Gabriella should have been concentrating on the people around her. She should have been thinking of ways to communicate with Troy better. She should have been distracting her mind more as she couldn't help but let it take over.
She had to blink her eyes to concentrate on what she was seeing. She wasn't crazy, that part she knew for sure as usually crazy people don't seek for help, but Gabriella had been doing that all week with Troy and Jason whenever they wanted to comfort her. So she knew for sure that seeing her mother standing behind Zeke, walking around the kitchen as if she were actually cooking something, didn't classify her as being crazy.
Plus, it wasn't like this was the first time Gabriella had seen her mother after her death.
The brunette diverted her eyes away from the stove that was host to Anna's pancakes that were being made. Instead, Gabriella made herself focus on the noodles in front of her. She kept chanting in her head, she isn't real…she isn't real…she isn't real. But Gabriella knew that only admitting it in her head wasn't moving on from her mother's death. She was just prolonging it.
"Ella, dear, you look so tired. You need sleep." The harmonic voice floated through the air as Gabriella's neck snapped up and she stared at her mother who was wearing a dark red elegant dress. It was a dress Gabriella recognized very well as that was a dress Sharpay designed for Anna to wear to one of her banquets.
Gabriella spluttered for a response, but found that she couldn't speak as her mouth had gone dry.
Anna's feet padded across the hardwood floor and over to her daughter who's eyes were wide with shock. She placed her freezing hand against Gabriella's burning forehead in a motherly way to check her temperature.
"You don't look so well dear. Have you been getting enough sleep?" Anna asked as she crouched down to Gabriella's level at the table.
The chocolate orbs filled with tears as she hesitantly reached out her hand to feel her mother. She needed to know if this was a dream or not. All thoughts of her friends surrounding her had disappeared a while ago. Now her mind was just filled with pictures of her mother, and all of a sudden, it felt as if she had never left.
Gabriella's finger tip gently poked at Anna's welcoming face that was showing a smile of encouragement. It was as if Anna wanted Gabriella to feel if she was real or not.
"I'm preparing your favorite meal right now Ella. Pancakes. Just like when you were younger." The mother explained in a soothing tone.
Gabriella's finger touched the cold marble like skin of her mother's cheek. It was surreal to Gabriella as her mother had never been cold like herself. Anna always had a warm feeling about her, but now as Gabriella's finger tip touched the smooth skin, all thoughts of her mother spiraled at Gabriella and she had to shut her eyes to keep them from dominating her.
When Gabriella opened her eyes expecting to see her mother right in front of her, she nearly cried out when she saw noodles in front of her. The steam still radiating from them as everyone else was eating around her. She frantically looked up past Zeke and towards the kitchen. There was no one in there.
Of course.
She should've saw this coming as this wasn't the first time that she had seen her mother in person. There had been other various times in her room where she would shut her eyes and she wouldn't be sleeping, but yet she wouldn't be awake either as she would be taken to a place--any place--and she would see her mother there. Sometimes Anna would be planting flowers, and other times she would be just sitting down on swings in a children's park.
But Gabriella had never envisioned her coming to life again when surrounded by people. She always had never been fully awake to envision her mother. Which meant it was getting harder and harder for Gabriella to realize that she was never coming back. And it also meant, that something might be wrong with her as she had never heard anyone else getting visits from the dead.
"You okay Gabs?" Sharpay's chipper voice broke her out of her thinking as she looked up.
"…Yeah. Just not hungry I guess." Gabriella stood up abruptly and collected her untouched food.
"Whoa!" Lyle exclaimed as Gabriella was about to pass him to put the food down the garbage disposal. Lyle reached out and took the plate from her hands. "I'll eat that."
"Where are you going?" Taylor asked as she looked Gabriella over in concern.
"Just…uh," Gabriella could feel everyone's eyes on her. She could especially feel a certain pair of blue eyes on her. "…uh…just out." Gabriella backed away as she had to clear her mind of the newly developing thinking that was taking over. So she quickly walked outside.
It just wasn't possible for her mother to still be alive. So Gabriella shouldn't be able to just conjure her up out of nowhere to have a conversation with her. It wasn't normal to be seeing dead people walking around, cooking, and having them tell you that you looked tired. And Gabriella refused to ask someone for help. She did not need someone telling her dad that she wasn't okay.
