Chapter 9: Rage (Undiluted)

There was no question about it; the plant was dying. Dark Pit watched in exasperation as Pit and Palutena stared at it intently, as if that was going to do anything. "I thought there was a limit to stupidity," he sighed. "At this point, even Viridi will have trouble reviving it. Looking at it won't help."

"But it was fine a week ago!" Pit complained, tapping one of the wilted stems. A few dried leaves and flowers fell onto the soil in the pot.

"Viridi's not going to be happy," Palutena pondered. "This is the third time this month we've called her over to revive a houseplant. We're probably going to get an earful."

Dark Pit raised his hand, a grin tugging at his lips. "I say we sacrifice Pit. This was his fault, and we had nothing to do with it."

"No way," Pit said vehemently. "You know that's not true! So no sacrificing, right, Lady Palutena?" She hummed pensively, placing a finger on her cheek. "Don't tell me you're actually considering it!"

"Well, she does have a sweet spot for you." She paused for a second, and her eyes lit up in realization. "Oh, here's an idea! Let's try to revive the plant ourselves. I'm sure a couple of drops of rejuvenation potion would work wonders on it."

"Rejuvenation potion?" Pit echoed in disbelief. "You remember what happened last time you tried that, right?"

"Don't worry, I've altered it so it can only make plants healthier, not sentient," Palutena assured hastily, clearly flustered. Her failure to defeat some malicious vegetables was one of the few things that embarrassed her.

Dark Pit shrugged nonchalantly. "Worth a shot. If anything goes wrong, we get Viridi to fix it."

Palutena nodded. "That's reasonable. Pit, the rejuvenation potion is on one of the higher shelves, but I think I kept it near the front, so you shouldn't have trouble finding it."

He frowned, wings folding in a bit. "Huh? Why do I have to get it?"

"Well, you are the sacrifice if it dies, after all," Palutena mentioned. Her slight smile betrayed that she'd thought this through. "I don't have a preference, but I'd say it's in your best interest to get it."

"Not fair!" he protested. "How do you set it up like this every time?"

"How manipulative of you, O Goddess of Light," Dark Pit added.

"I'm not manipulative," she justified benevolently. "I just want to make sure no one is sacrificed."

Pit had enough experience to know he couldn't win. "Fine, I'll get it this time. But you're going next time, deal?"

"Of course," Palutena responded readily.

"Just a reminder that this is exactly what she said last time," Dark Pit pointed out.

"Then we're holding you to it this time!" He flashed them a smile before running off.

Palutena laughed warmly, and Dark Pit glanced over at her. "You should be grateful that one of us is so submissive. Imagine if both of us were like me."

"You say that as if you aren't just as pure!" She wrapped her arms around him from behind and didn't let go when he pushed back with his wings. Sometimes Palutena got on his nerves, but he could tell she cared.

She abruptly drew in a quick breath, releasing him from the hug. "Oh no, I left a bunch of potions I was going to get rid of balancing on the shelves. Pittoo, could you…" He glared at her until she stopped talking. "Never mind. I'll be back in a second." Quickly checking, as she often did, that her staff was nearby, she anxiously hurried down the hallway. "Pit? Be careful!"

And that's why you do things yourself. Dark Pit absently reached up and tapped the orb on top of Palutena's staff. Seeing how many times they could touch it without her noticing was one of the twins' personal challenges, and it was stupidly fun. A faint ethereal sound echoed from it as soon as his fingers made contact, and almost instantly, he jolted at the crash of glass shattering in the distance. Crap–

He instinctively stepped back before realizing the obvious. Those had to be the potions Palutena was talking about! And potions could do pretty much anything. His cheeks felt hot when he thought back to the accident with Viridi's youth potion, but he had to check on them just in case something like that happened. Not that he'd have the patience to deal with it. Dark Pit grabbed Palutena's staff and dashed off. Maybe I mocked her too soon. Talk about karma.

He was ready for anything when he pushed open the door, but was relieved to see them standing in the middle of the room, unharmed except for the liquid soaking their clothes. So maybe those potions didn't do anything. Whatever it was, Palutena was definitely not happy. "Did you really think flying indoors was a good idea? How immature do you have to be?"

Dark Pit solemnly swore not to get involved, but he did a double take when Pit talked back just as bitterly. "Easy for you to say. Go be useful for once and get your stuff yourself!"

Okay, maybe he didn't have a choice. "Huh. Never thought I'd hear that tone from you, goody two-shoes," he admitted once the shock wore off.

They ignored him. "Be useful?" Palutena seethed. "You wouldn't even be able to fathom my work!"

"Some gracious goddess you are," Dark Pit muttered. What's with them?

