THE FINAL SHOWDOWN! LET'S SEE WHO TAKES IT HOME!
000
Upon seeing that all of the previously eliminated contestants would be returning for one day and night in order to be around for the finale, the two finalists had majorly different reactions. While Hakamo-o was completely overjoyed, Dhelmise held an indifferent, more so agitated, demeanor.
Throughout the day, Dhelmise remained invisible, not wanting to hear or deal with anyone complaining about how much of an awful person he was. He was still able to hear some of that, but as long as he wasn't in the vicinity being 'confronted', he was alright.
It was currently 10:17 at night on Thursday. Dhelmise floated in his room, prepared to go to sleep. With a yawn, Dhelmise hung himself on his nail and let out a breath. "I'll never understand these simpletons. If you're that triggered by someone hurting your damn feelings, then the real world will be comparable to the Distortion World for you…"
He could never understand the logic behind anyone who gets so upset and vows revenge over someone who is simply playing the game. Just because you were outsmarted or targeted didn't mean that it's the end of the world. It always happened, no matter what.
"Let's see, you have the 'villain' who is actually just another player strategizing and playing the game in order to win, and whenever they make it further, people act like they're the worst person on the planet. Meanwhile they're making friends and fucking strangers that they hardly know anything about instead of remaining focused," he stated to himself. "Fucking piteous…'
He let out a sigh. "But, it's always the case for these stupid shows. The people actually trying to succeed and compete are treated like trash, and the losers who're just goody two shoes with no true sense of competition are praised."
He yawned. "Just plain idiotic…" he said with a trailing voice as he settled on his nail.
000
Hakamo-o was laying in her bed, with Lycanroc sitting at the foot of it. Ever since they got back, the two of them had been borderline inseparable. The two had conversed about Hakamo-o's behavior and mindset, and just hung out with Incineroar and Tsareena for a good amount of time.
Now, at the moment, the two were just relaxing in her room.
"So, how do you think you'll do tomorrow?" Lycanroc asked, lying on her stomach on the Scaly Pokemon's bed.
Hakamo-o was sitting against the headboard with a small smile. Having a friend around really lightened her mood. But, thinking about the question brought up, Hakamo-o could only sigh. "Well, given what Dhelmise was able to do to Tsareena, I honestly have no fucking expectations," she said, folding her arms with vexation in the tone of her voice.
"Oh come on, don't say that…" Lycanroc replied, hearing the pessimism come from her lips. "You never know. Maybe Solgaleo and Lunala will ban him from using the same things he used on Tsareena. There's always a possibility for things to go your way."
Hakamo-o only shrugged, prompting the Wolf Pokemon to scoff and roll her eyes playfully. Then, a thought came to her head. "Have you spoken to Lucario lately?"
"Yeah… right before I called you on Monday," Hakamo-o replied. "Why?"
"Well… don't you think you should get a bit more comfort from your girlfriend?" Lycanroc queried. "Maybe it'll change your mood…"
Hakamo-o chortled. "I doubt that she'd want to be bothered by my stupid mood. She still has to deal with the other assholes on her show, while I'm only going against one…"
"Who, according to Incineroar, is the equivalent of twenty offensive assholes…" Lycanroc replied.
Hearing that, Hakamo-o gained a thoughtful look. "Yeah, that sounds about right…"
"Well then, I'm sure you both have more things to talk to each other about," Lycanroc replied, picking up Hakamo-o's phone, which was sitting next to the dragon- and fighting-type.
Going to her contacts, she saw that she and Lucario were the only contacts that she had. She rose a brow. "Well, I guess I understand why we're the only ones in your phone, so… let's give her a call…"
"Lycanroc…" the Scaly Pokemon trailed off with a stern tone.
Her phone began to ring and Lycanroc tossed her the phone before starting to head out of the room.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm giving you two some privacy, of course," Lycanroc replied with a wink. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, hun…"
"Arceus damn it, Lycanroc…" Hakamo-o replied before holding the phone up to her ear.
000
The next morning
000
Dhelmise was still snoozing on his nail without a care in the world. As he slept, he suddenly heard knocking on his door. He heard the irritable noise and initially decided to ignore it, but when the pounding got louder, he found himself groaning in annoyance.
Who the hell would want to visit him anyway?
"GO AWAY!" he shouted.
"Open the door, shit-face!" he heard the voice of Togedemaru shout at him.
He didn't respond, not wanting to deal with anybody until the final challenge. Plus, Togedemaru was more of an annoyance than anything.
"I'm not gonna kick your ass if that's what you're thinking…" he heard her explain.
Hearing that, he gained a scowl. There was no chance that she'd beat him in a battle.
"Bitch! The only thing you'd kick my ass at is an eating competition," he retorted.
"I'm pretty much the only support that you're gonna get, so you might as well let me in… unless you're still gonna be a prick…"
"This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed!" Dhelmise replied.
"Fine, prick. Just know that when you get out here, you're in for a lot…"
Dhelmise kept hanging on his nail before yawning. He gazed toward his clock and saw that it was 9:28 AM. He groaned. "I really don't want to get up today."
Regardless, the Sea Creeper Pokemon floated off of his nail and sighed. "Let the bullshit begin…"
He phased through the hotel floor, heading down to the second floor for breakfast.
000
Hakamo-o ended up awakening at 8:59 in the morning, much to her chagrin, but she soon found herself exiting her room and heading to the cafeteria. She was currently sitting around a table with Lycanroc, Incineroar, Tsareena, and Oricorio.
"So, how'd the talk go with Lucario?"
Hakamo-o shrugged, twirling a fork on a half eaten pancake covered in syrup. "We didn't really talk about much. She just said that she was proud of me and wishes me the best, and that she had immunity for their next elimination ceremony…"
Tsareena giggled. "I can only imagine the surprise on both your faces if both of you actually won."
"Yeah… we spoke about that a few days ago…" Hakamo-o explained with a shrug.
Noticing her demeanor, Oricorio rose a brow. "Are things fine between you two? You seem so… down and apathetic when mentioning her."
"Huh? No, things are fine between us," Hakamo-o replied. "We just have to kinda get more comfortable with the whole 'relationship' thing."
"Yeah… being on different shows and only starting the relationship while in the middle of the shows… it can cause a bit of an awkward situation," Incineroar said with a nod. "Well, luckily, today's the last day. Then, you just have to watch and wait for her to either get eliminated or win, and you guys' relationship can really kick off."
Hakamo-o nodded.
The doors of the cafe opened, and immediately, everyone went quiet as they turned to see who it was. Dhelmise, seeing the group before him, could only hold back a laugh. It was coincidental that four out of five of them hated his guts. Lycanroc didn't really hate him, per se, but she didn't really offer much of an opinion on him anymore.
He decided to just ignore them and let them stew in their own loathing of him. As he gathered his usual fruit, he started hearing the five of them converse again.
"So, what do you suppose that today's challenge will be?" Tsareena inquired.
Incineroar's infuriated eyes were glued to Dhelmise as he went about getting his breakfast. He had the undying urge to murder the ghost- and grass-type. His claws were digging into the wood of the table, the sound of scraping getting Lycanroc's attention as she looked on the table and saw her friend clawing at the sleek material.
"Incineroar…" Lycanroc started, placing a paw over his as she saw his face, which was twisted in a fearsome grimace.
This contact caused Incineroar to glance down and take notice at who it was. He took a deep breath and retracted his claws from the table as Dhelmise left the vicinity.
"Well… good to see that you're able to control yourself around him…" Oricorio said sarcastically, making Incineroar pass her a chafe look.
"That motherfucker has made so many fucking offensive statements about gay people, so I'm sorry that I want to tear the seaweed apart with remorse!" Incineroar growled, slamming his hands on the table. Lycanroc rubbed his back as he panted softly before taking a deep breath and breathing out. He turned to Hakamo-o. "I hope that you win… I really do."
