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Aubrey: We know it's been a month and we're really really sorry.
Ava: Super sorry, we really did get this out as fast as we could, I've been stuck at rehearsals for two plays for the past month and I have a christmas recital coming up, too.
Aubrey: There really was no time to get together, so please don't be mad us, kay?
Ava: Anyway, here it is and it's extra long, too. 5,506 words which is like twice what we usually write and we've already started the next chapter
Aubrey: And this chapter is pretty intense if you ask me.
Ava: But before we start we just want to thank everyone who reviewed on this chapter:
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Ava: One more thing, the language is kinda bad today and we don't like it either, but this is what they would say...just so you're prepared.
Jamie's Point of View
The next two weeks with Jacob were the happiest I'd had in a long while, as well as the most confusing. Jacob gave me a feeling of rightness and security that I thought I would never have again. When I was with him I felt as if nothing could touch me. He would chatter on endlessly about cars and his friends and his dad, Billy, and other points of his life, and somehow I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed doing anything with him. He made me feel…whole.
On the other hand, a part of me objected to this relationship with him. It thought that I was in too deep, and that those feelings of safety were nonsense, fake, a fraud. That he could, and would, abandon me heartlessly, leaving me worse off then ever before...a risk that I couldn't afford to take...and that I needed to get him out of my life as quickly as possible. Usually, I listened to this part; actually, it used to be my sole advisor. To its great disappointment, however, this more logical part of me was shriveling away, fighting in vain a practically lost battle. I was already past the point of no return. Its queries were being ignored and its words of caution pushed away, for every other part of me screamed to be with Jacob: my body, my heart, my soul. That small, doubtful part of me just couldn't compete...and the more I considered it, the more I wanted that practical voice to evanescence into nothing.
It was Friday and Jacob had decided that I needed to see First Beach. I rolled my eyes at the word need. "Back in Florida," I told him, "I had enough beach to last three lifetimes. It's really the only thing to do there besides the amusement parks, so I've been there hundreds of times. I don't know if I want to go, and exams are next week…besides I don't have a bathing suit with me."
I wasn't being serious and he knew it, even though I didn't show him my excitement...the way my heart lurched every time we touched, how I would agree to virtually anything that he was up to. A few more hours of warmth, of Jacob? It was the easiest decision that I had probably ever made.
"Bathing suit!" he scoffed, penetrating my muse, "We aren't going swimming. Are you crazy? The water would freeze a Floridian like you half to death!" There was a pause and his expression darkened. "And I am not taking a chance on your life Jamie."
A shiver ran down my spine when he said that last sentence. When he used that tone, I could no longer find the comforting, carefree quality that I was accustomed to hearing in Jacob's voice. I cringed internally as I recalled the two incidents when his mood had swung into that somber quality. The first time had occurred last Sunday, when I'd accused Jacob of being a sexual predator. The other time had happened when I had mentioned my death, just joking around at the lunch table. Jacob had begun to shake, as he always seemed to do when he was upset. I would not be dying anytime soon, he had vowed in that same humorless tenor, he would not allow it. The lunch table abruptly grew silent, wondering if Jacob was serious or not, until Alex (bless his heart) had cracked a really lame blonde joke. Everyone but Jacob had chuckled nervously. For the rest of the day Jacob had been agitated and withdrawn, refusing to talk about anything. I had no idea what he had meant when he'd said that, but I did know that his grave character meant that he was serious. Dead serious. I looked at him, hoping today would be different. I breathed out a sigh of relief. Apparently, it would be different. "Well what are we doing then?"
"Hang out, see the tide pools, possibly meet up with Quil and Embry," Jacob said.
"Did you say tide pools?" I questioned lightly. He nodded. "Well that has me sold. Let's go!
