I'd Do Anything
(Chapter Six: Martha's Vineyard)
Olivia opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling of the hotel room. She knew what she was doing last night and she knew how she would feel about it in the morning, but she just didn't care anymore. They had both wanted it to happen for so long, it was bound to eventually.
She slid slowly out from under his arm and picked her shoes up off the floor. She looked back at him lying there in the bed and tears began to fill her eyes. What had they done? It was never supposed to be this way. Not them. She took a deep breath and turned to open the door.
As she did she heard his voice behind her as he whispered one word…. "stay."
Olivia didn't turn around, she couldn't look back. She didn't want him to see her crying. Or to know that the second she opened her eyes she had regretted it. Panic had set in and she was going to do the only thing she knew to do, run. She took a deep breath and walked out the door.
She went down to the front desk and got the key to her room. It would be right next to his. She returned to it, dropping the simple black dress the moment she stepped through the door and climbed into the shower.
She stood under the hot water with tears pouring down her face as she closed her eyes and thought back at the events that had brought them together, there in that room last night. Everything that lead up to what they did.
Elliot had come to her apartment Friday morning. Her two weeks since the last in vitro cycle had past and today was the day she took her pregnancy test. He laid with her across her bed as they waited for the results that for better or worse would change the rest of their lives.
"This is it, I know it is." He said with a smile, his blue eyes shining.
"You say that every time." She laughed.
"Well, one of these times I will be right."
Olivia laughed.
"You have the prettiest smile," Elliot said looking into her eyes as he brushed a small piece of bangs from them. "I hope our baby has that smile."
She sat up and looked down on him, "I just hope we have a baby."
"We will."
She took a deep breath, "well, here goes nothing." She stood up from the bed and walked into her bathroom picking the test strip up from the counter and returning to the bedroom to read it. She sat down on the bed and Elliot wrapped his arm around her. She stared into his eyes for a second, then opened her hand to reveal the test strip.
They stared at each other for a moment then both shifted their eyes downward as she moved her thumb to reveal the "Not Pregnant" in the little window. Elliot rubbed her back as tears began to fall from her eyes. She laid the test strip down on her night stand and laid back down on the bed.
"I'm sorry," he whispered softly as he placed his arm over her waist. "I thought for sure…"
"It doesn't matter."
"It does matter."
She turned her eyes to look into his and took a deep breath.
"We should stop by on the way out of town and make another appointment."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, we can't give up now."
She rubbed her eyes as he pulled her against him and held her for a minute.
"We should go if we want to beat traffic," she said softly.
"Okay." Elliot kissed the top of her head and brushed her cheek with his hand.
Olivia sat up and slipped her shoes on. She tossed the test strip into the trash then grabbed her duffel bag and dress for the wedding and they left the apartment.
They stopped at the clinic before leaving town and spoke to the doctor for a moment. He all but said there was not much else they could do except continue the hormone shots and try again. This time he wanted to wait ninety days and give her time to rest after the last procedure. They had been doing this for over eight months already and now the doctor was telling her she had to wait three months before he would try again.
In the car she sat quietly for hours just staring out the window. She hardly even blinked.
"You okay?" Elliot asked reaching for her hand.
"Yeah," she said turning to face him and forcing a smile. But Elliot knew all of her smiles and this one was scared.
"I was thinking we could stop in the next town and get something to eat."
"I'm not really hungry."
"Honey, you have not eaten all day."
"I'm okay, El. But if you are hungry, stop."
It broke his heart to see her in pain.
He stopped for gas an hour later and got her some magazines, a sudoku puzzle book, a new crime novel, some Twizzlers and a diet soda while he was inside. He climbed back into the car and handed her the bag.
"What is this?" She asked looking at him.
"I got you a few things to help pass the time. You looked bored."
She laughed and smiled at him when she opened the bag, he had bought her all of her favorite things.
"There it is."
"What?" She asked looking out the window to see what she had missed.
"Your pretty smile. You have a great smile Liv, you should smile all of the time."
"Thank you El," she said smiling at him again. That one was her happy smile.
Elliot slipped his hand into hers and she leaned her head against his shoulder for a second.
"I really am sorry," he said softly.
"So am I. I know you were disappointed, too."
"I hate this," he said staring at the road ahead of them.
"What?"
"Watching you go through this. I would have never thought I would have had any trouble getting anybody pregnant."
He looked at Liv as she turned her attention out the window again.
"I know. If you and Kathy just slept in the same room she got pregnant. I guess some things just are not meant to be."
"That isn't true! Don't say that. We are not giving up! And in three months we are going to go in there and do it again and this time it will work."
She took a deep breath and tears poured a slow stream down her face. "I don't know," she mumbled softly.