Hakamo-o nodded. "So do I. But, if he was willing to do what he did to Tsareena, who knows what that motherfucker is willing to do."
They all exchanged looks, nodding in agreement.
000
Up on the seventh floor, Passimian, Drampa, Bewear, and Pyukumuku were all hanging out, having gotten food earlier and brought it all up there.
At the moment, Passimian was lifting weights while watching the cooking channel on the television hanging in the fitness section, while Drampa watched him with interest.
Bewear and Pyukumuku were playing a videogame, facing away from them. It seemed to be a block oriented game, but neither of them really knew what to do.
"So… uh…" Drampa started, eyeing the Teamwork Pokemon. "Are you still into Hakamo-o, Passimian?"
Passimian passed the dragon and wary glance. "Well, considering that she's already taken, I guess that my answer has to be no…"
"Hmm…" he started, slithering up next to him. "Why don't you tell me a bit more about yours-"
Passimian dropped his weights in an instant. "Okay, let me stop you there. One, you pretty much helped get me kicked off the show. Two, you're a fucking pedophile pervert. And three, I'm not gay or bisexual, so you can get the hell away from me…"
Drampa gave him a look. "Okay, one… Togedemaru and Mudsdale helped too, and that was just strategy. Two, I'm twenty-seven, you're twenty-two, and that pedophile shit was all a fucking act. And three… uh… well, I have nothing for that."
"Drampa, I thought that you were into the girls…" Bewear spoke up as he and Pyukumuku turned to face the scene.
"I'm bi…" Drampa drawled.
"Oh… well, that's new," the Strong Arm Pokemon said, folding his arms.
"Ugh…" the Placid Pokemon groaned. "You know what, just forget everything I said. Who do you think is gonna win this stupid game?"
"Well, my heart is telling Hakamo-o, but my fucking brain is telling me Dhelmise," Passimian replied, his brain wiping away Drampa's courting attempt in an instant. "Like, the physical aspects could give it to her, and I would much prefer her to win. But, knowing Dhelmise, he'll probably use some ghostly shit and win that way."
"They could give him a handicap," Bewear spoke up. "I mean, they've done it before, why not now?"
"Because he's a cheeky bastard," Drampa replied. "Look at what happened in the last challenge! He got paralyzed twice or thrice, pretended to stay down, and swooped in to steal the win at the last possible moment! Handicaps barely affect him!"
"Well, the 'villains' hardly ever win unless they pull some last minute bullshit that hinder the other guy, or in this case, girl…" Bewear reasoned. "So, while I don't really care about who wins, I guess Hakamo-o makes the most reasonable sense."
"Are you top or bottom?" Pyukumuku spoke up, making Drampa twitch.
000
"I hate my life…" Drampa groaned.
000
Gumshoos and Mudsdale were in the Stakeout Pokemon's room.
Neither of them were concerned with the game at the moment. Instead, they were talking about Mudsdale's future and what she was going through.
"So, how do you feel?" Gumshoos queried as the Draft Horse Pokemon lied on her bed.
Mudsdale, whose eyes were red from crying, sniffled before responding. "I feel like my world is crumbling and that there's nothing I can do about it because of this dumb kid!"
Gumshoos sighed upon hearing that. She was usually okay with people expressing their feelings as long as physically, and somewhat mentally, nobody was harmed. However, the way Mudsdale spoke about her own unborn child, made her want to smack the pregnant horse.
"Mudsdale. Why do you insist on belittling your child so early? It isn't even born yet and it hasn't done anything to you other what being pregnant does to all girls…"
"Because that bastard Bewear made this happen!" Mudsdale growled. "He forces himself on me, and then we start fucking over and over again. Now I'm pregnant, and unless I find someone into fucking pregnant girls, then-"
"MUDSDALE!" Gumshoos exclaimed, holding her head, which startled the Draft Horse Pokemon a bit. "Have you ever stopped and realized that maybe, just maybe, you should be more focused on your future instead of focusing on getting dicked down at any given moment?"
"Hey, I don't tell you how to live your life…"
"Mudsdale… you're a nymphomaniac…" Gumshoos stated. "The lifestyle choice you want isn't healthy. There could be more situations like this! You could get pregnant again, you could contract an STI, you could get a urinary tract infection, and-"
"Have you just looked all of this up or are do you just know from experience?" Mudsdale responded with a glare.
Gumshoos gave her a look. "Look, I'm just trying to ease your pain and give you advice so that you don't end up ruining your entire life. I know that you don't want the kid. Fine, just give it to Bewear, but don't immediately go back to acting like a… well..."
"Like a slut?" Mudsdale finished, her eyes tightening in a glare.
"You said it, not me," she replied.
"You didn't have to…" Mudsdale replied as she got off of the Stakeout Pokemon's bed and headed to the door.
Gumshoos only sighed.
000
"Who does she think she is? There's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with consenting partners!" Mudsdale exclaimed. "She points out all of the negatives even though condoms are a thing, and after this burden is gone, I'm gonna get my tubes tied just like my mom did after she had me…"
000
Lunala, who had taken a swig of Mewtwo's Awakening, was up and about since five in the morning, trying to find her co-host in order for them to go and host the final challenge for their season. She had checked his room, the kitchen, the living room, and asked around, but no one could offer her any assistance. She sighed in exasperation before deciding to check his room again. The Moone Pokemon flew up to the floor of Solgaleo's room, and upon going inside, found that no one was there, still.
She started checking different areas of his room for any clues. Opening one of the drawers next to his bed, he noticed not one, but two empty bottles of antidepressants.
"Oh no…" she started, immediately getting worried. Now, pills couldn't really kill him, but with his mental state out of whack, she would probably have to deal with the finale alone, and she didn't want that. This was for both of them! She need to find him this instant and help him get better.
After looking even more thoroughly, she eventually saw Entei walking shakily with plate of strudel. Lunala's eyes widened and she swiftly floated in front of the the Volcano Pokemon. "Where is he…" she demanded to know.
Entei moved out of the way and continued to walk, choosing not to answer. Getting vexed, Lunala stopped him midway and lifted him up before bringing him back to face her. "I'm gonna ask again… Where… is… Solgaleo…?" she interrogated.
Entei growled.
-000-
Lunala threw Entei's door open, and immediately felt a large amount of heat hit her in the face.
Groaning, she looked forward and saw Solgaleo lying on the floor of Entei's room. He didn't move, even when the door swung open and hit the wall.
She gasped and flew up to him, picking up his head. He was unconscious, but still breathing. She looked back at Entei. "What the hell did you do?!"
"Hey, believe it or not, he came to me!" Entei growled.
"What?!"
"He knocked on my door last night around seven; he looked like a zombie when I opened the door," Entei explained. "His eyes were white and he just barged in. We uh… did some things, and then he suddenly passed out midway through!"
Lunala shuddered at the thought before looking back down at her co-host and friend. She sighed and smacked him, making Entei flinch. After a few seconds, Solgaleo's eyes slowly opened.
Through his eyes, everything was a blur, and he had a sharp pain in his head. Eventually, as he sat up, things began to be a bit clearer, but he felt extremely sick. Lunala sighed in relief, hugging him. "Are you okay?"
Solgaleo looked around. "Where am I?"
"You're in Entei's room," Lunala replied, making Solgaleo sigh.
"Why did you think that taking two whole bottles of antidepressants would be a good idea!?" Lunala exclaimed. "I know you have depression, but please! Don't scare me like this…"
"Sorry…" Solgaleo replied with a sigh, looking down. "I just don't know if I can handle another day of Dhelmise's bullshit. He doesn't really help my case…"
"Just… put in some earphones or something. Just please… this is something special for the both of us; we both started it and I want both of us to finish it…" Lunala replied.
After a while, Solgaleo let out another sigh. "Alright," he replied, softly as he rolled over and got onto all fours. As he took a step, he felt his head throb and he groaned.
