I'd Do Anything
(Chapter Seven: Too Far Gone)
Olivia stood on the deck looking up at the night sky as the clouds brushed over the billion twinkling stars and full moon. The wedding was beautiful and Brian's new bride was really sweet and very pretty. Olivia was happy that he had finally found someone to love him the way she couldn't.
She turned and gazed through the big double doors facing the dance floor and stared at all of the couples. Part of her longed to find that closeness with someone, but every time she had ever trusted a man long enough to get into a relationship with him she had been let down. Every man that is, except for Elliot. He was the only one she had ever fully trusted, not just the only man, but only person period. And when times got tough, she knew with out a doubt that he always had her back. It was nice to have someone like that in her life.
She watched as Elliot danced with Alison. Smiling and laughing and for the first time in a long time she actually kind of felt the threat of losing him. They had walked in together. Not a couple. But the smile on his face let her know he was proud to be her escort for the evening. But twenty minutes later when he spotted Alison and went over to her table "to say hello" something inside Olivia knew he wouldn't be back. She was right. That was almost two hours earlier and he hadn't even noticed her since.
For the last half hour she had been standing outside, alone, sipping on a glass of Champaign and no one had even noticed her missing. Not that this was the point. She had actually come out here to escape the noise and get some fresh air. But it would have been nice if at least one of the three friends she had come here with would have realized her absence and at least checked on her.
She took a deep breath as a waiter stepped out to offer her another glass of Champaign. Olivia placed the empty glass on the tray and picked up another one.
"Thank you," she said politely smiling at the waiter.
"You're welcome ma'am. If there is anything else I can get you, just let me know."
Olivia nodded her head at the young man as he returned inside to the party. She took another sip from her glass and sat it on the wooden railing as she looked back up into the sky.
"Hey," she heard Elliot's voice behind her.
"Hi," she replied with a smile turning to face him.
"So how long have you been hiding out here?"
"I'm not hiding, I'm…..star gazing."
"Sure you are."
She smiled at him. "How's it going with Alison?"
"It's alright. I have no clue how to even talk to a woman. I have not dated in over twenty years."
"You talk to me all of the time."
"That's different. I have known you forever. We're like family. You know everything about me. I don't have to try to impress you."
Olivia laughed. "Well, thanks. I think. Do you think it could turn into something serious?"
"I don't know. Kind of early to tell. I just met her this morning. Besides, she lives in California."
"Wow."
"Yeah. She went to school there and teaches junior high."
"Oh." Olivia said. But the first though that crossed her mind was I'll bet those hormonal teenage boys love her.
"So give it up."
"What?"
"The real reason you have spent half the night out here on the balcony alone. What's bothering you, Liv?"
"Nothing, I just came out to get some fresh air. It is really peaceful here. Nothing like the city."
Elliot took her hand in his and Olivia stared down at their palms now touching. "Now I know something is bothering you. You just changed the subject."
"Really Elliot, I'm fine." She smiled as he stared at her with his eyes. In this light they were almost the same color as the night sky.
Elliot put his arm around her waist and stepped in behind her. "It's okay, Liv. Were just going to have to keep trying until it works," he whispered in her ear as he placed a kiss against the back of her neck.
"I don't know. You heard that doctor. He practically said there was nothing else he could do. What if I just can't have a baby?"
"Don't do this to yourself. We have an appointment in three months. They will run all of the tests again and we'll do another cycle. It is bound to happen sometime."
She took a deep breath and turned to look at him over her shoulder. "Yeah," she said softly as her tears began to rise. She took a deep breath and stared into his eyes. For a moment she could think of nothing else except how wonderful it would be if he kissed her right now. The moment was perfect for a first kiss. Under the soft light of a full moon and a sky full of stars. The smell of jasmine on the breeze and the gentle sound of the waves against the shore. She blinked her eyes and when she opened them again he had broke their stare.
What was she thinking? This was Elliot. And it was completely inappropriate for her to be having these kinds of thoughts about Elliot. These hormone shots were about to drive her crazy!
Olivia took another sip from her glass.
"There you are," she heard Alison's voice echo behind them.
"Hi," Elliot said turning to look at her.
"I wasn't done dancing with you," she said with a stupid grin.
"I'll tell you what. I am going to find the men's room and then I will meet you back out there."
"Okay!" She almost squealed.
Olivia gritted her teeth. She couldn't help it, she could not stand Alison! Couldn't Elliot at least find a woman with tits and a brain?
Olivia ignored her for a few minutes while Alison tried to make conversation.
"Elliot tells me you guys are good friends."
"Yeah."
"And you have known each other for a long time?"
"Yup."
This was torture!
"Brian has told me a lot about Elliot."
"He has, huh?" Note to self… KILL BRIAN CASSIDY!
