Bright, Shiny Futures - Chapter Eighteen

For an answer, his lips claimed hers again, kissing gently, deeply, tantalizingly, describing more eloquently than words could have exactly what he wanted to do to her.

She was putty in his hands. As always.

As determined as she wanted to be to do the right thing, she couldn't fight this. It was destiny. Lee kept getting thrown in her path, chances there before her for the taking, and though she'd screwed them all up the Gods seemed to be determined to give her more.

She gave up the fight with no resistance, allowing his hands to dance up and down her body, removing clothing all the while till she was completely naked. Somewhere deep inside she knew that this time she had to be a willing participant or he was going to come out of it with more guilt than he could bear, so she followed in kind, fingers reacquainting themselves with his never-forgotten body as she stripped him to his core - right back to where he'd been that night on New Caprica.

His eyes were shining with love now as they had then, and regret stung her like a thorn. Then, she'd had no reason to turn him down but fear. Now she had no fear, but the best possible reason to walk away.

For the first time she actively regretted marrying Michael.

His lips and hands were insistent on her though, making her forget everything but the small space their bodies occupied. The made love quickly the first time, standing right where they were. Lee wanted to wait and go slowly but she encouraged him on with such passion that he couldn't wait, lifting her off the ground and joining their bodies completely. Release came quickly for both of them but through mutual unspoken agreement they knew neither was even close to sated.

Silently, they found their way to the bed and began exploring anew, as if discovering each other for the very first time. Each gave and each took, the fever pitch of passion rising to near breaking point.

She worked above him tirelessly, slowly, drawing him back to the edge of insanity till their hearts were pounding in rhythm with each other like a herd of wild horses racing across a plain. She held him against her - face pressed into her breast, as she reached the heights of ecstasy she'd only briefly touched once before.

"Kara" he moaned breathlessly, holding her so close she was very nearly inside his skin.

She couldn't answer. She wasn't able to form words or even think. She was a mass of sensation, body and soul feeling so deeply connected to his that she wasn't even sure she was a separate person. It was something she'd never felt before - not even the last time. It suddenly dawned on her that if this was how Lee had felt then, it made complete sense that he'd been willing to just toss their respective partners aside like they didn't matter.

They didn't.

Nothing compared to this feeling, this sense of utter joy and ... something-ness that she couldn't even put words to.

As she pulled away and lay down beside him, Kara was torn. While she knew that what had just happened between them shouldn't have, they'd turned a corner and there was no going back. 'What if we just go on with our lives and pretend it didn't happen' wasn't possible anymore. Not that it ever really had been, she had to admit to herself. New Caprica had changed everything for them and coloured every interaction they'd had after it. This, today, had done the same, taking things even further.

Lee leaned up on one elbow and gazed lovingly down at her as he had that night. She could almost feel the chill breeze cooling her sweat-soaked skin.

She met his eyes. "Don't ask," she whispered. "I can't."

"i know," he whispered back, reaching a hand over and brushing the damp hair back off her forehead. "I know, but I want you so much ... "

"I know." Her eyes were bright as she blinked away the tears. "But I can't just walk away. I'm not that person anymore. I can't just leave my family."

"Partly my family too," he said.

"I know." The tears spilled out and ran down the sides of her head, burning like fire.

Lee wiped them tenderly, then leaned over and kissed her with surprising sweetness. She grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him closer, endeavoring to tell him with her actions what words just couldn't say.

She pulled away quickly, sitting up and wiping her eyes. "I'll sign the custody papers," she whispered, then quickly walked to the bathroom.

His eyes glistened. "Thank you," he mouthed, though she couldn't hear him. Tears flowed down his face. Finally she'd realized the truth he'd known all along - they were soul-mates, destined to be together.

Too late.

