I'd Do Anything

(Chapter Four: Third Time's A Charm)

Elliot stood next to Olivia holding her hand as both tried to remain patient while waiting for the doctor to come in and perform the procedure.

"This is it, I can feel it." Elliot stared down at her with his piercing blue eyes. He was the only reason she hadn't given up already. And if he weren't right here holding her hand, she probably wouldn't be here this time.

"That is what you said the last two times I came in here," she sighed letting her anxiety about the situation take over. "Elliot?"

"Yeah?" He stared at her in his blue paper gown and the mask that covered his face made brought out the blue of his eyes. God she wanted her child to have those eyes.

"Thank you. For being here. Actually coming in here with me."

"There is no where else I would rather be. I wanted to be here in here before, but I wasn't sure you wanted me to."

She smiled a shy smile. "I wanted you in here, but I wasn't sure how to ask."

Elliot squeezed her hand tight.

"But you are here now," she said softly, nervously as she reminded herself to breathe.

"No one could keep me away, Liv. I want to be here for you and this baby every step of the way." She smiled at him again as he leaned down beside her cheek to whisper something into her ear. "Besides, I think it would be nice if I was actually in the room when our child is conceived. Third time's a charm!" He winked at her as she took a deep breath and smiled.

The sedative they had given her was starting to kick in and she was feeling a little loopy. Olivia had chosen to remain awake this time and the doctor would walk her through the procedure as it was performed. She had done this the last time as well and everything went fine, but she still could not help but be nervous. The room was warm and the air thick and the drugs they had given her were making her eyes heavy. She was nervous and felt it almost hard to breathe the heavy air that was filling her lungs.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked her.

"Yeah, I'm just nervous. I hate doctors and hospitals and needles. And this waiting it killing me."

"It will all be over in just a little while," Elliot assured her and she could tell by the look in his eyes he was smiling under his mask.

"Okay Olivia, lets make a baby!" The doctor announced as he walked into the room and the nurses pulled on his gloves.

They had set up a screen over a microscope so that Elliot and Olivia could see their embryo's before implantation. Olivia felt her heart pounding in her chest as the nurse wheeled over a table full of surgical instruments for the doctor. She winced and gulped hard in her throat as she closed her eyes and panted.

"Is everything alright, Olivia?" The doctor asked as he sat on a stool and wheeled it over to the microscope.

"Fine," she gasped starting to tremble just a little. "I'm just nervous, I guess."

"I can give you more anesthesia if you like or put you all the way under like we did the first time."

"No, I want to be awake. Elliot is here," she said squeezing his hand, "I will be fine."

"Are you sure? Once we start it will be too late to change your mind."

"I'm sure. I'm okay."

"Alright. Now we have given you a shot to numb the cervix, but you will feel some pressure and possibly a little sting. I need you to lay as still as you can and remember to breathe. Afterward you will have to remain here and lie on you back for an hour. I will have to come in and examine you, make sure you are feeling okay and the drugs are wearing off then you should be able to go home. You should probably stay off your feet as much as possible at least the rest of today."

"Okay. I remember this from before."

"If you want to look up at that screen. These right here are your three day old ten cell embryos. I am going to suspend them in a drop of fluid and we will insert them using a transfer catheter. That is this long, flexible tube with a syringe on the end. I will insert this into the vagina, past the cervix and directly into the uterus and release the embryos. Now I did three during the last two cycles and we didn't get the results you were hoping for. I am going to use four embryos today."

"It all sounds so technical," Elliot said looking at the doctor.

"Well, it is. But it is a relatively quick procedure and hopefully in two weeks you will get a positive result on your pregnancy test. Are you ready to get started?"

"I'm ready," Olivia assured him.

A nurse assisted Olivia in sliding down to the edge of the table and placing her feet in the stirrups. As they raised the sheet that covered her and placed it on her knees.

Olivia began to breathe heavily and Elliot squeezed her hand again.

"Just try to relax," the nurse said calmly.

Let's see you relax when they stick that thing inside you! Olivia screamed inside her head. But she said nothing, only nodding her head in agreement.

"Okay Olivia, I am going to insert the catheter now. This shouldn't be painful, but you may feel a little pressure."

