And now, drama lovers, let's see what happens when the heroes and villains have their first challenge!

Episode 2: Heroes vs. Villains (Part 2)

"Previously on Total Drama All-Stars!" Chris announced, the footage flashing to rapidly show off the cast.

"28 of the best Total Drama has ever seen arrived at the now not radioactive, and much less fun, Camp Wawanakwa for an ever bigger load of moolah!"

Cuts then showed Heather and Alejandro sizing each other up, Dawn and Ella meeting and DJ standing up to Lightning. "With plenty of tension, new friends and new goals, it's sure to be a bona fide drama extravaganza!"

Another flash cut to Chris and his co-host Blaineley dividing up the teams. "We pit the 14 nice guys versus the 14 cutthroats to REALLY get the blood pumping, even if that meant many arguments from the Villainous Vultures!"

We then cut to the inside of the control tent where Blaineley was too busy typing on a cellphone to recap anything. Chris glances over at her, annoyed.

"Um, hello? We've got a job to do!"

"Yeah, yeah, finish it up yourself," she snapped, "I need to get my hands on those emails so I can get this love triangle restarted before we both end up jobless!"

"Fine, sheesh…" Chris's glower quickly turned to a grin as he faced the camera, "Today's the first challenge and you know what that means! Throwing these kids off the deep end, literally! Hahahaha…"

A final flash returned Chris to the dock, Blaineley still too busy on her phone. "Who's gonna sink and who will swim? Find out right now!"

"On Total!"

"Drama!"

"All-Stars!"

"What do you mean, 'that's illegal?!'"

"Oh, shut up!"

(Break)

A familiar electronic theme started up as a spotlight, the price tag dangling off the bottom, swung into view in the shot of the picturesque forest. Then came another spotlight, gleaming as if never used, popped out a hole in the ground.

A camera then popped out of the ground, knocking over a roll of toilet paper. Then a second camera lens emerged from a tree, sending a squirrel who was reading the newspaper flying out.

A sudden smack of a clapboard punctuated the music, before cutting to a sweeping shot. The view raced past the sign to Camp Wawanakwa, Chris and Blaineley both sitting in director chairs barking orders to some interns. The camera soared in between them, past the docks, then between the cabin and the McBlaineley Spa Hotel, before rushing up the giant cliffside and plummeting into a ring of buoys far below in the water.

"Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doin' fine,

You guys are on my mind.

The bubbles cleared to reveal Harold swimming along with a school of fish only to get tackled by Jo, the jockette yanking off his swimsuit with a cruel smirk.

You asked me what I wanted to be,

And now I think the answer's plain to see...

The camera panned up to show two canoes, one yellow and one red, being paddled by Geoff and Scott respectively. In the yellow raft, Bridgette was smiling as they rode. In the red ride, Courtney was clearly shouting at Scott to go faster before grabbing an oar and paddling herself. The villains skidded along the water as the blonde couple watched in shock.

I wanna be famous!

We follow Courtney and Scott until they pass a nearby shore where Amy and Sammy are in the midst of a catfight, the nice twin pounding her sister's face in.

I wanna live close to the sun,

Go pack your bags, 'cause I've already won.

The fight stopped as a bear popped out of the trees, sending both twins running. A pull-back revealed Dawn watching them in concern while Alejandro, a pair of binoculars around his neck, rubbed his chin in thought with his usual smirk.

Everything to prove, nothing in my way,

I'll get there one day.

The shot moves to the side, a familiar outhouse sitting in the woods. The wooden box rattles until a pair of raccoons run away as Eva chases after them, her purple shorts still around her ankles. She passes by Brick doing push-ups, stepping on his back and leaving him face-first in the dirt.

'Cause I wanna be famous!"

Eva races past the mess hall, a familiar hulking silhouette in the window. The camera peers in, showing Chef Hatchet eagerly preparing a pot of something green, sludgy, and gross. Another quick pan shows two tables. At one is Justin, Topher, Gwen and Trent. The former couple looks terrified while the two pretty boys just admire themselves in hand mirrors. At the other table is Lindsay, Ella, Shawn, and Jasmine. The blonde and the princess are clearly holding back vomit while the zombie nut and outback girl just shrug their shoulders.

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!

A quick pan outside and we see another fight, this time it's Heather and Leshawna trying to bash each other's heads in with pugil sticks.

