Dean got to the door and then hesitated when his hand was on the knob. He wasn't sure this was the right call, but then muttered "screw it" as he opened the door. She could just deal with his intrusion one way or another. "What do you mean it's playing the right cards?"

The door whacked Manda as she went to open it. "Smooth, Winchester. Might want to try knocking instead of trying to knock me out," she uttered, pulling the door open all the way.

"Shit…I wasn't trying to… never mind." He hadn't flung the door open, but had felt it hit her and had let go instantly.

"Maybe Sam doesn't mind you barging in, but could you give me some warning? Well, unless you're coming to surprise me in the shower." Manda gave him a suggestive grin.

He raised an eyebrow and smirked, but then his eyes went wide as he caught her reflection in the mirror and saw the red spots on the back of her shirt. "You're bleeding through… we better get those stitches in."

She sighed. "Great… and I'll explain what I meant when you're done."

"You can explain during," he said, but then saw the non-negotiable look she gave him. "Fine, after. Now let me get ready to play doctor." He rubbed his hands together and gave a wide smile.

Manda chuckled as she headed for the room's phone.

Dean took a few minutes to go rinse off his face, scrubbed his hands and used the last clean towel to dry them with. "We need more towels," he called out to her.

"Already called," she replied, heading for the table. She looked over all the items he had laid out, double-checking he had gotten everything he would need out of her bag.

"Good. You ready?" he asked, walking out of the bathroom.

"Just waiting on you." Manda looked at him over her shoulder.

Dean looked at her straddling a chair at the table. Her shirt was placed loosely on backwards keeping the front of her covered, her hair was clipped up to leave her shoulder and back clear, and the gauze covering her scars was blood-soaked in spots. "There's something wrong with this picture."

Manda chuckled. "Yeah… you're not in this chair and I'm not wearing a naughty nurse outfit,"

He grinned, thinking of how much more fun that would be than what was about to happen. "You did agree to do a lap dance on another day."

"Looks like that'll have to wait." Manda got quiet and turned her head back.

Dean cleared his throat as he moved a chair behind hers. This was going to take awhile, so he got comfortable by pulling off the shirt he had on over a t-shirt and stretched before sitting down to get started.

When he pulled off the gauze, the marks down most of the right side of her back stared at him. He couldn't believe that the scars he'd kissed the night before were now open and bloody.
"You're sure you want me to do this? The hospital might be a better choice."

She glanced over her shoulder again. "I don't want to go there, and I've sat through it before. So if you will, please get started."

"Drink when you need to and tell me when you need a break." Dean reached for the antiseptic then. "I'll try not to be too rough, but if you can't stand the pain, you're going in."

"Okay." She turned her head back and sat completely still then, bracing herself for what she knew was coming.

As Dean began to disinfect her wounds he noticed the way she flinched, how her shoulders and back arched on reflex, and how she dug her nails into her knees. He wondered how she was going to make it through the stitches. "Hang in there, almost done this part."

It stung like hell, and Manda couldn't keep her body from reacting. She grabbed the bottle of whiskey he had left on the table for her, and chugged a long sip.

"I'll do this as quickly as I can." Dean wanted to rid her of the marks, but he couldn't. The guilt he felt over how she'd gotten them started to rise.

"Not quite what a girl likes to hear," she chuckled, needing to laugh now because she knew this was about to get more painful.

He laughed as he finished cleaning the marks. "It is in this case, but if you're up to it later, I'll remind you how I don't always rush things."

"Nice distraction technique, Winchester," Manda laughed.

Dean reached for what he needed next, took a moment to get the needle ready, and then held it close to her back. "It works… ready?"

She took another long sip of the whiskey. "As ready as I'll ever be," Manda muttered, setting the bottle on the table. She closed her eyes, clenched her teeth, and waited.

"Sorry." Dean pierced the needle through her skin and noticed how still she had become to make this easier.

The pain was there, and she had nothing to numb it besides the booze. Manda tried to focus on anything other than the needle weaving in and out of her skin. Dean was trying to be gentle, but there was nothing gentle about this, and she dug her nails into her knees again.

He didn't know what to say to her. Small talk just wouldn't work in this moment. He wasn't even sure how much this was hurting her. She was just too still and too quiet as he worked.

When he finished the first of the four gashes, he stopped to take a swig of the whiskey, and rubbed her arm after placing the bottle back on the table. "Not hurting you too much, am I?"

Manda jumped at his touch. "No, can't feel much of it actually," she lied. She had felt the pain from every sharp poke and tight stitch so far and there was still more to sit through. She was trying her hardest to block out the pain though, but it was wearing her down even more than she already was.

