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Chapter Thirty: Even In Death
A/N: Hey guys! I'm back! I watched Mokcingjay pt1 yesterday! oh my gosh it was so perfect! Enjoy the chapter!
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on." -Robert Frost
Tiara stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was brushed and soft, braided gently down her back. Her black clothes, dress pants and a lacy top, seemed to stand out on her pale skin. She gripped the sides of the sink and took a deep breath. I can do this, she told herself. I can do this. She looked up at her reflection again and felt her resolve crumble. I can't do this. She started to cry again, leaning on the sink for support.
It'd felt like a black hole had swallowed her. Everything seemed so bleak and pointless. Then she'd found out that Jayden had left them and she just collapsed in on herself. He promised he'd be there today, she reminded herself. He promised.
"Tiara," Lauren said knocking on the door.
"C-com-in-" she couldn't finish, and her older sister must've mistaken it as 'come in' because the door opened and Lauren came in.
"It's time to go," she said gently. Tiara nodded, standing up straight. She wiped her eyes and looked at Lauren.
Her sister smiled and fixed a few strands of her hair. "There. Perfect." She hugged Tiara for a moment, the two of them sharing her grief. "Come on. Ji's waiting."
Tiara nodded and Lauren lead her out gently. The two of them went out into the living room and saw Ji waiting for them. Tiara was confused when she saw he was holding a red sheathed katana in his hands. He presented it to Lauren with a small bow, who took it and bowed in return. "What's that?"
"This," Lauren said putting it near her waist. "Is the Shiba Katana." She smiled gently. "Or Shiba-tana as Jayden used to call it when he was three." She sighed and moved on. "Each of the samurai families has a special ceremonial katana that the ranger in the family is supposed to wear to important events. Like weddings and funerals." She took the red fabric on one end and tied it around her waist. The sword hung there easily, resting gently against her hip and leg.
Tiara surveyed her older sister with reverence. Lauren looked powerful and strong, her black dress suit made her look deadly even. She looked like a leader. By comparison, Tiara felt like the younger and more inexperienced sister she knew she was. Lauren smiled and put her arm around the younger girl. Tiara knew Lauren was doing what she could to help. I really hope Jayden remembers his promise. "We should go."
Lauren nodded. "We should." The three of them left the Shiba House and headed for their awaiting SUV.
-Samurai Ranger Life-
When they got to the cemetery, Tiara suddenly found herself unable to breathe. She gasped and wheezed a little, causing Lauren to squeeze her hand. "In, out. In, out. In, out," she whispered. "Deep breaths. There you go."
Tiara finally managed to control her lungs after a little while and nodded. "Let's go."
They got out and began walking towards the place where Isaiah Sterling would be laid to rest. "Beautiful day," Lauren commented.
Tiara merely nodded. It was a beautiful day though. The sun was shining in a cloudless sky, and the air around them seemed to feel alive with Spring. I feel like someone's mocking me, Tiara thought.
As they got closer to the plot, they saw more people. Tiara stopped suddenly and Lauren looked back at her. "Tiara? Aren't you coming?"
Tiara meanwhile stared at the casket raised slightly above the ground and draped with an American flag. She felt the air leave her chest and shook her head. "I can't," she squeaked quietly. "I can't."
Lauren was about to say something, then stopped. Tiara felt someone wrap a familiar arm around her and she looked up. "Looks like I caught you just in time," Jayden said. He kissed the top of her head. "You look nice." He looked at Lauren. "So do you."
"Hi Jayden."
Jayden ignored Ji and looked again at his younger sister. "Come on. Let's not keep everyone waiting." He took her hand and helped her walk across the grass.
The small crowd of people seemed to part for them as they walked towards the casket. As they got closer, Tiara saw the other rangers standing in a small group. Like Lauren, each of them had a katana on them that matched their ranger colors. Mia and Emily had both pinned their hair up in buns like Lauren and Tiara. The pink and yellow samurai hugged their young friend when she was close enough.
"Hey Tiara," Emily said.
"Hi Emily. Mia." Tiara broke away and looked at Kevin and Mike. "Hey guys."
Kevin nodded. Mike smiled a little, or at least attempted to. "Hi."
Tiara frowned, realizing they were missing someone. "Where's Antonio?"