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

Another pan to the right and we see DJ trying to console Dave on the dock. The crying neat freak lashes his hand out, sending the brickhouse into the water where he immediately swims away from a shark in terror.

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na!

Noah is shown at the end of the dock, an eyebrow quirked at the camera as he reads. He then notices Lightning in his swim trunks racing past him and holds the book in front of his face just before the splash.

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

We see the water flying through the air as day turns to night, embers floating up. The music turns to a quiet acoustic piece as Zoey and Mike hold hands, leaning in for a kiss before Chris and Blaineley appear behind them. The host holds a plate of marshmallow, the hostess grins as she holds a polaroid camera.

The couple awkwardly breaks apart as the whistling ditty wraps up, all twenty-eight contestants singing along as the camera rests on a wooden sign. In bright gold letters are "Total Drama All-Stars" as a final electric guitar riff ends the song.

(Break)

Thanks to the magic of TV editing, we start this episode with all twenty-eight campers on top of a very familiar cliff. All of them were now dressed in swimsuits and firmly divided into their teams. The Heroic Hawks stood beside the Villainous Vultures while Chris and Blaineley were smiling in front of them all.

"Campers, I hope some of you are having happy memories because each challenge in this All-Star season will be a throwback to a task of years past! And I'm sure you can all guess what you'll be doing this time…" Chris announced, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

"The very first challenge of Total Drama Island was to jump off this cliff into shark-infested waters. Today, we've spared you the sharks…"

The cast cheered in surprised delight at that while Blaineley paused.

"…For now. Today, your goal is to dive down and find the key to McBlaineley Spa Hotel somewhere at the bottom of the lake."

The cameras then flashed to a pair of baby carriages waiting on the beach, one bright yellow and the other cherry red. "Once you fish up your loot, you must hop into a pram to be carried over to the hotel in honor of our World Tour trip to Broadway."

Back on the cliff, Chris wrapped up the explanation. "Whoever opens the door to the Spa Hotel wins safety for the night for their team. Losers get to go to the very first bonfire ceremony and send someone home. Alright, Heroes and Villains, you have one minute to pick a stroller driver!"

"Any arguments that I'll drive?" Eva announced, getting a quick round of no's and at least one "I'm good!" from the rest of her team. The lady just smiled as she started heading down the cliff.

"Alright, DJ, you've got this!" Geoff cheered, "Dude's built like a tank!"

Leshawna pumped her fists in the air, "Woo-hoo, ain't that right! You hear that, bad boys and girls? Y'all about to get spanked!"

And while many of the Heroic Hawks were happy, DJ was not. He was staring off the cliff with a determined glared. "I wanna jump."

"Huh?!" the rest of his team, and several members of the Villains, said at once. Zoey was the first to walk up to him.

"Um, DJ, are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, I don't blame you for being scared but…"

"That's just it! I chickened out the last time I was up here, and I want to fix that!"

He glared over at Lightning, the jock more preoccupied with getting some squats in before the challenge. Bridgette placed a hand on DJ's shoulder.

"You don't have to prove anything to him, DJ! We all know you're awesome!"

"Time's up!" Blaineley announced, "So, the Vultures have obviously picked Eva. Hawks, what'll it be?"

"I nominate myself for carriage duty, ma'am!" Brick said, marching to the front of the tribe with a salute. While most of his tribe gasped, DJ flashed him a smile.

"Are you sure, Brick? If you end up losing, you'd be a pretty obvious choice to go home first…"

"I insist, ma'am. I'll do my darnedest to push us to victory!"

"Brick it is, then!" Chris cheered, "Runners, get changed back into your normal clothes and head down to the beach. Everyone else, you all get one minute to prepare… Or pee yourself, take your pick!"

(Break)

"Of frickin' course he has us doing this…" Gwen sighed, "Seriously, how has this freak not been locked up in a mental ward yet? I'm pretty sure there's a fine line between playfully sadistic and TOTALLY (BLEEP!)ING INSANE!"

"It's called being photogenic, sister!" Chris cheered over the loudspeaker, "You might wanna look into it!"

"Grrrrr… He's damn lucky I could buy a lifetime's supply of oil paint with two million bucks…"

(Break)

The static reveals the beach, Eva wearing her usual purple gear and waiting by her team's red stroller. Brick was only ten feet away in his camo in front of the yellow pram. Blaineley stood between them with her hands behind her back. "Alright you two! Get ready for a whole week's worth of cardio!"