"You're doing good so far, babe." Dean knew she was lying, but calling her on it was useless. He picked up the needle again, and got started on the next slash.

She remained quiet, and ended up taking a generous gulp of whiskey after a few more needle pricks. Her mind was wandering now, trying to work out what to say after this since she hadn't exactly gotten the time to work it out when she'd gone to hide in the bathroom.

He worked his way through the second longer scar, hating that he had to do this to her. All he could think of then were ways to make the demon pay for everything it had done to her. He was working on the first of the smaller two when she pulled him from his thoughts by breaking the silence.

"Dean?"

He stopped, wondering if she'd finally had enough. "Need a break?"

"No… I just…" Manda stopped, and sighed. There was so much she wanted to say, but now she was choking on it.

Picking up from where he had stopped stitching, Dean continued and waited for her to start talking. It was obvious she wanted to say something, but seemed to be having a hard time saying it.

"Whatever happens to me, I don't regret getting close to you, Dean. I only wish I'd let you in sooner… that I didn't wait so long to admit to things," she whispered, finding a place to start from after a few minutes.

Dean's lips curled into a small smirk. "Hey… you're stuck with me until one of us has had enough of trying this dating thing, not because some douche-bag demon thinks it's going to kill you before then. So quit talking like you're dying, because that isn't happening while you've got me around or how this ends." He gave her an assurance he was trying to believe, and one he knew she needed.

Manda chuckled softly as a smile formed. Dean had just said a whole lot whether he realized it or not. "And my man proves again he's not always the badass he lets everyone see, but is actually sweet underneath it all. Oddly enough, you still came off as badass though."

His smiled widened at hearing her call him her man since she'd never done that before. "Your man, Chambers… is that so?" He finished stitching up the last mark. "And I've got a reputation to maintain, so if I still come off as badass when you think I'm being sweet, that just proves I'm one all the time." Dean started applying some fresh gauze over the area in case she managed to rip out some stitches.

"You know you are… and I know all about your reputation," she chuckled. "Bad boy and tough guy Dean Winchester who spends his days kicking all kinds of supernatural ass from town to town, fools around but doesn't fall in love, and most importantly, is always as hot and smooth as that classic Impala of his." Manda looked at him over her shoulder with a funny smirk.

Dean laughed at her summary, and hoped she realized that one part of it was wrong since he had fooled around and fell in love with her. But it was the comparison to his car that had him grinning like a fool. "Hot and smooth like my baby, true… but damn, I didn't know you thought so highly of me." He applied the last piece of tape, and then stood up to stretch. "You're done."

Manda put her shirt on the right way, and only did up a few buttons before she got up and turned to face him. "Well, now you do." She grinned before kissing him deeply. "Thanks for the stitches, letting me breakdown again and handling more of those weaker girl moments. I know they're uncomfortable for you, but you do okay with them."

"That must be because I'm used to dealing with Sammy's. But you can thank me with that lap dance and amazing, grateful sex after I've gotten you out of this." Dean pulled her closer by the hips, and let his mouth crash on hers for an intense kiss. "And I will, because I definitely intend on getting both." The cocky tone leaked through with a grin to match.

She laughed. "If that's what you want, then that's what you'll get when this done," Manda agreed, but her doubt over his ability to get her out this alive was still there.

"Looking forward to it," he smirked.

There was a knock on the door then.

"That'll be the towels, I'll handle it." Dean let her go, and went to grab the towel he'd brought out with him before.

"I'll grab the rest." Manda went to get the other used towels.

Dean waited for her, then took them and walked to the door. He opened it just as Manda grabbed another shirt from her bag and went into the bathroom.

He dumped the towels directly into the housekeeping cart that was just outside the door next to the woman who was holding fresh ones. He ignored her weird look, grabbed the new ones from her with a smile, and closed the door.

The bathroom door was open a crack, and he pushed it open to find Manda rinsing out her shirt that was spotted with blood. "I'm coming in," he added, remembering what she'd said earlier.

She tossed her shirt over the bar for the shower curtain, and took the towels from him to hang them up while he cleaned himself up. Then she walked out, and went to lie down on the bed. Her back was sore, she was exhausted and just wanted to crash now, but she still had to explain what she'd put off before.

Dean came out and noticed her just lying there. "Feeling okay?" he asked, walking over to the bed.

"Aside from being completely wiped out, yeah," she answered.

He sat down on the other side and leaned against the headboard. "It's after… time to explain, Manda."

Manda closed her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy. She sat up and looked at him. "It was saying all the right things to make me want to go after it without any of you, and it seems to want me going after it the way I have twice already."

