away a few of her tears with his thumb. "But you can't go into this ready to die. That's how you met with this demon years ago, and you were messed up when you ran into it a few months ago…" he stopped when he saw the pained expression on her face, not sure if he was hurting her by throwing the truth at her or if something else was going on.
How the demon wanted her to blame him was there in the front of Manda's mind now. But how could she tell him without watching him take some guilt for this? She knew that's what he would do. He'd blame himself for this when it wasn't even his fault since it had started long before he'd come along. "I know… and I'm trying my hardest not to do it again, but it knows what cards to play to make me go after it alone with that intent, and right now we both know that I'm gonna die no matter how I go into this," Manda said quietly as she broke away, and put some space between them by heading towards the bathroom. She needed to get her bearings and to think of a way to tell him what he still needed to know.
Dean didn't stop her, but stood there wondering what he was supposed to do now, and what she meant by that. But deep down he knew that whatever she had left out from this last mental invasion meant that the demon was trying to isolate her from the rest of them, and most of all, him. And there was no way in hell Dean was letting that happen anymore than he was willing to let this demon kill her as he headed for the closed door that separated them now.
Well, what can I say here? Hope you enjoyed it, that what the journal revealed was enough and a solid explanation for why she'll die/he'll kill her by killing the demon, and that I didn't butcher Dean with my take on his soft side when it comes to the girl. I tried to give him a balance - soft, caring, but strong and sure they'll win this one. Same with how it ends, him going after her - she did say she's trying not to do this the same way she has before - alone and careless, after all. Hope all of that worked out.
Thanks for reading... and like always, if you wish to comment - then you know how to do that! I'm always curious to know what you think...