"Maybe for you, lightweight…" Eva snarked. Brick had to keep his laughter quiet as the hostess sneered at both of them.

"Okay then!" Chris shouted over his beloved megaphone, "The runners are set! First divers, to the edge of the cliff!"

Alejandro walked forward for the Vultures and sent a kiss at Jasmine but the Aussie just rolled her eyes. Like she'd fall for that with her boyfriend thirty feet behind her…

"On your marks! Get set! JUMP!" An airhorn rang out and both players leapt off the cliff. Alejandro tumbled like a trained diver while Jasmine simply cannonballed in. Both hit the water at the same moment, the camera following them into the blue depths as dozens of metal keys were attached to several buoys and chains in the diving area. The Australian glared at the Spaniard as she snatched up the nearest key and swam towards the shore with her competition on her tail.

As soon as they touched down on land, Jasmine hopped in the Heroes' carriage but Brick finds the wheels getting stalled in the sand. Eva, however, plows ahead with Alejandro waving goodbye.

"And an early lead for the Villainous Vultures! Is the first key gonna be the magic one?" Chris asked the camera only to shrug, "I seriously doubt it, cuz' we've got way more screentime to fill!"

A flash cut to the front of the mansion where Eva, not even breaking a sweat, stopped and forced Alejandro to fly into the porch chin first.

"AI! Mi menton!"

"Mention it later, get the key in!" Eva demanded, her teammate having little choice but to comply. Alejandro stuck the brown metal key in the slot but couldn't get to turn either way. He uttered something Spanish that had to be censored and hopped back in the carriage. Only a minute later came Brick and Jasmine who didn't have any better luck.

A flash back to the cliff showed Zoey and Heather were next to dive in for their teams, standing ready at the cliff once Chris gave the signal. The redhead kept an eye on the ravenette, making the latter squirm.

"You wanna take a picture or something, weirdo? Quit staring at me!"

"And here I thought the cattiness was just an act…" Zoey sighed. Chris then blew the airhorn, giving both girls their cue to leap off the cliff. The camera followed them below. Zoey swam for a bronze key attached to a chain only for Heather to grab her by the leg, twist her foot backwards and then swim forward and snatch up the key when the heroine was distracted.

"Later, loser!" she snarked as she swam to the surface, Zoey fuming in anger as she found a silver key dangling from a chain connected to the bottom of the lake. The indie chick rushed back to the coast and hopped into her carriage.

"Hurry, Brick! We can't let that cheater win!"

"Ten-hut, ma'am!" The cadet raced off, soon catching up with Eva and Heather. The queen bee was about to brag only to get punched in the face.

"OW!" she glared at Eva, "What the hell was that for?!"

"My MP3 player."

Heather balked. "That was, like, years ago!"

"I know, but I never paid you back. And now we're even!" Eva just smirked as the carriage "accidentally" hit a large rock and sent her teammate flying out of the pram and onto her butt on the ground.

(Break)

Eva sat with her arms crossed, smirking into the camera. "They put us on the same team. They never said we had to be friends, after all. Besides, I've been dying to do that!"

(Break)

Zoey was laughing her butt off, barely staying on the toilet. "O-Oh my god! E-Eva… Punched H-Heather in… in t-the… HAHAHAHAHA! I know it's wrong to laugh at other people's misfortune! But… AHAHAHAHA!"

(Break)

A split-screen showed Heather and Zoey both failing to open the door and hopping back in their rides, the villainess now sporting a bruised cheek. Once they returned, Lightning and DJ were lined up to jump only the brickhouse was starting to tremble.

"Hey, uh, DJ?" Geoff asked, "You all good, man?"

"Y-Yeah! I'm good!"

"Psh, sha-yeah right," Lightning scoffed, "Just go on and quit again! It'll save Lightning the trouble of whupping you!"

The jock then somersaulted down with a holler while Geoff patted his friend on the back before taking his place. Lightning and Geoff emerged from water one after the other, but Eva quickly got the lead on Brick again. Another quick flash showed both boys had dud keys. Back at the cliffside, the next duo to jump was Leshawna for the Heroes and Jo for the villains, the jockette keeping the Sistah in a headlock as they plummeted towards the lake.

