Bright, Shiny Futures - Chapter Nineteen

"Frak" Kara swore softly. She'd almost forgotten she was going to stop in and visit the Old Man on her way out! Seeing Sam had scattered her wits though and she'd completely forgotten, punching the button for the main floor by accident as she'd stepped into the elevator.

I wonder what the surprise could be, she mused, climbing back up the six flights of stairs to his room. He's giving up the military? No, that couldn't be it. He was die-hard military, unlike herself and Lee. He couldn't just walk away as they had. He lived and breathed it - it was a part of him that couldn't be taken away. Maybe he's joining the US military? Perhaps ... he had the war experience, no question. But he was a relatively old man and one who hadn't grown old in these ranks. She doubted they'd take his expertise and Admiral's position at face value. They might keep him around as a liaison or perhaps even a reference for dealing with this potential new enemy but she doubted they'd put him on active duty status.

Before she had a chance to wonder further she'd reached room 613. She lifted a hand and knocked, excitement causing her heart to beat faster.

"Kara! It's wonderful to see you." the heart tone in Adama's low voice didn't match the disconcerted look on his face. He looked ... flustered, as though she'd interrupted something. She discovered what it was a moment later when he invited her in.

"I was visiting Lee and I thought I'd just stop in quickly and say hi. Lee said you had a surprise ... but I can come back if this is a bad time."

"No, no, come in. We're always happy to see you."

We.

She flushed when Roslin's disheveled head poked around the corner. Oh. That was what she'd interrupted. She felt an intense desire to turn and run. "Are you sure?" she stepped backwards awkwardly. "Because I could come back another time ... "

Adama stepped forward and put an arm around her shoulders. "I won't hear of it. You're here now, come in and visit a while. We have a little surprise to share with you."

Kara looked at him, then at Roslin. They've gotten together. Finally. Her eyes flew to the other woman's left hand. A shiny gold band glinted at her. She peeked down at her watch. "Well, I guess I could spare a few minutes," she said, light sarcasm permeating her words. "Seeing as how it's you ... "

He squeezed her shoulders and laughed. "Good to see some things haven't changed."

She grinned. "Why mess with perfection?"

He gave her another squeeze then let go to join Roslin, sliding an arm comfortably around her waist. "Are you ready for the big surprise?"

"Let me guess, you two finally got together."

"Finally?" Adama questioned, eyebrows raised in a way Kara had sorely missed.

She put her hands on her hips. "Well it's about time. You weren't very good at hiding the fact that you were trying very hard not to end up together."

"That was over eight years ago!"

"It's taken you this long?"

Roslin coloured slightly. It set off her auburn hair. "Actually we were already together, just ... secretly. We've gotten married and made it official now."

"Congratulations," Kara said warmly. "It's about time! It was obvious to me, even back then."

Adama pulled Roslin closer. "I guess some things are just meant to be and you can't fight them, no matter how hard you try."

Kara's throat grew dry and her heart seemed to stop for a moment. "I guess so," she said softly. "I'm happy for you both." She stepped forward boldly and pulled them both into a hug. "You deserve a little happiness."

"So do you Kara," Adama whispered softly. "I hope you've found it here."

She pulled back out of the embrace, feeling awkward. Her eyes began to sting. "I did. At least I thought I had before ... " She trailed off and swallowed heavily. "Sometimes it's hard to know what's right," she whispered, afraid her voice would break.

Adama's heart went out to her. The expression in her eyes was the same as Lee's had been when talking about her. It was obvious, at least to him, that they were both still head over heels in love with each other.

"Have you spoken with Lee?"

She nodded, feeling the flush creep up her neck. "I've just come from talking with him."

"He says Zach is a wonderful little boy." His smile warmed her. "He can't wait to see him again. Neither can I," he added.

She smiled, despite the lump in her throat. "You feeling proud to be a grandpa sir?"

"You bet."

"You should all come and visit one day soon. I know Zach would like that. He's pretty thrilled with having met Lee finally."

