When she sees him, handsome, with shiny hair and bright teeth, it's like a very cold shower. She feels trapped, oppressed and she's certain that God is trying to punish her again.

All he does is smile, because that's what he does, he smiles with that smile—the same he used to woo her in the past, to worm his way to her chilly heart and to get her say yes to him forever—then he says her name, like it's his favorite word—it was at some point, he told her, she remembers even if she doesn't want to—and her ears tingle, her finger twitch and she wants to slap herself because he is making her heart beat way too fast, he is making her panic and she feels lame like she always does when he is breathing not far from her.

Her mind feels fuzzy, and her sight is blurred and in the end, all she does is faint right next to Nessa. Brilliant.


She spends the major part of the day running, hiding from the husband she has tried hard to forget, from the husband she is trying hard to avoid.

She can run, she can hide but he is here, in her mind, in all her thoughts. Casey, Casey, Casey.

She curses, and lets her hand run tensely in her hair. When her phones rings, and she checks the caller; she curses again.

Danny.

Then, she curses again for good measure and she refuses his call.


"How come you ran away from that yummy husband of yours, Sam?"

Sam hates riding elevators with Nessa because she asks questions, not that she doesn't ask when they're not in elevators, but Nessa seems to have noticed how Sam dodges questions whenever there's an audience, so she seems to think that some alone time with Sam would help her get some answers out of her.

She's wrong.

"I mean, look at him, Sam," Nessa continues. "Anyone would want him, and no one in their right and sane mind would leave that man, not that you have a sane mind. You're totally mad, I've told you that. And you leaving that husband of yours totally comforts me in my opinion. You were totally out of your mind when you left him, honest."

"I've been trying to divorce him for years," Sam says dismissively, her face glued to her phone, fingers moving fast on the keyboard. "If you want him, you can have him."


When she left on that night, after months of blissful happiness and love, he ceased to exist for her. At first it was a slow, agonizing act, until she toughened up and started pretending she had no heart and no love to share or waste, and from then it was all at once. Casey was nothing anymore. Just a tiny dust in the large mess that was her life.

Sometimes memories would cloud her days, stain her mood and she would sleep on them, red wine on her lips, deep in her stomach and she would throw up feelings and bad alcohol in the mornings.

Most of the days she was fine though.

Because she never allowed her to miss him, not even a little. She left him, and she deserved the pain and the heartache.

She acted like Casey never existed and it all worked just fine, until it didn't anymore.


Danny is calling again, and she picks up, finally, because she didn't tell him she was married right away so she may learn from her mistakes, and do things right this time around.

"Hey Danny."

"Sam! Goddamn it! I've been trying to call you for hours."

"I know."

"I know you know," he says, sarcasm coming across the phone. "You've been ignoring my calls. Delinda said you were busy with your client, she said things didn't turn out the way you wanted—,"

Sam sighs, her fingers massaging her eyes. Casey's arrival has given her headaches and they're getting worse by the minute.

"Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"Is everything alright with your client? Do you want me to come? Mary can totally solve this horse problem by herself… Just say the word and I'm freeing you from your whale."

Sam has told Danny how some clients can become too demanding, too clingy, or too touchy, either when they're sober because they're asshole or once they've drunk too much because they're asshole that cannot handle their liquor, and in those cases, they are awful to get rid of. Danny knows that, he's seen it, he's saved Sam from time to time and Sam knows Danny wants to help, wants to play the knight in shining armor. He's cute when he acts all protective over her, but it's him, it's his heart that should be protected from her.

"Sam? What's wrong? Talk to me."

"The client I had to take care of today isn't just a client—" Sam starts.

"Who is he then?" Danny asks, and Sam can hear him getting impatient, and antsy. "Sam?"

"—The client is my husband."

There, the bomb is dropped.

She waits one, two, three seconds, before asking. "Danny?"

Silence.

"…Danny, I swear I didn't know he was coming. If I knew I would have—"

"Run away?" he cuts her off and she's too tired to call him out on his rudeness even if he's right. "What does he want?"

"Dunno. I haven't talked to him. I've been actively avoiding him."

He sighs. "Okay."

"Danny…"

"I gotta go. I'll talk to you later, okay," he says and Sam hates that he is rushing the phone call because he doesn't want to speak to her.

She doesn't say anything, and hangs up before he does because she already has one man driving her up the wall today, she doesn't need another one.


When she thinks she's done with avoiding him, he's done running after her, he has her cornered against a wall. It almost feels like before, when he was oxygen, and she was fire. But now the whole scene which they're key players of seems forced and unnatural.

"Hi, Sam," he says as greeting and she glares at him, annoyed that he found her so easy, annoyed that she let him find her so easy. Cause it's always been like that, it's always been a game. She always runs, he always chases, and in the end, she always lets him win, because that's what they do and seven years apart don't break reflexes.

