Next time Castiel returned to St. James' Park, he was fuming with something that humans could call "irritation" – but of course he, being an angel, couldn't possibly feel humanly emotions like that… right?
"Oh my! What has got you so exasperated, dear Castiel?" Aziraphale asked as soon as he saw the other angel.
"Are they all so stubborn?" Castiel snapped. "Is it so hard for them just believe that there are forces far stronger than anything they can comprehend?"
Aziraphale blinked his eyes. "Um… And who could "they" be…?"
"Humans! I'm talking about humans. After all we do for them, after all we suffer… all I'm asking is just a little bit trust! Is it really so hard? But no, it's like he doesn't even care what was risked to bring him back, nor he understands that what is going on is much bigger that he can even imagine. I want to help him – I do – but there's not much that I can do if he doesn't even listen to me!"
Castiel turned his flaming eyes towards his brother and then saw the shocked look he was giving to him. Suddenly feeling ashamed, he lowered his gaze. "…I apologize. It's just so hard to communicate with them, sometimes."
"… I'm getting the idea that this is less about humankind in whole and more about one single person, am I right?"
Castiel sighed. "Yes. Dean Winchester has questionable gift to… make me lose my balance."
"Oh, the righteous man? One would thought that after you went to Hell to safe him, he would be a little more grateful", Aziraphale said, seemingly offended for his brothers sake.
"Well it seems like we and him have a little different idea of what gratefulness means", Castiel muttered.
Aziraphale hummed. "I know how you feel. See, I've this friend of mine… He's also not all that good in things like trust and gratefulness or even common courtesy; and I can tolerate that, I know he can't help it… But sometimes I just hope that he could at least try, even a while. It's not like it's that much to ask…"
Castiel nodded, slowly. He doubted that their positions were all that similar; there was fondness in Aziraphale's voice that told that he cared about his friend far more than what Castiel ever would about that rash hunter. "… Is he worth of it?" he asked.
First Aziraphale looked little bemused by his question, but then smile brightened his face. "Oh, he is… Even if it may never across his mind of how much he indeed is worth of it."
Castiel thought about it. "Then I guess that you think that I, too, should keep trying?"
Aziraphale shrugged. "I don't know, dear. Do you think that he's worth of it?"
Castiel remembered how it had felt to hold Dean's battered soul on his hands, how it had felt to use his grace to cure him from Hell's corruption. For that little moment, they had been almost one being, and he had shared most of Dean's feelings. Anger, hate, recklessness… but also quilt, self-loathing, deep sadness… and even deeper love. There had been honor, and rightfulness, and a strong need to protect others from the horrors that no-one had shielded him from. There was loyalty, and kindness, and even some sort of gruffly gentleness.
But there was no way that Castiel could ever be able to explain all that to Aziraphale, so he said just, "He's the Righteous Man. I was sent to protect him, and that I'll do." He smiled at Aziraphale. "It felt good to talk with you. I hope we'll meet soon again."
As he left, Castiel couldn't help help but wonder… had there been disappointment in Aziraphale's eyes? Was it that he would had liked to hear some other reason for Castiel to keep trying to help Dean Winchester…?
That's silly thinking; I'm angel of Lord, Castiel thought. I'm doing as Heaven orders me… That's all that matters.
As an angel, Aziraphale surely understood that.