"You hurt this weave, you pay for it!"

"Try going to the gym instead of the salon, you tub of cream cheese!"

"Oooh, I'm gonna enjoy whupping you!"

While that continued, the camera panned up to show DJ still shivering in fright as he backed away from the cliff. Sammy walked up next to him, with a comforting hand.

"It is pretty scary, huh?"

"Yeah! I keep telling myself to go, but-!"

"Don't sweat it, DJ! You'll get it done in no time! And at least you're first trip off the high dive wasn't because SOMEBODY pushed you…"

"Oh, boo-hoo!" Amy said from her line, fake sobbing while Noah and Heather both glared at her, "Aw, poor Samey, you almost got a concussion! Grow up already! Not like you could even do this on your own!"

"Oh yeah?" The nice twin shot a confident look at DJ. "Just follow my lead, okay?"

The cheerleader then ran off the cliff, somersaulting down with the poise from years of practice while even Eva and Brick were impressed. Amy, however, was mortified.

"What the?! That's my signature move from diving team tryouts! That… That little…!"

"Hey, Ms. Muskoka," Noah piped up, "It's your turn! If your so keen on showing up your sister, then jump already!"

"HUH?! B-But… My hair will get wet!"

"Oh, no you don't!"

Heather, in a nice bit of karma, shoved Amy off the cliff. The mean twin spun down in a fit of screaming in tears before landing painfully on her back. The other Villains all stared at the ravenette.

"What? At least I hate you all equally! Even I draw the line at obsessing over one person!"

The others, especially Alejandro, quirked an eyebrow with Gwen glaring at her hard enough to set someone on fire. The only one who looked particularly happy was Leshawna as she walked back up the cliff.

(Break)

"You know, I'm really diggin' this whole theme," she approved, as the logo of the Heroic Hawks spun into view above her, "This time, we're gonna send all the jerks packing and leave the people who DESERVE to win!"

She crossed her arms. "Our whole team is gonna be one huge alliance, winning as many challenges as possible and making sure that one of those scumbags doesn't get the cash!"

"…Well, except for Gwen and Trent. Here's hopin' those two survive…"

(Break)

"Nobody has gotten the key yet!" Blaineley exclaimed impatiently, "Come on, people, some of us have hot stone massages to get to!"

Next up to dive were Scott from the Villainous Vultures, repeating, "There's no sharks this time…" to himself over and over again. Against him was Ella, twirling on one foot and clearly just eager to get going.

"Alright, no shows from Bridgette and Justin!" Chris announced, "Next guppies in line, JUMP!"

The songstress leapt off the ledge with a high note, holding it as she fell. Scott was far less graceful, almost tumbling off the edge. He landed with a messy splash, the redneck grabbing an iron key that was right in front of him. Ella, however, looked torn as she looked back and forth between multiple keys. Eventually, she snatches up a blue colored one to her left and starts swimming back to the shore.

With the Heroes behind now, the others all started fretting with none more so than DJ. The brickhouse was slumping in shame until Trent walked up to him.

"Hey man, don't sweat it too much," he encouraged.

"But I wanted to prove myself! And here I am, chickening out again and again! I can just see Mama saying how disappointed she is…"

"Okay, dude, I've met your mom. She clearly loves you to bits! She'd never do that over something like this!"

"Um, what are you doing?!" Courtney ordered, "He's on the other team!"

"Yeah, and you didn't jump last time either," Gwen countered, drawing a scowl out of her ex-rival, "So quit whining and jump."

"Ugh, this all your fault, Samey!"

"Hey, I wasn't even talking!"

Jo just growled. "Will you all shut up?! This is a cliff-jumping contest, not a group therapy session!"

Topher then walked up to Amy, his hands clasped together. "And Ams, bubbie? Could you maybe tone it down a little with the sister hate? I mean, I LIVE for quality catfights, but your sis is on the other team this time."

"Who asked you, weirdo?! Go jerk off to pictures of Chris or something!"

"Okay, somebody better jump in the next ten seconds or I'm bringing in the sharks!" Chris ordered. Seeing no other option, Dawn rushed ahead.

"Sorry, DJ, you can be next!" the moonchild said as she ran before hopping off. Trent took one last look at the young man.