Lunala helped him stay upright. "Come on. I'll try to handle the main hosting and you can just talk whenever…"
Solgaleo nodded, his head still throbbing. Lunala teleported the two of them out of the Volcano Pokemon's room, making him grumble in annoyance.
000
Hakamo-o, Lycanroc, Incineroar, Oricorio, and Tsareena exited the elevator and entered the lobby. It was almost eleven o'clock at this point, so Hakamo-o had a feeling that the challenge was going to start soon.
And, her guess was correct, as the two hosts teleported into the hotel. Solgaleo had a sick, tired expression, while Lunala had a half-smile. Seeing them in this condition, a bit of worry washed over everyone.
"Uh… is everything okay?" Lycanroc queried.
"Well…" Lunala started before turning to Solgaleo. "...somewhat, but it'll be okay. It's time for the finale after all!"
Hakamo-o took a breath as Lycanroc pat her back with a smile.
Lunala floated over to the mic at the front desk. "All contestants report to the lobby! I repeat, all contestants report to the lobby!"
-000-
A few minutes later, everyone made it down, everyone except Dhelmise. Seeing this, Lunala sighed. "You've gotta be fucking kidding me…"
Her eyes glowed pink, and a few seconds later, Dhelmise appeared and fell onto the ground with a CLANG! His body was soaking wet as water started pooling underneath him.
He groaned. "Is it finally time?"
"Yeah. You'd know that if you actually listened instead of talking so damn much!" Oricorio stated, in her Sensu Form.
Dhelmise gave her a look. "You fucks realize that I was at the beach right? So, sorry I wasn't able to hear anything…" he replied in an exasperated tone.
"Okay, look," Lunala started, passing Dhelmise a gaze of irritation. "This is the finale. You all get to go back home when this is over, so can you please NOT act like a jackass?"
"Coming from the hosts who constantly give me obstacles and get upset at me for doing the same things as everyone else," Dhelmise retorted.
Lunala glowered at him, while Solgaleo, having done was Lunala said, got some earphones and placed them in his ears via kinesis. She then took a deep breath. Everyone became enveloped in a pink aura before being teleported out of the hotel lobby.
000
All of the contestants reappeared in a familiar vicinity. There were large, multi-layered stone walls, with a large, dried out tree sitting next to a cave entrance.
"Vast Poni Canyon?" Passimian queried. "This is where this grand finale is located?"
Lunala gave him a look, silently telling him to stop talking. Passimian seemed to have gotten the message, as he sheepishly looked to the side in silence.
The Moone Pokemon's attention turned to the two finalists. She gained a small smile. "Alright you two. You were able to outlast everyone else in the competition and have finally made it to this point. So, congrats…"
The two of them remained silent, though while Hakamo-o had a smile on her face, Dhelmise kept a nonchalant expression.
"Now, this will end up being your ultimate challenge," Lunala continued.
"Compared to the shit that you made me and Tsareena do last time, I sincerely doubt that…" Dhelmise responded.
Solgaleo, despite having earphones in his ears, could still hear Dhelmise faintly. This made him groan. "Just shut the hell up…" Solgaleo grumbled to himself, holding his head.
"Sheesh, what's wrong with him?" Togedemaru asked, seeing him do this.
"Personal matters that we're not going to get into…" Lunala told the Roly-Poly Pokemon; she turned her attention to the finalists once again. "Now, it's time for the final challenge of Total Pokemon: Alola, and surprisingly, it won't be just one challenge..."
Hakamo-o and Dhelmise immediately exchanged looks before setting their attention back to the hosts. This was shocking.
"What do you mean it won't just be one challenge?" Hakamo-o questioned. "Isn't this supposed to be-"
"Allow me to explain," Lunala giggled. "Throughout Vast Poni Canyon, you will find the nine Ultra Beasts. When you encounter them, they will issue you a challenge. Once you complete the challenge, you will receive a charm."
The Moone Pokemon held up a thin necklace with a circular charm at the end of it. The charm she was holding resembled her face.
"Your goal is to find and complete each challenge presented to you, then you have to navigate your way out of the Vast Poni Canyon and get to the Altar of the Sunne and Moone," Lunala explained. "Once there, play the flute, and open the Ultra Wormhole. Then, you throw all of your charms inside. The player who does all of this the fastest in the champion of Total Pokemon: Alola."
"So, actually, this is ten challenges in one?" Dhelmise queried. "Greeeeat…"
"Hey, if you want to win, you gotta earn it," Lunala replied with a smirk before gaining a serious glare. "And Dhelmise, no doing the same thing as last time. This is going to be a fair fight…"
"Fair? FAIR!?" Dhelmise exclaimed. "You assholes have been hindering me throughout this game because I say things that you don't fucking like! So don't you tell me about fairness!"
"Oh… looks like someone's getting a taste of their own medicine…" Gumshoos observed, folding her arms.
Dhelmise turned back to her. "Y'know, I make the overused generalization joke dealing with how you look, but again, it's overused."
"Just like your non-existent mouth!" Incineroar snapped.
Dhelmise rolled his eyes.
"Alright, I've explained you guys challenge," Lunala replied, holding back her urge to talk down to Dhelmise. "I wish you the best, and… the finale of Total Pokemon: Alola begins… NOW!"
Hakamo-o and Dhelmise immediately rushed into the cave, with the others cheering on Hakamo-o. Togedemaru was rooting for Dhelmise, but cheering wasn't her thing.
000
Going into the Vast Poni Canyon, the two finalists looked around observantly, attempting to see if there was any sign of an Ultra Beast. Much to their surprise, a large, red buff mosquito was sitting at the top of a hill next to a stone pillar. The pillar had strange markings on it, but they were ignored as the two finalists made it up to the Swollen Pokemon, who had its arms folded.
"Alright, welcome to a challenge," Buzzwole introduced.
"Get on with it, Zika Virus…" Dhelmise replied, making Hakamo-o glower at him in annoyance.
"...Right," Buzzwole said, not really affected by Dhelmise's snide comment. "Anyway, my challenge will be pretty easy."
Hakamo-o let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, good to hear."
"You see all of these big rocks?" Buzzwole replied, gesturing to all of the large rocks that were lining paths and blocking exits. "You have to smash all of them. This first round will be a race, and then the next rounds will be time-based."
"Breaking rocks…" Dhelmise started, his tone emotionless. "This is seriously a challenge for the finale… after all of that bullshit we had to do Wednesday?"
"Dhelmise, can't you just shut up and do the fucking challenge?!" Hakamo-o questioned agitatedly.
"Can't you date a guy?" Dhelmise retorted, making Hakamo-o gape before growling.
"So yeah…" Buzzwole continued, unbothered by their brief interaction. "The one who breaks the most rocks will get their charm first. Then, the person that's left has to try and break all of the rocks within twenty seconds."
Hakamo-o and Dhelmise looked around at all of the rocks in the vicinity. There must have been about thirty in total. They exchanged competitive looks; neither of them wanted to deal with a time trial.
"Alright, you can start… now!" the mosquito announced.
-000-
Hakamo-o rushed to the nearest rock that was sitting along a path and leapt up, her right arm glowing. She struck the rock, reducing it to pebbles with ease. She heard a repeated banging sound and happened to look over.
There, she saw Dhelmise simply using his anchor to smash the large stones in succession with no break in-between. With a surprised gasp, the dragon- and fighting-type quickly moved on to the next rock, using Brick Break to destroy it as well.
The two finalists went at the rocks for almost five minutes, with Dhelmise showing no sign of exhaustion as he effortlessly swung his anchor back and forth to smash the stones in his way.
Hakamo-o, smashing her eleventh rock, could only bare her teeth in anger as Dhelmise wiped out all of the other rocks in the vicinity. She was feeling a bit fatigued, but she knew that she needed to keep going.
She ran up to the next rock, only to be knocked back when pieces of it struck her. Dhelmise had smashed it, nearly hitting her as well.
Showing no care, the Sea Creeper Pokemon started heading back toward the bug- and fighting-type. Hakamo-o looked around the area and saw that all of the other rocks were already broken. Disappointment washed over Hakamo-o like a tidal wave; she should have gone faster.