"Did you ... did he tell you about the plan?" Adama asked tentatively.

"You mean the plan to relocate some of the fleet?" At his nod she continued. "It's ludicrous. I can understand they want to limit the number of immigrants but they should make it a voluntary move, not an arbitrary one."

"Did Lee mention the terms under which he'd be allowed to stay?"

She nodded. "Of course we'll sign. I want him to be a part of his son's life. I wouldn't want to deny either of them something that important."

Adama nodded, blinking tears back. "Good. I want my family close, where we can see each other often. I know I haven't always been the father Lee needed me to be, but I do love him and I want to keep the connection we do have. Now we have something else that holds us all together - new life to remind us that life is precious and it's never too late for new beginnings." He held out his hand, palm up, towards her. She placed her hand inside his large on and he closed over it. "I haven't always been as supportive of you as I should have been and I've said and done things I've regretted all the years you were gone. I've always loved you like a daughter Kara and it's the greatest joy to me to find you here, alive. Forgive me for all the wrongs?"

"Of course." She stepped into his arms eyes closing as she tried to stem the flood of tears that was threatening to fall. Gods Kara, what are you going to do? If it isn't plainly obvious to you now that you're part of the Adama family and that this is where you belong ...

When Adama finally let her go she walked backwards to the door. "I should get home now. It's getting late and ... "

"Your family needs you," Roslin said gently, smiling though there were tears sparkling in her eyes as well.

Kara nodded gratefully. Her eyes met Adama's. "I'll do whatever I have to to make sure our family stays together," she said, voice wavering as she fought the tears. "I'm not losing any of you ever again."

XXXXX

On the drive home she wrestled with her inner demons. To be with Lee or not to be with Lee, that was the question. Well it seemed there were three possible answers: avoid seeing him as much as possible so it never happened again, have an illicit affair with him again while trying to keep her family together, or divorce Michael and be with him openly.

None of the choices appealed to her. Someone would get hurt, no matter what she did. Lee was willing to do anything to be with her just like back on New Caprica remember? - she couldn't just turn her back on him and his love again. She'd hurt him enough already in the past.

An illicit affair? She hadn't been particularly worried about being faithful to Sam, why was it different now? Maybe it was because she had a family now, that the idea seemed much more distasteful. Even if she could pull it off, and it would probably tear her apart if she tried, eventually Michael would find out spouses always did and then she'd be in trouble and lose everything.

Divorce. It was still a word that immediately made her insides scream 'no'. More so now - she owed Michael so much for being there for her and loving her. She couldn't just walk away like she didn't care. That's the problem isn't it Kara? You do care but he'll never understand that while you do love him, you've always loved Lee more. And that was the crux of the matter right there. She'd always loved Lee more than anyone else she'd been with. Including Zak? her subconscious whispered, piercing her with a truth she'd never been willing to admit to. Yes, even Zak, she finally admitted shamefully. It wasn't that she hadn't loved him - he'd been a wonderful guy, but once she'd met his older brother ... well it was like the moon and the sun. Zak had been the moon - beautiful and amazing in it's own way, until the sun - Lee - had come and eclipsed it. How ironic that he'd been given a nickname for the God of the sun! Back then people had thought they'd hated each other, given the way they'd insulted and derided one another, but it had all been a cover for the fact that they'd both felt the attraction right from the first moment and had known how wrong it was. It's never been wrong Kara, you just haven't been willing to let it be what it is. Each and every time you pretended the feelings weren't there and turned to someone else to assuage your guilty conscience, when if you'd just given in and said 'I love Lee Adama' and let the relationship happen, most of the fallout you feared never would have come.

And people wouldn't have gotten hurt.