"We've all made mistakes, man. What's important is fixing them…" The guitarist then hopped off the ledge. The camera focused on Courtney looking down at the cliff in silent fear while Gwen raised an eyebrow.

(Break)

"Was Trent… Referring to me?" Gwen wondered, her back against the outhouse's rear wall, "I mean, we've been emailing each other pretty much since Action ended. We both acted pretty stupid back then but… I thought we'd just be friends."

(Break)

Back on the ground, Eva was still going strong pushing Trent towards the mansion. Brick, meanwhile, was clearly struggling even thought Dawn fit the best in the carriage out of her whole team.

"Ma'am… Don't take this… The wrong way…" he said through gritted teeth, "But this mission is…"

"Don't fret too much, Brick. I understand you're doing your best!"

As soon as she spoke, Eva and Trent raced past them. Dawn blinked in surprise. "Goodness, her aura almost hurts to look at! It's like she's actually learned to harness it!"

Brick pushed on, regardless of the sweat pouring down his face and staining his pits. A quick flash to Eva showed that while DJ was getting passed by yet again, this time by Shawn, the Vultures were held up as well.

Dave simply stood in front of the cliff, sobbing in grief. His entire team just stood there, glaring at him as Blaineley walked up to him. "Oh dear, what's the matter?"

"I-I-It's just…" he choked, barely coherent, "T-This… Sky… D-Diving…"

"Oh no, I see the problem," she said with sympathy, "You're still upset about that whole little issue at the finale, huh?"

"Y-Yeah… I-I c-can't believe she just…" That was all the reminiscing Dave could take as he curled up into a ball, still crying like a toddler while the rest of the Vultures and even a handful of the Hawks watched in concern and pity.

Chris, however, pulled his co-hostess by the arm back to the side of the cliff. "What do you think you're doing? You're not a gossip show host anymore!"

"Oh, please, like you don't love picking these kids apart," she scoffed, "Besides, we lost our biggest love triangle so I had to do something!"

"Um, can I go now?" Lindsay asked, "Stew is back for our team, but I kinda think that Dan guy needs help…"

"Yeah, sure," Blaineley waved the younger blonde off, letting the airhead throw herself off a cliff with a shout before pointing in Chris's face, "Let me do my job, McLean. I don't get involved with how you make these death-trap challenges."

"Well, duh! That's only half the reason people watch!" he argued back, "You wanna put that daytime paparazzi schtick up around me? I'll have you wearing flannel and eating pork and beans three times a day!"

Blaineley gasped in horror and soon the two got into a full-on shouting match as the contestants watched in amusement. The only exception was Dave, crying a literal river until Jo strode up with a glare.

"Hello?! Earth to short, dark and hypoallergenic! Get your butt in the water!"

"W-Why?! So I can remember how badly the love of my life betrayed me?!" he whined, "What would you know about the heart?! You've never even had a kiss!"

The whole cast stopped dead, even the hosts who were in the middle of their tiff, the music scratching to a halt. The jockette looked down in shock for a moment before her face burned a bright red, grabbing Dave by the neck and growling like a rabid dog into his horrified face.

"You better pray we win, you little (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP). Or I'm gonna send you home in pieces. Got it?"

He couldn't answer before getting thrown down the cliff face-first, disappearing into the water with his muffled scream bubbling up. The camera slowly panned to the beach where Brick and Lindsay were both shivering in terror. Then the focus moved to Eva who looked more impressed.

"Wow… So that's what I look like when I get angry…"

(Break)

"I knew there was a reason I liked her…" she mused in the confessional, a hand on her chin, "If the two of us teamed up, we'd make it to the finals no problem."

(Break)

Unfortunately for the Vultures, Dave was no better emotionally once he was in the water. He could barely stay under for a minute before he breached the lake's surface, still hysterical and no key in his hand. A rapid pan showed back up the cliff where Chris was watching with a shake of his head.

"Okay, once Dave eventually moves on, everyone from the Vultures will have jumped except for Courtney."

The rest of the red team turned to the ex-CIT, who was cringing at her own cowardice. Chris then resumed, "And as for the Heroes, they also have one last diver!"

The yellow team all looked at DJ, sitting away from the group and sighing in sadness. Zoey approached the host, "Um, can't we just skip him?"

"Sorry, no can do! I clearly said you could only have a rpeat jumper once everyone had a turn! If DJ doesn't jump, you're all stuck!"

