December 21st, mid-afternoon
Cullen once believed he was quite good at buying gifts for women. Having two sisters helped, and in the past he managed to buy thoughtful, personal presents for his sisters, female friends, and old girlfriends without much of an issue.
Today he was willing to believe all those instances were flukes and that he just lucked out every time. Either that, or Nevena Trevelyan was frustratingly difficult to buy for, when her main gift was already a personalized, hard back edition of her favourite book. Everywhere he looked in Edgehall there were potential gifts he could buy, but none of them leapt out at him screaming that Nevena would like them.
So far all he had purchased was a photo frame, remembering the photograph of her and her sisters. He hoped maybe this new one might hold a photograph with a more fond memory. The frames itself was white wood with patterns carved out and filled in with a bright turquoise resin, the same sort of colour as some of the decor in her flat. He also bought her a scarf, because he was clutching at straws and was not entirely sure if she would even wear it. But it was something at the very least.
At that moment, he was eyeing up a necklace in the silversmith's stall at the market. There were an assortment of chains and delicate silver pieces laid out allowing customers to pick each and choose the charm and chain. Cullen was considering it, having spotted a dinosaur charm similar to the toy on her bed, but was still not certain. He worried that a necklace might be too much, too forward… but then, given they were pretending to be in a relationship, a necklace would be suitable. Wouldn't it? He didn't know, and that was half of his problem. They were friends, but their arrangement required gifts to demonstrate a more intimate relationship than that. He was trying to find gifts that were somewhere between the two relationship stages, and it was proving more difficult than he first imagined.
Stepping away from the silversmith's stall, telling himself he would think about it, he felt an insistent vibration in the back left pocket of his jeans. As he checked the screen to see if he recognised the number - he did not - he shifted out of the main thoroughfare of people to one side so not to get in the way. He did notice there were a number of missed calls on the screen though, and texts. He worried that it might have been an emergency, his sister trying to get hold of him perhaps.
Briefly clearing his throat, he put this phone to his ear, thinking it was a potential client.
"Hello?"
"Hi!" A woman's voice came through on the end, crisp and a little high pitched. Cullen thought he recognised it from somewhere. "Uh - is this Cullen? Rutherford?"
"Yes," Cullen answered. "If this is about a-"
"You probably won't remember me. My name is Roselyn Cousland-Theirin. I called you on behalf of my friend, Nevena Trevelyan?"
Cullen furrowed his brows. Why was Nevena's friend calling him? "I remember you. Nevena's brought you up a few times."
"Great," Roselyn said sharply. "Uhm, do you know where she is?"
"No..." Cullen's stomach plummeted to his feet and a cold sensation slithered through his body making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He took a calming breath. "She was coming into Edgehall with her sister."
"Which one?"
"Ineria. The oldest."
"Fuck," Roselyn snapped. "I had a feeling... Why the fuck did she agree to go anywhere with Ineria? Ineria is a... bitch."
Cullen began to walk to warm himself. "Ineria's daughter, Matilda, asked Nevena to speak to her. I think Nevena believed this would be the only opportunity where they would be alone."
"Makes sense." On the other end of the phone, Roselyn sighed loudly and Cullen could hear another voice and barking in the background. That was all he heard for a good thirty seconds before he lost his patience at being left, dangling, at the end of the phone.
"Roselyn!" he snapped, raising his voice a little in the hopes it might get Roselyn's attention. "I'm still here."
"I know," Roselyn snapped back. "I'm trying to think."
"What's going on?" demanded Cullen. "I'm in Edgehall right now. Is she okay? Did something happen? If she's told you where she is, I can go and find her."
"She's hasn't told me anything," sighed Roselyn. "I got a couple of garbled texts with some code words we set up when we were in college. If she's texting rather than calling, I can only assume she's in too much of a state to talk." The frustration in Roselyn's voice increased and she growled softly. "This is just like when Rick was stalking her and she would get scared. Shit."
Cullen stopped abruptly and blinked hard, his breath catching in his throat. "What?" Rick... stalked her? That was new. Cullen's urge to find her grew tenfold.
"Nevermind," Roselyn huffed. "You said you're in Edgehall?"
"Right now." Cullen began to make his way through the crowds of people in the market, not entirely sure of a direction. Standing around wasn't helping, at least if he was moving he would feel more proactive and like he was doing something. "She hasn't said where she is?"
"No." A sigh. "Look, I'm going to keep you on the line. Chances are I can get her to give me some vague directions or landmarks near her location. If I give them to you, do you think you could find her?"