"Yeah. Like he told me he is divorced. And he has kids. I never really dated a guy with kids, but I guess that's okay."
Olivia smiled. "Five."
"Huh?"
"Elliot had five children with his ex-wife Kathy."
"Oh." Alison said with a shocked look on her face.
"He is very close to them and keeps them as often as he can."
"I see."
What the hell was she doing? She was going to blow it for him!
"Well, I guess we could work that out."
"He's seeing someone!" Olivia heard herself blurt out before she even realized she had done it.
"He…he. What?"
Olivia stared at her with a blank look, still in shock from her last comment.
"I'd better… umm…" Alison pointed behind her then turned and walked away.
Olivia felt her stomach churn. What the hell was she thinking? How could she do this to him? She gasped for a moment and looked up trying to find Alison. But it was too late. There she stood in the middle of the dance floor yelling at Elliot. Olivia watched in awe as she stormed out the front door.
She watched him as a look of disappointment crossed his face and he slowly made his way back out to where she stood. Olivia turned around, she couldn't face him now. Not after what she had done. She couldn't see that hurt in his eyes. Or the anger and disappointment for her. She closed her eyes and held her breath as she waited for the worst.
"Well, I guess that isn't going to be working out."
"What?" she said softly pretending not to know what he was talking about.
"Somehow Alison got the impression I was in a serious relationship. I thought Brian already told her I was divorced. I tried to explain, but got upset and ran out."
"I did it!" Damn it! When was she going to learn to think before she spoke?
"Did what?"
Olivia took a deep breath. "I told her that you were seeing someone."
Elliot scowled at her. "Why on Earth would you do that?"
"I don't know. She was just rambling on and on about the most ridiculous things. And it just sort of came out."
"So you lied to her!"
"You weren't exactly completely honest with her either!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the fact that you didn't tell her you even had children, let alone five! You left it up to Brian!"
"Olivia, I just met the girl today!"
"And it slipped your mind that you have children?"
"This was none of your business!"
"I know! It doesn't feel so great does it?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the fact that you have managed to run off every single guy I have ever dated since we met!"
"Those guys were losers, Liv! They weren't right for you!"
"Oh and because some air head has big tits and a vagina she is right for you?"
"That isn't why I was interested in her and you know it!"
"Well it couldn't have been for her brains!"
"What the hell does that mean?"
"That means that she was a fucking moron, Elliot! I'd be surprised if she could walk and talk at the same time! And those big wonderful boobs you like so much… Fake! It is discussing really!"
"How is that?"
"She was almost half your age!"
Elliot stopped and just stared into Olivia's eyes for a moment. She could tell he was biting his lip not to say the next comment on his mind.
"What?"
"Nothing!"
He turned around.
"No! You want to talk? Let's hear it! I am just dying to know what is on you mind!"
"You really want to know?"
"Yeah!"
"Here it is! You are jealous!"
"Oh! I am so not… and I repeat NOT jealous of that blonde headed bimbo!"
"No, Olivia! You are jealous of me! Because I have the one thing you can't! You can't seem to get pregnant! And that jealousy is eating you up inside! So you're lashing out on me!"
He may as well have punched her in the stomach. Olivia's eyes instantly filled with tears and she could feel them streaming down her face. She took a staggered breath and just stared at Elliot. Then slapped him across the face hard and ran out of the building.
Elliot felt like a complete asshole the second he said it. He didn't mean it, he was just so angry with her at the moment and got carried away. She had hurt him and he wanted to hurt her. But he never meant to hurt her like this.
"Olivia, wait!" He ran through the room and out the front exit as it began to rain. But Liv was already far enough down the road he could barely see her.
Elliot went back to the desk and asked for his jacket and her purse. By now it was pouring rain and a storm was rolling in. He had her car keys because he had driven them there that night. So she headed back toward town nearly twelve miles away in the dark and rain just to escape him.
Elliot ran to her car and went after her. She was pissed and power walking and making pretty good time when he found her just over a mile up the road. Olivia knew it was Elliot and she stuck her thumb out as if she had been hitch hiking the entire time just to piss him off. He pulled the car over at an angle in front of her and pushed open the passengers side door.
"Get in the car, Olivia." He called to her over the sound of the heavy rain.
"Go to Hell!"
She kept walking. She was completely drenched now and her hair was starting to fall down around her eyes. She knew she must look awful, but she didn't care.
"Liv, please! Just get into the car, I will take you where ever you want to go."
She ignored him and walked faster. Her feet kept sliding in her strappy wet heels so she pulled off her shoes and carried them. She had goose bumps from the cold and rain pounding her in the face. Thank God for water proof mascara.
"Olivia! Damn it! This is juvenile and dangerous! It is pitch black out here and pouring rain and you are wearing a black dress! You could get hit! Please just get in the car! You want to go back to the hotel? I will take you back! Get in! I won't say a word! I swear!"