Harold and Leshawna approached the brickhouse, the former placing a hand on DJ's shoulder. "Come on, bro, you're the coolest! You can totally handle this!"

"I thought I could…" DJ sighed, "But every time I get up there, I can remember it! The Wedgie-Flop…!"

Leshawna hoisted the young man to his feet, her look fierce yet firm, "Brotha, look, do you wanna be a chicken?"

"Of course not! Who would?"

"Did you ever get made fun of for this?"

"All the time! Punks would bawk at me just walking down the street! Mama all but smacked the daylights outta them…"

"You see that?" she smiled, "She knows you ain't no chicken! She believes in you, just like all of us!"

DJ looked up to see the rest of the Heroic Hawks, cheering and flashing him thumbs up. Just behind him was Gwen and Trent, also nodding their heads in confidence even as the likes of Scott, Heather and Amy rolled their eyes.

"Now, come on! Go and prove all them haters wrong! Jump off that cliff and take home the win for us all!"

"Yeah! You're right!" he cheered, charging off the cliff with a triumphant yell… That turned into a terrified shriek right as his feet left the ground. He fell straight down like a bomb, feet-first until he went past the water. The camera followed him as he sunk straight to the lakebed, still howling in horror until he grabbed his throat in panic. He opened his eyes, realizing he had actually made the jump.

"Whoo-hoo!" he cheered, the sound warbled underwater before he looked down and saw a golden key glimmering. Unlike the others, it was basically nailed to the ground. Figuring this was his best bet, he ripped it free and pushed off the ground. He soared up out of the lake and into the air halfway to shore, spotting Brick huffing for breath.

"Yo, got enough in you for one more trip?"

Brick creased his eyebrows before snapping to a salute. "Sir, yes, sir!"

"Aw, crap!" Eva growled as Dave finally walked onto the beach with a key in his hand, sniffling. Brick took off first, leaving the iron woman with little choice. She ran up, grabbed Dave by the waist, and shoved him headfirst into the red pram before charging after the other team.

The music turned tense as the two raced alongside each other, Brick and Eva staring ahead with a grim focus even as sweat poured down both their faces.

"Come on, dude, you can do this!" DJ cheered.

"Uwaaaaah! Somebody stop this thing!" Dave screamed, his terrified face etched into the fabric, "This is so unsanitary!"

Both carriages stopped in front of the spa hotel but DJ managed to hop out first. He bounded up to the front door, his hand shaking as he inserted the key and turned… And the door opened right up for him! Chef Hatchet stood in the doorway, blowing a whistle and raising his hands. The shot cut back to Chris, watching all of this with binoculars.

"And that's game!" he announced, "DJ has opened the door! The Heroic Hawks win!"

The whole team of good guys hollered in delight, running down the cliffside to move into their luxurious abode for the next few days. That left the Villains, especially Courtney, Jo, and Alejandro scowling on the cliff as Blaineley looked over them all.

"And that means one of you All-Stars is falling tonight! We'll see you all soon, for the first Bonfire Ceremony!"

(Break)

"Pfft, we should have just had the vote right there," Jo scowled, arms crossed as she sat on the can, "Like it isn't obvious that string bean is going! Buuuut… I do wanna see how Eva works with a vote. She, well, wasn't around for that many. Gotta scope out my potential ally, after all."

(Break)

The Villainous Vultures had all assembled outside their new cabin, the seven boys on the left side while the girls stared at them from the right.

Heather, naturally, spoke first, "Okay then, that whole challenge was a fiasco."

"Tell me about it," Justin agreed, "That icky water is just a nightmare on my complexion! I know I should have brought some backup moisturizer!"

"Oh, I know!" Topher sympathized, "The things we must do to maintain our image!"

"I meant because we lost, you idiots!" Heather snapped, "Now, obviously, we need to get rid of the weak links first so this doesn't happen again!"

"Sha-yeah!" Lightning cheered, "I vote for the bossy girl!"

Courtney scoffed at his pointing finger. "What?! Why me?! I didn't even jump today!"

"Because you somehow haven't gotten over a phobia after all this time?" Noah asked, the usual indifferent look on his face, "You've been on this show how many times now and a little water freaks you out?"

"Who asked you?! Anyway, I say we get rid of Amy!"