"A penny for your thoughts?" A deep voice asked as Gabriella flinched in the cool air.
When she had walked out into the backyard, she found that she walked down the back patio steps and across the green grass a little ways. She had been facing the trees that were surrounding the house; providing perfect seclusion from the outside world.
"Did you come out here to tell me how much I screwed up with Troy? Or because you hate me now that your best friend and I got into a fight?" Gabriella asked as she heard Chad's feet shuffle across the green grass to stand beside her.
"What you and Bolton do is none of my business. Instead, what if I told you that I came out here as your friend and not Troy's best friend?" Chad asked as Gabriella sighed in contentment.
"I'm pretty sure that you won't benefit from being my friend. I pretty much suck at that too."
"Not from what Sharpay and Taylor say. And I can guarantee you that Jason and you will always be good friends. Even before I met you, he would talk about you during basketball."
"That's because…because…" Gabriella couldn't find any words to disagree with Chad.
"Because you're a good person Montez. So I think the question is, why is a good person like yourself outside by herself?"
Gabriella shut her eyes as a breeze blew by. She found it kind of funny that what she was feeling matched the weather again. She didn't want to talk which in some opinions would make her a cold person. The wind was cold and always brought peoples' days down. Something she was very good at herself.
"You'd think I was crazy if I told you." Gabriella murmured finally.
Chad turned his head in curiousness. He had excused himself from the table about five minutes after Gabriella had left unexpectedly. Chad didn't miss the look Jason gave Troy out of confusion on why he wasn't going after her, but no one said anything as they all ate quietly until Lyle made some inappropriate joke about Sharpay. That got the ball moving again as everyone else joined in to start up new conversations.
Chad had tried in many attempts to get Troy's attention, but his best friend was just quiet. They were the only two who weren't talking as Chad had never seen Troy in such deep thought besides after the time he had broken up with Lilly.
Chad took in the brunette next to him. They had never really had a serious conversation together before; mostly due to the fact that they were never alone to get to know each other good enough to do that. But there was just something about this girl that had made his best friend so involved in such a short period of time, that Chad knew that he must get to know her or else it might get to be too late to do just that.
"Has Troy ever told you that I lost my only Uncle two years ago?" Chad asked quietly.
Gabriella shifted her eyes to the ground almost guiltily.
Chad chuckled at seeing this. "Don't worry, it's okay if you don't know. It's not something Troy announces to anyone."
"Um…what happened?" Gabriella squeaked out.
"He was a firefighter, and there was this huge wildfire. I um…don't know the exact details because I just…I just--"
"It's okay. You don't have to tell me." Gabriella cut in as she gently laid a hand on Chad's forearm in comfort.
He took a deep breath. "I was just about sixteen and we got this call that my mother's brother had just passed away. It took me weeks to overcome the thought that there still might be hope that he would give us a call like he used to do annually--once every week. And finally, I just snapped. It was over summer, so that was probably good, but I finally came to terms that everything would be okay if I just moved on."
Gabriella felt bad for Chad. She felt so bad for him that she had more tears in her eyes. She took a slow breath as she tried to calm herself down. But no matter if it was Chad's uncle that passed away, she couldn't help but feel different because she was actually envisioning talking to the dead.
"Of course, Troy was always there. He wouldn't say anything, because what could you say? But, we would just shoot around outside at his house to keep ourselves busy." Chad looked at Gabriella. "You know it's common to see the ones you miss? Sometimes people even go as far as imagining them still walking around and doing normal things."
Chad noticed that Gabriella's breath got caught in her throat. He looked at her as his eyes softened.
"I used to be one of those people. I'd blank out for minutes at a time as I would see my Uncle washing his car outside, or reading the newspaper at the dining room table."
"Me too." Gabriella spoke up and Chad out of surprise that she actually admitted it, snapped his head up. Gabriella took a shaky breath. "I um…I see her and she always tells me that I look too tired, or that she says she's worried about me. I thought I was going crazy."
"I think that's a common feeling for people who have lost someone so close to them." Chad thought out loud. "I've never actually told anyone about seeing my Uncle, but I did research, and then I saw the look you got while eating, and…it's the same look I had back then."