"I can certainly try," Cullen said. "Edgehall isn't huge, and if I don't know where something is, I'm sure someone will."
"Okay. I might go quiet for a bit."
Cullen continued to walk following the same path back and forth through the market while he held his phone to his ear, waiting for information. He heard a rustling sound, Roselyn's voice a bit further away and speaking to someone who wasn't him. It was hard to tell if she was typing a message or not, but Cullen could only assume she was from how frantic her voice was and how clearly she was worried.
He was worried now, too. He knew Nevena spending time alone with Ineria was a bad idea. Even if it was for the benefit for Matilda, he knew it his gut it would turn out poorly. Nevena said herself, Ineria could poke and prod at the most sensitive and personal parts of her. He worried about what state he might find Nevena in. Was she prone to panic attacks like he was? Or was she beside herself, and that's why she couldn't speak? He had more questions now too. Roselyn let something slip about Rick and it made Cullen's whole body go cold. The knowledge that Nevena was once stalked by him made Cullen dislike her ex even more than he already did.
Stomach churning over and over, Cullen tried to be patient while he waited for information from Roselyn. If Nevena was texting then at least she was coherent enough to do that. It wasn't much, but it was something. He hoped she was safe. Preferably with someone who could comfort her until he was there. Not that he was much good at comforting anyone, but he preferred the idea of her with someone than alone. She wasn't a child by any means, but the sense of protectiveness Cullen had towards her was overwhelming. At this point he was ready to take Nevena back to Denerim to protect her from her family, disregarding her own choice entirely.
Of course, there was the possibility that he was jumping to conclusions and that in fact he would find her a little tearful and weepy, but otherwise totally fine. That in fact he was cooking up the worst case scenario because that was what his mind did. Even if Nevena wasn't as bad as his mind painted, he would offer what little comfort he could, just for his own piece of mind.
He scratched and rubbed his chin repeatedly as he often did when worried, and wondered if he should begin his own search as the quiet dragged on the other end of the phone. He peered over the heads of passersby, hoping to catch a glimpse of a head of golden blonde hair. Or her hat. Had she been wearing a hat when she left the cabin that morning? He couldn't recall. In fact, the more he thought about it, Cullen couldn't recall anything she was wearing that morning, only that she took her satchel with her.
"Okay!" Cullen almost dropped his phone when Roselyn's voice came through. "I got some information out of her. It's vague."
"That's fine."
"She's inside the shopping centre," said Roselyn. "Do you know where it is?""Yeah." Cullen began to walk in the direction of the building. He had yet to venture inside it, preferring the shops in the market place, but he knew where it was. It was the building on top of where he parked his car when he arrived earlier. His strides were long and purposeful - something in his expression must have given away his intent as he noticed people parting to let him pass. "Anything else?"
"A hallway, she thinks she's on the second floor where the food court is. And... she says she can see a green sign which says something 'outdoors'."
"Alright."
Cullen kept Roselyn on the line as he walked. She continued to feed him information from brief texts she was receiving from Nevena, all information that was useful in locating her in the hive of people and noise. The shopping centre was unpleasantly warm by comparison to outside, and the festive music drowned out a lot of Roselyn's voice causing Cullen to have to plug his other ear when she spoke. Inside, the masses of people didn't move when he walked. Often he was forced to weave and jostle around groups of people crowded around shop windows.
Eyes scanning every direction possible for a hint of green, Cullen realised suddenly just how many shops used green in their signage. He focused on looking for outdoor shops, or stores that specialised in outdoor activities. Those were few and far between and he was able to narrow it down after stopping and asking a security guard.
The store in question was a small one, tucked onto the end of a long parade of shops on the second floor. It was for camping gear and equipment. Opposite the camping store was a corridor with lower lighting than the main shopping centre. There were signs indicating the way to a fire exit and stairs but there was little else. One end was barred by double doors with the words 'emergency exit' on a large sign hanging above it in red. Cullen assumed the corridor wasn't used much or saw much foot traffic and that was why Nevena chose it to take refuge in.
He was gladdened to see she wasn't alone. A woman was with her, not quite kneeling on the floor. Cullen could hear her offering a few soft murmurs as he drew closer.
"Roselyn?" Cullen spoke into his phone. "I found her."
"Is she okay?"
"I don't know yet," Cullen approached "Let me call you back in a bit."
He hung up before Roselyn's spoke again and slid his phone into his back pocket. His steps were slow, and the woman with Nevena glanced over her shoulder when he was speaking to Roselyn. He tried to smile at the woman, who quickly turned her attention back to Nevena to inform her that there was someone else there.