"Tch, no way!" the cheerleader scoffed, "We should totally vote off Samey!"

"For the fourth time," Gwen ground out, "And yes, I'm counting, Sammy is on the OTHER! TEAM! If I have to hear your complaining this whole season, I'm gonna break into your luggage and spray paint all your cheer uniforms black!"

Amy shrieked in terror before rushing up into Gwen's face, pushing her forehead against the goth's. "Try that, bat-breath, and I will shove my pom-poms somewhere they will never come out! The last guy is still coughing up glitter five years later!"

"Whoa, whoa, ladies!" Alejandro said, pulling them apart, "Please, let us not start out so hostile. We need to act as a team so we don't get picked off."

As much as Gwen wanted to shut him up, she admitted the Spaniard had a point. She backed off, heading inside the cabin for some alone time while everyone else sat outside. Alejandro then moved on to Dave who had progressed from crying to only looking ready to cry.

"Before we go any further, amigo, I need to ask you to let go of this heartache. It won't do us any good."

"Sorry, I only had the most amazing girl I ever met dump me on live TV," he muttered before quirking an eyebrow, "How can you even stand being here?"

"What, on the show? I've wanted a second chance for years now."

"No, not that. I meant being here with her," Dave pointed at Heather, "Didn't she do the exact same thing to you?"

"It was all in the name of the competition," Alejandro shrugged, "I don't hold it against her…"

(Break)

"…Because I sued the daylights out of the show for the whole 'Drama Machine' stint and got my surgeries all covered," he finished in private, "But I've moved on. Now I'm here to get the prize I deserve and then enjoy Heather afterwards."

He crossed his arms, a devilish grin on his face. "And with so many pawns on my team, I have plenty to work with…"

(Break)

"Really?" Dave wondered, "How can you just forget something like that?"

"It's all happened already. Why linger on the past? Maybe it'd help you focus on the game yourself?"

Dave stood up, pacing back and forth as he ruminated, "Are you kidding? Sky's the one who needs to apologize, not me! And now that she's ignored all my calls, blocked all my emails and changed her address, I'm even more mad at her! If I had to compete against her after all that, I'd send her ten times as many death threats!"

Every other member of the Villainous Vultures gaped at him. Eva walked up to him, her unibrow quirked, "I'm sorry, what? 'Death threats?!'"

"Well, yeah! I just wish she didn't keep changing her email address, do you know how hard it is to find that out?!"

"Um, no!" Trent shouted, "Because I don't stalk my ex! Dude, that's just sick!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yeah, it is!" Amy added, surprising the group, "Look, I'm no saint, but at least I keep my hate to Samey and anyone who annoys me right now! I don't go after people months later! Get a life!"

The rest of the team headed to the mess hall for some of Chef's homemade gruel before the ceremony, leaving Dave confused.

(Break)

Dave just looked into the camera, his arms spread in confusion. "What? What did I say? It's just the normal thing to do."

(Break)

Alejandro sat in front of the camera, a surprised look on his handsome face. "Well… That was almost too easy…"

(Break)

The camera followed the embers rising into the starry night sky before moving down to reveal the Villainous Vultures sitting on stumps and rocks before the blazing bonfire. Blaineley and Chris both stood behind the podium, a tray of marshmallows in the blonde's hand.

"Welcome to the first ceremony of the season!" she greeted, "It's time for everyone's favorite part of the show!"

"And, new to this season, is our Peanut Gallery!" Chris called, revealing a set of bleachers with a giant wooden peanut decorating the front railing, "Where the winning team of the night gets to watch your humiliation! A little bonus treat to go with the massages and prime rib!"

The Heroic Hawks filed in, DJ in the lead. The brickhouse was blushing up a storm as he walked, the rest of the team still cheering him on with Ella literally singing his praises. As they sat, Chris resumed his usual spiel.

"On this plate we have thirteen marshmallows. There's fourteen all-stars in front of me. For one of you, you'll have the honor of being the worst all-star!"

"One by one, you'll head into the confessional," Blaineley explained, "Where a stack of photos of your teammates has been placed. Use the marker to cross off the photo of the person you want to send down the drain."

(Break)

Jo held up a photo of a smiling Dave, her marker punching a hole through it. "I warned you, Blubber Boy…"

(Break)

Courtney scowled, looking through several pictures. "Grr, what I wouldn't give for more votes… Our whole team is a wreck! Even I'm not sure I can save us!"