We drove past the entrance of my neighborhood towards La Push. I began to think about what I hadn't considered since last Monday. Telling him, I mean, about my feelings for him. I was afraid that if I didn't tell him soon we would be forever trapped in this friendship phase, which I was finding harder and harder to maintain. I wanted to be held in his strong arms (not just because I was upset) to touch his face and hold his hand. But what if he didn't feel the same about me? What if he only liked me as a friend? If I told him would it be too awkward to continue our friendship? I'd rather be a friend who was desperate for more than nothing at all. However, he would find out eventually. And anyway, Jacob deserved the truth, and I would rather tell it to him straight. I had to. I swallowed as reality set in.
"It might not have been such a good day to go to the beach," Jacob interrupted my thoughts, "I think it might start drizzling." As if on cue, a light rain began to patter the car. He frowned.
"Don't worry," I answered, watching the windshield wipers fling rain off the side of his car. "If rain bothered me, I'd be pretty screwed."
"That's true," Jacob smiled.
Finally, we reached the beach (or rather, the path to the beach). Jacob got out and opened my door. I pulled up the hood of my jacket and hopped out of the car, slipping on the wet bracken. Jacob grabbed my arm just in time to steady me. I glanced at him. "Thanks." He removed his grip, leaving a warm, tingling sensation. I rubbed the spot, not wanting it to fade. I was suddenly very aware of what I would be doing as soon as we reached the water. My stomach did a nervous flip.
"C'mon, Jamie." I caught up to him, wringing my hands. Ice cold rain stung my bare face and I shivered, but ignored the discomfort like a true Forks girl would. The roar of the ocean grew louder and it's briny aroma more prominent as I approached it. A sense of familiarity washed over me causing the worst of my nerves to disappear. It was just the beach—nothing bad could happen in a place that held such great memories…sandcastles, fried chicken, warm seawater, and laughter. We emerged from the La Push forest after a few minutes of walking and my gaze went immediately to the ocean. It was, in many ways, different than the Gulf of Mexico, the surf was rough and drift wood littered the ground, but it was still essentially the same. The sound, smell, wind, and sand…the sand! I bent down and began untying my shoes.
"What are you doing?" Jacob's amused voice came from behind me. I had forgotten he was there. I kicked off the first one.
"Taking off my shoes," I replied, still hunched over, a smile in my voice.
"And why would you be doing that?" He moved in front of me. I shook off the other one and started to take off my socks. "Jamie you'll get frostbite or something!" I ignored him and pulled them off. I dug my toes into the wet sand, straightening. I sighed appreciatively and closed my eyes. There was nothing better than sand between your toes…even if the sand was a bit chilly. "Jamie! C'mon put your shoes back on," he pleaded. In answer, I buried my feet even deeper. I heard a frustrated growl and grinned slightly.
"You're a hypocrite, you know that?" I exhaled, opening my eyes. His face was unbelievabley concerned. "You go around in cut-off jeans and a t-shirt," I paused considering something, "sometimes even less, and then get pissed at me when I take off my shoes. I bet you're not even--," I looked at his feet. They were shoeless, as I should have expected earlier. My eyes narrowed. "You've got to be kidding me!" Jacob's lack of clothing did shock me. It was pretty cold outside, I had to admit. And he hardly seemed to be bothered by it all. I knew Jacob was warm and all but…
"I guess I am a hypocrite aren't I?" He grinned sheepishly causing me to forget about his mysterious ability to ward off the cold and my heart to beat faster, which, in turn, reminded me of what I was supposed to be doing. I grimaced.
"Let's go for a walk Jacob," I murmured, trying to remain unwavering in my choice to reveal the truth.
Jacob's brow furrowed at my tone. He looked as if he was about to say something....but gave up, and glanced off into the horizon instead. I didn't like it when he did that. I grabbed my sopping shoes and socks and moved them over by the path. If the rain ruined them, there was no preventing it now. They were already soaked.
We strolled down the shoreline, barefoot and silent. The rain began to fall down harder completely saturating my clothing with water. I have to do it, I told myself, I have to. I took a deep breath and finally worked up the nerve to do it.