"Why me?" Gabriella asked with a watery smile. "Why would you tell me?"
"Because you're a good person who's caught up in some terrible things." His voice held nothing but honesty.
"I want it to stop. Because each time I see her, it gets harder to let go." Gabriella whispered as her tone was detached from her body.
Chad wrapped his arms around her for strength as she tried her hardest to keep her tears in. It didn't matter right then or there that Chad was Troy's best friend, because he was Gabriella's friend too. He understood what she was going through. They could relate, and it was in that connection that he could help her.
"You just have to tell her yourself. Tell her that you're ready to move on, and she'll accept it. You'll accept it. It'll be this whole big accepting thing and things will get better. Maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but in time, things will get better." Chad gripped her tighter as she shook in his arms.
Jason was busy laying on the top part of the bunk bed when a light knock came from his door. It was beginning to get late, but almost everyone else was down in the living room just talking about random things and catching up from the previous week at school. Gabriella and Chad had disappeared though, and Jason was struggling to come up with a reason why.
It was a quiet knock that bristled against the door that took him out of his thinking process. He sat up and called for whoever it was that knocked on his door to come in. Kelsi meekly put half her body into the room as she allowed for the door to block the rest of her.
"Hey, um…you weren't sleeping, were you?" She asked as realization dawned upon her that she might have woken the basketball captain up.
Jason couldn't help but smile as her facial expressions told him that she was sorry. He chuckled a little as he sat up more. "Nah. I was just thinking."
"Oh. I'll just…um…leave you to it then." Kelsi was about to move away from his room and come to the fact that she was just going to have to share a room with Lyle, when Jason spoke up.
"Don't!"
"What?" She asked with shock in her voice at his mini outburst.
Jason sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. "I um…I mean," There was just something about this girl that had him tangled up inside. He had never seen her before the funeral, and even then he wasn't the best one to talk to at that time, and he still wasn't the most pleasant person to talk to as he was really short tempered lately. "You obviously came here for a reason. Come in."
Kelsi slowly walked into the room with her suitcase trailing behind her in her left hand.
"You planning on sticking around for a couple of days?" Jason mused as he nodded towards her suitcase questionably.
A light blush appeared on her face. "Actually I'm roomless. Just trying to figure out where to sleep tonight."
"You and Tay?…" Jason let the question linger in the air.
"She's with Chad. And sleeping with Lyle does not appeal to me at the moment." Kelsi explained. "So it's either you're kind enough to let me share the room with you, or I guess I could take the couch in the living room…" Kelsi trailed off and stopped once she saw Jason's look of disgust.
"Of course you're not staying on the couch for two nights, and you're certainly aren't going to stay with Lyle."
"Okay, so…"
"So stay here. You can have the bottom bunk." Jason said simply before laying back down to stare at the ceiling.
Kelsi found this a little odd as she didn't realize that she interrupted him when he was deep in thought. He seemed to be doing reflections on how the last couple of days have been going.
She didn't want to disturb him anymore, so she walked silently into the room and just left her suitcase untouched for the time being. She had time to unpack the next day because right now, all that was appealing to her was the nice warm comfy bed laying right before her eyes.
Kelsi snuggled into her bed; already changed into her sweatpants and tank top to save time. Kelsi looked straight up and heard Jason ruffle in his bed; presumably turning over on his side. There had been something bugging her the past couple of days, and Jason might just be the person to help her.
"Jason?" Kelsi whispered hesitantly. She still wasn't used to talking to that many people, and even though Jason was only one person, he was still the Big Man on Campus, and if you weren't on his good side, then you were screwed.
"Yeah?"
"…Is everything okay with Gabriella?"
The question hung in the air as Kelsi bit her lip once she didn't get a response from Jason right away. She was starting to regret asking as she heard Jason shuffle his body once again. She didn't mean to intrude or over step her boundaries, but she had already started to feel like she was friends with Gabriella, and she wanted to know if she could help somehow.
Jason didn't know how to answer Kelsi. He was torn in two as half of him wanted to just tell Kelsi to fuck off and mind her own business. She had only known Gabriella for a week and she was already noticing these things. That part of him wanted to just shut her out as any new friend of Gabriella's was a threat as they could become her next best friend. But then the other part of him wanted to at least tell Kelsi that she didn't have to worry, and that things would get better. The latter part of him won out as he sighed.
