~ Bright, Shiny Futures - Chapter Forty-Six ~
"Oh my Gods!"
Adama's blood felt as though it had instantly frozen in his veins as the awful possibilities ran through his mind. "What is it?" he demanded, picking up the headset so that only he could hear the reply.
Hotdog breathed audibly before answering. "It's Cally sir," he choked out.
"Are you certain?"
"Yes sir."
Adama heard Hotdog and Skyward whispering to one another in the silence. "Retrieve her and bring her home Hotdog," he said eventually.
More whispering then a choked sob came down the wire. "Yes sir."
Adama ripped the glasses off his face and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily as he slammed the phone down. "You're in charge Mr Gaeta," he said quietly, lifting his head and squaring his shoulders. "I'll be in the hangar bay."
He felt the sympathetic glances of the crew - they hadn't heard half the conversation but they knew him well enough to know his demeanor spoke of the worst possible job to befall someone in charge.
As he traversed the ship, he tried to pull what memories he could of Cally. There weren't many. The early ones were pleasant though. She'd been sweet, cute and always a cheerful face about the deck when others had brooded. About the time she'd taken up with Tyrol, things had changed. She'd become more sullen and far less free with her smiles. Adama had been concerned but his crew's private lives weren't really his business. And given his lousy track record with women, he really hadn't been in a position to be giving marital advice.
He wished he had now. Keeping them apart would have meant she'd still be alive. But what had she to live for but her child? Not that that wasn't enough for any mother, but he was struck yet again by the knowledge that he was one of the lucky ones - royalty in a sense. It was hard for him to even imagine how tough life must be for those at the bottom with no chance of advancement and nothing to look forward to. The same old drudgery day after day with no reward in sight. And in Cally's case, only the knowledge that everything she'd held dear had been a lie. Her child wasn't even fully human.
His heart quickened as another thought struck him - what if she'd taken Nicky with her? She wouldn't have. Couldn't have. His steps quickened to match his heartbeat.
The hangar bay was full of people as it should be but as if the news had traveled like lightning, they were standing around watching rather than working. The Raptor came in quickly, the rumble of the decking under his feet as it landed a near perfect counterpoint to the staccato beating of his heart. The hatch opened and Hotdog filled it though his towering form was bowed in grief.
Adama stepped forward. Hotdog nodded silently.
Cally's space-frozen body lay under a blanket, the only measure of respect they'd been able to give her as yet. He heaved a sigh of relief - the lump was only large enough to be one body. "Was there anything else out there?" he hissed almost under his breath.
Hotdog shook his head. "No sir."
Adama nodded. "Could you please ... " he hesitated a fraction, "stay here till the med crew comes?" He cleared his throat. "I need to go see the Chief and his son."
Hotdog's face paled but he nodded. "Yes sir," he said, nearly whispering.
The older man reached out and touched his arm briefly before walking away. It was a Herculean effort to keep himself upright. The pain of having to break the news of someone's death to their loved ones was one he was finding more and more difficult to live with. He'd had to do it only a handful of times in the early days of his command, then almost never during their post-holocaust exodus since there were precious few families left intact. Everyone had grieved together. It had happened on several occasions in recent years and he was certain each of them had put many grey hairs and lines on his face.
The Chief's quarters appeared in front of him with surprising suddenness. He took a deep breath and knocked.
* * * * * * * * * *
Kara tucked the children in bed and waited for them to fall asleep. She prowled around the room restlessly once their deep breathing told her they were safely off in dreamland. She too was sleepy after the events of the evening but a part of her desperately wanted to stay awake for Lee's return.
There wasn't anything to do though, and she found herself wishing she was back home on Earth where she could read or paint or even be outside in the garden when the children were sleeping. She missed that freedom. Galactica had once held many opportunities for her but now, as a parent rather than a dependent-free pilot, she felt confined. I wonder if this is how the other people with children in the fleet felt. She'd never given it a second though, not even after her time with Kacey. She'd mourned the loss of the little girl for a short while but the pressures of her life had pushed her away firmly and she'd never stopped to think how of Julia must have been coping. If what Helo said was true, there were quite a few parents around. Perhaps she could talk to them and learn how to survive this captivity. For that's what it was though she'd never recognized it as such till she'd had a good long taste of freedom. The thought of spending all of her days and nights coped up in this room with her children was one she didn't think she could face - regardless of how much she loved them. At least back home she'd had her job, something creative and fun that she could do for herself. It had made her a more balanced mother. Here she could see herself going crazy in next to no time. No, I can't let that happen, she thought nervously, knowing exactly what sort of things she'd likely end up doing if she did begin to lose control. Her therapy sessions had taught her how to deal with many of her frustrations but being trapped on Galactica again in the same environment she'd both loved and loathed was going to be a difficult obstacle to overcome. At least this time I've got Lee on my side, she thought. That's more than half the battle won.