"Ja--," I said, only to be interrupted by him.
"Ja—," he'd said in unison. We both peered at each other, waiting for the other to finish. If I hadn't felt so sick I would have smiled.
"You go first," Jacob offered.
"No, you go," I grasped at the opportunity to hold off my discussion a few more moments longer. "Mine will take long, anyway."
Jacob grimaced. "Mine will, too." He looked apprehensive for reasons unknown to me.
"No really, I insist." I let out a dry laugh.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes, Jacob," I assured him, exasperated, "I want you to go first. Trust me."
He seemed to be battling internally over something. "Okay…" he sounded reluctant, "if that's what you want Jamie." He pulled me over to a driftwood log. "Here…you might want to sit down for this." He ran his fingers through his wet hair and groaned. "How am I supposed to put this?"
"Just tell me," I pressed, sensing something big behind his words.
He took a deep breath and looked away. "I-I really like you Jamie." I froze. He didn't mean it that way Jamie. Calm down. He couldn't.
My throat was so dry. "Me too, Jacob, I really like you, too," I croaked, coloring my tone with fake cheerfulness, "as a friend, of course." Liar, I told myself. He brought his eyes around to meet mine, and I suddenly became breathless. He took my cold wet hands between his warm, comforting hands.
"Not as a friend Jamie. I like you. I want to be with you." I still couldn't breathe. Jacob wanted to be with me. Jamie the unlovable. Before I could tell him that I felt the same way, he dropped my hands and began to talk again, pacing. "If you don't like me I understand, Jamie. I mean, you hated me three weeks ago." Not like him?! "And I guess there's Alex," his voice was full of distaste. "Its fine, I'll…I don't know, make my feelings for you go away. I just want you to be happy." I felt a smile spread slowly across my face. He went on, "I know I've made mistakes before and I just want you to know that--,"
"Jacob," I interrupted him, impatient. He turned and looked at my face, and I put a finger to his lips. "Relax." For a second he looked confused. His eyes ran across my expression and it began to dawn on him. He took my hand from his face and entwined our fingers together.
"You...?" he couldn't finish the question. My dazed grin grew even wider. "Seriously?" I nodded. An expression of pure joy appeared on his face. "Oh Jamie," his voice was full of emotion. He sat down next to me and grabbed my hands once again. "You are so amazing." Our eyes locked and only the cold rain kept me from collapsing. His face moved closer to mine and I realized that he was going to kiss me. I didn't protest. Finally, his soft, warm lips touched mine. My heart climbed up my throat, beating furiously. I kissed him back in the same gentle way he was kissing me. When we finally pulled away from each other our foreheads rested against each other, noses barely touching. We were comfortably silent. Just this simple gesture was more intimate than anything I had done with Mark. It felt like our souls were fusing together. This uniting of souls was irrevocable, I realized, and strangely, the thought didn't scare me as much as I thought it would. The day was slipping away, darkness creeping around us, and the rain had finally stopped. With a sigh I reluctantly pulled away. Jacob seemed bewildered.
"It's late," I answered his unspoken question in a murmur.
"Oh," he frowned, "Do you have to go home or can you eat dinner at my place? I think Billy's making spaghetti."
"That'd be fine…more than fine actually," I said smiling. Thank God it was too dark for him to see me blush.
We walked on the shore towards the path, this time as a couple; our hands were laced together and every once in a while we would glance at each other from the corner of our eyes and smile. When we reached the path I shoved on my shoes, not bothering to tie them. I'd definitely have to rinse them and my feet off when I got to Jacob's house as they were covered in wet sand. Once we reached the car (Jacob holding the door open for me, of course), I said, "You know what I was going to tell you today on the beach?" Jacob smacked his head.
"I totally forgot! Here you can tell me on the way to my house." He quickly went over to the driver's side and climbed in, starting the car and pulling out. He looked over at me expectantly. "Well?"