Kara shut the bathroom door and turned on the shower spray, stepping in moments later while it was still cool. The water turned hot, burning her back as the tears continued to fall, searing down the front of her body. Brilliant Thrace, just brilliant. You finally figure out the truth that the Gods have been trying to get through your thick skull, now that it's too late to do anything about it. A small thought began to grow in her mind. What if it's true? What if Lee and I are meant to be together - soul-mates - and the Gods just keep pushing us towards each other till we accept it? What if they won't let me just walk away? Another thought came, one that chilled her to the bone despite the scalding water. Could she walk away from Michael and take the kids with her? She felt horrible for even allowing the thought to enter her mind. But once it was there ...

Michael would never let her take them willingly. He might not have a choice with Zach though. If the blood tests proved Lee was his father (as she already knew he was), the courts might well allow his right to his son to supersede Michael's adoption. But Sara? That was another story. Michael would fight to the death for his little girl, and rightly so. So would she if someone tried to take her daughter away. But what would happen if they were fighting each other? That would mean divorce Kara, her mind interjected softly. And you're not willing to go there, remember?

She was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that she didn't notice Lee quietly entering the bathroom. The first she noticed him was when a cool blast of air chilled her as the curtain was pulled aside.

She didn't acknowledge his presence, nor did she bid him to leave but Lee knew exactly what her silence meant.

"Please," he begged softly, lips touching her ear. "Please let me touch you one last time."

Her heart cracked along with his voice. She nodded her head in acquiescence then leaned back against him as his arms encircled her.

It was slow and perfect. He worshiped every inch of her body with hands and lips, branding her inwardly so that even thought she might wear a ring belonging to another man and live in his house, she was firmly and completely the property of Lee Adama.

Kara stood stock still, allowing him to do so. Arguing would have been pointless - inside she'd always belonged to Lee, making it impossible for her to fully commit to anyone else.

Lee took her from behind, fulfilling both of their many unspoken fantasies. The water spilled down her chest and stomach, small staccato bursts in contrast to the deeply building crescendo of his movements within her. It ran down her face and throat as she cried out his name in ecstasy and pain, knowing that the perfection of their bodies together was never to happen again.

He washed her afterwards, tenderly rubbing soap over her flushed skin and rinsing it completely.

Not a word was spoken till they were dressed and Kara was ready to leave.

"Call me when you have the papers," she said softly, eyes unfathomably deep. She lifted a hand to caress his cheek suddenly. "I'll get you the blood sample you need."

He nodded, not knowing what to say and so choosing nothing instead of ruining the moment with the wrong words. He closed the door behind her, resting his forehead against it.

"I love you," he whispered, knowing she couldn't hear and even if she did it was too late to matter now.

XXXXX

The look on his wife and son's faces was enough to cement the decision for him. He wasn't going to tell them.

Ever.

"Cally! Nicky! Thank the Gods you're okay!" Tyrol said, gathering them into his arms. His heart felt full enough to burst. Even his son, who was just reaching the age where public displays of affection with his parents were beginning to embarrass him, clung tightly, burying his face in his father's chest. I can't risk losing them, he thought, a few tears squeezing out of his eyes as he closed them. I can't tell them what I am. They'd never understand. For he knew only too well that while Helo was tolerant and had no problem accepting differences, Cally didn't work that way. She hated the Cylons - absolutely hated them, and had infected their only child with it so he too hated them without even fully understanding what they were. Like you have any idea, his subconscious scorned. You're made of metal and computer circuits and all your life you thought you were human. You thought those metal monsters were the enemy but now it turns out you and your friend are part of that group. Do you suddenly want to slaughter all humans and be the superior race? Or do you prefer to join the group from New Caprica in believing humans and Cylons should co-exist peacefully?

It was a big frakking mess. Of course he wanted humans and Cylons to co-exist peacefully. If he didn't, that meant he wanted to kill his own family! But just thinking about New Caprica now, in light of this new knowledge, made his blood boil. Blood? You don't have blood man! Had he been on the wrong side of that fight? Which had been the right side? It had seemed so black and white back then but now ... the situation was so much more complicated. Made even more so by the fact that they were on Earth and no longer in control of their own fate. At least with Adama and Roslin he knew enough to predict what their actions would have been had he ever come out and told them the truth ...