That was it, right there. Crystal clarity. Allowing it to happen, embracing it, would have caused her and Lee to be happy together instead of the endless dancing around and fighting it. Zak would have been hurt but if she'd done the honourable thing and told him early on he would have gotten over it. Sam wouldn't have even factored into the picture - their relationship never would have begun if she and Lee had been together when she'd gone back to Caprica. What about Michael? Are you going to keep following the same pattern? You might have turned to him when you thought Lee was gone forever but now that he's back and the Gods are giving you yet another chance, are you going to turn away from Lee and live the lie with Michael till it all falls apart?

The road was getting blurry and the oncoming headlights were blinding her. She had to stop and pull over. She sat, thinking for a long while. What am I going to do? Wiping her eyes, she started up the car and pulled back out onto the road. Didn't really matter how long she sat, she wasn't going to have any answers by the time she got home and had to face her choice.

XXXXX

The knock at the door startled Lee. His heart raced, thinking it was Kara come back because she couldn't bear to let him go. He was immensely surprised at the figure who stood before him.

"Kathryn." He blinked. Once, twice ... "What are you doing here?" He knew it was rude but he didn't have the energy to backpedal and apologize. And really, what was she doing here? He'd already told her it was over.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

"I suppose."

Her senses were sharp and told her much in the first few seconds. The atmosphere in the room was close, heavy and smelled of sex. Lee was disheveled and dressed in nothing but a towel. The bed was rumpled. No wonder he was being rude - he had another woman here!

"I'm sorry, am I disturbing you?" she asked carefully, eyes darting around to see if there were any other signs.

"Not really," Lee said wearily.

"Oh. I was getting the feeling maybe you weren't alone."

"I am."

"Really?"

Lee frowned. "There's no one else here."

"Are you sure? It looks an awful lot like you're entertaining someone."

The jealousy in her voice was unmistakable. "Fine. You really want to know? Yes, there was another woman here. She's gone now though. Satisfied?" He couldn't help but feel a small measure of satisfaction at the hurt look on her face.

"Oh, I thought we were ... "

"We're not anything. I told you before that it's over."

She pulled herself up haughtily. "That's not what you said. You said you wanted time apart while we decided what to do."

"Well that's what I meant."

The hurt look in her eyes turned to glittering anger. "So what, you dump me and then start sleeping with other women already? Just like before I guess. I never wanted to believe the rumours that you just slept around with any woman that was handy but I guess they were true."

Lee's eyes narrowed. "So what if they were? That was before we got together Kathryn. My life was a mess okay? I made a lot of bad choices then and did things I regret."

"So you're going back to that life now? What does that say about you?"

"It says that I'm hurting and I'm confused and I don't know what to do!" he shouted.

Her face softened. "Let me help you Lee. Together we can get through anything, just let me back into your life."

He stepped backwards. "No. I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't do it. I can't live a lie and pretend I care for you when ... " He stopped and stared out the window, mentally disappearing into thin air.

It suddenly clicked who the woman was he'd been with and what it was he was saying. "It's her isn't it," she said softly. "Kara Thrace. You're still in love with her and you're together again. She was the one who was here with you."

He felt a great weariness seep over him. He just wanted to tell her the truth and be done with it. She couldn't be trusted though - Kara could end up in a lot of trouble if people found out about what they'd done.

"Yes, I'm still in love with Kara. I don't think I'll ever not be in love with her," he said quietly, giving her at least the partial truth. "It's not fair to you to pretend I love you and be thinking about her all the time and wishing you were her. Better that I just have one night stands with women who don't expect any sort of relationship at all."

"You don't really mean that." The tears made her voice waver.

Lee looked straight into her eyes. "Yeah I do. I don't want to keep on hurting you Kathryn. It's over between us, okay? I don't want you coming back anymore. Go find yourself someone who can really love you and be happy. Get a house, have a family - have the bright, shiny future you deserve with someone who can give it to you. I'm not that man."

"Lee ... "

"No. I've made my decision," he said sadly. "I'd like to be alone."

She blinked sadly, tears wetting her lashes. "Goodbye Lee," she whispered.

He watched her leave without a word, feeling bad that he'd hurt her but glad it was all over. He lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, and let the tears fall.

TBC