A.N.

This chapter became far longer than I intended it to be... I hope that it still holds up.

Hell is presented like it was in season 8, when Sam went to fetch Bobby's soul. I know that's not accurate during seasons 4 & 5, but then again, they really didn't show lot of it back then, so I'll go with that anyway.


He was back at the park. The warmth of the sun seeped into his borrowed bones and filled him with gratefulness for being able to feel it again. Down there, in Hell, he had been near to lose his hope to ever return back here… yet here he was. He had, indeed, returned, and his mission had been affirmed being successful – but what about all those brothers and sisters who had followed his lead, never returning…?

"Castiel! Oh, dear, I've been so worried about you!"

Castiel turned around. "Aziraphale", he greeted, as the chubby angel rushed at his side. "It's good to see you."

Aziraphale smiled back at him, and his eyes seemed quite a… wet. Tears, Castiel remembered. There's tears in humans eyes when they are sad; it's called crying. "Are you sad?" he asked.

Aziraphale looked puzzled. "Eh? Why, why would I be?"

"But you're crying."

Now Aziraphale laughed. It was a nice laugh, and Castiel couldn't help smiling, too. "Oh no, dear boy! I'm not sad; quite a opposite. You see, there are many kinds of crying: people cry, when they are sad, but also of happiness, or pain, or relief…"

"Humans are complicated", Castiel summed up. "And messy."

Aziraphale grinned. "That, too." The angel seemed to be full of energy, so much that he was almost pouching around. "And I see that you've gotten a new vessel."

"Jimmy Novak, yes… He's a good man."

Aziraphale nodded solemnly. Was it only Castiel's imagination, or was there something – reproving? – in his eyes right now? "I hope that everything will work out for you two", he said. "For me – last time I had to use a vessel, it was… distressing. I'm relieved that I was resurrected, afterwards…"

"Resurrected? You don't have a vessel?" Castiel questioned. He had never heard about angel surviving outside of Heaven without a vessel.

"…Um, no. This… body I use was made for me by our Father."

Castiel was astonished. "I've never heard about something like that", he confessed.

"Well, it was long time ago – and I believe it hasn't been done since then. As Father sent me here to stay, He must have wanted to make things for me easier as I have no need to seek now vessels every few dozen years or so…" Aziraphale said, blushing. "Um. Would you like to feed ducks with me?" he asked.

Castiel made an effort to smile. "That would be… pleasure."


"It's… peaceful here", Castiel said as he watched ducks swimming around. "When I came back – I needed to come here."

"I've been trying to not pry", Aziraphale started, "about your… mission, but – well, if you want to talk about it or… I'm here for you, Castiel."

He fell silent for a moment. Then, "I made it out, and I dragged Dean Winchester – the Righteous Man – with me."

"Well, that's –"

"Everyone else died."

Beside him, Aziraphale flinched.

"All of them – whole garrison – and only I came back." His voice had gone monotone. "I… I don't know how I should feel. The mission was successful – everyone says so – and I should be satisfied, but… I knew them, Aziraphale. I knew their names, I could tell them apart for every other angel in Heaven – and now they're gone."

"What – what did your superiors say about it? When you reported to them?" Aziraphale asked.

"That they fulfilled their purpose", Castiel answered. "That they gave their life happily –"

"- for greater good", Aziraphale mumbled.

Castiel tilted his head. "I'm quite sure they didn't use those specific words…"

"Oh! It's – it's a phrase, from a book that was quite popular few years back. The meaning behind it is that some – questionable things are allowed if you have good intentions." As Castiel frowned, he hurried to add, "Not that I'm criticizing anyone, Heavens, no! It just… came to my mind." He looked horribly flustered, so Castiel decided to leave it be.

"How do you always know when I'm here?" he asked instead. "You seem to appear as soon as I do."

"Oh, I life nearby… Would you like to visit, sometime? I could make some tea…"

"We don't need nourishments, brother", Castiel reminded.

"Well, technically, no, but I've come to find it quite pleasant", Aziraphale answered. "Tea has this wonderful, relaxing quality… Ah, forgiven me; my… other friend says that if I start talking about tea, I can't stop before everybody around me has gone in coma due boredom."

Castiel nodded. "This friend of yours… Is he the reason why you try to stay unnoticed by Heaven? I know that affairs between angels and humans can be… frowned upon."

To his surprise, Aziraphale just laughed sadly. "Oh, Castiel… That would make it so much easier, should he be human…" Before Castiel had time to question more, he continued, "If you don't mind me asking… Are you well? I mean, well in, um, physical sense. I've got some experiment about fighting demons, and things can get very… harsh. It's indeed a miracle that you got out of there in the first place!"

Castiel thought about it. Miracle… more likely service from devil.

