I'd Do Anything
(Chapter Two: Choices We Make)
A week had passed without mention of their conversation in the bar. Elliot knew that it wasn't because she hadn't thought about it, it was the only thing on her mind. He had been watching her all week in some far off world of her own, distracted and unable to focus as she doodled little scribbles across the top of a legal pad that looked like something one of his children may have created in their younger days. It bothered him to see her like this. Why was she being so stubborn? This was obviously what she wanted and he was all but handing it to her, yet still she hesitated.
Elliot took a deep breath and cleared his throat as Cragen walked toward them. Olivia sat up in her chair and flipped the page to some notes from earlier in the case and pretended to be having a conversation with Elliot about the details.
"So, you definitely think we should check out the landlord?" She asked with a look of panic in her eyes as she stared at Elliot.
"That's a great idea. I will get the car," he said smiling and trying not to laugh. Olivia was a hard worker, but for some reason had accomplished pretty much nothing this entire week. She kept slipping off into her little daydreams and had doodled on just about every page in her legal pad. He was going to her to sit her down and straighten this mess out before she ended up in some kind of real trouble because she was unable to focus at work.
In the car she sat quietly all the way across town gazing out the window looking almost depressed. Elliot stared at her then nudged her arm with his elbow. She turned her eyes to look at him only for a second.
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"I didn't say anything, Liv."
"Oh."
"Okay, that's it!" He said as he pulled over the car and refused to drive again until she told him what was bothering her.
"Elliot it isn't that big of a deal."
"Olivia, it is starting to effect your work. You have done nothing but doodle little pictures all week. It looks like a preschooler got a hold of your notes and today you just about got caught. Have you thought about it?"
She turned her eyes to look at him as if the answer were more than obvious.
"I mean, have you decided?" He watched her face as he waited for her to answer.
"I just don't know. It is a really big thing to decide in a week."
"What is there to decide really? You either want to or you don't. And if you didn't, it wouldn't be effecting you this way and we wouldn't be having this conversation."
She looked at him knowing he was right. "I want it, more than anything. But wanting something does not mean that you should have it. I don't want to be selfish about this, Elliot. Look at my life now. I work all of the time and I am hardly ever home. I could be killed on any given day. What kind of a life is that for a baby?"
"Olivia, no one but you can say if having a child is the right thing for you. But if it wasn't, that yearning for it would eventually go away."
She took a deep breath and gazed out the window again.
"Liv, I promise you it is a decision you won't regret. I have kids and they are the best thing in my life. Every thing I do in life is for them, every breath I take and everything I do is to better them. You have so much love for everyone around you. You deserve to share that with someone. You want a family, you have told be a hundred times. Let me help you."
She was crying now. He could see her reflection in the window and he watched her as she sniffled and wiped a tear from her cheek. She didn't like to cry, she hated it. But somehow he felt honored that he was one of few people she would allow herself to cry in front of. She was the strongest person he had ever known, but at the same time she was delicate and sweet and loving. She had so many wonderful qualities to pass on to a child and he had to make her see this. Elliot placed his hand on her shoulder. She took a jagged breath and turned to look at him through foggy eyes.
"Do you really think I should do this?"
"I really do," he nodded.
"We should get to work," she said quietly.
"I see. You just change the subject."
"El, this is not the time or place for this conversation."
"Okay. Come over tonight."
"Elliot…"
"No, come over tonight. I will cook you dinner and we'll open a bottle of wine and have this conversation. We can even get online and research our options a little more. I just want you to open to discuss this with me. Check out your options Olivia. Figure out what you want and I will do everything I can to help it happen. Just stop ignoring it," he said placing his hand against the side of her face, "before you wake up one day and realize that this was right for you and you waited too long."
"Okay," she said softly.
Elliot patted her shoulder and started the car again.
That night Olivia showed up at Elliot's apartment around seven o'clock.
"Hey," he said as he held the door open for her to enter.
"Hey."
"Liv, I am really glad you are here."
She smiled a soft smile. "What are you cooking? It smells wonderful."