She sulked over to the two, just as Dhelmise was getting his first charm. It was wrapped around the spokes of his wheel and it had Buzzwole's face on it.
"Alright, you're free to go, now…" Buzzwole said, waving Dhelmise away.
After being given his charm, the markings on the lower half of the pillar next to Buzzwole glowed white. Dhelmise gave the bug a look. "Okay, and where do I go in order to find another one of you losers?"
"You have to look for the rest of them," Buzzwole replied. "I'm not their keeper…."
Dhelmise groaned; he glanced up and looked at the exit that was there, but then recalled the other path that was to the left from where they first entered. Without a word, he started floating back toward the entrance before turning into the pathway.
Hakamo-o sighed.
000
"Well, this doesn't look good," Drampa remarked, watching the monitor with the others.
"GOODNESS is-" Shiinotic started, startling everyone with his sudden appearance.
Bewear picked up the Illuminating Pokemon, covering his mouth so that he couldn't continue rambling.
"Come on Haka…" Lycanroc urged, looking on in worry.
000
Dhelmise, going through the exit, immediately found himself in front of two paths. One leading up another hill, and the other leading into a larger cave.
As he gazed up the hill, he noticed a creature standing at the top of it, next to another stone pillar that was similar to the one that Buzzwole was standing next to.
"Eh, if there's another one of these fucks in that cave, that's two for the price of one…" he told himself before deciding to go up the hill.
Making up the hill, Dhelmise's 'eyes' were set upon a figure made of black cables with a spiky orb as its head. "Hey! Cable guy, I need you to fix my TV back home…" Dhelmise stated, approaching him.
"Oh ha ha, that's very funny…" Xurkitree replied sarcastically, folding his arms. "I have half a mind to kick your ass and not give you anything…"
Dhelmise groaned. "I take it back. Just give me my damn challenge…"
"Uh huh… that's what I thought…" Xurkitree retorted. "Now, your next challenge is to find two long crystals that are hidden somewhere in the canyon. You have to bring them back and place them into these slots…"
The Glowing Pokemon stepped back, revealing two trapezoidal pedestals, each with two diamond shaped holes.
"Wait… you're telling me that I have to go back in there and find two fucking crystals that could be anywhere?!"
"Hey, don't like it? Shouldn't have come this far…" Xurkitree retorted.
Dhelmise groaned as he floated back down the hill. "Fuck this, I'm going into the other cave…"
000
Hakamo-o smashed the last rock, panting from exhaustion. She ran back down to Buzzwole, her fists clenched, nearly tripping due to the downward slope.
"You're lucky… you had two milliseconds left…" Buzzwole said, looking at a stopwatch in his hand.
Hakamo-o sighed in relief. "Thank Arceus…"
Buzzwole put a necklace around her neck, making Hakamo-o smile a bit. However, she knew that she'd need to hurry up and keep moving. Because Dhelmise took the path that was lower, Hakamo-o decided to take the higher ground.
-000-
After going back up the rocky slopes, Hakamo-o made her way outside. As soon as she came out, she saw a large boulder in the middle of a section. There was grass surrounding the left side, and a clear path to the right. Going down the path, she looked down warily, seeing how high of a drop it was.
She looked to the down and saw everyone watching a screen. She rolled her eyes before focusing forward and nearly jumped at what she saw standing there. There was a colorful, orb covered pole with a white head covered in smaller bumps. There were flowers on the side of the head.
Like Buzzwole, he was standing next to a stone pillar. She sighed and knew that she'd have to approach it. Seeing her coming, the UB wave.
"Hello there. You can call me Burst, short for Burcephalon," it introduced.
"Uh… hi?" Hakamo-o responded questioningly. "What's my challenge?"
"Well, all you can see, below this 'bridge' is a large, wooden pool of water," Burst explained. "Inside of the water, are balls. All you have to do is bring up twenty-five of them in under a minute and you'll earn your next charm."
Hakamo-o sighed. "Okay, and how am I going to do this? Is there a bungee cord or something?"
"Yep. Here you go," Burst said, moving forward and revealing a coiled up yellow bungee cord with a harness attached to it.
Hakamo-o smirked as she walked toward the cord and harness. Making sure that the cord was secure, she placed the harness around herself and yanked on the cable, making sure it was stable. She took a deep breath and looked over the edge.
"Alright, let me know and I'll start your minute…" Burst replied, holding a stopwatch.
Hakamo-o groaned. "Fine. I'm going right… NOW!"
The Scaly Pokemon leapt off of the edge, diving into the pool. Once she hit, she felt around and grabbed a good amount of the balls before springing back up due to the band's elasticity. Unluckily for her, there was a small, unnoticeable nick in the cable, causing it to snap as she sprang back up. She fell back down, landing in the water.
"Oh crap…." Burst groaned, seeing what happened.
Hakamo-o swam to the surface and growled as she glared upwards. "WHAT THE HELL!?"
"SORRY!"
-000-
Stomping back up with clenched fists, Hakamo-o growled at Burst, who could only laugh sheepishly. He held out a necklace with a charm, which Hakamo-o immediately snatched from his hand. She proceeded forward, with the stone pillar's top markings glowing.
On her way, she pushed the UB off of the bridge, sending him down, screaming. As she reached the opposing side and started heading over, she heard the splash and rolled her eyes.
000
"What?" Hakamo-o questioned. "That nimrod would have cost me the game!"
She sighed. "I never thought it could be more stressful than it already was…"
000
Dhelmise ended up finding a glass jellyfish in the cave and was currently being given a long, heartfelt speech about how great it'd be if he was in a relationship with Pyukumuku. The Sea Creeper Pokemon twitched with every word that came from her lips. If he wasn't already part ghost-type, he would have attempted suicide then and there.
"And that's why you and Pyukumuku would be cute together…" the Parasite Pokemon finished giddily.
Dhelmise let out a pained groan. "Someone kill me now…" he mumbled to himself before regaining focus. "Okay, if you're done with your delusional ranting… I'd appreciate my actual challenge, please…"
"Oh right, right…" Nihilego replied, momentarily forgetting about the task she was brought there to perform. "Uh… your challenge is… trivia!"
"Oh god…" Dhelmise drawled.
"Now, there are numerous questions, and you have to answer ten in succession in order get the charm…" Nihilego explained, tapping the flat rock sitting next to her, which held numerous stacks of cards.
"Okay, so what happens if I don't know the shit?" Dhelmise inquired.
"Then I poison you," Nihilego replied cheerily, which creeped Dhelmise out a bit. "And when you pass out, I just wait for you to wake back up and we do it again!"
"I'd still be poisoned!"
"Nuh-uh…" Nihilego replied before gesturing to a pile of antidotes and potions.
Dhelmise groaned upon seeing the healing sprays. "Just bring on the questions…"
"Okay," Nihilego replied before clearing her throat. "What did Gumshoos say that she wanted to be?"
Dhelmise groaned. "I really don't bother to remember information on losers, but… I just so happen to remember that the Horse Whisperer wants to be some sort of lawyer or investigator…"
"Correct!"
000
"Horse Whisperer?!" Gumshoos exclaimed.
"Uh, considering that the main person you talk to, out of all of us, is Mudsdale… I can understand where he gets that from," Passimian replied as the others either nodded or paid it no mind.
The Stakeout Pokemon grumbled something incoherent under her breath.
000
"Question two… what is Drampa's preferred sexual position?" Nihilego asked with a sly smirk.
Dhelmise twitched, unable to comprehend why that question existed. Just why? And how the hell would anyone know that other than Drampa himself?!