She stopped and turned to look at him with hurt and anger in her eyes. "It is my fucking car!"
Elliot slammed the car into park and got out leaving both doors open. He walked around to face her. "Well, at least you are talking to me!" He put his hands on her arms and tried to guide her to the passengers seat. "Just get in!"
She jerked away from him. "Don't fucking touch me!"
"Then here!" He said dangling the keys in front of her. "You take the car back and I will walk!"
Olivia jerked the keys from his hand and got into the drivers seat of the car driving off so fast the passengers side door slammed shut. She got a few yards up the road and started to cry. She stopped the car in the middle of the highway for a minute to gather herself, then slammed the car into reverse and backed up so fast she almost hit Elliot walking down the road. She pulled over and opened the door, but did not say a word.
Elliot climbed into the car and just stared at her for a second. "Thank…"
She pressed her hand against his mouth to shut him up and kept driving.
When they got out in the hotel parking lot Elliot tried again to talk to her.
"Olivia," he said grabbing her hand and forcing her to look at him. This time her eyes were full of tears. "Talk to me."
"I can't," she said softly and walked away from him crying.
"Liv, please. We both said some things we didn't mean. Look I was hurt and mad and I just wanted to piss you off. I didn't mean to hurt you. And I didn't mean it."
Olivia turned to walk off again and Elliot placed his arms on hers turning her to face him. He stared at her for a moment as the raid poured down around both of them.
"You were right," she said and Elliot could clearly see her tears through the rain. "I envy what you have. I am not jealous of you, Elliot. I look up to you. And I was jealous of her. Not really her, but you with someone, anyone. It scared me to see you getting close to someone."
"Why would that scare you?"
She kept walking up the staircase to their floor.
"Olivia," he held her hand in his and stopped her half way up the staircase then turned her to look into her eyes.
She took a shallow breath as more tears fell. "I was afraid….that if you got together with her…..you wouldn't want to have a baby with me anymore."
Elliot placed his hands on each side of her face and stared into her eyes. "That is crazy! There is nothing in the world that I want more than to have a baby with you!"
He stood there for a minute just looking into her eyes, staring into her soul. They both began to breathe a little heavier and his heart was pounding. Without even thinking he leaned in and kissed her passionately.
Olivia wanted to fight it, she knew it was wrong. But she couldn't, it felt so right. Elliot wrapped one arm around her and pulled her body to his as he continued kissing her. She raised her hands to hold his face as if she thought he would fly away if she didn't hold on tight to him. For several minutes they kissed. Eyes pressed shut tightly, noses brushing softly and him moving his hand slowly over her back.
When their lips finally parted, Elliot pulled her against his chest and held her there for a minute. He gently kissed the top of her head as she buried her cheek into his wet shirt.
"I am so sorry, Liv. I didn't mean a word of it."
She looked up at him and batted her big brown eyes in the rain.
"Neither did I."
Elliot held tight to her for another minute, knowing it could go no further. They had crossed a line already.
"This can't happen, El."
"I know," he whispered allowing her hand to slip out of his.
Olivia placed her hand against his chest and could feel his heart pounding. Elliot could see the longing in her eyes. The both wanted something they could not have.
She turned from him and walked slowly back up the stairs to their floor. Elliot reached his door first and stepped inside. He shut the door and leaned against the inside of it to think about what had just happened. A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. He opened it to see the only one person he had really wanted to be on the other side.
"I don't have my key. I need to use your phone to call the front desk."
Elliot stared at her. She was completely soaked from head to toe and still carried her heels in her hand. Her hair was wet and starting to fall down around her face. She looked incredible.
"El?"
"Yeah," he said stepping back to let her in.
He closed the door behind her and thumped his head against it, trying to make every dirty thought inside disappear. This was Olivia. It couldn't be like this with her.
She stopped a few steps in front of him and looked into his eyes. "Elliot…"
The soft way she said his name drove him crazy and before he knew it his lips were locked to hers once more. Elliot backed her up as he moved his hands slowly over her body kissing her and tasting her Champaign sweet kisses. She moaned ever so lightly and he felt every hair on his body stand on end. He pulled away from her to look at her for a brief second before she pulled him back to her.
Elliot backed her up to sit on the bed, both of them still wet from the rain. He moved his mouth to the side of her neck. And placed his lip against a spot just behind her ear he had longed to kiss for years. She scooted back against the bed as he moved in beside her and continued kissing her. It wasn't how either of them had planned to spend their night. But it was happening and neither of them wanted it to stop.
Olivia laid back on the bed as Elliot hovered above her placing a trail of baby kisses across her collarbone. She moved her hands up to unbutton his now transparent white shirt and explore his chest with her fingertips. She slid his shirt off and dropped it to the floor as she moved one hand over his chest and the other over his strong back.