"Grilling steaks, I hope you are hungry." Elliot handed her a bottle of beer as they walked out onto the balcony to check the food on the grill.
"I am always hungry," she replied with a smile. "You have been holding out on me Stabler, I didn't realize you liked to cook."
"I like to eat. And I live on my own, there is no one else to cook."
Olivia smiled and laughed at him.
"It's almost ready," he said walking back inside. "Help me with the salad."
At dinner they sat across the table from each other.
"Elliot this is so good."
"Umm, I almost forgot." He stood up and walked toward the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of her favorite red wine.
Olivia smiled as he poured a glass and handed it to her. "Thank you."
"You are a glass of wine with dinner kind of girl," Elliot said with a smile.
"I am a little bit of everything kind of girl," she replied smiling back at him.
"There are so many wonderful things about you Olivia Benson, things that any kid would be lucky to inherit."
"Okay, you have my attention, spill it."
"What?"
"Elliot, I know you enough to know when you are hiding something from me. And that grin, just gave you away. What did you do?"
"I may have…"
"May have what?"
"Called and made an appointment to check out another clinic in the area."
"What?"
"Well, I didn't think you would want to use Hudson Cryobank if we did this. It would be a little more private if we went somewhere no one knew us. It is just a consultation. You know, tour the facility and meet some of the doctors. Hear more about what they do and they can help us decide if this is something we are interested in."
"El, why did you do this?"
"Because Liv, you want this. I can see it in your eyes. It doesn't hurt to check into it. If you decide against it we are not out anything at all."
"I guess you're right."
"Look what else I found," he said bringing his lap top to the table.
Olivia smiled to see him so excited.
"You have already started your research?"
"Yes, I have. I found a link that gives all kinds of information about In Vitro Fertilization. Some of this is really interesting."
They sat together for the next few hours reading about the clinic and services they offered. Then looked up details and statistics of in vitro fertilization. Olivia got quiet for a few minutes and Elliot looked at her.
"What do you think?"
She got up from the computer and walked around the living room for a moment before sitting on the couch.
"Besides the obvious, it is really expensive and not guaranteed to work?"
"Don't worry about the money, I can get the money."
"I have money, Elliot. But what if we invest in this and it doesn't work?"
"Then we come up with another plan. But right now I think this is our best shot. With out actually, you know."
"Yes, I know."
"It is up to you. What do you think?"
Elliot sat down on the couch beside her and watched her as she sat quietly for a few moments.
"I really want this," she said softly.
He reached over and held her hand in his as Olivia looked into his eyes. "So do I," he said softly.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
They both smiled as Elliot leaned back on the couch and put his arm around her and she settled in against him.
"So that's it then?" She asked. "Just like that, we're going to have a baby together?"
"Just like that," he said as he kissed her forehead.
She laid her head against his chest.
"Think about it Liv, how beautiful our baby would be."
She smiled and he watched as tears filled her eyes. "Yeah," she said softly.
Elliot hugged her tight in his arms. "So it is a good thing I made that appointment?"
She looked up at his. "You knew you would talk me into it didn't you?"
"I'll tell you a secret, after the first time we talked bout it I knew I would talk you into it. Because I knew you wanted it as bad as I did."
"Elliot, you are the best best friend anyone could ever have."
"I know. I am pretty great."
They both laughed as she sat up and stared deep into his eyes. "I mean it. I love you." She locked her fingers inside his and smiled a shy smile.
"I love you, too." He said softly as he sat up and placed a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.
She started to tear up again.
"Aww, come here." Elliot pulled her in against him and hugged her tight and held her for a second.
"Promise me this will never change," she whispered.
"Never," he said staring down at their fingers locked tight together. "Best friends forever," he said looking into her eyes. "You're stuck with me now."
Olivia smiled. "I kind of like being stuck with you."
"Oh you do, huh?"
"Yes. And if I am ninety years old sitting on the front porch next to my best friend surrounded by our grandchildren, I will never forget what he has done for me."
Elliot smiled and kissed her forehead, "I can't wait."