"It's not that important Jacob," I laughed, then added more seriously, "Well at least not now." A crease appeared between Jacob's eyebrows. He was probably wondering what I meant. "I was going to tell you the same thing you told me. You really saved me, I was pretty damn nervous."
I thought the grin on Jacob's face would split him in half. "Really?"
"Really," I promised him.
"Well damn!" he exclaimed.
"What?" I asked, stunned.
"I really wish I had let you go first," he chuckled. "You know to hear you confess your undying love for me."
I groaned. "You are such an idiot, Jake." Impossibly, his grin grew wider. I shook my head and looked out the window but grabbed his free hand in mine, to let him know that, idiot or not, he was mine.
The first word that comes to mind when you walk into Jacob's house is definitely homey. The way it was slightly messy, there were shoes on the floor, empty soda cans on the coffee table, and a few newspapers on the round dinner table; the smell, rich and laced with the scent I distinctively associated with Jacob, giving me a feeling of family, of welcome; the feel of the soft carpet underneath my bare feet; and the noise of banging in the kitchen, a discordant male voice singing, and the more subtle hum of the radiator, made Jacob's house pretty much the exact translation of the word. The atmosphere in that house, well, it made me want to stay there forever.
"Sorry for the mess," Jacob apologized, embarrassed.
"It's not messy," I disagreed smiling, "Just lived in."
Jacob shook his head, "Whatever Jamie."
"No really," I assured him, "Your house is great. It smells good."
He gave me a strange look. "It smells good?"
"Yeah," my voice was defensive, "You don't notice that when you walk into a house?"
"Well I do now, but not before I…" He trailed off and looked away quickly.
"Before you what?" He was hiding something again.
"Nothing," he muttered. I glared at him and he continued to avoid eye contact.
"Whatever Jake," I frowned. Suddenly Jacob's stomach growled. It seemed such an improper sound for the tense air that I couldn't help but laugh. Seeming relieved, Jacob joined in.
"Jacob is that you?" A gruff voice called from the kitchen.
"Yeah," Jacob answered. He smiled down at me, "My dad."
"Yeah. Billy right? He was at the party." Jacob nodded.
"I invited the rest of the P—," Billy was interrupted.
"Hey Dad, guess who's here?" Jacob's voice was too loud and enthusiastic to be genuine. My eyes narrowed. Jacob glanced at me guiltily and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. I hated to admit it, but this comparatively unimportant, small gesture created butterflies in my stomach. I snapped out of my daze and remembered my suspicions. Before I could start another argument, though, Billy wheeled in, a slight smile on his worn, wise face. His sharp eyes immediately locked onto our entwined hands. His smile grew.
"This must be Jamie," he greeted knowingly, leveling a meaningful gaze at Jacob before turning to me. He extended his hand towards me. "It's nice to finally meet the girl my son has been talking so much about." I blushed furiously and reached out shyly to shake his weathered hands.
"Nice to meet you, too." My voice was barely audible.
"Dad you embarrassed her," Jacob complained, sounding pretty embarrassed himself. Billy merely smiled.
"As I was saying before, I invited your, er, friends over to have dinner, too," Billy told his son. As if on cue, the door flew open hitting the wall with a bam. Booming laughter filled the room and two boys locked together wrestling fell in. I jumped out of the way of one of the boy's kicking legs, startled. Jacob stepped in front of me protectively. Kim walked in next, shaking her head with a smile on her face, followed by Paul and Nadia; Nadia was frowning anxiously at the scuffle in front of her while Paul was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Three of Jacob's friends, whose identities I couldn't remember, squeezed in; Leah was close behind, watching with distaste. Sam and Emily appeared behind her, both grinning slightly. I sighed in relief. I was pretty sure that that was all of them. Still, I moved myself a little more behind Jacob so that no one would notice me.