Her head jolted up at the sound of the light tapping on the hatch. She'd fallen asleep after all. Stretching the kinks out of her neck quickly, she headed for the door.
"Hi." Lee smiled and it was the sort of sweet, shy smile she hadn't seen from him in a long, long time. Her heart did a little flip and suddenly she was wide awake. "Is it too late? I'm sorry the meeting ran a little long ... "
"No, it's okay. Come in," she interrupted, opening the door a little wider to admit him. "So the meeting went on a little longer than you'd planned?" she continued, feeling bad about interrupting.
"Way longer." He sighed. "It's next to impossible to get the quorum to agree to anything."
"I believe it. Did you finally manage to come to an agreement though?"
"Yeah," he laughed dryly. "About when we'll have the next meeting to discuss this."
Kara shook her head.
"I know. In the beginning it was exciting - spur of the moment decisions, life or death situations ... but the last few years politics in the fleet has gotten very ... "
" ... bureacratic?" Kara supplied with a wry grin.
"Unbearably so." They shared an almost smile.
"Sit," Kara offered, touching the back of their chair with her hand. "So tell me why you did it," she asked softly. "Why did you leave flying behind and join politics? I mean, besides the obvious fact that you wanted to wear something other than the same old tanks and flightsuit every day for the rest of your life."
"Yeah, now I've got two suits and two spare shirts. Wow." They both laughed nervously, as much at the humour as at being alone together. "Seriously?"
She nodded.
"We talked about all this before - the memories you're missing. You don't remember any of it?"
Kara shook her head sadly.
Lee's cheeks heated at the memory of their talk in the bunkroom mere weeks earlier. He chose to give the less emotional version of his previous response. She nodded as he talked, seemingly understanding.
"I get that you always cared about politics and wanted to make a difference. That's the naive, innocent Lee I remember from the old days. But why then? Why leave when the fleet needed you? I don't mean to brag, but I wasn't here anymore and you and I ... well, we were the ones who cleaned up and got the job done when everyone else screwed up."
"I couldn't do it without you Kara." The words shot out before he'd even chosen them. "I couldn't fly without you - it was like I was a bird with a clipped wing. Maimed. I tried but I just couldn't focus at all. I was useless."
She leaned forward. "That couldn't have been true. You were so good."
He laughed ruefully. "You didn't think so back then."
It was Kara's turn to blush. "Just because I didn't say so doesn't mean I didn't think it."
His lips quirked into a semi-smile as his eyes bored into her. "I recall you saying quite the opposite."
His eyes pulled her in and she couldn't let go of them. "That was just the prerequisite Starbuck bitchiness. It wasn't how I really felt inside."
He leaned forward too and she could feel his breath on her lips. "How did you really feel?"
I love you Lee Adama. I've always loved you. Even when I knew it was wrong and should never happen between us. Even when it seemed as though I didn't, and turned to others. Even though I moved on and tried to make a life for myself and our son with someone else. I've never been able to forget you, never been able to stop loving you. The emotions were there, burning inside her but like always, just wouldn't coalesce into coherent thoughts.
Their lips touched and the barriers holding back the flood of emotions broke within her. She reached a hand out and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer as she endeavored to show him everything she was feeling.
His restraints too, seemed to burst and he threw himself into the kiss with long pent-up passion. One of the chairs fell as they stood, aching to get as close as possible.
"Lee," she gasped out some time later, pulling away briefly for air. The kiss hadn't yet turned into more but it was rapidly moving in that direction. "I'm not sure I'm ready for this yet."
"Yet?" The look in his eyes was hopeful yet there was a darkness at the very back. A darkness Kara was well aware she'd created in him.
She laid a hand on his cheek. "I love you," she whispered. "I love you Lee Adama," she repeated, as if surprised at herself for actually being abel to say it aloud. "But there's just too much right now - you coming, the destruction of Earth, Michael, the kids, part of my memory being gone ... I don't know if I can do this now, it's just too much ... "
"It's okay." he leaned forward so their foreheads touched. "It's okay Kara. I understand." A hand slid up and twined itself in her hair, cupping the back of her head. "I love you too and I'm never letting you go again. But I know this is a lot for you and you need time to get through it."
"Exactly." She smiled shyly. "If we're going to do this, I want us to do it right, you know? Not frak it all up like we did before so we end up hurting each other and everyone around us. I don't want to do that again. I can't." She tipped her head towards the sleeping children. " I can't hurt them like that."
"You won't," he assured her. "We'll wait and make sure we do it right this time."
She chuckled. "I guess this means we've both grown up, eh?"