He was going to have to take a guess. "First off… Drampa now disgusts me even more… and secondly… I have no fucking idea, but I'm gonna guess and say… reverse cowgirl…"
"Nope," Nihilego chirped before using Acid Spray, causing the Sea Creeper Pokemon to scream out from the burning pain. "It's actually something that he called the 'Pussylicious Prostate Pounder…'"
Dhelmise remained silent upon being told that. He didn't even want to know what that entailed. "Can you just move on? Start over or… whatever…"
000
All eyes were currently on Drampa, whose own eyes remained focused on the screen. Beads of sweat dripped from his neck and face. He didn't even give them that information! Or at least… he didn't think he did.
"Pussylicious… Prostate… Pounder…" Tsareena repeated before taking a deep breath. "Okay. I'm not going to ask about what that entails, Drampa. But, just know that I find it very disturbing nonetheless…"
"Uh… do you mind telling me what that entails?" Mudsdale whispered to him. "I mean, I don't want you or anything, just… curious…"
Bewear, seeing this, just shook his head.
000
"Filthy slut…" Bewear muttered, his arms crossed.
000
"He's being plowed by the most common 'husbando' or whatever the hell weird female or gay idiots decide to call their husbands…" Dhelmise replied. "In other words, a Lucario…"
"That is correct," Nihilego replied, taking out another card. "Next question. Whose relatives' graves were destroyed when you guys went to the cemetery?"
"Lycanroc," Dhelmise answered simply.
"Correct again…" Nihilego replied, going to another card. "Next question…. What is Pyukumuku's sexuality?"
"WHAT IS WITH YOU?!" Dhelmise exclaimed. "Ugh… I don't know! Straight!?"
"Incorrect. He is asexual… though I wish he was gay…" Nihilego said with a dismal tone.
Dhelmise groaned. "This is going to take forever..."
000
"I hate everyone…" he muttered.
000
Hakamo-o entered the cave to the second floor of the canyon, and immediately saw a large, rocket-like creature standing next to bunch of hot coals. The smell of the inside was very smoky because of this.
The green creature had long hair, a spike on its head, two large disembodied arms, and numerous legs and fingers. Upon seeing Hakamo-o, it took a breath. It was standing next to another stone pillar with markings.
As Hakamo-o approached, it immediately began to speak. "Hello, I'm Celesteela, and welcome to… whichever challenge number this is for you…" it introduced, its voice signifying that it was a female.
"Three…" Hakamo-o responded, folding her arms.
"Okay, so challenge three," Celesteela responded before turning her attention to the coals. "As you can clearly see, there are hot coals lining the floor. And, over that large wall across from us, are even more coals. At the very end of the opposite path, there will be a crystal that will be useful later on down the line. You must collect that crystal, and return back to me in order to receive your charm."
Hakamo-o believing that she knew what area she was talking about, nodded.
000
"Meh, I've explored this place before considering I live on this island, so… some of these areas aren't that much of a mystery to me…" Hakamo-o explained with a shrug.
000
"Alright, you may begin," Celesteela stated.
Hakamo-o took a breath before taking a step on the coal. It burned momentarily, but she decided that the best course of action would be to run. That way, she'd get through it faster.
She ran across the coal, nearly tripping and some point, which made her pause to regather herself. The burning sensation made her growl and she continued until she was off of the coals. She lifted up one of her feet and started blowing and rubbing it in pain.
"Stupid challenge…" she grumbled as she let her feet touch the cold concrete once again.
Hakamo-o exited through the large opening and looked out into the distance. She took a deep breath and clenched her fists. "Come on… you can do this…" she told herself.
She turned around and eyed the crawl space reasonably close to the larger opening. She got onto her stomach and started to crawl through. The heat and smoky smell was a clear indicator that this was the correct way. Once back inside, she rose to her feet, scratching the side of her face as she looked at all of the hot coal on the ground.
"And here we go again…" she muttered. She walked around on the cold rock on the inside of the cave for a few seconds, just so she'd have a bit of a temperature cushion like when she did the first paths of coals. Once she felt that she was fine, she rushed over the burning stones, attempting to follow the path they were leading to.
Eventually, as she turned a corner, she saw the exit and rushed toward it. The area before the exit was coal free, much to her relief. "Mother of Arceus, this is bullshit…" she said, rubbing her other foot.
She exited the room and entered the small clearing. There, she looked around before her eyes focused on the large crystal lying there. The crystal was transparent and glowing light blue.
She walked toward and picked it up. For some reason, the crystal was very heavy, and picking it up made her feel a small jolt.
"Jeez… what the hell is this thing for?" she asked as she lifted the crystal over her shoulder. She made sure that it was balanced so that she didn't accidentally drop it.
She sighed as she re-entered the cave. She started heading back to the front, where Celesteela was.
000
"Alright, last question…" Nihilego started, much to Dhelmise's joy.
"Finally…" he drawled weakly, due to the poison. "After thirty-one bullshit questions... "
"True or false… Lunala and Solgaleo are a couple…" Nihilego said.
Upon hearing that, Dhelmise scoffed. "Of course not. Solgaleo seems like he attracts more guys than girls, and Lunala's already banging Yveltal…"
"That… is correct!" Nihilego replied with a smile. "Entei, Terrakion, Heatran, Latios, and even Keldeo, have said that he's cute! Imagine an orgy with all of them…"
"Let's NOT, mmkay?!" Dhelmise exclaimed. "Just give me my stupid charm!"
Nihilego extended a tentacle, holding a necklace with her charm on it. Dhelmise placed it on his anchor with the other one.
"Two down… and seven more to go. Ugh…" he groaned.
Nihilego went over to the antidotes and potions, grabbing one of each. She came back over, spraying him with the antidote first before using the potion.
Dhelmise let out a breath upon being healed. "That's better…"
"You're welcome!"
"Yeah yeah. Do you know anything about a crystal? That walking spark plug says that there are like four scattered around this place," Dhelmise replied.
"Hmm… nope," Nihilego replied.
Dhelmise sighed. "Great…"
-000-
The Sea Creeper Pokemon exited the cave, coming out from where he came in. He knew that the other side was the way to the Altar, so there was no point in going there yet.
He was simply glad that he was able to get the last challenge done already.
"Okay, time to backtrack…" he said to himself. As he headed back, he noticed two bridges overhead, leading to somewhere behind a wall. "Huh… I guess that can work."
He floated up in order to get to that possible entrance, his head aching from the idiocy of the questions he was asked. He got onto the bridge and looked forward in order to see what he was going to be dealing with. Luckily for him, there was an opening.
Entering the cave, he found himself on a higher platform. There was a ladder near the end of it that would allow people to get down. Being part ghost-type, he simply floated down and saw that there were numerous large stones next to pits. There were large walls all around as well. He then turned around and saw another exit. "What the hell…"
"Hey! You there!"
Dhelmise turned back toward the ladder and saw a small, flat white, orange, and yellow figure floating next to the ladder, as well as a stone pillar.
He groaned and floated toward the Ultra Beast. "Challenge?" Dhelmise requested.
"I was going to get to it anyway, you piece of shit…" the Drawn Sword Pokemon replied aggressively. Dhelmise rolled his eyes. "Now, your challenge is to push all of these rocks into the pits…"
Dhelmise stared blankly at him for a few seconds before looking at the three large stones sitting next to the pits.
000
"This is both the lamest and dumbest challenge that has ever been done in the history of these shows…" Dhelmise commented.
000
Lunala groaned upon hearing Kartana's challenge. "This is supposed to be fucking difficult! What is with them?!"
"This is why you should never let other outside people do challenges for a finale…" Drampa replied.
"This is still our first season, come on!" Lunala replied.
"Well, looks like this is going to take forever and be boring as all shit…" Togedemaru stated.
Lunala sighed and looked to Solgaleo, who was still lying down.
000
Hakamo-o panted as she dragged the crystal across the coals. She sighed in relief as she dropped the crystal in front of Celesteela.
"Nice work…" the Launch Pokemon commented. She lifted one of her large arms, one of her 'fingers' holding the necklace and charm.
Hakamo-o took the charm and put it on with the rest of them. "Okay, three out of nine…" Hakamo-o stated, looking at the charms. The top half of the stone pillar glowed.