"Ten bucks on Jared," Paul bet.
"Ten on Embry," One of the other boys, Seth I thought, retorted.
The other two boys, Collin and Brady, quickly took sides. Jacob didn't contribute.
"Hey where's Quil?" Jacob asked loudly.
"Sulking," Sam answered, "He's coming though."
"Claire, I'm guessing?" Jacob assumed. Claire the four year old? Why would Quil be sulking about her? Maybe he had to babysit her or something…
"Who else?" Sam chuckled. Before I verbalize my question, the fight escalated.
"Alright you two break it up," Billy chided, "You're upsetting our guest."
The two boys broke apart reluctantly and stood up, looking around. Everyone else looked confused. Obviously, I had hidden well. Once they knew someone else was there though their eyes quickly found me. Everyone in the room smiled happily, even Leah managed to lift one of the corners of her mouth.
"Ha ha! Yes!" Embry crowed, "Jake finally got the girl!"
"Congrats man!" Seth.
"Finally! No more whining! I didn't think I could take it anymore! 'What if she doesn't like me?'" Paul mimicked in a high voice. Jacob glared at him. "What?"
I gazed up at Jacob, who was staring at his feet and blushing. "How many people did you talk to about me?"
"Pretty much anyone that would listen," Jacob admitted, unwillingly. "I thought, well...think, about you all the time, Jamie." I must have been as red as a tomato at that point.
"Me too," I murmured, "You make me so happy." Jacob's face was filled with wonder. I got completely lost in his beautiful, abysmal, brown eyes until one of the boys cleared his throat. I stumbled back from Jacob, feeling self conscience. The moment was over. I stared at the floor.
"As much as I love awkward silences you guys," Collin commented, sounding amused, "I am really too hungry to enjoy this one. Let's eat."
"The foods in the kitchen," Billy said resignedly. All the guys, plus Leah, charged towards the kitchen, leaving me with Kim, Nadia, and Emily. Kim ran up to me and gave me a hug.
"I'm so excited for you!" she squealed, "You two are too cute!" Emily rolled her eyes and I held back a snicker. "So how much do you like him?"
My eyes dropped to the floor. "A lot," I confessed, "It's weird for me to like him this much…I don't usually…trust guys. I've had, um, bad experiences. Sometimes I get worried, but Jacob, well, he just…" I trailed off unable to explain how safe Jacob made me feel, how happy. But the three girls nodded in understanding.
"I know. It's hard to put it in words," Nadia spoke for the first time.
"Love is always that way," Emily said wisely. Wait…what?
"I am not in love," I snapped angrily, "We've only been dating for three hours! How dare you even think that!" They looked shocked at my reaction. "Love!" I scoffed. I spun around and walked straight into…I clenched my fists ready to severely injure whoever was in my way but quickly changed my mind when I saw it was Jacob. His expression was pained and my heart broke when I realized that he had overheard our conversation. "Jacob," I murmured, regretful. I wound my arms around his warm waist and pressed my face into his shirt. Hesitantly his arms encircled me. This was all their fault! For even bringing up the notion that I was in love! I wasn't in love. I couldn't be! It was impossible. I groaned inwardly and pulled back. "Let's go eat," I sighed.
We walked outside, food in hand. Jacob seemed aloof. I didn't know why he was making such a big deal out of it. I mean it's not like he loved me. We weren't in that stage yet, probably not even close. Right before we turned the corner of the house I stopped and grabbed Jacob's hand. "Please don't be mad at me," I begged him.
His eyes widened in surprise. "Mad? Why would you think I'm mad at you," he asked.
"Well," I sought out the right words, "You're being quiet and you heard what I said to Emily and them."
He frowned. "Don't ever think I'm mad at you, Jamie. I can't be. I think it's literally impossible for me to be actually angry with you. I was just thinking." His eyes shone with honesty.
"Are you sure?" I mumbled.
He rolled his eyes, "C'mon."