In his memory, he travelled back to Hell…

Flashback

…Smell of sulfur, companied by reek of blood – lakes of it - in steaming hot air… Corridors after corridors after corridors (don't stop keep walking walk walk walk)… Screams everywhere, tormented, racked screams filling his head (don't listen)… Bodies of his friends - his siblings – left to lay where they had died (alone I'm alone all gone gone dead)

He had lost all sense of direction, and could only continue on his path, fighting whenever he tumbled to group of demons, and hiding inside empty cells to gather his strengths…

Why was he still alive? Was it because they knew he was now alone? Were they playing with him, thinking he was too weak to cause real damage…?

I need to find him… I need to find him, I need to get back…

Footsteps, coming towards him. Castiel braced himself and raised his demon blade; getting ready for another fight…

"Oh, Alaistair; did you not hear the call?" someone said then; someone with a smug, smooth voice.

"Crowley", another voice growled, irritatedly. "What do you want?"

"Oh, many things, thank you for asking; but at this moment, it's not about us, darling. Lilith has asked all higher-ups to gather up – we are having development meeting."

"I'm not interested –"

"Tut, tut, Alastair! I didn't come here to ask you to come; I came here to ask you to come." The tone made is clear that asking was anything but that.

"You're commanding me around, salesman?" angry voice demanded; there was a noise that suggested that someone had just been pushed against wall.

"Mmm, I like it rough… But strictly speaking, I've got my orders from Lilith – who, at this moment, is in lead." Demon's voice became gloating, as he continued, "Beside, things aren't looking all that good to you, right now – I heard that your boys are still having troubles to capture that one angel…"

"It's not my fault that Lilith weakens manpower down here to look for the Seals!"

"Are you criticizing her? She wouldn't like that…"

Very tense silence. Then, "You better watch your back, you Irish idiot… your lover can't protect you forever."

"I'm Scot, you moron", other demon muttered, but was ignored.

"What is this development meeting, anyway? We haven't had those before…"

"Clearly; Oh, and how is Dean-o? I heard that he has some mad skills…"

"Indeed", the other demon acknowledged, this time barely hiding his pride. "He has proved to be rather talented in the art of torture."

"Oh, nice; though that wasn't what I was talking about – I heard that dear Dean Winchester is great at sack…"

Dean Winchester. The Righteous Man.

Castiel sneaked closer, daring to peek in the corridor behind the corner. The two demons were standing there, taller one having his back turned towards Castiel.

"You're repulsive", the taller one hissed to his companion, who simply shrugged.

"Potts, kettles, black", shorter one said. "Which room it was – CDXXVI? Maybe I should visit him later…"

Castiel didn't listen more; quickly he checked the numbers of nearest doors. CDXIIX… next to it was CDXIX… then CDXX…

It's near, Castiel thought, feeling a sliver of hope growing inside him. I was already this close…

The voices of two demons subsided as they started walking away. Castiel kept counting doors. CDXXI… CDXXII… CDXXIII… - around the corner - CDXXIV… CDXXV…

CDXXVI.

I did it.

Castiel knew that he had no time to waste – he had to crab the Righteous Man and get out as swiftly as possible. He opened cell's door, peeking inside.

There was a …man, chained on the table, and another man who had slit his head open and was now sticking needles inside his brains.

Without turning around, the man said, "I'm busy, Alastair. Find someone other to play the "bad cop, worse cop" with you."

While he had never heard that voice before, Castiel recognized it. "I'm not Alastair, Dean Winchester. I'm angel of the Lord, and I've been sent to get you back."

The man turned around and looked at him before sneering and saying, "Okay, I don't know whose idea of good joke this was, but I for sure am not falling to it. Now scram and leave me to –"

Castiel had no time for explanations. He crabbed Dean's arm, his grace burning – Dean screamed – and said, with low voice, "You're coming with me, Dean Winchester – want it or not." The form of Dean's soul dissolved, forming dimly glowing ball of light on Castiel's palm. It wasn't very bright, and there was a red tint on it, like rust – or blood.

Pressing Dean Winchester's soul closely against his chest, Castiel rushed out of the room – and almost stumbled into the demon standing behind it.

"It's not that I've got something against pretty boys falling in my arms, but…" the demon started, but was interrupted by demon blade thrusted towards him, barely missing its goal. "Hey, hey! Hold it, feathers – Is this how you thank me for saving your hide back there? And telling you which door to use?"

Now Castiel recognized the demon. "It was you – you saw me?"

"Little hard to not", the demon said, winking. "But seriously – are you about ready to leave this Mothership? Cause you look like a little lost lamb, and I happen to know the way out…"

Castiel glared the demon suspiciously. "And why would you help me, demon?" he hissed.