"Remember, you're gonna have to keep the crystal for something later on…" Celesteela reminded.
Hakamo-o sighed. "Yeah…" she said before picking up the crystal again.
She then realized something. "Wait, I'm seriously gonna have to go over these stupid coals again!?"
"Yep. Sorry about that…"
Hakamo-o glowered at the Ultra Beast before letting out a groan and started walking over the coals again.
-000-
Exiting the cave, the Scaly Pokemon grumbled to herself as she went toward the right path, where she found herself at a broken bridge with ropes above it. Looking down, there was a very long drop, and with the crystal, things were going to be very difficult.
As she eyed the bridge, she didn't notice something crawling behind her. It resembled a brick structure, with a blue eye coming out of one of the brick openings. Its legs also had eyes on them, which was strange.
Hearing a growl from behind her, Hakamo-o turned around and jumped back upon seeing the large Ultra Beast behind her.
"What the hell!?"
The Ultra Beast didn't respond. Instead, one of the bricks opened and spat out a charm, much to her surprise.
"What? You don't talk?"
It only stared at her, which creeped her out a bit. She decided to go ahead and try to cross the bridge. However, as she started, she felt that her crystal was gone.
She looked around for it, before peering over the edge, hoping that she didn't accidentally drop it over the edge. She heard a whistle and looked across the way, seeing the Ultra Beast on the other side of the bridge. Her crystal was at his feet.
"What the hell!?" she exclaimed before turning around to make sure that she wasn't being fooled. She wasn't, which made her growl.
000
Dhelmise earned his third charm and, after seeing another Ultra Beast on a lower level floated down in order to get his next challenge. He had never felt more annoyed or tired.
Floating down, he met up with a large, black crab-like Ultra Beast. He had a large mouth, with claw-like tongues, and what seemed to be two faces, one on top and the other taking up his body.
"Alright glutton, what's my challenge?" Dhelmise asked immediately. "I really don't feel like dealing any bullshit, so I beg you… just give it to me straight…"
Guzzlord blinked in response, not expecting such urgency. "Uh… alright then…."
The Junkivore Pokemon looked around. "As you can see, we're surrounded by pools of water. Your goal is to dive underwater and collect as many pearls as you can within a minute in each one. If you're able to collect thirty of them from each pool, you get your charm…."
Dhelmise sighed in annoyance. "So I have collect ninety fucking pearls in three minutes pretty much?"
"Yep…"
000
"Yep, this is lame," Togedemaru commented as she yawned.
"Well, considering that you're not even in the action, I don't think you get to complain," Oricorio retorted.
"Hakamo-o's got four to Dhelmise's soon-to-be four, and we already know what each Ultra Beasts' challenge is other than the cockroach bitch…" Togedemaru replied. "So again… laaaame."
"Shut up Togedemaru…" Incineroar growled.
000
The Sea Creeper Pokemon was currently under one of the pools, which had a surprising plethora of pearls at the bottom. He started tossing them out using his 'ghostliness', considering that Guzzlord didn't say anything against it.
One by one, pearls popped out of the water and onto the land, with Dhelmise boredly sitting against the wall, counting each one. "Twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven…"
Once he made it to thirty, he emerged from the water and looked to Guzzlord for his approval. The dark- and dragon-type nodded. "Alright. Next pool…"
Dhelmise sighed before floating to the next pool, with Guzzlord following him. He entered the pool and sank to the bottom, eyeing all of the pearls there. He proceeded to do the same thing he just did in the other pool, sending them up while counting.
"One, two, three, four…"
Unluckily for him, there were a few Carvanha and Bruxish swimming around in that specific pool. "Sixteen,seventeen, eighteen, ni- AH!"
He looked to his side and saw that a Carvanha was biting his seaweed body. He felt another pinch and looked to his other side and saw a Bruxish biting him as well.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" he bellowed.
He swiftly continued to count the pearls as he launched them out of the water, all the while the fish bit and scraped his body.
"Thirty!" he exclaimed as he rose up, shaking the fish off of himself while panting.
"With ten seconds to spare. Nice work," Guzzlord said, holding a stopwatch.
"Oh lucky me. Ten seconds or else I'd have to risk losing my body again…" Dhelmise replied sarcastically with a scowl.
"There's one more pool to go, and it'll be tougher, so don't you worry…" Guzzlord replied.
Dhelmise didn't reply. He and the Junkivore Pokemon moved to the last pool, which happened to be the largest one. Gazing to the other size, Dhelmise noticed an exit.
"Great… another way out so that I can find more of you wastes of Ultra Space…"
Guzzlord was unfazed. "Your minute starts now."
Hearing that, Dhelmise huffed and looked at the water. He noticed fins on the surface, swimming around, making him scream in his head before he went into the water.
Immediately upon getting in, the Sea Creeper saw that the number of pearls was lower and they were separated more. There were numerous Sharpedo, Basculin, and Toxapex around, making him very wary. He remained near the wall of the platform and proceeded with his challenge.
This time, he'd have to look closely in order to force the pearls out of the water.
000
Hakamo-o was more than halfway across the bridge, with remaining pieces of wood creaking and cracking with every step she took.
She held the ropes tight, and almost had to resort to swinging on them in order to make it across. But, she was able to use them to keep her balance and made it across.
"Mother of Arceus, I hate this shit…" she commented as she panted heavily. The Ultra Beast in front of her just continued staring at her momentarily before stepping out of her way.
Hakamo-o heaved the crystal over her shoulder and started heading into the cave entrance. "Four down… five to go."
Upon entering the third floor of the canyon, Hakamo-o's eyes were immediately set upon three large stones, which were set next to pits. And, near a ladder, there was a floating white figure that she couldn't quite make out.
She traversed down the hill with her crystal, heading toward the figure, which she assumed was another UB. Getting closer, her assumption was correct.
"Ah, the other shit bag…" Kartana commented.
"Considering that you're made of paper, I don't think you have the right to insult me…" Hakamo-o responded.
"Talk back to me again, and I'll destroy that crystal of yours…" the Drawn Sword Pokemon threatened, much to Hakamo-o's annoyance.
000
"What the hell is wrong with these people?" she questioned.
000
"Now, if you want this stupid charm, you have to push these large stones into the pits like your anchor friend did earlier…"
Hearing that, Hakamo-o snarled. "Dhelmise was already here?!"
"Yeah, that's what I just insinuated, dumbass," he replied. "Now, do the fucking task and get out of my sight. It'd be greatly appreciated."
Hakamo-o gave him a look of agitation before placing her crystal near the middle of the three rocks. She sighed in annoyance as she approached the rocks, which were all six times her size. She pushed up against the first one, but the stone didn't even move a centimeter.
She kept on pushing with all of her strength, but the stones didn't budge. After a while, she stopped, with Kartana laughing at her lack of strength.
"Figures a girly girl like you can't push a fucking stone with your hands," Kartana mocked, while also giving a clue.
Hakamo-o glowered at him. Sexist remarks like that always pissed her off, even more than what Dhelmise says. She attempted to push the first stone once again, with no success.
"Come on Princess, what's the matter? You can't move a rock?" Kartana continued. "I thought you were supposed to be a finalist? I guess you're just a little bitch…"
Hakamo-o growled, continuing to push against the large stone. This time, the large boulder moved slightly, and she continued pushing. She stopped, panting softly with clenched fists.
"Wow… one inch. Congratulations, you're strong… NOT!" Kartana berated.
Hakamo-o growled, baring her teeth.
000
"What the hell is wrong with that prick?!" Gumshoos queried. "He acts just like Dhelmise…"
"Don't remind us…" Lunala responded with a groan.
Solgaleo slowly got to his feet with a soft groan. Seeing this, Lunala floated toward him, helping him up. "You okay?"
Solgaleo's body was trembling a bit.
"What even happened to him?" Passimian queried.