We found two empty seats at the large table that was surrounded by party Tiki Torches and sat down trying to catch up on the conversation. Quil had finally shown up, an empty expression on his face. I really had never seen someone look so depressed.
"She's going to her grandma's for a month while Kristen and Adam go on vacation!" He moaned, "A whole freaking month!"
Jacob let out a low whistle. "That sucks man. Did you talk to Kristen about it?"
"Yes," Quil spit bitterly, "She was like, 'You need to let Claire learn to live without you! She won't always have you around.' And then I said, 'Yes I will! I'll always be there for Claire. How can you even think that?!' Then she went on in this annoying, logical voice that Claire was going to school soon and that believe it or not I can't go to kindergarten with her and that I need to realize that I can't always be with her! That even though we have the whole, uh, thing going on, Claire's her daughter and she can do whatever she feels is necessary for Claire to live a happy and healthy life. Like I'm not doing that for her! And now she's got me thinking about school! Claire'll be gone for half the day! What will I do?" He sounded agonized. I was unsure of what to think. All of this was about a four year old?
"Little Claire?" I asked Jacob quietly, trying to understand the cause of Quil's distress. He nodded. I cleared my throat. "Um, well, I don't think I understand," I began. Quil's eyes focused on me. Maybe if I provoked him I could get an answer. "I'm sorry, I just don't get what's the big deal. Don't make such a fuss...it'll only be a month, right? You know, I'm sure it'll be better for you since you won't have to babysit and all. More free time to do...teenage stuff. I mean, hanging out with a four-year-old constantly must get pretty annoying. I know I'd be really annoyed..." I ended my rant immediately, realizing, then, that I had just made a very big mistake. Quil was positively livid. He was shaking so tremendously that his figure almost blurred. I shrank back in fear and Jacob's hand tightened around mine. He looked like he couldn't figure out what he was going to do.
"No. You obviously don't understand," he agreed coldly.
"S-sorry Quil," I managed to stutter out, "I-I didn't mean to offend you." Quil laughed sardonically.
"Quil," Jacob's voice pleaded, "She said she was sorry."
"You need to go calm down," Sam commanded.
Quil shoved away from the table and shot up. Suddenly I was out of my seat and behind a very tense Jacob. "No. I don't. But I do think that maybe Jacob's bitch of girlfriend needs to keep her fucking nose out of other people's damn business." Nadia was sobbing. I didn't blame her, I was pretty close to sobbing myself.
"What did you call her?" Jacob's icy voice shot back. He began to quiver as well.
"I believe I called her a bitch," Quil smirked.
Jacob knocked over the table, the variety of objects shattering to the floor, the terrorizing crash breaking through the deafening silence. "Apologize to her!" he roared, his eyes ablaze.
"Jake, please stop," I implored him tears leaking out of my eyes.
"Jamie. I think you need to go inside," Jacob sounded eerily calm.
"No," I said firmly through my tears, "I'm not. You need to stop and make nice. I don't want you two to get in a fight 'cause of me."
"Jacob you need to listen to her. You're scaring her half to death. You ought to be ashamed of yourself." Sam turned to Quil, "Quil, same goes to you, she doesn't understand what she said. You're in a bad mood about Claire and you're letting it out on others. You endangered everyone in here because of your inability to control your temper, something you haven't had a problem with for a while now. What if Claire had been here when she said that?" The layer of authority in Sam's voice worked wonders on Quil and Jacob; they gradually regained their composure. When everyone realized the fight had been avoided, they relaxed as well. Paul led out Nadia, whispering soothing things in her ear. I was blubbering mess, by now. "Now I want you two to apologize to each other and to Jamie. We will not have any hostility in this family." Family? I wiped my eyes and looked up, a thousand more questions in my eyes.