"What do you mean?"
"Well…it's just…at dinner…is it normal for her to just walk out like that?" Kelsi whispered.
"She's going through a lot. You don't have to worry." Jason reassured. "She's um…we're all kind of readjusting. You know?"
"Yeah. I understand. Just making sure."
Jason mustered up all the excitement he had before smiling up at the ceiling as if Kelsi could see him. "You know, Gabriella's really glad you came. It might not seem like it, but she is."
"Yeah. She told me that."
"And well…we're ALL glad you came."
Gabriella had come back from outside as she was too tired to stay down by her friends to continue hanging out in the living room. Chad had walked in with her and surprisingly he went straight to Taylor who was starting a fire in the fireplace even though it was only getting a little cold out. She hadn't seen Troy, and even though she talked things over with Chad, she still had to face Troy, and she wasn't ready to.
So instead she laid down on the bed and curled up into a ball with a white cotton blanket over her. She made sure that she only took up a quarter of the bed to give Troy plenty of room. The guilt of her snapping at him was eating her up inside, and it made tears prick her eyes.
Gabriella's eyes closed a little as she thought about what Chad had said. Finding it easier to think about the easy going afro clad boy than her boyfriend at the time.
Tell her that you're ready to move on.
She loved her mom. She still LOVES her mom, but feeling like you have no control and that you're goring crazy is not a good feeling. So moving on was the only way to get control back, right? It still didn't make sense in her mind that much, but there was only one way to figure it out.
Gabriella shut her eyes as she let her mind wander over the characteristics that made up her mom. The way that her smile would always reach her eyes. The twinkle in her eyes that would light up a whole room. The way she walked was even memorable as she always looked so elegant. Before Gabriella knew it, she opened her eyes and her mother was sitting down in the chair that was next to the desk, a mirror set up like a vanity in front of her.
"Sweetie, you better get rest." Anna was busy combing back her hair into a perfect bun. Her eyes looked at Gabriella through the mirror. "Elle, what's wrong with--"
"Don't." Gabriella begged in desperation. The old nickname her mother called her was still haunting her every time her dad called her that. She didn't need her conscience's mother calling her it also. And then it clicked. It clicked in Gabriella's mind that the Anna in front of her was from her mind. It was all apart of her conscience, it was as if when you're kids, you imagine things. But now that she's a teenager, she's forcing herself to bring her imaginations too life right before her eyes. "Don't call me that, please."
Anna stood up and walked swiftly over to the bed. She kneeled and looked down at her daughter in pity. She smoothly reached out and pushed Gabriella's bangs to the side. But she wasn't really doing that, was she? Gabriella was just imagining her mother so much, and wishing that she would become alive again that she was touching her.
"You're sick honey. You don't know what you're saying. I always call you Ella." Anna whispered in the nighttime air. It was as if nothing else existed as Gabriella couldn't hear the wind outside the cabin. The fire crackling down the stairs in the family room. But if she did concentrate very hard, then she could hear her friends' laughs. The little sounds in the back of Gabriella's mind kept her sane as the little laughing sounds were the only things that were keeping Gabriella thinking and knowing that Anna was really gone.
"I'm not sick." Gabriella whispered as she sat up and pushed her mother's hand off of her forehead.
Anna frowned disapprovingly. "You look tired Ella. Is it because of your fight with Troy?"
Gabriella's eyes crinkled in displeasure of the topic her 'imaginary' mother was bringing up. "No!" She exclaimed a little too quickly. "Don't talk about him like you know what happened."
"But I do know what's happening." Anna insisted as she sat down on the edge of her bed next to her only daughter.
"No you don't." Gabriella accused. "You were my mother and then you just left! How could you do that!? You had a family and you just left us! What kind of mother does that make you!?" Gabriella burst out as she couldn't remember when in her little rant that she started banging her fists against her mother, or the tears that started to fall down her face, but as she felt Anna grip her hands tightly she looked up and whispered, "I thought you loved us enough to stay?"
