No matter how hard that she tried, Lavender Brown couldn't stop thinking about Ron.
"I miss my Wonald," she confided to Ginny Weasley at a coffee shop. "I miss my Wonald so, so much."
"Well, these things happen," said Ginny simply, taking a sip from her pumpkin mocha. "Dean and I are no longer together, as I'm sure you've noticed."
"Don't talk like that to me," Lavender whined. "I know perfectly well that you never wuved your Deany at all. It's Harry Potter who you've been in wuv with. It always has been!"
"Not so loud!" Ginny whispered at her harshly. "I already told you to never talk about that with me."
"And I alweady told you that I am still in wuv with my Wonald," said Lavender. "It's all because of that wicked, wicked Gwanger girl. She cast a spell on my Wonald. She made him hate me!"
Ginny tried to comfort Lavender by gently rubbing her hand.
"Just because he doesn't want to be your girlfriend anymore doesn't mean that he hates you," she told her calmly.
Lavender pulled her hand away from her.
"You don't get it, do you?" she cried. "You've never been in wuv with anyone, have you? Not for weal, like me and Wonald were. We wuved each other very much! There was no wuv in the whole world that could compare to what we shared! But Gwanger got jealous! Gwanger couldn't stand our wuv!"
She then began to cry into her napkin.
"I doubt that it's like that at all," Ginny said in a very careful tone of voice. "I haven't heard anything official about my brother dating Hermione."
"That's probably only because my Wonald is keeping secrets from you," Lavender sobbed. "Gwanger isn't wetting him tell anyone, because she's so evil. She won't wet my Wonald fwee from her spell until it's too late! Once he's gotten her knocked up, she'll blame my Wonald for it. She'll get him into twouble!"
"Hermione's not like that," Ginny said, feeling slightly frustrated. "And why on earth do you talk that way?"
"You only wike Hermione because she's a fwiend of Harry Potter," said Lavender, ignoring her question. "If she wasn't fwiends with Harry, then you would see her for the wicked, wicked bitch that she is!"
Ginny paused before speaking again.
"Look, you can't keep going on like this," said Ginny. "You have to move on with your life. There is someone else out there. Someone who will really love you."
The look on Lavender's face immediately let Ginny know that she had said the wrong thing.
"Are you meaning to imply that he never weally wuved me?" she cried as still more tears streamed down her cheeks. "Are you twying to say that my Wonny was only wanting to be awound me so that we could snog each other? What we had, Ginny Weasley, was weally, weally special. But you have turned your heart away from wuv! You wefuse to admit that you still want Harry, despite the fact that he told you that he could never be with you!"
"He said that he did it for my own good!" shouted Ginny, now standing up from her seat. "And if you can't over my brother, then what do you think that I'm supposed to do about it?"
Lavender seemed unable to speak. She continued to cry into her napkin until it proved useless to her, at which point she took Ginny's napkin away from her and began crying into it.
When she finally did speak, her voice was incredibly hoarse.
"I don't know what to do, Ginny," she whimpered. "I don't know what to do. I don't even know where Wonny is. On some weally dangerous mission with Harry, no doubt, along with that evil Gwanger. She's probably making him do things to her wight now. Oh, that wicked Gwanger! What am I ever going to do about that wicked, wicked Gwanger?"
"Maybe you just kill her," said Ginny sarcasticly as she tried to get back to her pumpkin mocha. "That would solve all of your problems."
Big mistake.
"You know what?" said Lavender, wiping her face with what was left of Ginny's napkin. "I had never thought about doing that before. Why didn't I? It's weally obvious that that's what I should do. After all, she stole my Wonny away from me! Once she's dead, he'll finally be fwee from her spell! And then we can get back to wicking each other's faces and watching the Hallmark channel together."
"I wasn't being serious!" Ginny said quickly, feeling her heartbeat increase a little. "You do know that, don't you?"
"I shall begin a search wight away!" said Lavender, pounding her fist on the table with determination. "I will get my wevenge! Hermione Gwanger, pwepare to taste my shit!"
After saying these powerful words, she got up from the table and went into the girls toilet, which is apparently where she was going to begin planning out her evil plot.
Ginny sighed deeply.
"How many pointless subplots is this fanfiction going to have?" she wondered outloud.
What Ginny didn't know, of course, was that she had bigger things to worry about.
Much bigger things.
Such as the Phantom of the Opera.
The Phantom of the Opera looked around what was left of the Chamber of Secrets. He had, a very long time ago, used to be here quite often.
But it was a very long time ago. It was so long ago, in fact, that he wondered if the memories that he had of this place were true or not.
He examined the body of what he was certain was the giant snake who had once lived here. He had never been able to look at the monster in the past, because of what he had heard about looking into the creature's eyes, but now that it was dead, he saw no harm in looking at it now.
It brought back so many memories. So many.
He remembered a time, many, many years ago, when he had first entered Hogwarts. He was waiting to be sorted with a large paper bag over his head.
True to the nature of these tragic childhood stories, all of the kids were making fun of him.
"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed many of the kids. "Look at that boy! He's got a bag on his head!"
But there was one boy who wasn't laughing at him.
His name was Tom Riddle.
"You don't have to keep that bag on your head, you know," he told him gently. "Most of these kids aren't worth your concern. Trust me on that much."
The Phantom was far too shy to answer.
"I'm Tom Riddle," said Tom Riddle, holding out his hand so that the Phantom could shake it. "What's your name?"
Again, the Phantom didn't answer. He wasn't even sure if he had a name.
"So, how did you find out?" asked Tom, clearly trying to make conversation.
Finally, without thinking twice, the little Phantom spoke.
"Found out what?" he asked through his bag.
"That you had magical powers," said Tom Riddle. "That you were, you know, a wizard."
The Phantom wasn't sure how to respond.
"It's...complicated," said the Phantom. "I really shouldn't tell you."
"You can trust me," said Tom. "I promise not to tell anyone."
"Maybe later," said the Phantom. "I really can't tell you now."
"That's fine," said Tom, smiling at him. "I'm still a total stranger to you, after all."
The Phantom nodded slowly.
"So, who are your parents?" asked Tom, apparently trying to change the subject.
Once again, the Phantom wasn't sure how to answer.
"They're...dead," said the Phantom carefully.
Tom's face was unreadable.
"I'm sorry," he said simply.
"Don't be," said the Phantom quietly. "I don't really miss them very much. My mother was a drunk and my father walked out the door the day that I was born."
How tragic. How sad. How incredibly original.
"I don't understand," said Tom. "Why would your father leave you?"
"Because of..." the Phantom started to say, but he found that he couldn't finish his sentence.
Instead, he began to softly cry.
"There, there, small child," said Tom, wrapping his arms around him. "If it makes you feel any better, I hated my parents as well."
The Phantom looked up at his new friend.
"Why are you so nice to me?" he asked.
"Because we have more in common than you may think," said Tom, without offering any details beyond that.
"Oh," said the Phantom, because the author couldn't think of anything better for him to say.
"Now, go back to your seat," said Tom Riddle, gently pushing him away from him. "You're going to be sorted soon."
The Phantom walked back to his chair, looking back at Tom as he did so. If Tom could've seen through his bag, he would've noticed a small smile.
That was many, many years ago.
"WHY???!!!!" cried the Phantom in agony. "WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN?!?!? WHY?!?!"
He kicked the body of the monster in his rage.
He tried to collect himself. He couldn't let his anger take him over right now. Not if his plan was going to work.
His plan to get revenge.
His plan to finally get what he wanted.
His plan to get Ginny Weasley.