When he was close enough, Cullen put the few items he bought to one side and dropped to be on the same level as Nevena and the middle-aged woman. Up close he could see Nevena was trembling, her cheeks were bright red, and her eyes were puffy from crying. The back of her right hand was marked with fierce scratches and a few dried streaks of blood. There was a pile of tissues next to her, torn up into tiny fragments. Her breathing was short and shallow, she sniffled occasionally, and her hair was a mussed nest, tangled around her face and shoulders.
Without a word, Cullen inched closer and reached out one hand. He ran his fingers along the back of Nevena's hand approaching slowly. He traced the angry red marks her nails had made with the tips of his fingers before lacing his between her own. The middle aged woman watched him with hawk-like alertness, examining his every move.
"Do you know this man, honey?" she asked Nevena, her eyes never leaving Cullen's face.
Cullen couldn't blame the woman for being protective or not trusting him. There were sick people in the world who would take advantage of an opportunity like this. Asking Nevena made more sense than asking him. He could lie. So could Nevena, of course, but in the state she was in now, Cullen doubted it would even cross her mind.
"Y-yeah." Nevena nodded once and a brief, weak smile came to her lips. She looked at Cullen, eyes meeting his and then dropping to the floor. She was embarrassed, just as he had been when they were in the cable car when they went skiing. "He... He's..."
"I'm her boyfriend." Cullen gently gripped Nevena's hand. Saying that would mean less questions from Nevena's good Samaritan. "Do you know what happened?" he asked the woman.
"Not really." The woman shook her head. She was in her late-fifties at least, but dressed younger. Glamorous, a round face, and pink cheeks. Her hair was a sandy colour, clearly not natural, but it suited her. "I was coming down from the break room after finishing my shift when I found her." She explained. "I was about to head home, but she was in a terrible state. Crying and hyperventilating. I managed to get her to calm down a bit, but she wouldn't let me call one of our first aiders. Said it's just a dizzy spell, and it will pass..." The woman looked uncomfortable. "I didn't want to make things worse by gathering more people, so I decided to stay until she felt better."
"M'sorry," Nevena mumbled.
"Thank you," Cullen added, "for being on hand and respecting her wishes. I think more people would have made the whole thing worse." He shifted his position to sit on the floor. The cold tiles chilled his backside through his jeans and the bottom of his back complained against the hard floor. "She texted me earlier. We were meant to meet," he lied, and it came so easily he was a little surprised. "When she didn't turn up I went looking."
"Has this happened before?" asked the woman.
"Not since I've known her." Cullen pushed some of Nevena's hair back from her face and behind her ear. Her mouth quirked and she met his eyes for an instant. He didn't even think about when it he pressed his lips to her forehead. The relief of finding her felt wonderful. A wash of coolness washing away the panic. "We're staying in Haven. I'll wait for her to calm down a bit more and then we'll head back."
"Okay." The security guard shifted away and began to gather up her things. She pulled out a small notepad, jotted something down on a page and tore that out. She folded it, and handed it to Cullen. It was a telephone number. "Give give me a call and let me know she's okay," the woman said. "Otherwise I'll be worrying all night about her."
"Will do." Cullen smiled, grateful. He folded the number and slid it into his back pocket. He knew he was unlikely to call but it seemed impolite to refuse. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." The woman patted Nevena's shoulder gently. Cullen noticed that Nevena flinched away slightly from the woman's outstretched hand. He tightened his hold on her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. "Feel better, okay sweetie?"
Nevena nodded. "Thanks," she croaked out.
Cullen released a long breath through his nose once the woman was gone and the only people left in the corridor were himself and Nevena. He slid along the floor until he was sitting beside her, his back against the wall and his legs stretched out before him. Aside from taking her hand, he did and said nothing. He tilted his head back and counted the tiles on the ceiling, waiting. He would not pressure her to talk if she didn't want to. He only wanted her to be calm enough that they might be able to make it back to the cabin and to more familiar surroundings.
Nevena's breaths slowed and deepened gradually. Occasionally her fingers tightened around his hand and Cullen reciprocated the grip.
"What are you even doing here?" Nevena asked after a long silence. Her voice was strained and she cleared her throat a few times, swallowing thickly. "You were up at the cabin."
"I was," Cullen said. "I came into Edgehall to get some things."
"Oh..." Nevena wiped her eyes. "How did you know where to find me?"