"I figured that out, but even if the third time's a charm, there's no way in hell you're doing that again. But what else did you leave out earlier?" Dean looked at her curiously.

She looked away briefly, and took a deep breath. "God, no matter how I say this I know how you'll take it, and how wrong it is."

"What did it say or show you now?" He wondered how bad it was, because the look on her face was stone cold serious.

Manda could only break it to him one way, like she was ripping off a band-aid. "It wanted me to thank you for sending me straight to it months ago, and for releasing it through the Devil's Gate," she said quietly.

He groaned in annoyance, and then was silent for a minute. And that was enough time for the guilt and anger to set it. She wasn't lying about it playing the right cards. It didn't matter that it had escaped through the gate before he'd even met her. He felt this was on him for setting it free, and for how he'd acted towards her months ago that had caused her to run into it. "Son of a bitch won't be going home again, it's dying," Dean grunted, clenching his jaw tightly.

She instantly saw the guilt he had taken on. He tried to hide it, but it was there. Manda reached out and caressed his face. "Don't feel guilty, baby… this started long before those things happened."

"Manda… you were careless because of me when you got those frigging scars." He turned slightly to look away from her. His hands balled into fists as the anger surged intensely along with his guilt. "Goddamn it… I basically stuck the kick me sign on your back." He pulled back completely from her then.

"Don't blame yourself for this, because I sure as hell don't blame you for it. We both know I made the mistakes to wind up here." She wished he hadn't pulled away, but had known it would happen.

It was a few minutes later when Dean finally turned to look at her. She might have been right, but he had made his own mistakes to help her get to this point. "Would you even be in this if it hadn't have gotten out of the gate?"

"Don't do that, Dean" Manda said firmly. "Don't try to find a way to take the blame for any of this by grasping for it. Sooner or later it would have gotten out and come after me anyway. You know how those wily bastards are."

He tilted his head down. No matter what she said, the guilt was already there. "That all?"

"No… it gave me another vision of you," she whispered.

Dean got up furiously from the bed just as his phone went off.

Manda could see how incredibly tense he'd just become. She sighed, and lied down again.

"What?" Dean snapped roughly as he answered Sam's call. He wandered away from the bed with heavy steps.

"Dude… what the hell is wrong with you?" Sam asked, wondering what was bugging his brother besides the obvious.

"Nothing… what did you find?" Dean calmed his tone, and closed his eyes for a moment, trying to will away the anger. It would be better to store it and use it when the demon showed up.

"Third victim was another hunter. Similar story again, and died in the same sort of way." Sam gave him the short version of what he and Chuch had come across now.

"Son of a bitch…" Dean gritted, and then paused. "I'll be over in awhile."

"Is Manda doing okay?" Sam inquired, checking to make sure that wasn't what was wrong.

"Yeah… thanks, Sammy." Dean shut his phone and put it down. He looked back to Manda who was lying with her back to him. "Another hunter, same sort of story again." He went for the whiskey then, and downed a hard sip. What he wanted to know from her soon was going to be tough.

"'Kay," she whispered. There was nothing else for her to say, a third victim with the same outcome wasn't good news.

It was a few minutes later when Dean finally came back and sat on the bed. And a few more minutes passed before he finally lied down on his side next to her, ready to find out what the visions held. "I want to know what you saw, Manda."

She switched sides slowly, then looked at him and saw the anguish that was deeply set in his eyes. She took a moment to decide what to say. "Dean… I know we're all capable of it if push came to shove, but that isn't what's in here," she said quietly, pressing her hand to his chest.

Her words stung, and so did her touch. She didn't know the half of what he'd been like, and how it was still somewhere inside him. "What did you see?" he asked.

"The things you were doing were just beyond… cruel," Manda whispered, worried of his reaction. She withdrew her hand, knowing he'd pull away if she didn't.

He cringed at the word, knowing she'd seen something that had actually happened. Dean was horrified that she knew, and rolled onto his other side so she couldn't see him. He would never forget the things he'd done and would carry the guilt and shame from them for the rest of his life.

Manda took a deep breath and then began to tell him about the visions the demon had given her. Her voice kept breaking and the tears fell at trying to imagine what it was like for him, seeing it in her mind again, and not being able to imagine what else he'd gone through. She tried not to use words that would be hurtful, but couldn't help but use them at times.

Dean was quiet while he listened, and for awhile longer once she had finished. He had no idea what to say or do. He was fuming at the demon for making her watch things she should never have had to see, and things he'd never wanted her to know about. He loathed that she had seen him that way, but Manda had tried to understand, and had even been afraid of hurting him at times while she talked. The tears she had shed had been for him and his pain. He recognized that through his overwhelming pain, guilt, rage and shame. "It… what you saw… that happened," he said quietly, unable to mask the breaking in his voice. He shifted onto his back then, knowing he needed to see how she looked at him now.