They kissed slowly and passionately. It seemed like everything was in slow motion. Elliot smoothed his hands over her toned biceps and rounded her shoulders as he slid down the thin straps of the dress, but didn't pull down its top. He moved his hands around her waist and pushed them slowly up her back and across her neck forcing another soft moan from her before he took the clip from her hair and allowed it to fall around her face.
He leaned in and placed a hand on each side of her face kissing her again. Slowly, passionately and hungrily their mouths moved together as their hands slid slowly over places they had never seen. Olivia caught her breath in her throat when she felt her fingers slip down and unbuckle his belt sliding it from his pants. Before she knew it his black suit pants were unbuttoned as well.
Elliot kissed across her chest as he moved his hands over her waist. He leaned up and stared deep into her eyes. He slipped one hand under the skirt of her little black dress and smoothed it over her navel watching her eyes as they lit up to his touch. Olivia lowered her hand to touch his strong shoulder as she felt his fingers slip under the leg band of her black lace underwear. They paused there for a second as if asking for her permission. She raised her hips slowly off the bed as he slid them down and dropped them into the floor, his eyes never leaving hers.
Olivia pulled his mouth to hers again and Elliot combed his fingers through the soft locks of her dark hair as he stared into her eyes. Her lip quivered for a second in anticipation as she smoothed her fingers over his chest once more. Elliot kissed up her chest and cheek until she could feel the warmth of his breath against her ear. She closed her eyes to feel him surrounding her.
"Are you sure?" He whispered softly as he kissed her cheek then brought his eyes back to meet hers.
Olivia traced her index finger over his lips slowly. She turned her eyes to meet his and smiled as she nodded her head slowly. She leaned up to kiss Elliot again as he pushed her knee aside to position himself over her. He kissed her intimately as he moved slowly forward to enter her body.
She gasped for a moment and closed her eyes.
"Are you okay?" He whispered. "God, I'm hurting you."
"No," she gasped. She opened her eyes to look into his. "It has just been a really long time."
"Yeah?" He whispered as she nodded her head. "Me, too."
The way he stared into her eyes made her feel like she would melt.
"No, I mean. It has been over a year since I ….." she panted.
"I'll go slow," he said caressing her cheek with his thumb.
Olivia pressed her lips together and pressed her forehead to his as he began moving slowly inside of her. His first few movements sent equal amounts of pain and pleasure through her body as she gasped and moaned quietly.
"If you want me to stop, just tell me and I will stop."
"I don't want you to stop," she whispered against his lips.
Before too long he was moving a little faster and they were both breathing heavily.
She moaned and tipped her head back against the pillow he was a fast learner. In less than ten minutes he already knew more about her body than any other lover she had ever had. He knew exactly where to touch her inside and hit the right spot with every thrust pushing her so close. She moaned quietly and gasped and panted trying to hold out for him. She stared deep into his eyes not wanting to even blink as he sped up his movements just a little.
She bit and kissed gently against his shoulder as she moaned and cooed short sentences like "oh God" and "yes, yes, right there."
Elliot pressed his forehead to hers and gently but passionately kissed her lips. Olivia pulled her thighs tighter against his body as she held tight to his back. She looked at him almost as if she were afraid he would leave her. Elliot moved his hand up her throat and kissed it tenderly making his way back around to her lips.
Olivia could feel his hand against her thigh over her stockings as he caressed it with his palm and fingertips. He sped up a little more and his lips pressed gently against hers between their gasps for air. Elliot opened his ocean blue eyes and stared deep into her soul as they finished together. He kissed her again as he fell spent against her warm body. The panted together for a moment then he raised up to kissed her again as they both laughed a little. Elliot looked across the bed at her as he slid his hand into hers and locked their fingers together. He moved their arms over her waist and pulled her in against his body to hold her.
Olivia trembled lightly against him.
"You okay?" He whispered kissing her ear.
"Yeah," she said softly fighting back tears. She had never felt so much emotion surging through her body at once. She wanted to laugh, she wanted to cry and all she could do was try to remind herself to breathe."
"Cold?"
"A little," she answered turning to look at him.
"I'll keep you warm," he whispered softly as he held her body tight to his and pulled the blankets up around them.
Elliot kissed her shoulder and stared down at her. "I love you Liv," he whispered. "I know I'm not supposed to, but I can't help it. I don't remember a time when I didn't. I'm too far gone to try to turn back now."
She was quiet and Elliot moved his thumb gently across her forehead as he tilted her chin up slowly to look into her eyes. She had fallen asleep in his arms.
Elliot laid back in the bed and held her tight against him for hours just watching her sleep. Tomorrow would be hell, but for tonight everything was perfect. For tonight, she was his.