Anna shushed her quietly. It was as if Gabriella was the newborn baby she brought home from the hospital all those years ago. "I do love you. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and me talking to you right now is one of them. You need to know Ella that I never meant to leave you. But I'm not going to lie, even though I miss your dad and you tremendously, I'm happy. I'm happy because I know that you two are going to be okay. All you have to do is say goodbye and let go."
Gabriella's head snapped up at her mother's last sentence. Everything else she was saying was making sense, that was until her last sentence came out of her mouth and left Gabriella gaping with confusion, shock, and surprise.
"What?" Her voice cracked.
Anna kissed her daughter on the forehead. "I'm not coming back, but we'll see each other again. Not soon because you're too young. You have you're whole life ahead of you, but when you're old, and after you have multiple grandchildren then we'll see each other again. Your father will be with us and we'll be a family again. I don't want you to ever think that I never loved you."
"But you left and I don't understand." Gabriella cried as she finally collapsed against her mother's shoulder.
"A lot of things don't make sense, but Chad's a smart guy, you just have to let go and move on. Just know that I'll always be in your heart." Anna advised. "I promise."
Gabriella sighed as she let her mother's warmth engulf her. Letting go meant coming to terms of her mother's death. That meant that she would actually have to move on and stop thinking about what could've been. That also meant no more unexpected visits from her conscience in forms of her mother--which was almost like the last form of contact Gabriella had.
"Just say it Ella. You know what you have to say." Anna whispered as she stroked the back of Gabriella's wavy hair. "Just say what you need to say, and you'll be able to sleep again, Jason will be able to sleep, and most importantly, I'll be able to sleep too."
Gabriella looked up as Anna had her own tears in her eyes to match her daughters. "It's not fair."
"You always were a stubborn child growing up. I know though, Troy will be able to handle you. His personality will mix good with yours. I can tell."
"How do you know?"
"Because of the way you two act around each other. He's willing to give you anything you could ever want, but he won't be able to do that if you don't let go." Anna saw the debate going on in her daughter's eyes. "Just say it Ella. I promise I won't get mad."
Gabriella looked up at her mother. Her mouth slightly ajar as Gabriella couldn't believe that she was actually fighting with her conscience. She definitely was going crazy, but she could make it all go away with just one word that she was too scared to say. But now gazing up into the dark brown eyes that were almost identical to her own, Gabriella knew that if Anna wanted it, then she would receive it. And who was Gabriella to fight against her conscience. It was pretty obvious who would win.
"I love you mom, but I have to let go now. And I have to move on and try to work out the problems in my life." Gabriella took a deep breath to calm her emotions. "I'm trying so hard right now to act like an adult, but it's hard, but…I still have to move on."
"Say it Ella." Anna encouraged.
"Goodbye." Gabriella croaked out, and with one last smile from her mother, she was gone.
Gabriella blinked a couple of times to make sure that she wasn't anywhere but her cabin bedroom on Zeke's property. She looked around and it seemed as if all of her senses were two times greater than before. She could see the bright colors through the dark. She could smell the burning wood floating through the stiff nighttime air. She could taste the smell of the spaghetti still sitting down on the table in the dining room. She could hear her friends laughing. And most importantly, she could feel her heart slowly, very slowly, but surely rebuilding itself.
She wasn't crazy.
She just missed her mom.
Troy silently walked into his room he was sharing with Gabriella. He knew his eyes were a dark blue as they matched his feelings at the time, but he had thought about what had happened with him and Gabriella. He didn't say anything to anyone yet as he just sat around the fire listening to everyone else talk--it's what he was best at before Gabriella--just listening. The only thing that he did think about besides Gabriella was the fact that both Jason and Kelsi were missing. But that thought was soon pushed out of his mind when he swore he heard Gabriella's voice coming from the closed bedroom door up above him.
And then that brought back his problem with her. She was clearly upset, and he got where she was coming from as he knew through a documentary he skimmed through on TV was that in a grieving period, sex was often related to it as it made the person who was grieving feel more alive. And although Troy would like nothing more than to give Gabriella anything, he wasn't going to have their first time be like that. If it was their second…third…fourth…time then he probably would have comforted her like that, but he didn't want her regretting anything either the next morning.