She propped herself up beside him on an elbow and turned his face to look at her. "To know you went through that… I'm sorry doesn't cut it, but I am, Dean… and I know there are no words I can say to make it better," Her voice was filled with sadness.

There were no words for it. He'd told Sam that when he'd shared a little of what had happened to him. "None at all," he mumbled, and avoided looking in her eyes. He wasn't sure he wanted to know how she looked at him now.

"That isn't you. That isn't the man I know or see deep inside you… no matter if that part is in there somewhere." Manda stroked his cheek. "I'll never know everything that happened, but I know you're a good man with a good heart regardless of what went on down there."

Dean froze, and went completely rigid. She always thought he was a better man than he was, and here she was trying to comfort him when he should have been comforting her. "You saw pieces, but you don't ever want to know the things I saw… what else I ended up doing. There was no good man or good heart down there, Manda… and I… I'm not…" he stopped, unable to say more, and forced down the breaking he had been about to do in front of her.

Manda pushed up the sleeve of his t-shirt. She touched the handprint delicately before beginning to trace it with a finger even more softly. "You never wanted me to know that part of you, and I get why. But the heartache from just watching what I saw… I wish I could rid you of that pain, Dean. I'd take it if it were possible." She kissed his forehead, and then stared down at him. "I'd take it all if I could, because I know what it's like to not want to feel it and end up drowning in it."

"You wouldn't want this." But then Dean's eyes finally met hers, and he saw she understood the pain completely. It was then he realized that after losing three people she loved all those years ago, Manda had been shattered beyond what she had ever admitted to. The year she said she'd took off made sense to him now. There had been no attempt for a normal life, she'd spent a year consumed by guilt and suffering from the mistakes she had made. "You've got enough of your own pain, Manda."

"I won't pretend mine compares, but I know about pain that eats away at you and can't be erased." She pulled his arm across his chest, leaned down, and did something she'd never done before – she kissed the handprint softly. He had done it to her scars, and Manda felt it was only fair to return the gesture now. "And I know this comes with indescribable pain attached to it."

Dean wanted to stop her, but couldn't bring himself to. He closed his eyes upon feeling the wetness rise in them. He wouldn't cry in front of her, couldn't, but with how gentle and sweet she was despite everything that had happened to her today, and how she still seemed to love him despite knowing what she knew now, he didn't have it in him to be tough.
He knew what it was like for her when he had kissed her scars as her lips worked delicately over the handprint. Dean tensed up completely as two tears escaped.

She stopped upon feeling him tense up. She put his arm back at his side, and then looked at him. She saw the tear streaks and wanted to brush them away, but figured he already felt like less of the strong man he was in front of her now without her making it worse. "It's okay, baby… you never have to hide your pain from me." Manda let her lips descend on his gently.

He kissed her back as if she could take away the pain. Then he just looked at her. He hadn't managed to keep the two tears in since she had hit an emotional spot rooted deeply inside him with her words and actions. He felt like he wasn't strong then, that he'd just done something his brother would do in front of a girl, but he hadn't sobbed like Sam would have. Manda wouldn't judge him for it either, and she'd cried in front of him enough already. "You've been making a habit of having chick-flick moments on me, I guess it finally rubbed off and I owed you one in return." He smirked, and wiped away the wetness from his face with the back of his hand casually, like it was a smudge of anything other than tears.

"Two tears hardly make it a chick moment, so I won't hold it against you," she smirked softly. "Neither of us can be tough all the time, but you're still the stronger one here."

"I guess." Dean slid his arm behind her before she rested her head on his shoulder, and carefully put it around her to avoid the stitches he'd put in. "The year off after… what did you really do, Manda?" He just wanted to know if he was right.

She hesitated, wondering why he wanted to know now when he'd taken her reason before. But if he wanted the truth, she wouldn't hide it anymore. "I cried. Every goddamn day I cried until there was nothing left inside, and then just started all over again." The normal life story had always been a lie. It had just been a year of the worst pain and guilt that ate away at her.

Dean kissed the top of her head because he didn't know what to say.

"There was no one left, I was alone and broken. Hunting wasn't even an option because of being so screwed up. I was bruised and sore that year for trying so hard to beat my pain and guilt out, and on the days I couldn't get up to pound the crap out of something, I did it mentally." Manda gave him the complete truth that only she and a hunter friend of her parents' who had snapped her out of it knew. "The things I did to myself that year… we've both got things we won't talk about."