The only thing he was absolutely certain about was that he didn't want to lose his family. Sam was one hundred percent right about that. Cally and Nicky meant more to him than anything and if he had to keep this secret for the rest of his life in order to have them, so be it.

"Come on," he said, putting an arm around each of their shoulders. "Let's head to our room."

XXXXX

Sam slipped out of the room quietly so as not to disturb Tory. She'd fallen into a deep sleep after their lovemaking and he'd been amazed at how normal she looked as she slept. Well of course she does, that was the whole point of making us look human - so we could fit in without ever being discovered. Well good, he thought. At least it wasn't going to be hard to keep this a secret for the rest of their lives. It was one thing not to be ashamed of being what he was (though he wasn't really sure he'd reached that point of acceptance yet) but completely another to announce it publicly. Why bring on the kind of trouble he knew would come of it? He, Tory and the Chief were going to suffer enough in silence. They didn't need any more hassles.

He climbed the last flight of stairs up to the floor Lee's room was on and opened the door to the corridor. A very familiar feminine figure was walking in the opposite direction.

"Kara?" The word came out before he even thought it. He smacked himself mentally - it was probably someone else and he was just going to end up making a fool of himself. But no, she turned around to face him, stopping in her tracks.

It was her.

"Sammy?" She blinked several times. Shouldn't be surprising to find him here. He was one of the survivors after all.

"My Gods Kara, it is you!" He practically ran down the hall, stopping just short of sweeping her into his arms.

She tried to smile at him, to be the Kara Thrace he was expecting to see, but her encounter with Lee had left her body exhausted and her soul in near despair. A slight smirk was all she could manage.

He drank in the sight of her, feeling the wave that was Kara Thrace's presence wash over him. It wasn't that he didn't love Tory but she was like the moon - beautiful in it's own way but totally eclipsed by the sun that was Kara.

As he studied her though, a few things caught his eye. Disheveled hair. Flushed cheeks. Eyes full of shame. In fact she looked as she had during their marriage when she and Lee had been having their affair.

Lee!

She was just outside his room and as far as he knew she had no other reason for being there. He didn't know what to say.

"It's uh ... good to see you Kara. I was hoping we'd have a chance to see each other again. I mean, you've been dead all these years and suddenly you turn up alive and I only got to talk to you for a minute or two."

"Yeah." Kara shuffled her feet and looked down at them. "It was kind of an odd situation. I can imagine you were shocked to see me."

He lifted her chin with a finger. "I should have known you were okay. You're Starbuck after all. A legend."

She smiled a real smile into his eyes. "How many people get to be a legend in their own lifetime eh? I guess I'm one of the lucky ones."

"You and Apollo. Your names were revered in the fleet."

She stiffened at the mention of Lee and the smile dropped. "We were quite the pair at one time," she said softly.

"At one time?" he asked. "Not any more?"

She lifted her left hand to him, feeling her cheeks burn. "I'm married Sam."

"Oh."

Silence.

"I guess you're just visiting then?"

She knew he was fishing and though she wanted to be honest with him about Zach, she just didn't have the energy to deal with the fallout of him learning that she and Lee had a child together. Not now.

"I'm here to see the Old Man," she said, forcing a smile, thankful she'd suddenly remembered. At least it's partially the truth ... "And I dropped in to visit Lee while I was here." She took a deep breath, willing her heart to stop pounding. "I've got to get home though, so I can't stick around."

"Oh."

Her heart clenched at his disappointed look. He was a good man - he deserved better than to be brushed off. "Can I ... give you my number? You can call me sometime and we can get together and talk."

His eyes shone. "I'd like that." He lifted a hand and cupped her face. "I know we've both moved on with our lives but I've missed you Kara."

"I've missed you too Sammy," she whispered. "I'm sorry for all the times ... "

"Shhh." He covered her lips with a finger. "We can talk about it later."

She nodded, smiling sadly. After a long moment she turned on her heel and headed towards the elevator, not looking back. Sorrow stung her as eyes as regret twisted a knife in her heart. So many good men had been put in her path - Zak, Lee, Sam, Michael ... was she destined to hurt them all?

TBC