The boys turned to each other, heads hung in shame. They muttered their sorry's to each other and then faced me. Quil spoke first. "Sorry Jamie," he began quietly, "I wasn't really angry at you, just my situation. But I took it out on you." He smiled apologetically, "Forgive me?" I nodded my head stiffly, letting out a muffled sob.
"Jamie?" I looked over at Jacob. His eyes carried immense horror and concern. "You don't know how sorry I am that I scared you," he said, seeming repulsed at what he'd done. "I was just…" He paused and glanced at Quil. "And I'm sorry that this was such a crappy night. Let me make up to you this Friday after exams, we'll do something."
"Just us?" I asked thoughtlessly, my voice thick from crying. I suddenly remembered that we weren't alone. "Oh sorry guys," I sniffled.
"It's fine," Emily smiled understandingly.
"Just us," Jacob assured me.
"You're forgiven," I grinned cautiously, ceasing my tears. Just then, my cell phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered the phone.
"Hey Jamie, it's Alex."
"Alex!" I grinned. "You'll never guess…" I looked around. "One sec." I mouthed 'sorry' to everyone outside, headed around the house to the front, and leaned against Jacob's Rabbit. "Kay, you'll never guess what happened! Me and Jacob are together!"
"Really? I'm so happy for you Jamie! Told you he liked you."
"Yeah and we kissed!"
"Already? Wait, was he any good?"
I laughed. "Amazing. Ten times better than Mark."
"Lucky," Alex joked.
"But the weirdest thing happened at dinner. Jacob and his friend, Quil, almost got in this huge fight and they were shaking all over—you've seen Jacob do it! And then, Sam, the oldest there besides Jake's dad, started talking about how they had been a danger to everyone in their family! I don't even think most of them are related anyway. And the guy Quil, well he has this obsession over a four year old girl."
"What?"
"I know, weird, right? He was complaining about how she was staying at her grandma's for a month and he was really freaking out about it, too. That's how the fight started, I told him I didn't understand what the big deal was and I thought he was going to explode!"
"Well I'm sure there's a reason for it all, Jamie, there always is. Anyway, are you ready to prank tonight?"
I smacked myself on the forehead. "Crap! I totally forgot! I'm so sorry! I…I don't know if I can. I'm kind of busy here. And it's the end of the year prank, too!"
"It's fine, Jamie, don't worry. Hey love is more important than a stupid prank any day. Go have fun with Jacob."
I groaned. "Not you too! I am not in love!"
"Uh huh," he said skeptically, "Says the girl who swore that she'd die if Jacob didn't like her'"
I pressed my lips together remembering how I hadn't been lying when I had confessed that. "That doesn't mean anything," I hedged, lying through my teeth, "and anyways, I was just caught up in the moment."
"Sure you were," he chuckled.
"Shut up Alex! I probably just…well…I don't know!" I retorted, irritated, "Probably it's just some hormonal imbalance that happens to girls my age. Maybe I'm starting my period or something." Although, I couldn't deny the fact that the thought of Jacob not liking me made my stomach churn in resentment. I almost felt like I would throw up if we continued to discuss it further. "Let's…not talk about this anymore," I muttered.
"You shouldn't be afraid of love Jamie," Alex murmured sadly. This struck a nerve. Like he actually knew me!
"I'm not afraid of love," I snapped. Alex didn't answer. This was getting too close to a fight. "Look, I have to get back to the party," I said tiredly, "I'll see you this Monday."
"See you."
I snapped the phone shut and put my head in my hands. He's right you know, some inner voice taunted me. Alex doesn't know anything, I responded, pushing the thought away. What I felt for Jacob wasn't love, it was…something else. I headed back around to the party and sat down quietly, leaning on Jacob's chest and every once in awhile smiling at the boys antics. Jacob's thumb rubbed my hand and he looked down at me every so often with an expression on his face that made me feel more beautiful than the stars above us. I knew that I wouldn't trade the moment for anything and couldn't help but think that maybe Alex and Emily were right, maybe this feeling was love.
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