Kevin cleared his throat and pointed. Tiara, Jayden, and Lauren turned and saw the gold ranger standing alone. Tiara was honestly surprised, he didn't appear to be wearing anything golden or shiny at all. Even his shoes were black today. Part of her wished he'd at least worn his gold sneakers. Seeing him so serious made her even sadder. "Why is he over there?"
"Well," Mia began. "You see-"
"He was standing over here," Mike interjected. "But then two dudes came over and told him only certain people can stand here. And we told them it was ok, because Antonio knew about us, then they said that rules were rules, and only samurai are allowed to be near the Shiba Clan."
"Ouch." Tiara looked over at Antonio again and he saw her. He waved and she returned the gesture. Tiara's eyes swept over the crowd as she watched for Akito. She finally found him stashing with some Japanese dignitaries who'd come. She looked and saw there was someone from each country her father had severed as ambassador to. "Wow."
"What?" Mia asked.
"People from all over Asia are here. Countries where we lived."
"Your father touched many people," Emily said gently, squeezing Tiara's shoulder. "He was a great man."
Tiara nodded. A priest stepped forward and everyone got quiet. "Welcome, everyone. Today we are here to honor the life of Isaiah Sterling. He was not a religious man, so I won't be reading anything religious today. I ask instead, for people who knew him to come up. Anyone?"
No one moved for a minute. Then, Lauren stepped forward. She walked up to where the priest was and he smiled at her. "Um...I didn't know Mr. Sterling well. I've only met him a couple of times. However, I do know that both I, and my family, owe him a great deal of gratitude." She glanced at the casket. "I wish I could thank him, for adopting our younger sister and making sure she had a good home. He kept her safe and loved until she could come back to us. He raised her, and we can never thank him enough for that."
Lauren rejoined the rangers and squeezed Tiara's hand. The priest looked around. "Anyone else?"
Akito walked out of the crowd and stood by the casket. "I remember when I first met the Ambassador. It was a little while after he arrived in Japan. My father was the Prime Minister at the time. He wanted me there, because he knew the man coming had a daughter. I didn't know what to expect of him. But I can tell you, that my twelve-year-old self was not expecting a man who spoke so fluently in Japanese it was as if it was his native tongue. I was not expecting a man well versed in our customs. But that's the way Ambassador Sterling was. He was a respectful and well learned man. Over time, he became a close family friend. I know my father wishes he could be here right now. If I could say one thing about the Ambassador though, it's that he was a great man. One who will be missed."
People clapped and Akito walked back into the crowd. Tiara took Jayden's hand and buried her face in his arm. Lauren rubbed her back gently. She wanted to break down and cry, but she didn't want to do it here. There were too many people watching. "At this time," the priest said. "I'd like to ask Isaiah Sterling's daughter, Tiara, to come forward and speak."
"I think not," Kevin muttered behind her. Tiara glanced behind and saw all the rangers had subconsciously put a hand on their swords.
She smiled a little in spite of herself. "It's ok guys," she whispered straightening. She took a deep breath and steeled her nerves. She walked as confidently as she could, all the while feeling like she wanted to break down. She stopped by the casket and gazed at it for a moment. She knew the damage to her father's body was so bad that the funeral home had made an executive decision for a closed-casket service. She felt a new kind of despair, knowing she'd never see his face again. She took another breath, this one felt ragged and uneven in her chest, and faced the mourners.
"My father..." She stopped suddenly, unsure of what to say. What could she say? "When I found out I was adopted, I was very upset. I'd always suspected, and had vague memories of a birth mom whom I'd always passed off as a dream. But actually hearing it, that's something different entirely. I locked myself in my room trying to make sense of it. My dad, he...he came to check on me and I let him come in. He asked me why I was crying and I told him it was because..." She took another deep breath. These breaths were not really helping. "Because I wasn't his daughter. I told him I didn't want to be known as the lucky girl was adopted by the ambassador. I wanted to be his.
"And my dad, ever the patient man, simply hugged me. That day he told me something that I've remembered whenever I thought about him. He said that, no matter what I would ways be his. That no one can ever take away the fact that he'd raised me. He said that family doesn't end with blood. Family are those around you who love you." Tiara felt a tear escape past her eyelid and down her cheek. "My dad was a great man. He was kind and fair. He sought peace, and believed that diplomacy was the best solution for everything. He used to be in the military. He lost his own father to war. He told me, on the days I begged him to resign because it was just too dangerous, he wanted to create a better world.