"Maybe. And maybe we've just learned that sometimes you have to do what you never thought you could in order to make it through. I can see that bright, shiny future up there ahead of us and I'm willing to do anything I have to, to get there."
She pulled back and looked deep into his eyes. "You'll be here ... ? " she began, stopping as she realized she couldn't put into words exactly what she wanted to say.
"Always." He pulled her close and they stood in each other's arms quietly for a long time.
Kara pulled away and opened her eyes to look at him. "Will you stay with me tonight?" She half-smiled nervously.
" 'Course." He tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, fingers lightly brushing the side of her face. "I was hoping you'd ask, to be honest."
Her cheeks burned. "I'll just go ... "
"Right." he let her go and pointed to the hatch. "Go ahead and get ready, I'll just ... "
Kara grabbed the small bag with her bathroom things and headed out. She was feeling like a nervous teen in love - stomach full of butterflies and a hot flush creeping up the back of her neck.
She brushed her teeth and hair quickly then ducked her face down into the basin to wash it. Her reflection, when she looked up, was startling. Who was that person in the mirror? Surely it wasn't Kara Thrace ... The room went dark and images flashed before her ...
Michael's body lying on the ground, a crimson stain spreading across his shirt. Herself and several people standing looking down on him ...
The flash was too brief for her to see who'd been there with her but she felt certain Lee had been one of them. She flushed again, this time with shame. Her husband was dead and she needed to show him the proper measure of respect before moving on.
After toweling her face dry and gathering her things, she returned to their quarters, thankful she'd been honest with Lee about where she stood on 'them'. Not that it was going to be easy, given the way emotions seemed to explode like dynamite whenever they were together, but at least they'd both been up front and honest about their feelings. That was something new and a good first step towards a solid relationship - something both they and the children needed.
"Hey" Lee said softly when she returned. "That was fast."
Kara shrugged. "Head's pretty empty this time of night."
Lee glanced at his watch. "It is in between shift changes."
"And it's the middle of the night," she pointed out.
He smiled. "Also true. I'll go get ready now. Be back soon."
" 'Kay."
Kara undressed and put on pajamas while he was gone. The thought of changing in front of him was one that made her feel surprisingly prudish. It's not like he hasn't seen you naked before, she reminded herself. But this was different. This time the rules had to be followed. Modesty was important or the power keg of attraction between them would light and before they knew it they'd be out of control.
She climbed into the lower bunk and pulled the covers up, waiting for him to return.
* * * * * * * * * *
Lee wrapped the towel around his waist as he stepped out of the shower. He'd debated whether or not to shower at this hour but had decided to go for a quick one, given he'd done a lot of sweating at the meeting. It had been a lot more tense than he'd let on to Kara and he'd spent a lot of it with fists balled up, biting his tongue so he didn't start an all-out war. Twice before humanity had been at the brink of civil war and it was only the threat from without that had united them. It saddened him that even after seeing how living as a divided people the way Earth had been hadn't shown them that harmony was the way to ensure they had a future. Perhaps they'd never learn that lesson. Perhaps that's what Leoben meant when he talked about all this happening before and all of it happening again, he mused.
"Lee!"
Her shrill cry and arms thrown around him disjointed his thoughts abruptly.
"Uh Kathryn," he mumbled, completely taken aback that he hadn't noticed her entering the head. "What are you doing up now?" He recovered swiftly and tried to extricate himself from her embrace.
She tightened her grip. "I've missed you. Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."
"Working mostly."
She pouted. "Well you're not working now but you didn't come see me."
He pushed her away firmly and took two steps back. "That's because we're not together anymore, remember?"
"I thought that was just a temporary thing. You know, a lover's spat. It doesn't have to be over ... "
"Yes it does," he said quickly. "I'm sorry you're having trouble accepting it but it's over Kathryn. I don't want to be with you."
Her eyes narrowed. "It's because you love her, isn't it? Do you really think it's going to work between you? I've heard the gossip ... she's got the touch of death. She destroys everyone and everything she comes in contact with."
Lee fiddled with his towel, pulling it tighter and cinching it. "Not anymore. She's changed."
"People don't change Lee. You're naive if you believe that."
"Well then call me naive because I do believe it."
She drew in a long breath and sighed. "I can't change your mind, can I?"
"No."
"You're going to stay with her and try to make it work."
"Yes."
She stepped forward and put her arms around his neck. "It was good while it lasted," she whispered. "One last hug for goodbye. Please?"
He bit his lip but wrapped his arms around her lightly. At that moment two things happened, only one of which he was aware of. His towel uncinched itself and dropped to the ground.
And the door to the head opened and a face peeked in, jaw dropping open at the sight before it.
~ TBC ~