The demon shrugged. "Maybe I'm just such a nice guy…? …No? Well, the thing is", he said, "I'm just being opportunist." As Castiel just kept staring at him, the demon sighed. "Look, do you really think that I like it where the things are going on right now? Lilith's planning to lease Lucifer in the world – and if Lucifer sees humans as a trash, why would he hold any higher esteem towards us demons? If humans go down, we're going to be next!"

"And you think that helping angel to steal Dean Winchester from Hell would help your situation in any way?" Castiel questioned, still on alert but inclined to listen.

"Well, Winchester brothers have this reputation what comes to ruining Hell's plans", the demon pointed out. "So, what do you say?"

Castiel pondered his situation. The demon was right about him being lost, yet trusting him actually lead them out was little too much to ask. If this had been only about himself, he would have just killed the demon and then tried to make his way out; but this was about Dean Winchester.

"Very well, demon – show me the way. But just remember; I'm keeping my blade pointed in to your head, and if you give me any reason to use it…"

"Mmm, what a flirt… shall we go, then?"


To Castiel's surprise, the demon actually did lead him to the same passageway that he and his garrison had used when they'd break in. They hadn't encountered any demons during the walk – although couple of times there had been close calls, and they had to go hide inside empty sells. There seemed to be very few demons lurking around in the first place - they must all had gone to that "development meeting" or whatever it was that Castiel had heard them talking about earlier.

"There would have been other portals, too", the demon confessed, "but since you don't know about them, it seems less suspicious if you leave through the same one you from arrived, too."

Castiel nodded. "Sounds… reasonable", he admitted. He took one step towards the portal and could fell it pulling him. He turned to look at the demon. "I own you one", he said, feeling disgusted towards himself.

"Oh, I'll make sure to gather my debts in time", the demon promised and shooed him away. "Get going on, now; I need to hurry back so I won't raise any suspicions."

"And what will you tell them, if they ask where you went?" Castiel prodded.

The demon smirked. "You think that I'm stupid, cupcake? I arranged myself being summoned, before coming back to help you with your little navigation problem. Now I just pop back to the meeting room and apologize for delay."

Castiel nodded again. "Very well." After throwing one final look to the place he hoped he would never need to see, Castiel stepped through the portal…

Flashback Ends

"…Castiel? Castiel, are you alright?"

Castiel was pulled back from his memories by Aziraphale's worried voice. He blinked his eyes and turned towards the other angel, who was looking at him with concern.

"I – I'm fine", Castiel reassured.

"'Fine'? Dear, you were completely zoned out!" Aziraphale said. "Maybe you should take a nap – rest yourself, I mean."

"That's unnecessary", Castiel answered. He tried to look composed as he smiled at the other angel. "I'm fine", he repeated, since didn't really know what else he could say.

"You thought about Hell, didn't you?" Aziraphale asked. As Castiel nodded for conferment, he got guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry if I brought back any bad memories…"

"It wasn't… bad, necessary. Not that there are any good memories of Hell, but – it's more like… confusing." He sighed a bit. "Demons are complicated", he confessed.

Aziraphale hummed. "That they are", he answered.

Castiel hesitated. "Have you ever… heard any angel being in debt to one of them?" he finally asked.

Aziraphale shot an alerted look at him. "You didn't make any deals, did you?"

"I – no. I just told this one demon that I owned him a counter-service. I wouldn't have been able to find Dean Winchester or trace my way back without him."

"…Did he tell you why he did it?" Aziraphale pressed on.

Castiel frowned. "He didn't seem to like the idea of where things are going for due Lilith's scheming."

Aziraphale looked relieved. "Ah, so he's just fending for himself. That's should be okay." Seeing Castiel's surprised look, he continued, "You should never trust a demon who isn't having ulterior motives – selfish kind, that is to say."

"That sounds… wrong", Castiel pointed out.

Aziraphale shrugged. "That's how it is, dealing with demons."

"You speak like you've got some experience about it."

Aziraphale blanched. "Well, you see, when you live as long in Earth as I've done… You can't help but learning thing or two about opposite forces", he explained, matter of factly, but Castiel got the idea that he both knew more about demons than he let out… and was unwilling to say more.

Wanting to change the subject, but unsure what he should say, Castiel stood there awkwardly, twisting his hands. Finally Aziraphale took a pity of him and said, "Have I ever told you about this little bookshop I own? You should absolutely visit there someday. I've got rather exquisite collection of prophesy books…"

Listening Aziraphale's kind voice as he kept going on about his books, Castiel closed his eyes and felt his body relax. This time, when he was lost in his thoughts, it wasn't the hellfire or smell of sulfur or screams that came in to his mind: Instead it was cozy room with comfy furniture, and scents of tealeaves and old paper floating around him. There was warmth in that picture, something pleasant that reminded him of home and eased his scarred mind.

And, at the first time since returning from Hell, Castiel smiled genuinely.