"What do you mean?"
"Elliot, I'm not sure I can go through this again."
"Liv, lets just relax this weekend and not think about it. Any of it. Like a vacation. Rest up physically and emotionally for the next few days and try not to think about this. Okay?"
She nodded her head and took another deep breath pulling the novel from the goody bag he bought her.
They arrived that evening and explored the island after checking in to their hotel. It was a beautiful, sleepy little community and this wedding was the talk of the town. That evening they had a nice dinner in a cozy little Italian restaurant a few blocks from the hotel. They sat together and had pleasant conversation about anything that had nothing to do with pregnancy and babies. Olivia ordered her first glass of wine in months.
After dinner they walked through the warm summer air back to the hotel and turned in for the evening. Munch and Fin arrived the next morning and the four of them met up with Brian for brunch before the wedding at a local country club.
"Hey, there he is." John Munch patted his former partner on the back. "Congratulations buddy!"
"Thanks," he said shaking hands with the guys. "Elliot, Fin nice to see you guys." He stopped to look at Olivia with her tan skin and bright smile wearing a black and white floral print sun dress. She looked so elegant and beautiful. "Be still my heart," he mocked placing his hand on his chest. "Come here gorgeous," he said reaching to hug her.
"Hi Bri," she said softly.
"Man I am so glad you guys are here."
"Cragen wanted to be here, but he got stuck working. He sent a gift though. Sounds like stemware," Munch said with a smile.
"Shall we?" Brian lead them all up to the club house restaurant. Where they sat out on the deck overlooking a golf course to eat.
"This view is stunning," Olivia noted looking out past the golf course to the waves against the shore.
"This is actually where we are having the dinner and reception tonight."
Olivia sat quietly and stared at the view sipping iced tea while the guys shared stories and caught up on old times.
"You guys up for a few holes of golf?" Brian asked looking down as his watch.
All of the guys agreed.
"How about you, Liv?"
"Oh, no thank you. I think I'm gonna head back to the hotel and maybe take a nap."
"Oh, come on." Brian held up a set of keys, "I'll let you drive the golf cart."
Olivia laughed. "I don't even know how to play."
"It's alright. It's just for fun. Very therapeutic. We'll teach you."
"I don't know."
"Liv, come on. Have a little fun," Elliot said smiling at her.
"El, I'm not even dressed for golf."
Elliot made a sad face and Olivia laughed.
"Come on," he said memorizing her smile as the wind blew through her hair.
"Okay."
Olivia trailed along and didn't pay much attention to anything but the scenery the entire time.
Afterward they all sat inside the clubhouse drinking iced tea as a tall leggy blonde walked into the room. Olivia watched as all of the guys at their table turned to check her out.
This must be the bride, Olivia thought as the woman walked up and hugged Brian.
"So Brian, who are your friends?" She asked looking around the table at each of the men then landing her eyes on Olivia.
"These are some of my friends from back in New York. We worked together when I worked Special Victims. Detectives John Munch, Odafin Tutuola, Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson. Guys this is Alison, my sister."
"Nice to meet you," she said with a cheesy smile staring at Elliot.
Olivia watched his as he loosened his tie. He was actually into this girl. He sat up at attention the second he found out she wasn't the future Mrs. Brian Cassidy. And now he couldn't take his eyes off of her.
"Julie, my fiancé is off probably getting her hair and nails done about now. I'll have to introduce you guys to her tonight. She's great. You guys will love her."
Olivia smiled only for a second then shifted her attention back to Elliot and the blonde with the big boobs at the end of the table. God he was almost drooling. Of course he hadn't been laid in quite some time. He and Kathy had been divorced for a while and he had spent the better part of the last nine months trying to help Olivia get pregnant, so he hadn't had time to date anyone.
Olivia placed her hand against her cheek and watched the two of them talking. What exactly did he see in her anyway? She wasn't even that pretty. So she had boobs, big deal. So did half the world population. Did he have to act so desperate? Olivia wondered. She hadn't had sex in a long time either, but that didn't mean she tried to jump anything that walked past her with a penis.
Of course if they weren't here for Brian's wedding she might actually be interested in another steamy night of hot sex. God he was good in bed. But that was beside the point!
What the hell was Elliot thinking? He probably wasn't. It had been Olivia's experience that the reaction of a man's penis to a woman usually cut off all oxygen to his brain. That must have been what was going on here, because Elliot sat across from her with the stupidest look she had ever seen cross his face. And Goldilocks was using all three of her brain cells in a poor attempt to form intelligent conversation with him.