He might have seemed mad back in their room. He knew he wasn't sending her the right picture as he just sat coldly on the bed while Chad went to retrieve them for dinner, but he couldn't speak before. He couldn't speak because he had an epiphany. It dawned upon so suddenly that even though it was his thought in his mind, and he had complete control over it, the thought scared the crap out of him. It had taken him weeks and months to fall for Lilly so hard, and here he was after only three weeks of dating Gabriella and ready to give her the world.
But no matter how much he wanted to stay in the room with her, and make sure that she was okay, he was going to respect her and after having their little fight, that probably meant that he wasn't welcomed anymore. So instead he went to the trunk that was situated right at the end of the bed and opened it to pull out another thick blanket. He then walked around to his side of the bed and was about to take one of the many pillows, but stopped once he saw Gabriella's body shake.
He crawled halfway on the bed to lean over and drape the blanket he was holding over her small body. She wasn't under the covers yet and only had a thin cotton blanket over her. It would be much easier for him to get another blanket than for her sleeping body to.
He was about to pull away when she shook again, but this time it didn't seem as if it was because of the cold. It seemed as if it was a shake that would travel through her body as if she were crying.
"Brie?" He questioned softly; just incase he was wrong and she really was sleeping.
Gabriella sniffled before squeezing her eyes shut tightly to stop the tears. "Troy?"
"I'm right here. Right here. Don't worry." He whispered as he crawled even more onto the bed so that he was almost leaning over her.
She still had her back to him, but when she felt the extra body weight on the bed she quickly turned around and threw her arms around his neck. The two blankets that were wrapped around her fell from around her shoulders.
"Brie--" Troy started to say as his two warm hands reached up and spread themselves against her backside. Letting her melt into his body's contours.
"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry Troy. I never meant to do that earlier before. I didn't mean to fight with you. I feel so bad." Gabriella exclaimed in a rush. "Please don't be mad. Please."
"Brie--"
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm like PMSing all the time, and it's not fair to you. I know that, so I'm gonna do better. I promise. I KNOW things are going to start looking up. They just have too." Gabriella rambled as she peppered light kisses to Troy's neck.
"Please," a kiss, "Don't," another kiss, "Be," She looked at him before gripping him tighter in her hands, "Mad." She kissed him one last time in the crook of his neck before Troy started to react and reciprocated the kiss by letting his lips linger on her forehead.
"Shh…" Troy rubbed his hands on her back as he let his nose rub against her soft skin and into her hair; taking in her sweet scent. "Baby, it's fine. It's all fine."
"It can't just be all fine Troy." Gabriella protested. "I was a complete bitch, and couples can't just go from having a disagreement about sex to being fine."
"We just did." Troy saw that Gabriella was going to say something else, but quickly silenced her by pecking her quickly on the lips. "Plus, what would you know? You've never been in a relationship before this for more than two dates." He mused.
Gabriella let a tired chuckle emit from her mouth as she was just thankful Troy was forgiving her so easily. "Like I said before Brie, we were both tired, and our stubbornness and tempers got the better of us."
"More like got the better of me. You were perfectly fine." Gabriella said as Troy wrapped her up in his arms again and then laid back on the bed.
He was willing to overlook what happened earlier that day. Because in all reality, what was one little fight compared to the many more that they probably were going to have? It's what couples do, and if they couldn't get past little fights that meant nothing, then they wouldn't make it together. And that was just not an option for Troy.
Troy's thumb was pacing against Gabriella's soft scalp near her ear. Her soft hair smoothing out in the line he was making. Her head was resting against his chest as she could hear his heart beating. Both her arms were wrapped around his torso as she every once in a while would lean over and peck his chest with her lips.
No more words were needed about their disagreement because it just didn't matter anymore. Gabriella knew that, and although maybe she would tell him about seeing her mother in her conscience form someday; someday was just not in that moment while they cuddled on the bed. But everything was perfect. That is until Troy whispered five unforgettable words.
"I think I love you."
Author's Note--I got my drivers LICENSE today! I'm so happy because I had to drive in the snow, and I thought I would do really bad. But I passed, and I just knew I had to update today. Plus, it's Christmas Eve tomorrow. I had to put out a present to my readers. It just wouldn't be fair to you guys if I didn't update because I am so thankful for you guys. And what better way than to leave a cliff hanger?