"Roselyn called me. I guess she still had my number from when she called me the day we met." Cullen turned his head to look at Nevena. She was staring down into her lap. "She told me you texted her a code word and given that she's in Denerim... figured it made more sense for me to come and find you."
"Makes sense," Nevena murmured. She ran her a hand through her hair. Her fingers were trembling and her skin was cold. "I feel so stupid."
"What happened?" asked Cullen. Nevena's head rose, turned sharply and her eyes met his. "If you don't mind me asking."
"Ineria," Nevena said with a weak smile. "Ineria happened. Like she always happens."
"Can you… elaborate for me?"
"She got upset that I was trying to give her advice about Matilda," explained Nevena, her voice still strained. "I probably went about it the wrong way. She started saying how I shouldn't have an opinion, given I don't have a family of my own. And that no one wanted me. Or wants me." Nevena scoffed and she leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes. "Thing is... She's not completely wrong, either."
Cullen watched and waited for her to continue. He wanted to interject, to tell her Ineria was a liar who didn't know what she was talking about. He wanted to tell her she was wanted. To tell her that he wanted her, but he stopped himself. He didn't think speaking up or ask questions, though they burned on his tongue would be helpful. More likely doing so might cause Nevena to close up and bottle everything away. He wanted to help, and being silent for now, letting her say whatever was necessary would help.
"I got upset. Stupid, really."
Cullen shifted. "Where is Ineria now?"
"Gone back to Haven, I imagine," sighed Nevena. "After we... said our pieces, she left. I assume stranding me in Edgehall was part of the plan. I could've gotten a taxi but..."
"Kind of hard when you're hardly able to speak?"
"Yeah." Nevena smiled a little, she cracked an eye open for a moment before closing it again and releasing a shuddering breath. "Something like that, I suppose."
"How did you get here?" Cullen looked around the dingy hallway.
"I... ran. I think." He saw Nevena's brows scrunch up. "It's a blur. After Ineria left I... I was upset. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted to find somewhere private to get myself together but... with the people and everything... I think I fell over."
"Panic attack?"
She shook her head. "Anxiety. I was diagnosed with it about two years ago. I can keep it under control. Mostly." Her breath shook a little. "It's just... Oh, I don't know." Nevena pulled her legs up into her chest and pressed her forehead against her knees. She still gripped Cullen's hand with her left, and her right arm came up to cuddle her legs. "I made such a fuss. And I had to text Roselyn. It's so humiliating."
"Nothing to be embarrassed about." Cullen moved closer. He slid his fingers from Nevena's hand and tentatively slipped his arm around her shoulders to comfort her. Nevena relinquished to his hold and he enveloped her in both arms. She nestled close against him, curling her legs underneath her body, hiding her face in his neck and shoulder. His insides were coiling like springs. It was hard to know if this gesture was crossing their 'friendship' boundaries or not. He just felt like she needed the extra connection at that moment, and it was all he could think to do. "We all have our weak spots. Some people just know how to exploit them. And," he added with a feeble chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, "at least we're equal with panic-slash-anxiety attacks."
"I guess." Nevena's voice was muffled.
"I'm just glad you're okay," said Cullen, nestling his cheek against her hair. "If anything had happened to you…" He sighed, scrunching his eyes closed and banishing the thought. She was safe. He was with her. He didn't need to worry any more. I was worried about you.
Cullen could feel the occasional tremble shock through Nevena's body as he held her, winding one hand down her back steadily. She didn't begin to cry, or even sniffle. He believed she might have passed beyond the realm of being upset and into aftershock. That this was the same numbness he felt after a panic attack, where everything seemed lucid and he didn't feel like he was moving the same speed as the world around him.
He counted the seconds between the breaths he took and noticed her own breathing slowing as she copied the rhythm he set. He focused on that, because he knew if he didn't he would focus on everything else. From the smell of her hair filling his nostrils, to how nice she felt in his arms, delicate, slight, and soft. Perfect. Any anger he might have felt towards Ineria was quelled and silenced by a flame of protectiveness. He wanted to keep Nevena safe and away from the noise and bright lights beyond the corridor. They would need to move eventually, but for a few minutes more, they could remain.
It was selfish of him, really. To be enjoying this privacy and intimacy after Nevena had experienced something so horrific and public, but it was a thought that lingered at the back of his mind. It was nice, to hold her so closely, and have the warmth and weight of her body pressed against his. To feel her breathing and be able to brush his mouth over her forehead, kissing her skin in an act of comfort. It was selfish, but Cullen wanted to allow himself that moment of selfishness, because he knew when she was calmer and more herself, a chance like this was unlikely to arise again.