Olivia watched them and was trying to figure out exactly how this bimbo could have possibly have the same genetics as Brian. Maybe it was a bad reaction to her hair dye. She took a deep breath and looked down at her watch.
"Well gentlemen and Alison, I should be getting back to the hotel. Brian it was really nice seeing you again. Alison, it was nice to meet you," Olivia extended her hand to shake Alison's but she didn't react. After a few seconds she retracted her hand and walked back toward the parking lot toward her car.
Elliot stood up and followed behind her.
"Liv?"
"Yeah," she said turning around and stopping in the parking lot to talk to him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Just kind of tired. I think it is all of the fresh air. I'm gonna head back and take a nap. I will catch up with you guys later."
"Okay. Well, I'll just catch a ride back with Fin & Munch then."
"Yeah," she said softly as he turned and walked back inside. She took a deep breath and felt a little bad for hoping nothing would happen between he and Brian's sister. She wanted Elliot to be happy, just not with that girl. He deserved someone so much better than that. Oh my gosh, not only was she hormonal, but she was jealous. Jealous that he was showing an interest in the Barbie with the long legs and the six thousand dollar nose job.
What the hell is wrong with me? Olivia wondered as she started the car and headed back to the hotel. Elliot is a good man who sees good things in people, if he is interested she must have something good about her. And what if she was judging this girl too quickly? What if they did get together and were really happy? Or what if they got together and he changed his mind about having a baby with Olivia? She swallowed hard in her throat. She hadn't thought of that.
She walked into her room and tossed her car keys on the nightstand as she kicked off her sandals and fell across the bed. Why couldn't she have just been the fiancé and then Elliot would have never even noticed her? Olivia exhaled and closed her eyes, all of this thinking was giving her a headache.
A couple of hours later she was awakened by a knock at the door. Olivia groaned and squinted her eyes to focus on her watch. It was almost four o'clock and the wedding was at six. She stretched and sat up in the bed as she heard the knocking again.
"I'm coming!" She said placing a hand to her forehead as she made her way to the door. "Yeah?"
It was Elliot.
"Sorry, I guess I fell asleep." She batted her big brown eyes to look at his.
Elliot smiled. "It's okay. I just tried to call earlier and you didn't answer, so I wanted to make sure you were awake so you had enough time to get ready."
"Yeah, thanks. I set the alarm on my phone, I guess I slept through it. It wont take me long. Just plug in the curling iron and put on some make up."
"Just knock on my door when you're ready. Oh, can I get your keys, my shoes are in the trunk of the car."
"Yeah," she turned and grabbed them off the night stand and handed them to him.
"Alright, I will see you in a little while."
She exhaled and stretched again. At least her headache was gone.
Olivia hurried around the room scattering her "girl things" as Elliot liked to call them all over the room. Lipstick, earrings, stockings and four pairs of high heels scattered across the dresser and the entire contents of her purse dumped out on the bed.
She pulled her hair up and twisted it and clipped it in place, leaving just a few little strands down around her face and the back of her neck. She pressed her lips together firmly, then blotted her lipstick with a tissue and applied a thin layer of clear lip gloss over the top. She pulled off her tee shirt and put on a sexy strapless black lace bra and matching panties then slipped on the little black dress she had chosen for the occasion. You could never go wrong with a classic black. Simple, sexy and elegant, Olivia thought to her self as she looked at her reflection in the mirror. This was one of about ten little black dresses in her closet.
"Perfect," she said as she misted the air with a sultry musk and stepped into it. Now she was ready. She grabbed the little black hand bag she had brought to go with the dress and tossed in a few of the essentials from the purse contents on the bed. Lipstick, lip gloss, compact, her ID, gum and her travel tooth brush, just in case the reception dinner included something that left her with less than desirable breath. She tucked the bag under her arm and adjusted the spaghetti strap on her dress then was out the door.
Elliot was tying his tie when he opened the door and was so stunned by the beautiful woman standing in front of him that his clumsy fingers knotted it all up.
"Let me see," Olivia laughed as she slipped the navy tie through her fingertips retying the knot perfectly. He looked so handsome in his black suit and shiny black shoes. His smile was bright and his eyes shined like stars. Olivia felt a little weak in the knees just standing next to him. "You sure clean up nice."
"Thank you," he said with s big smile. "And you, I probably should have brought my gun."
"Why?"
"Well, to chase off all of the guys who'll be fighting over you."
She laughed. It was lame, but so cute that he even tried.
"Just be sure to save me a dance," he said smiling at her again.
"Sure."
"Shall we?" Elliot raised his arm and she slid hers inside it holding to the sleeve of his jacket.
"Are we going to wait on Munch and Fin?"
"They are going to meet us there."
"Okay," she said with a smile and they headed for the car.