That finally got a reaction from Palutena in the form of a molten glare. "This doesn't concern you." He hated how long it took him to realize it. Something's wrong.

Dark Pit was practically withering under her stare, but Pit didn't leave her alone. From the way he stood with his arms crossed and wings flared, Dark Pit could see the dark side the Mirror of Truth used to create him. "Really? With how much you rely on me, I know just how weak you are for a goddess."

He couldn't believe that he was the one diffusing an argument. "Relax, it's just some potions. I'll clean it up. Apologize and stop being so petty."

That backfired entirely when Pit acknowledged him with a gaze that made him shudder, although he tried his best to hide it. The Captain's Glare was somewhat of a legend in Palutena's army, and being unfortunate enough to see it meant you screwed something up horribly. Dark Pit blamed himself for his naivety. Of course those potions did something. "Stay out of this, you second-rate clone!" Pit shouted.

"What did you just call me?" Dark Pit retorted instinctively. Bad idea. This is escalating too fast.

"Oh, I forgot you hated nicknames, Dark Pit." The way Pit said his name was enough for him to decide. You know what? Pittoo is perfectly fine.

Palutena took advantage of his distraction to forcefully snatch her staff, and he tried in vain to get it back. "Pandora was right. What a nice little servant you are. Now leave us alone!" He barely registered her words before his wings tingled with the Power of Flight, and she moved her staff to throw him against the wall. Ow. The other vials of potions shook, but thankfully nothing fell. Not that she cared. "Now onto you."

"Useless without your staff, huh? Wait until I get my hands on a weapon." Dark Pit forced himself up to see Pit dodge Palutena and sprint out of the room.

"As if I'd let you, mere angel," she challenged, using her powers to glide in the air after him.

"Get back here, you idiots! Don't you see something's off?" Dark Pit yelled through the door. Clearly they didn't, because they didn't even look back. He sighed and trudged back to where the bottles had broken, careful to avoid the shimmering liquids and shards of glass. I need to know what I'm up against before I go after them. It looked like three or four bottles had broken, but only one exploded enough to splash onto them. He scanned the shards for its label and squinted at the delicate handwriting scrawled across it.

Rage (undiluted): Causes a state of indiscriminate and irrational aggression and violence.

Dark Pit stared at it in disbelief. So now I'm the least destructive one here? He turned towards the direction of another crash. There was no time to waste, and now he had to stop those psychos from killing each other. The cruel irony.


Dark Pit ran through his options. Pit had killed gods before, so he was currently the more dangerous one. But if Palutena went all out, she could easily unleash mass destruction on Skyworld. Pit won the last time they fought so aggressively, but that was after Palutena had been weakened by the Chaos Kin for three years. Right now, she was as healthy as ever, and if their joint training was any proof, she was pretty powerful. But I don't want Pit to win either. If either of them gets the upper hand, they'll go in for the kill. Dammit, why do I have to deal with this?

Finding them was easy: he just had to follow the noise and destruction. The duel was pretty one-sided for now. Palutena stayed in the air and kept her distance with a barrage of light-based attacks, and Pit was left dodging them. She had no concern for collateral damage, so maybe it was good that they'd moved outside, even if it meant Dark Pit would be easier to spot.

Right now, all he needed was something to defend himself with. He scanned the weapon storerooms, almost forgetting which one was which in his panic, and went straight for the Guardian Orbitars before getting back outside. Pit opted for his bow, the weapon he was best at using, and there was nothing Dark Pit could do to stop him yet. He quashed any hopes that their irrationality or whatever would make this any easier for him.

He took a deep breath and got ready to interfere again, his heart pumping fast. "What the hell is wrong with you two? You have no reason for any of this!"

In response, Palutena fired a few bursts of light at him. Dark Pit placed the orbitars around him and tried activating them, but watched in horror as they fell uselessly and let him get hit. "Oh, you poor little thing," Palutena sighed, abruptly switching to a more vindictive tone. "Forgot that all of your weapons run on my power? That goes for you too." Sure enough, Pit's bow couldn't fire anything either. "You're both entirely useless without me, so give up already. I'll make it quick."

That was concerning, to say the least. Pit didn't seem to care, and threw his bow into the ground below, taking a more traditional one with a bowstring instead. "Forgot that I create my own arrows? Don't mess me up with the other guy. I don't need you for anything."

"Okay, now that's definitely ripping off my style!" Dark Pit yelled. Was I really that obnoxious before? That was something he could ponder later. For now, he needed his staff. He could rely on it even without any of Palutena's enhancements.

Dark Pit was distracted by a flash of light as Pit fired an arrow, colliding it with one of the fireballs Palutena summoned. The explosion was massive and dangerously close, but that just encouraged them. He desperately got into the storeroom where his staff was and waited inside for a bit after he found it, wincing at the explosions until they somewhat died down. Screw this. Run.