"I won't ask you to." He knew then that she hadn't been lying when she said she'd die before losing someone like that again, because for her that had been hell. A hell she believed she had created, and one she'd been stuck in that was filled with pain that had no ending. Dean tightened his arm around her and put his other hand on the arm she had across his chest to hold the girl who seemed to understand him as much as he understood her. "There's no forgetting it, is there?"

"It'll always feel like yesterday for both of us."

"Lucky us."

"Some pair we are, Winchester," she laughed quietly.

He chuckled. "Tell me about it."

"If something happens to me… my parents' rings… I want you to have them." Manda lifted her head, looked at him. "Can you do that for me?" She needed to know he would, because she wanted him to have them if she didn't survive this. He was the only person she'd ever thought of giving one of them to anyway.

Dean couldn't deny her as he looked in her eyes and saw her love for him. "I can… but nothing is going to happen to you, so they're staying right where they are." He had to believe that she wouldn't die, and he wanted her to believe it too. But knowing she wanted him to have those rings, he knew he was a coward for not being able to tell her he loved her.

She nodded, and put her head back down. "I know you want to go talk with Sam and Chuch, but will you stay until I'm asleep?" Any other time she would never ask, but she just needed him there with her.

"I think I can manage that." It wouldn't take long, she was exhausted from everything. It was the least he could do for her now too, especially after how she'd been with him.

They were both quiet for awhile as they lay there together.

Dean thought she'd fallen asleep when she spoke softly.

"I don't want to die yet, Dean," she confessed in a broken voice.

"You won't, Manda," he said in a soft tone. But he wasn't sure if she wouldn't as long as the demon kept this up, and if killing it was almost a guarantee for killing her too. "You won't," Dean repeated what he hoped was the truth, but actually felt like a lie.

His phone went off twenty minutes later, and reaching for it caused her to roll away from him. "Give me the good, the bad, and the ugly, Sammy."

Sam chuckled. "Why are you whispering?"

"Manda's asleep, don't want to wake her," he spoke low as he carefully left the bed.

"Wow, if only you were that nice to me…" Sam scoffed.

"Aw, Sammy, you miss sharing a room already?" Dean said louder now, making his way to just outside the door.

"No," Sam paused. "Got a fourth victim, but you'll want to read this one yourself."

Dean rubbed a hand hard over his face. This couldn't be good. "How bad?"

Sam sighed. "It ripped open his scars twice while they were trying to save him. He died from the blood loss, it hit an artery for where they located."

"Shit…" he mumbled. Was there any way they could get her out of this? Or was she really going to die no matter what they tried to do? The idea of losing her when he'd just really gained her wasn't sitting well with him. "Haven't come across any theories yet?"

"Nope, but we'll keep looking. You coming by still or do you want me to drop it off for you to read?"

"Be there in a few minutes." He shut his phone, and went back inside the room.

Dean grabbed her phone, and eased it into her hand when he sat next to her. He wanted it close to her in case she needed to call him if something happened while he wasn't there.

She didn't stir, so he looked at her for a minute, and knew what he had to say. There was a truth he needed to get out, one he'd been trying to work himself up to say while he'd been lying there with her.

"I gotta get you out of this, because I-I… I lo-- damn it… I need you too," he whispered, and then kissed the side of her head. He had choked on the word he wanted to use and replaced it with another. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to get out the one he hadn't been able to say.

He left then, finding his determination to save Manda was stronger than it had been before, because while he'd been saying it, Dean had realized he didn't just love her, he needed her too.


Okay, now let me say this about where this chapter went. Dean got soft, had a moment - and you'll either like it or hate it. But upon watching season 4 twice now... the guy has had his moments of breaking down. So within my fic - I gave him a mini one by making him shed a tear or two. Dean's not about to sob like a girl, but it got emotional there, and hopefully it worked. I always worry I'm making him too soft, and perhaps in this one he was but oh well! Fic is fic... but the way I see it, Season 4 has Dean being a little more of emotional guy... Maybe it was a stretch to make him "cry" (two tears really isn't crying) in front of a girl, but that's where it went in my head, and how I've spun the layers he has. Along with making him almost say that 4 letter word, which would be highly doubtful... so he choked on it. But I had to tease, throw it in there for the drama of getting them more tangled.
The chapters are getting longer, but that's just me using too much description... and hopefully not boring you readers.
Anyway, hope you liked it... and yes, I intend to get to them meeting with this demon. It will come soon, and when it happens, it'll be quick.
Comment if you feel like it! Thanks for reading!