"Again, personal matters…"
"Well, can you tell us so that we can try to help?!" Incineroar exclaimed.
Lunala gave them looks, unsure about whether or not they'd be able to help. And, now that she thought about it, she could have taken him to Shaymin, Latios, Latias, Xerneas, or Tapu Fini. They all knew Heal Pulse, after all.
She sighed. Now knowing a solution, she took a breath to explain. "He uh… overdosed on his antidepressants and now he's got the spins…"
Everyone had looks of shock as they turned to the Sunne Pokemon who was lying on the ground, staring at the tree. They then exchanged looks.
"Uh… is this because of Dhelmise, because-"
"No, no… he uh… he already had it, but uh…"
"So… you knew about his depression, but you guys still decided to do this?" Lycanroc queried in surprise.
Lunala mentally smacked herself. She knew she shouldn't have said anything. "Look, this is the finale. Let's focus on that, okay? Solgaleo will get better when we're back at the hall…"
"I'm not so sure if waiting is the best option, though," Oricorio said, seeing the sickly lion.
"Ugh… who cares?!" Togedemaru exclaimed. "She said he'll be okay, so he'll be okay. I just want this stupid challenge to be over with…"
"Why the sudden pole up your butt?" Tsareena questioned.
"I'm not winning anything, and I'd much rather be home eating right now…" Togedemaru replied. "So, no bullshit psychology is necessary…"
Tsareena rolled her eyes.
"So, you're just even more of a bitch when you're bored and hungry. Got it…" Drampa stated with a nod.
"Oh shut up, pedophile…"
"I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE!"
000
Hakamo-o slammed her foot onto the ground, using Earthquake to shake the stone into the pit.
"Finally…" Kartana groaned. "You use that thick head of yours…"
Hakamo-o didn't respond; she just wanted to get this challenge over with. She used Earthquake two more times, shaking the rocks into the pits before heading back to the annoying Ultra Beast.
Kartana had the charm on his left arm as she approached. She grabbed it from him without saying a word before going back and picking up her crystal. She climbed up the ladder, identifying another pathway on the higher level.
Hakamo-o grunted as she heaved the crystal onto the platform before following it. She picked up the crystal once again and started heading out of the exit, a look of annoyance plastered on her face. She was sick of the Ultra Beasts, their attitudes, and their stupid challenges. She expected something far more challenging than these mediocre trials.
Upon exiting, she immediately noticed another bridge across from her, followed by another one, and then a tree. She rose a brow, but went along the paths in order to get down. On her way, she happened to look down and around. She saw Dhelmise emerge from a set of tree roots and gaped before growling.
000
Dhelmise, upon realizing where he was, cursed to himself. "Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me!"
He then noticed a figure walking along the pathways above. With a sneer, he floated up toward it, and upon close inspection, he saw that it was Hakamo-o… with a crystal!
Lunala told him not to do what he did last time, which wasn't clearly specified. Therefore, he concluded that she meant no swooping in at the last second. Well, considering that he only had four charms, this didn't count as last minute.
Hakamo-o seemed to have noticed him, as she moved faster down the tree.
"Oh-ho, no you don't bitch!" Dhelmise chortled as he fired a Shadow Ball at her. Hakamo-o saw the attack coming and leapt forward to dodge it.
She ended up dropping the crystal, which started rolling down the incline of the hill. "NO!"
Dhelmise stopped it, and floated it up next to him. "Aw… did you lose your crystal. That's too bad. Looks like you have to go back and get another one…"
"DHELMISE!" Hakamo-o exclaimed angrily. "LUNALA SAID A FAIR FIGHT!"
"AND THERE'S BEEN NO FAIRNESS TO ME AT ALL!" Dhelmise shouted back. "Plus, she didn't specify what 'same thing as last time', so… loopholes for the win."
Dhelmise, however, didn't think things through. Hakamo-o was on the same level as Xurkitree, who was silently watching the events unfold. She could take it back if he wasn't careful. However, that nervousness washed away when he remembered that he had something that she didn't. Stealth.
He turned invisible with the crystal and started floating down. Hakamo-o scowled and decided to just go further back on the level she was currently on. There was no point in getting mad over that if she couldn't even see him.
Going around, she noticed a white cockroach sitting around with two crystals next to her. She seemed to be bored, as she had her head resting on her hands. Upon seeing Hakamo-o approaching, she perked up.
"Oh, there's one of you…" Pheromosa acknowledged, getting onto her feet. Pheromosa walked forward and handed Hakamo-o her charm. "I don't have a stupid challenge, so just take the charm and get one… or both of the crystals…"
Hakamo-o put on her charm and smirked. However, she heard a voice immediately follow Pheromosa's instructions.
One of the crystals was lifted up and floating away. With a growl, Hakamo-o rushed after the floating crystal and grabbed onto it.
"What the…" Dhelmise started, making himself visible once again before beginning to shake the crystal erratically. "Get off!"
Hakamo-o hung on and used Shadow Claw on the Sea Creeper Pokémon, knocking him away. The crystal dropped, with Hakamo-o landing on top of it.
Dhelmise recovered from the blow, but growled as Hakamo-o picked up the crystal and continued toward Xurkitree so that she could get the challenge.
She saw that the crystal she had initially brought down was placed onto one of two pedestals.
"What's the challenge?" she asked, panting.
"Put two crystals in the same pedestal and hold onto both for ten seconds…" Xurkitree replied in a monotonous voice.
Hakamo-o groaned before an idea sprang in her head. "Does it matter who places them in first?"
Xurkitree shrugged. "I honestly don't give a fuck…"
Hearing that, Hakamo-o immediately grinned and walked to the pedestal with her first, stolen crystal. She placed the second one in the indention next to the first.
Immediately, both crystals generated electricity inside of them, a current going between the two.
Hakamo-o took a breath and grabbed hold of the two crystals. Electricity coursed through her body; it felt like she was being hit with twenty Thunder attacks and once.
"FUUUUCK!" she exclaimed as she held on, clenching the crystals.
After her ten seconds were up, Hakamo-o released the crystals and fainted onto the ground.
"Meh," Xurkitree said with a shrug before throwing his charm at her unconscious form.
Dhelmise came back around with the other crystal and immediately laughed upon seeing Hakamo-o lying unconscious with a charm on her chest.
"Well whaddya know, two for the price of one…" Dhelmise said as he took her charm off of her and placed it on his anchor. "Six down… three to go."
As he started floating away from her, a thought entered his head. He looked back down at her unconscious form and took note of the three charms around her neck that he didn't have.
With a smirk, he lifted up her body and took off the charms given to her by Celesteela, Burst, and Stakataka.
"From six to nine in a heartbeat…" he said with a smirk. "Gotta love show business…"
With all of his charms accounted for, he started heading toward the Altar of the Sunne and Moone, entering the cave.
000
"No… no! HE'D BETTER NOT!" Incineroar growled.
"I thought you said that he couldn't do that shit!" Tsareena exclaimed.
"He didn't appear when she was near the finish, and she's already knocked out, so… HA!" Togedemaru laughed.
Everyone just groaned and started grumbling, while Bewear watched the screen. Everyone stopped when they started hearing the Strong Arm Pokemon start a countdown. "And in five...four... three… two… one…"
000
Dhelmise had to pass Nihilego again in order to get to the stairs leading up to the altar.
Once he made it to the stairs, he heard the faint padding of feet coming up fast. He had a feeling that he knew what it was, so he decided to just cut out the middleman and teleport to the top.
"Sucker…" Dhelmise replied as he floated to the flute to his left.
He heard the steps coming up even faster and snorted. He floated the flute up to his mouth area and started to play.
Slowly, but surely, an Ultra Wormhole started opening. Once it was fully open, he couldn't help but laugh. However, a familiar voice was heard behind him. "Nice try, bitch…"
Hakamo-o used Shadow Claw, knocking him to the side as the Ultra Wormhole slowly started to close.