All three of them were unrecognizable by now. Pit and Palutena yelled with every well-aimed shot they took, and Dark Pit ran away from them, genuinely fearing for his life. Getting hit by some stray shots made him realize that the ground wasn't safe, and he took off into the air, grateful for his faster flight speed.

He couldn't tell whether he was escaping them or they were following him, but soon enough they approached the front of the temple. Dread washed over him when he saw Viridi there. She doesn't know about any of this! For her part, she seemed concerned, probably because of the explosions. "Pittoo, is everything–"

"Out of the way!" he shouted, swooping down to scoop her right off the ground.

"What the heck? Are you crazy?" she shrieked, thrashing for a second. Then Pit and Palutena came into view, the whole entrance becoming awash with flames as they fought. "Actually, scratch that. Thank you. What the heck? Are they crazy?"

"Some stupid potion!" was the best explanation he could give, adjusting his grip on her to snipe them with his staff. It stunned them for a bit, but also drew their attention. "Causes indiscriminate aggression, or something?"

"How did it happen?"

Leave it to Viridi to bother him at a time like this. "Does it look like I know?"

"Did they drink it?" she pressed.

"Obviously not!" Dark Pit dodged the shots targetting them. He wanted to fight back, but he couldn't afford to hurt them. Then what do I do?

Viridi sighed in relief. "That makes our job a bit easier. If they didn't drink it, we just need to wash it off their skin. But in the meantime, we can't let them out of the temple grounds. They'll destroy everything."

"Tell me something I don't know!"

"Just calm down and put me down!" Viridi ordered. "I'll try summoning rain."

Once they were safe enough, Dark Pit did as he was told. It made it easier for him to snipe at them, and he watched hopefully as dark clouds built up in the sky above. Unfortunately for them, Palutena caught on too. As soon as the raindrops started falling, she summoned a barrier around all of them, and dispelled the clouds with a wave of her staff. "Nice try, Viridi," she mocked. "I didn't expect anything more from the Goddess of Nature."

Pit seized the moment of distraction and went straight at Palutena with one of the blades from his bow. Where the hell did he get that from? Dark Pit was too slow to interfere before he got a couple of slices on her, drawing blood. No way he's going to try– Before he could go in for the kill, a wall of thorny vines erupted and immobilized both of them. Dark Pit glanced over at Viridi, breathing heavily as she held out her staff. "Vines? That's the best you could do?" he remarked.

Normally, she would've argued back, but she seemed too stressed now. "It does the job! You wanted me to summon barriers like her? Too bad, I can't do that! Her barriers are made of light!"

"Don't worry. Vines are fine."

It didn't buy them enough time to try the rainstorm again, since Palutena incinerated the vines in an instant. "Dual-wielding weapons? Two can play that game." Dark Pit forgot the sheer range of her telekinesis, and it only took her a few moments to bring the other blade of the bow into her hand. She drew a gash along Pit's arm before he broke free of the vines and took another stab at her. "Oh? You're not going for them?"

"I will, as soon as I'm done with you," he seethed, resuming their battle.

Viridi looked aghast. "What happened to him? Why's he exactly like you?" That caught him off guard. Is that really all I am? He didn't know what he hated more: the fact that it somehow hurt, or that Viridi could tell. "I didn't mean it like that, it's just… this is like you before the Chaos Kin. Now look at you! You're the one protecting them from each other, right?"

He didn't expect encouragement from Viridi of all people, but he had to admit it helped. "Right. Now let's end this."


Summoning water wasn't working at all. They'd been going at it for at least an hour, which meant that it had been even longer since this craziness started. Neither Pit nor Palutena looked like they were letting up soon, and their attacks were becoming more reckless and vicious by the second. Viridi tried everything she could with the weather, from rain to mist to snow, but Palutena was always one step ahead. The problem for her was that Pit always attacked while she was recovering, and Dark Pit had harrowingly stopped him from killing her. Twice. "You're quite the nuisance, little miss cactus," she observed, eyes flickering between all three of her targets. "You know what? I think it's time for a sacrifice!"

After all that fighting, Dark Pit didn't think she'd have the energy to launch a mass attack, but of course he was wrong. A web of light surrounded them as far as he could see, and the pulsating beams that grazed him felt as sharp as the sword she was still holding. He panicked as he evaded them. This was what I was worried about. She's reaching the breaking point. "Viridi, we can't wait any longer!"

Viridi did look a little worse for wear, but he was surprised at how long she was able to hold her own for. "Then we don't have a choice. I'm summoning a tsunami."