It's all pretending.

"What are you doing here, Casey?"

His fingers are toying with a strand of her hair. Habits die hard, she thinks. Calloused fingers caressing the edge of her ear. Eyes soft, hesitant, hopeful even. He still loves her hair, and Sam doesn't want to know if he still loves her. She knows.

"Paying a visit to my wife," he admits, his dark eyes scrutinizing each of her movement, how her eyelashes move, how her lips twitch, how her eyes darken. "I've missed you."

Tentatively, his mouth leans in to brush hers, and she moves her face before it gets any further. He smells the same; like cigar, and channel perfume. The one she picked for him years ago. That fragrance wouldn't suit Danny, and the thought has her smirking which Casey mistakes for something related to him.

"I know you missed me too," Casey adds, and he takes a step back to allow her to leave if she wants to. She doesn't.

"You've always been overconfident," she says, arms crossed and Casey chuckles, biting his lip as his hands come to rest in his pockets. She had said some same words years ago.

She's not lying, she didn't miss him, not really.

It's hard to miss someone when the person is not around and Casey hasn't been around her a lot because she left like a thief, left him like the love and the wedding never happened. Her rings still fairly bright and lost in the bottom of a jewelry box, hidden in a suitcase that she never opens but always takes with her.

"I want you back, Sam."

"And I want you to leave."

"You're my wife," he replies. "I can't stop loving you just because you asked."

"It's been years. Get over it," she knows she is being cruel with her words, insensitive, and heartless but she can't help it. She is the hard one, he's the soft one. "Sign the papers."

"We were happy," he says instead, ignoring her request once more, it's become a routine between them. Meeting up every few years, her asking for a divorce, him refusing with a tender smile, her getting mad, him kissing her, "We were happy and in love and it doesn't go away just because you want it."

But it did, in some disturbing, heartbreaking way, it did. She made it go away, in a soul shattering moment, in the silence of an already dead night, she carefully took his arm off her waist, soundlessly tiptoed across the room, and secretly left the room, forever. She left him, him who was sleeping fast and safe in the warmth of their bed.

She didn't even say goodbye. The worst part is that she would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

"Leave me alone, Casey. Honestly, it's getting annoying. It's been seven years, you know, get over it or let it pass. Whatever, move on because I have."

"Sam..." he reaches out, wants to grasp her arm, needs to feel her skin, to have near him but she doesn't want to.

She takes a step back, "Leave me alone—," she repeats, "Just go away—" she's not watching where she's going, and her back bumps into something, into someone, and then there's a hand on the small on her back, sliding on her slim waist, and she doesn't need to turn around to know who that is.

"Is everything alright here?" he asks as he moves to stand next to her, fingers still lingering on her hips, shoulders still touching her skin.

"Yeah," she says, her eyes not looking away from Casey. "Everything's fine."

She noticed how Danny's body is pressed against hers, but she doesn't comment on it. Casey must have noticed too because he's no longer relaxed, his face is tense, his stance defensive, like he always is when something displeasing is happening right under his nose. Those are facts, she can rattle off facts about him because she knows him. That's what happens when you know someone, when you love someone. She picked up his habits, anticipates his reactions whether or not she wants to admit it, they know each other. She knows him and he knows her

"Casey was just leaving," Sam says after a few seconds of tensed silence and intense glaring, and her hand grips Danny's arm hard, tugging him away from here, away from Casey but Danny doesn't move, doesn't even look at her.

"Sam," Casey's voice is pleading, begging even and Sam doesn't have the energy to deal with that right now.

"Casey," she says, and it comes out as a warning.

Casey takes a step towards her and so Danny places himself in front her, as if to protect her, to shield her from Casey. This would have made her laugh. Casey would never hurt her. She is the one who does the hurting, Danny could ask, she hurt him. She hurt them both. Poor boys loving the wrong girl, or maybe it's the other way around.

"Move away from my wife."

"No."

"No?" Casey repeats, incredulity in the tone of his voice. "Who the hell do you think you are?" Casey spats, looking Danny dead in the eyes.

"I'm Danny McCoy," he says, holding his hand, smiling all suddenly, and the coldness that emanates from his smile has her turn away. "I'm Sam's boyfriend,".

Casey doesn't blink, doesn't shake his hand. All he says is "Oh."

And Sam supposes that's her clue to leave.


xxx

Hola, I did a lot of traveling, a lot moving, and I kinda forgot this story, plus I don't always have internet, so yeah, updates gonna be less frequent, sorry.

Lemme know if anyone is still reading, if not, I won't worry about long hiatus or irregular updates.