(Break)

Dave scribbled on a photo before revealing Amy's face covered in black ink. "You were super annoying last season. Get over your sister already."

(Break)

Scott was kicking back, already done voting. "Hah, and here I thought I'd have play hardball to get rid of someone else! These losers are doing it for me!"

(Break)

"The votes are all in!" Chris declared, "And now… The first marshmallow goes to… Eva!"

"YES!" she cheered, running up to grab her treat.

"Jo!"

The jockette nodded her head, standing alongside Eva and sharing a fist bump as they ate their marshmallows.

"Justin, Topher, you're both in!"

"Naturally!" the Chris fanboy preened as he and the male model headed up.

"Next up," Blaineley continued, "We have… Noah."

The smart aleck just collected his prize silently.

"Gwen and Trent."

The ex-couple headed up together, smiling that they were around for another day.

"Scott."

The farm boy barely kept a smirk back as he walked up and gobbled his immunity.

"Heather and Alejandro," Chris announced, "Surprisingly, no votes for you. Come and get it!"

The villain and villainess both collected their sweet safety, much to the surprise of the Heroic Hawks.

"Only four leeeeft…" the host taunted, "Also safe tonight is… Lightning!"

"What took you so long?!" he barked before rushing off his seat.

Chris waited a little while, savoring the panic on the last three campers' faces before announcing…

"Courtney."

"Phew…" she sighed before grabbing a marshmallow. That left one blonde cheerleader and one neurotic boy in blue staring in shock.

"Oh dear, one marshmallow left," Blaineley noted coyly, "It looks like one of you two will go from Pahkitew all-star to packing it in first."

Chris gave a loud "A-hem!" Blaineley scowled but let him continue.

"The final marshmallow goes to…"

"Amy."

She sighed in relief before snapping to attention. "I mean, uh, like, duh! Obviously, these guys need me!"

She snatched up the last marshmallow, leaving Dave gaping in shock. "What?! How?! What did I do?!"

"Dude, let me give you some sage celebrity advice," Chris said as he walked up, "Being dumped sucks, but being an incel about it just makes it a hundred times worse! Take a chill pill next time."

"But before we get to that," Blaineley said to the Peanut Gallery, "One of you goody-goods is going to Boney Island! Any takers?"

Shawn raised his hand. "Sure, I'll go."

"Be careful," Jasmine asked, smiling as her boyfriend gave her a kiss.

"As long as there's no undead, there's no need to panic!"

"Oh man…" Dave sighed, "Okay, fine, put me in the cannon."

Blaineley walked up with a laugh. "Oh, you silly little germaphobe! Don't you know that we amped up everything for this all-star season? And since you all losing on your second, third or even fourth time is extra pathetic, we developed something appropriately humiliating!"

A flash to the dock showed a fifteen-foot tall toilet sitting at the end, Dave standing on the edge of the seat looking utterly terrified.

"Say hello to the Flush of Shame!" Chris cheered, "We got this thing patented just in time! Alright, Dave, time to smell the sewer water!"

"W-W-Wait! At least let me get my hazmat suit!" he cried only for a rock to bounce off his head and send him tumbling into the bowl, sickly green water splattering out. "Ewwwwwwwww!"

"Nice shot, Chef!" Chris said to the hulking assistant.

"All in a day's work…" he bowed, a slingshot still in his hand.

"Bon voyage!" Blaineley waved before pulling out the remote control and hitting the giant red button. Dave's latest crying spat was broken as he was spun around and sent hurtling down the massive pipe running into the lake.

"That's one down and twenty-seven to go!" Blaineley announced.

"Who's gonna be the next one to take the plunge?" Chris followed up.

"And who will steal victory from the other team?"

"Find out next time!"

"On Total!"

"Drama!"

"ALL-STARS!" They both cheered as the screen faded to black, a familiar boat taking Shawn off the island as they signed off.

I can't explain why, but Dave getting booted first just feels so right to me. And next time, we have a brand new challenge! Will the heroes continue to steal victory? Or will the villains rob them blind? Tune in next time for "Ocean's Thirteen vs. Fourteen!"

Thank you all so much for reading! Feel free to leave questions or comments below.

Rankings:

28th place: Dave (VV)