"One where people don't have to die for the sake of peace. Peace, he always told me, should be found with peace. And that is what he should be remembered for. Not for his individual deeds, but his purpose. His dream. To have a peaceful world." She rested her hand on the fabric of the flag and felt her self-control melting. She quickly, yet somehow calmly, walked back over to her friends and family. She took both Jayden and Lauren's hands, feeling like a little kid. "I don't want to be here anymore," she whispered.
-Samurai Ranger Life-
After the funeral was over, it had lasted forever in Tiara's opinion, the group began to make its way back. Tiara saw Antonio out of the corner of her eye. "I'll be right back," she told Lauren. Before her older sister could argue Tiara broke away from her hand and ran to Antonio. She barreled into him and felt him take a step back to steady himself.
"Hola Chica," he said gently. Tiara simply hugged him tightly. "How you doing?"
"I don't know."
"That's ok." Antonio hugged her tight. "Keep your chin up kid. Ok? It'll be ok eventually."
Tiara nodded. "Ok."
"And if you want, you can come fishing with me anytime you want."
Tiara smiled a little. "I'll remember that."
"Good." Antonio looked over her head at the Shibas and Ji. "You'd better go back. I'll talk to you soon. Ok?"
"Ok." Tiara let go. "Thanks for coming."
"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."
Tiara nodded and walked back to her family. She had just reached them when someone tapped her shoulder. Sighing inwardly, she wasn't in the mood for anymore people telling her how sorry they were, and turn around. She felt the air get sucked out of her lungs, yet she somehow still managed to gasp.
The woman smiling at her had all to familiar dark blue eyes and dark blonde hair. (Dark like her soul,) Tiara remembered thinking. "Hello Tiara," Nancy Carpentier said. "It's been a while."
Tiara stepped backwards towards one of her siblings. "Yes, it has."
Nancy smiled and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "You've grown up so much."
Tiara swatted her hand away. "That's the way getting older works."
Nancy shook her head. "You're so different."
"Yeah well, people tend to be like that when you don't see or talk to them for fourteen years."
"Tiara...I'm-"
"Don't you dare say that you're sorry. Because I don't want to hear it. Why are you even here?"
"Tiara, I may have had my differences with your father, but that doesn't mean I'd jump for joy when he'd die."
"Could've fooled me."
"Tiara-"
"Oh, sorry. Does running off to France and leaving a five year old girl with a heartbroken father count as a term of endearment. Because if so I wasn't informed."
"I know what I did. But I'm sorry I don't regret it. Being away has given me time to think."
"You never even said good-bye! You just left us! How could you do that?!"
"You're to young to understand-"
"I understand more then you think, Nancy."
"Tiara! I know you hate me, but I'm still your mother-"
"Actually, in case you didn't hear, I've been adopted back into my birth family. My mother is and always will be Jessica Shiba. You, on the other hand, are nothing."
"Tiara-"
"Just...leave! I don't want you here! Just go. That's what you're good at anyways." Tiara turned away and began to walk back to the SUV. Lauren and Jayden followed her hastily. Tiara stopped by the vehicle and felt herself losing it. "Why did she come?"
"I wish we could say kid," Jayden told her. He put his hand on her shoulder and she tuned around into his embrace. He hugged her tight.
"Are you coming back with us?" Tiara asked her older brother.
Jayden shook his head. "I can't. But you can call me. Ok? Anytime day or night."
"Ok." Tiara hugged him again and eventually let go. She stepped back and Jayden turned away without another word. She watched him walk away sadly. "I wish he would just come home."
"Me too Tiara," Lauren agreed. "Me too. Come on, let's get out of here."
Tiara opened her door and took one last look at where her father's casket was, being prepared to be buried. It looked so small and insignificant from a distance. Tears finally started to fall as tried to host them back until she got home. "I love you Dad. Good-bye." As she got in the car she thought about how Emily and Mike hadn't shared one uncivil word or look with what other. Or how Jayden had stood close to Ji without protest. And how Antonio and Lauren hadn't had any kind of spat. She thought about all the different people from the different countries had traveled thousands of miles just for this funeral. Even in death he has away of bringing people together.
She leaned against the window. Figures. Typical dad. She closed her eyes as she started to cry. Typical indeed.