She fiddled with the buttons on his jacket to occupy her fingers. Once or twice a shopper walked past the corridor and glanced down, seeing them both embraced on the floor. They had the decency not to approach or interfere, giving Nevena all the time she needed to collect herself. Time was of no consequence. It might have been an hour or more before either of them moved. Cullen was more than content to remain, and hated the sense of disappointment he felt when Nevena remarked that they should leave.
Nevena moved first when she was ready. She shifted in Cullen's arms, making some murmured apology and a suggestion that they should go back to the cabin. Cullen followed her lead in everything from getting up to walking through the shopping centre. Nevena's steps were sluggish but she was on high alert for everything. Loud noises made her wince, and he noticed a few instances as they walked when someone nearby moved too quickly and she flinched cowering away from a perceived threat. Cullen drove them back to Haven and the cabin in a relative silence.
It was pitch black outside by the time they parked up outside Skyhold and he unlocked the cabin door. It was warm inside their temporary home and Cullen quickly shed himself of his jacket. Nevena did the same, ridding herself of her boots on the way to the bedroom too. After turning on the main lights, Cullen followed her.
"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, lingering by the door.
Nevena shuffled around in the dark of the bedroom feeling her way around the bed. "No, thank you," she mumbled. "Sleep. Just... sleep. I'll eat later. Tomorrow. Maybe."
"Okay." Cullen wasn't happy with her not eating, but he knew if he tried to force her or convince her to eat, he would go unheard. He watched as she stumbled over something and yelped putting her hands out in front of her to catch herself. To prevent any injuries and because he knew the main light might be a bit bright, Cullen crossed the room to the vanity table and turned on a lamp. Soft yellow light spilled out from that corner of the room, and a little extra light leaked in from where the bedroom door was half open. Cullen froze in place, his eyes widening, when he saw Nevena in the mirror. She was naked from the waist up - except for her bra - and she was busying herself with the button and zipper on her jeans.
Fuck.
Cullen's face bloomed with colour and his chest grew uncomfortably tight. He knew he should look away but his gaze was fixed on view of Nevena's bare skin. She was slim, almost straight up and down with a tiny waist and hips about the same width as her shoulders and dimples at the base of her back. Her skin was slightly tanned, and he saw her freckles were most predominant on her arms, her shoulders. He realised how much his gaze was lingering on the view of her thighs and backside as she bent over the bed, grabbing up her pyjamas and tore his gaze away from the view of her in the vanity mirror.
Despite having had girlfriends before and seen more than a handful of women naked, Cullen couldn't help feeling as though he was intruding on something very private. This was not for him, and he wondered if Nevena even realised he was in the room or if she was too mentally drained to care. He blinked rapidly and stared down at the table before him to centre himself. He listened for the rustle of fabric while counting backward from twenty to try and calm the blood rushing through him and making him feel overheated.
He wanted to roll his eyes at himself. He was better than this. Letting base instinct and desire fuel him was beneath him and not something he ever did anyway. And yet... coupled with the memory of the kiss the day before, Cullen's found his mind beginning to wonder what her skin would feel like under his hands as she arched up -
Nope.
Shaking his head to rid himself of the visions, Cullen jerked away from the desk and frog-marched towards the bedroom door. His cheeks were burning and he wanted to go outside into the cold and potentially lie down face first in the snow. He would never allow anything to happen, he knew that. But now he had an image in his head... an image that was not going to be easy to forget. He wanted to kick himself and turn back the clock so he didn't look in the mirror as Nevena was undressing. Better yet, he wouldn't have even gone in the room.
"Cullen?"
Double fuck. His hand paused over the door handle.
"Where you going?"
Steeling himself, Cullen turned half a step towards Nevena. She was in the bed, duvet pulled up to her chest and leaning up on one arm. Her hair was all spilling over one shoulder, leaving the other tantalizingly bare, except for the strap of her pyjama top.
Triple fuck.
"Uhm... To the living room." He jerked his finger at the room, keeping his gaze on her face and nowhere else. "If you're going to go to bed."
"Oh." Nevena's voice was small. "Okay."
He could feel the question bubbling up and the words ramming themselves onto his tongue. Don't do it, Cullen. Don't fucking say a word. He flexed his hands at his sides, opening his mouth to bid her goodnight. "Do you want me to stay for a bit?"
Nevena flopped back. "Up to you." She tucked her dinosaur toy under one arm.