"You're what?" He barely avoided Pit's arrows. It was getting too risky for him to fight back now.

"Not from the ocean," she clarified, summoning vines to protect her from the onslaught of attacks. "You know that basin near the front of the temple? Get them there, close to the ground. I'll take care of the rest. This fight is almost over!" They shared an understanding nod as she ran off.

"Fight?" Palutena repeated. "This isn't just a fight. It's a massacre!" Here we go again. Dark Pit hastily pulled his twin out of the way as she generated a massive beam of light in their path. His help wasn't appreciated in the slightest, and he got a cut to the arm before Pit went for Palutena. Dark Pit sniped at them, making sure not to hit Pit's wings or Palutena's staff-wielding arm. Now we get to Viridi.

As soon as he became one of their priorities, it was easy enough to guide them over to the basin Viridi was talking about. Sure enough, she was already there, manipulating the water inside it with extreme focus. All he had to do was get them on the ground, and he had a plan for that.

Pit shot at Palutena yet again, but instead of allowing her to fight back, Dark Pit fired a charged shot from his staff from as far away as he could, where it did more damage. That let Pit attack again. Sorry for teaming up on you, but it's my only choice. She hadn't had enough time to recover from earlier, and she was quickly losing energy from fighting both of them at once, until her powers gave out entirely and she fell with an alarmed cry. Pit made a landing nearby, and approached her wielding his blade, but Dark Pit grabbed him securely around the waist and held him back. "Let go of me, you–"

"As if!" He almost got stabbed a couple of times himself with the way Pit was erratically swinging his weapon, but he kept a firm hold. "Viridi, now!"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her raise her staff, and in an instant, the entire pool of water swept out in a looming wave that threatened to crash over them. This has to work.


Pit had no idea how he ended up underwater, but the biting cold all around him snapped him out of whatever daze he was in. Something was holding him back, and he struggled to break free, but the water receded just as quickly, flowing into the basin in the temple walkway like a wave called back to the ocean. What am I even doing here? The first thing he noticed was his brother laying on the ground beside him, arms wrapped tightly around his waist. "Pittoo! Are you okay?"

He blinked his eyes open and took in the scene with a soft smile. "Yeah."

That didn't make Pit any less worried. "Look at you, you're injured! We're going straight to the hot springs, and then I'll bandage those for you, and–" He had to stop himself from getting carried away. "Do you have any idea what happened?"

Dark Pit nodded, but before he could say anything, they heard Palutena's voice. "Ugh… oh, Pit, Pittoo! Are you alright?" Pit turned to face her, and her eyebrows furrowed in concern. "You're bleeding."

Now the pain was finally kicking in. "I could say the same about you," he mentioned, reaching over to wipe off some blood from a cut on her cheek.

The water around them suddenly turned into mist, which dissipated into the air as Viridi dashed over apprehensively. "Everything's fine, right?" Dark Pit sat up and nodded, and the two of them shared a relieved high-five.

"Would you mind explaining?" Palutena asked hesitantly.

"All those injuries you have were his fault," he explained, pointing directly at Pit. Huh? Me? What does he even mean? "But don't feel too bad, Pit-stain. She did this to you."

Palutena looked as bewildered as he felt. "Do you really not remember anything?" Viridi asked flatly.

"Not since I tried getting that potion," Pit admitted.

"Oh." Palutena looked equal parts annoyed and embarrassed. "It was the rage thing, wasn't it?"

"It was the rage thing," Dark Pit confirmed. "I just spent two hours or something making sure you psychos didn't escape or kill each other."

"That was one of the potions I was going to get rid of," Palutena explained, sensing Pit's confusion. "It used to be a useful tactic during wars, so some of the other gods gave me a sample to study, but I thought the world would be better off without it. It's distilled murderous intent."

"So that's why it looks like there was a war over here," Pit realized, noticing the signs of destruction all around them.

"Because there was," Dark Pit complained, slumping against him. "That was not easy. Imagine me pre-Chaos Kin, except a million times more violent and with a really scary death stare. And I won't even try comparing Palutena to Medusa. That was something else."

Pit patted his head, and Palutena laughed. "I never thought the tables would turn like that." She smiled teasingly at Viridi. "Looks like you two finally got that fight against us you wanted so much after the war."

She crossed her arms. "Give me a break. I gave up on that a while ago, but what I had in mind was a friendly duel, not a massacre."

"We should get around to repairing the temple," Pit decided. He looked right at Palutena. "And you're getting the stuff this time. No more potions, please."

Palutena smiled. "Of course. I think I've learned a lesson from this."

"And I think I need a break. Anyone else up for some relaxation in the hot springs?" Dark Pit suggested. The answer was obvious: everyone.