"Wow, typical bullshit," Dhelmise replied. "You randomly get up and automatically noticed everything was practically mine?!"
"No, Xurkitree just told me that you stole my shit…" Hakamo-o growled, eyeing him angrily as the Ultra Wormhole closed.
"Well, that's nice, but if you don't mind…" he started, lifting her up and tossing her aside. "I have a competition to win…"
Hakamo-o growled, running up behind him, which he expected. He floated up to avoid the attack, but Hakamo-o grabbed onto him and used Shadow Claw again. Dhelmise threw her off, almost sending her tumbling down the stairs.
Hakamo-o groaned as she shakily got back up, which Dhelmise expected. This time, he used Shadow Ball, knocking her back once again.
"Stay the fuck down… it's not like you deserve to win anything anyway…"
"NEITHER DO YOU… PRICK!" Hakamo-o growled, shakily getting onto her feet.
"Yeah yeah, because people got their precious feelings hurt. You people act like you're never supposed to be insulted and that you're fucking perfect or untouchable, but newsflash… NONE OF US ARE! So just take your fucking lumps and learn!"
Dhelmise floated the flute to his face again and started playing. The Ultra Wormhole opened up as Hakamo-o rushed forward, only to be knocked toward the other podium by Dhelmise using kinesis.
Dhelmise floated all of his charms off of himself and flung them into the wormhole, which immediately closed.
"YES! YES! HAHAHA! YOU DUMB BASTARDS AND BITCHES! BOW DOWN TO ME!" Dhelmise heckled before calming down almost instantaneously. "Huh… well, that sounded cringy as fuck. People like me need to win more often…"
After a while, Dhelmise expected the hosts to appear and begrudgingly give him his prize. However, knowing how that act in his regard, he was going to have to go back to them.
"Oversensitive pricks…" he mumbled as he teleported away, leaving Hakamo-o alone.
Seeing this, she punched the podium.
000
Dhelmise appeared before everyone at the front. As he expected, they were all glaring daggers at him.
"You assholes can have your fucking hissy fit later… right now I just my prize…" Dhelmise replied.
"Uh… I don't think you get one…" Bewear spoke up. Everyone, including the hosts, we're confused at his statement.
"Ugh… he's a retard, but I'm inclined to agree. I don't think you deserve it…" Mudsdale added.
"After all the shit I've been through, I do deserve this!" Dhelmise exclaimed. "How are a slut who got pregnant and a mentally retarded plush gonna tell me any different?"
"Because look-" Bewear said as he pointed to the monitor. Everyone looked to see what he was on about.
000
Hakamo-o had punched the podium, but not out of anger, out of laughter!
She picked up the flute and began to play it, opening the Ultra Wormhole once again. She took off her charms, and to everyone's shock, she had all nine of them.
"Well Dhelmise, I guess you're the one who's gonna learn a lesson…" Hakamo-o said to herself as she approached the wormhole,which was slowly closing.
-000-
Hakamo-o grabbed onto Dhelmise, ripping five charms off of his anchor in the process before using Shadow Claw.
Dhelmise threw her off, almost sending her tumbling down the stairs.
-000-
"Count your blessings…"
She forcefully threw all nine of the charms into the Ultra Wormhole, making it glow brightly with rainbow colors.
000
"Wait...WHAT?!" Dhelmise exclaimed. "That's bullshit! I DID EVERYTHING FIRST!"
"Did you happen to count your charms or just… notice that some were missing before tossing them?" Bewear teased.
"FUCK YOU! FUCK HER! FUCK THIS GAME!"
"Wait, so… Haka wins?!" Lycanroc exclaimed.
"Given the rainbows coming from the wormhole, I think that the answer is yes!"
Almost everyone cheered, with the exception of Dhelmise and Togedemaru.
"Well, let's go congratulate her!" Tsareena cheered as everyone was teleported away, with the exception of Dhelmise, who could only sigh.
000
Hakamo-o sighed as she sat on the podium with the flute. Suddenly, everyone appeared around her with smiles on their faces.
Hakamo-o grew a bit uncomfortable. She knew that she had just won, but still!
"Uh… hi?"
Immediately, Lycanroc pounced on her, embracing her in a hug. "You did it, Haka!"
"You beat Dhelmise at his own game…" Passimian stated. "I'm impressed…"
"I had to get back at him for his bullshit. He had a fucking advantage in everything, but when he has to play fair instead of exploiting, it's awful," Hakamo-o explained.
"Well, despite his advantages, you were still able to best him. So, congratulations Hakamo-o. You are the winner of Total Pokémon: Alola!"
Everyone started to cheer for her and pat her back. Seconds later, Dhelmise appeared, making everyone go quiet.
Everyone glared at him, which he immediately rolled his eyes at. "Yeah, congratulations or whatever…" he muttered. "And, although it pains me to say this… nice play."
Everyone was surprised to hear that from him.
"Oh, well uh… thanks Dhelmise…" Hakamo-o responded.
"Anything else you want to say?" Incineroar urged, baring his teeth.
The Sea Creeper stared at him blankly. "Go suck your boyfriend's dick?"
Incineroar blasted a Flamethrower toward him, which he dodged. "Jeez, you people are sensitive. If it means that much to you…"
Everyone listened closely. "I'm…
…
…
…
...sorry that you people take everything I say seriously when I literally never mean anything I say in my insults…"
Everyone remained silent.
"So close…" Drampa remarked.
Dhelmise chortled. "Yeah, but while I won't apologize for what I say, I'll apologize for throwing some of you around and banging a few of you up…"
Lycanroc sighed. "Well, that's better than nothing…"
The camera immediately pointed to Solgaleo and Lunala, the latter who was smiling through his head pain. "Well, there you have I said ladies and gentlemen! Hakamo-o is the winner!" Solgaleo announced, his voice a bit raspier than usual.
"We hope you all enjoyed our first season! We'll catch you all next time!" Lunala announced, waving a wing.
The screen faded to black.
000
After dropping each contestant off at home, the Lunar Duo returned to the hall.
Solgaleo lied on his bed, an ice pack on his head. He was watching the news out of sheer boredom, as he was sick of watching other legendaries' shows.
He heard a knock on his door.
"Come in…" he groggily replied.
Lunala entered his room with a smile. "Hey. How do you feel?"
"A bit better…"
"That's good. Well, I just thought I'd let you know that Arceus and Giratina decided not to let us have another season…" Lunala explained.
Solgaleo was upset, but he could understand their reasoning. "Why?"
"Your depression was getting worse, and I honestly don't really want to do it anymore…" she admitted. "I'd rather just do guest appearances if we're asked. I'm just glad that we finished one."
Hearing that, Solgaleo chuckled a bit. "I can see that…"
"So… are you okay with it?"
Solgaleo nodded. "Yeah, it's fine."
Lunala kissed his cheek. "Glad you're okay…"
Solgaleo blushed before nuzzling her. "Same here…"
000
AND THERE WE HAVE IT! HAKAMO-O WINS ALOLA! Let me know you guys' thoughts overall. I'm actually surprised that this is so well received. Well, probably until this point. So, sorry if I disappointed everyone. But I still hope you enjoyed, nonetheless, because like Lunala said… there's no sequel, which sucks. So, I'll just see you guys next time on Total… Pokemon… Underdogs! See ya guys, BYE!
000
"Review you sissy…" Dhelmise stated.
000
Dhelmise was sitting underwater. "Why should you choose me? Well, I feel like it's obvious. You need someone who's gonna get into these losers minds and ruin them from the inside."
"If you're willing to deal with me and seeing what I have to offer, I suggest you choose me because personally… this is just gonna be fun for me whether I win or not. Hehe…"
000
Hakamo-o was sitting on a sofa in her home. She waved. "Well, the only thing you need to know is that I need to get out more and that I'm a force to be reckoned with. So, just based on that, I think I'll be a suitable choice."
"As if they'd ever choose a she-man like you!" an outside voice shouted, followed by laughter.
Hakamo-o sighed.