Cullen looked between the bed, the living room, and back again. He knew he should call Roselyn and let her know Nevena was safe and they were back at Haven. He should call the house too, let them know Nevena was safe – if they even cared – and give Ineria a piece of his mind. He knew at least Roselyn definitely needed and wanted to know Nevena was safe and that she was okay. He should call her. He needed to call her and get out of this situation…
His selfishness won out. He left the door open, crossed the room to the unoccupied side of the bed and sat.
Every move and gesture was a betrayal. Even after setting ground rules and reiterating their relationship was strictly friendship, he was breaking the boundaries already. There were other things he knew he should be doing. He should have left and gone for a walk. Gone to calm himself down. Spoken to Varric, or better yet, Cassandra, who would definitely put him straight. He should have grabbed up his things and left because he lost his will and senses around Nevena Trevelyan. He should have never agreed to this if he knew he would be challenged so much and find her so alluring. But he had agreed to it, and now, as he slid his feet out of his shoes and lay under the covers beside her, he knew he really was in over his head.
He lay on his back uncomfortably aware of every breath and every movement he or Nevena made. He stared at the ceiling, at the light coming in from the living room and the soft glow from the lamp on the vanity. His right hand rest over his chest and his breathing was deliberately slow and measured. His left hand he opened and closed digging his fingernails into his palm with each inhalation. He would wait until she was asleep and then go into the living room. Then he would kick himself and berate himself until he associated Nevena Trevelyan with a verbal bashing the likes of which had never been seen.
"Hey, Cullen?" Nevena didn't move from where she was curled up, her back facing him.
He turned his head. "Mhm?"
"Thanks for finding me. And looking out for me," she said.
"You should really thank Roselyn." Cullen replied, smiling to himself. "She's the one you contacted in the first place."
"I guess…" Nevena moved a little. "I'm sorry, too."
"Sorry?" He shifted, rolling onto his side and closer to her. He was only moving to hear her better. Her voice was muffled. There was no other reason for him shifting to be closer to her. And when he gingerly placed his right hand down on the covers, his arm arching over her body it was because there was nowhere else to put it. "What are you sorry for?"
"Everything," Nevena replied. "Being such a nuisance. You didn't sign up for this... For looking after me. Or dealing with my family. Or… or any of this."
"Nevena..." He touched her arm.
"It's... I would understand if you wanted to go and cut the contract short. I wouldn't blame you. And I'll still pay you for the whole time," she spoke quickly. Cullen could almost see her face, eyes clenched closed, wrinkle in the bridge of her nose as she fought to get her words out before anyone interrupted her. "I just... wanted to you know. If you left. I wouldn't... There would be-"
"Hey, it's okay, it's okay..." Cullen moved closer. He didn't think about his gestures or the implications behind his actions now. He wanted to comfort her, to be near her and reassure her that he wasn't angry. That she owed him no apology, and nor did he expect one. He slid his hand down her arm and wrapped it around her waist cuddling her into his chest. After a moment or two, he felt her fingers shyly sliding between his and his stomach squirmed pleasurably. He pressed his forehead to the nape of her neck and sighed. "You can't get rid of me that easily... I'm not going anywhere."
Especially not without you. He wanted to add, but didn't.
Nevena gave a small sound of acknowledgement a little before nestling into his embrace. Cullen closed his eyes, his skin prickled and warmth slid down every limb like being submerged in a bath. It had been a long time since he felt the contentment of sharing a bed with someone settle over him as it did now. The familiarity of trust being built and maintained. The comfort, the warmth, and the sense of affection welling up inside him. He was tempted to kiss her shoulder blade. Just let his lips graze her skin wordlessly, and make believe it was an accident caused by movement. He did not, he did allow himself to gently nuzzle the nape of her neck as he exhaled heavily.
He realised he couldn't leave even if he wanted to. Not that doing so would change anything. He was too involved. His feelings for Nevena Trevelyan ran far deeper than he wanted to admit. Leaving without her was out of the question. He would endure a hundred Ineria's and a hundred Nevan's if it meant keeping her close and safe.
Even so, after this, once she was asleep, he would extract himself and things would resume as normal. This was a onetime only thing. She needed the comfort and he was there to give it to her. After this, what they said the day before still applied, as it did now. His own feelings didn't matter. He could ignore them and they could go on as normal. As friends, and as though there was nothing else between them. Nothing complicated or potentially confusing.
They were friends. Only friends.
He would lie to himself until he believed it. Even if it hurt.
