Maybe it was because he was afraid – flattered, of course, yet still so, so scared – about failing, about losing his nerve… about dying. Going to Hell to rescue the Righteous Man was, although noble and just thing to do, still very dangerous mission, and while he didn't need to go there alone, he was still the one in charge. Those brothers and sisters were trusting in him – what if he wouldn't be worth it?

So Castiel was back at the St. James Park, hoping to meet again the strange angel he had encountered at the last time. He had mixed feelings about that – since he didn't know the strangers name or even if he was one of the fallen – his answer hadn't really cleared that out – or a rogue angel, wanted for some kind of crime; because for what else reason would the Heaven be displeased with him?

He knows that he should had mentioned the angel to his superiors, yet somehow he had felt reluctant to do that. The angel had been so… sure about himself. There was this feeling of peace and easiness around him, like he had found his place in this world and was contend with it. The warmth in his eyes and smile had bring back memories from far away past, about the Heaven, before Lucifer had been fallen…

"Hello…? I see you're back. What ever troubles you, dear?"

The angel sat on the same bench that he had been sitting on at the last time. The look on his face was curious, yet tactful, and there was deep compassion in his eyes that made Castiel immediately feel more relaxed.

"I wanted to talk with you, brother", Castiel answered.

The angel nodded graciously. "Then I'm here to listen, brother."

Later Castiel would not been able to explain what in those words and the sincere tone that they were said on made him confess everything. His every fear, worry and self-doubt was dragged out and presented to the other angel, who didn't say anything but looked at him with so much gentleness and acceptance in his eyes.

"I'm scared, brother", Castiel concluded, his voice raw and ragged. "What if I fail them? What if I fail Him?"

The angel kept silent, pondering everything he had heard. The he said, "You wont."

"But how can you know?" Castel cried out. "How can you be so sure that I wont?"

The angel smiled at him. "Cause you're going to do your best."

Castel turned his head away. "Yeah, like that would be enough", he said. There was something growing in his chest; an ugly, bitter feeling he didn't like. It made him feel unclean.

"It is!" the strange angel insisted. "It's all that anyone can ask for." He raised up, walked to Castiel's side and sat down again, pulling him in to a hug. "As long as we believe in ourselves, it's all going to be alright. He sees all, dear, and His love is endless. If He choose you, then that must mean that He has seen something in you that is essential to His plan – even if you can't see it by yourself."

"But I'm afraid", Castiel whispered. Being hugged was… strange experiment, to say… but not unpleasant one. It made that ugly feeling inside his chest to simmer down.

"Of course you are, dear boy!" the angel said. "You're going to Hell, after all… Even Michael would be afraid to go there. He would be afraid, and he would pray Father to guide him, and still he would go… because he's brave. And so are you, dear." Gentle hand brushed Castiel's hair. "I… I wouldn't be able to do it. Not for someone I haven't met, not for a stranger… And He knows that, and forgives me my weakness. Dear, He would never ask this from you did He not think that you would succeed."

"You speak about Him so freely… Have you ever met him?" Castiel asked, wonder in his voice.

"Our Father? … Yes, of course." The angel sounded surprised by his question, and continued, worriedly, "Haven't you…?"

Castiel shook his head. "Never. Only his most trusted gets to meet Him nowadays."

"Oh. How… unfortunate."

Castiel raised his head from the angels shoulder and looked him at the eyes. "You haven't been in heaven for a very long time, I suppose."

The angel smiled sadly. "Not once in six thousand years", he confessed.

Castiel felt his eyes widen. "But that would be-!"

The angel nodded. "Ever since the Garden, yes." He fell in silence for a moment before continuing, "I was guardian of the Easter Gate. After Gadreel let the snake in, and humans were banished… Father asked me to stay, to guard the Gates… and watch over humanity."

"That must had been lonely", Castiel muttered.

To his surprise, the angel shook his head. "Oh, it wasn't that bad…" he assured. "I'm afraid that during the years, I may have gone little… native." There was a gentle smile on his lips, like he was thinking fondly about something… or someone.

"Ah… I see." And he did. Thought it was frowned upon, there were rumors about angels falling in love with humans running in the Heaven every now and then. And while it certainly wasn't encouraged in any way, it also wasn't strictly forbidden, at least unless there were children – Nephilim - involved.

He must have a lover, then, Castiel thought, feeling little disturbed, but not enough to shy away from the angel's arms. No wonder that he wants to stay under the Heaven's radar.

The angel hugged him once more before saying, "You'll make it. I promise."

There was something in the angel's voice that made it impossible for Castiel to not believe him. He sounded as if he would personally make sure that everything would go fine.

Castiel sighed and said, "You have so much trust in me, while you don't even know my name." Pulling back, he looked the angel eye to eye before saying, "My name is Castiel."

The angel smiled. He stood up and offered his hand, just like humans did when they introduced themselves. "Castiel… I'm Aziraphale."

Standing up, Castiel took the offered hand.

"It's been pleasure… Aziraphale."