Olivia held her breath. It wasn't really painful. Not yet, this wasn't the painful part. She was just nervous as hell and ready for it all to be over. She rolled her eyes as the room started to spin. She gasped for air. She needed a focus point, something to concentrate on or she was going hyperventilate and to pass out for sure. She scanned the room for something, anything. Then Elliot leaned over her and stared into her eyes.

"How are you doing?" He asked leaning across her body and blocking everything behind him from her view.

"I'm okay," she lied. He was smiling again.

"You are such a bad liar," he whispered as he kissed her cheek through his mask and held tight to her hand.

"Talk to me," she whispered as she felt a tear roll off her cheek from the pressure pushing upward inside her.

Elliot leaned down and stared into her eyes. "Your smile…"

She smiled as she allowed herself to focus on nothing but the blue in his eyes, that was her focus point. It was like the air suddenly cleared and she was able to breathe again.

"Your hands," she whispered.

This was a sort of game they would sometimes play usually while awaiting the results of the pregnancy test. Naming off the traits that their child would have. It always calmed her and made her smile.

Elliot didn't take his eyes off hers. "Your laugh…."

"Your dimples…."

"Your eyes…."

"No. Your eyes," she said softly.

"My eyes? I always imagined you sitting in a rocking chair holding our baby with your pretty brown eyes."

"No. Your eyes," she insisted. "They are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen."

She took a deep breath as she heard the words come out of her mouth. Was that too forward? God it almost sounded like she was coming on to him. Was she? Was she really flirting with Elliot while a doctor was hopefully impregnating her with his child? Was that even inappropriate? Probably, because he was Elliot. But the lines had become so blurred since all of this baby stuff had began.

She took another deep breath and stared deep into his eyes. Who cares if it was forward, she thought. She was only being honest. Besides if he said anything about it later she could always blame it on the drugs. God he had the sexiest eyes in the world. So cool and strong and soothing and….

"Olivia?" She rolled her eyes around to look down toward the doctor as she heard him say her name.

"Liv?" Elliot repeated.

"Yeah?" She exhaled.

The doctor stood up and pulled his mask down from his face.

"I said we are finished."

She exhaled deeply and raised her hand to wipe away the few tears that had managed to surface.

"How did it go?" Elliot asked with a what happens next kind of look on his face.

"Very well," the doctor answered. "You did wonderfully, my dear."

Olivia smiled relieved that his part was finally over.

"I'm going to have the nurses bring you in some blankets to help you be more comfortable. There is cable television and magazines on the desk. Not the same kind of magazines we keep in the uhh collection rooms," he joked. "Make yourselves at home."

"Is there anything I can get for either of you?" The assisting nurse asked with a smile.

"Some water," Olivia whispered.

"Sir? Coffee or a soft drink maybe?" She asked Elliot sounding more like a flight attendant than a procedure nurse.

"Coffee would be great thanks." Elliot sat in a chair next to Olivia's bed as the nurse elevated her head and covered her with a blanket.

Olivia looked around the room surprised how quickly it had been transformed from the scary procedure room to what now appeared to be a normal hospital room. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as the nurse returned with their drinks.

"Just push that call button if you need anything. You might feel a little groggy from the anesthesia and want to sleep, that is fine. We need to keep you at least an hour, but if you should manage to fall asleep we usually let you rest and keep you for two."

"Okay thank you," Olivia replied with a smile. She must really be racking up some frequent flier miles to be getting this kind of hospitality. This was her fourth procedure at this clinic in the last eight months. And that wasn't counting the hormone shots, the ovarian stimulation, egg collection and of course Elliot's little collection. They had sunk quite a large sum of money into this clinic and so far hadn't had such great results.

"What are you thinking?" Elliot asked her reaching for her hand again.

"Nothing really. I'm so tired."

"Close your eyes and rest. I'll be right here." He brushed her cheek gently with his thumb.

Olivia smiled and sunk down into her pillow as her heavy eyes closed.

Elliot leaned across the bedrail for the next two hours watching over her protectively, almost guarding her. He closed his eyes for a moment and asked God to give them a baby. He reached across the bed and slid his fingers under her palm. He felt her close her hand around his and sigh softly as she smiled in her sleep. Elliot leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Your strength," he whispered softly and he sat back down to wait.