CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: Crises of Conscience

The rural winds brutally blow, rattling the thin walls and windows as Azula finally gets her newborn daughters back to sleep.

She has been staying awake with them at night, not necessarily to help Ty Lee, but because she cannot sleep unless she becomes so exhausted that she no longer spirals over schemes or sees the dead and dying children dragging her into the depths behind her eyes

It works for them, for now.

Azula lies down beside her sleeping wife. She closes her eyes and tunes in to a sound like a cat purring. Leave it to the bubbly, beautiful girl to even snore sweetly.

She lies there and listens to the creaking wood.

Even in the relentless wind, this place seems too quiet. Azula cannot say Ty Lee's home village is anywhere near her taste — the way of life during battle was honestly better — but she has zero objection to staying for a while. Caring for twins and her wife is not something she wishes to do on the road and being in a little bubble of peace away from brutal politics is pleasant, although she would never admit that aloud.

She never cared to know Ty Lee's family, or her filthy hovel of a birthplace, but, to her genuine surprise, it does not discolor her view of Ty Lee at all.

Besides, Zuko and Katara's equal desire to linger makes it easy to keep an eye on them.

Even now, exhausted and softly stroking Ty Lee's wind-torn hair, she intently listens for one of their footsteps, a whisper of a single word from either of their traitorous lips.

As far as she knows, they are still asleep on the kitchen floor.

It gives her time to think. Once upon a time, she loved that. Now, she loathes it.

Mostly because she thinks about her father. She grieves all she left behind despite standing by her choices.

She can only remember the happiest memories, the ones that make her want to cry.

There is something deeply disturbing about reveling in a rare warm memory but feeling utterly, bitterly cold.

Ty Lee groans and mumbles a curse to herself as she sits up, blinks her eyes into focus and stretches. Azula suppresses a soft sigh of relief.

"Do you need anything?" sweetly asks Azula, not because she is eager to be a servant, but it is an easy way to avoid Ty Lee whining about how she wants Azula to stop staying up all night, and to get her eyes on her enemies (which would be literally everyone except her wife and daughters).

"A kiss," breathes Ty Lee with such a dramatic bat of her eyelashes that Azula smirks and rolls her eyes before pressing her lips against those of her wife. "And a couple minutes just for us."

How could Azula refuse?

They have reached the point of being so cute and loving that she desperately wants to burn her and her wife alive.

She lies beside Ty Lee, and although both are awake, there is no sound but the wind.

[X]

Meanwhile, Zuko and Katara lazily wake from their shared and fitful slumber. He is drenched in sweat, which leads her to tend to his healing wound more quickly than usual.

They remain locked in a strained silence for the duration of the waterbending procedure; they have made no progress at resolving their ongoing argument about Azula.

Finally, after Katara finishes smoothly returning the water to her pouch, the silence breaks.

Gazing intently at her exhausted boyfriend, "How are you?" asks Katara. It is not a courtesy; it is an existential question.

Zuko probably should hesitate, but his exhaustion prevents him from any form of contemplation.

"Had a few harder nights' sleep on shore leave, I guess." He attempts a smile and fails, prompting Katara to gaze at him disapproving with those wide, glistening eyes that few people know become as harsh as a riptide and as cold as ice within a split second. "I need you to stop looking at me like I'm gonna break. It's the last thing I fucking need."

"No," snaps Katara, in a tone that makes him feel not unlike a naughty kitten seized by the scruff of its neck. "The last thing you need is to play tough guy and close up again." She softens and gently takes his remaining hand in hers. "Don't shut me out. Not now."

He kisses her quickly, a little too lightly for her liking but the best he can muster today.

"I'm not shutting you out. I just need time to sort out my own head."

Katara does not know what else to do but nod, help him to his feet, and follow him into the kitchen.

He finds his sister already inside. She picks at food she clearly lacks the appetite to eat, gently holding one of the twins in the crook of her arm. Ty Lee must have the other baby upstairs.

After looking her brother up and down,"You look awful," remarks Azula coolly.

"Could say the same about you," Zuko gruffly replies, averting his eyes as if to sweep her away. Out of sight, out of mind.

And unfortunately also out of luck, since his sister is not finished with him this morning.

"At least I have the excuse of being the mother to newborn twins. What do you have?"

Zuko does not bother to answer. He knows damned well she is only trying to goad him into an argument and does not have an ounce of the energy required to deal with that.

Azula continues regardless, after a quick kiss on her daughter's soft head, right above her bright, alert golden eyes.

"So, I see you two are sticking around. Seems like your whore wants to stay with myself and Ty Lee. Is that what you two keep bickering about?"

"Katara doesn't realize just how much I know you." Zuko sounds so sure that it almost makes Azula laugh.

"Brother, if I've learned anything in my life, it's that people want to think they know other people. Convince themselves of it, even, but no one really knows anyone. I doubt we even fully know ourselves."

Zuko sighs and shrugs.

Agni, he hates when the bitch is right.

[X]

After ignoring her breakfast, but at the very least bringing Ty Lee a second cup of tea in bed, Azula notices something different about her wife. Nothing blatant, not even a noticeably changed look in her eyes, but the uneasy feeling that penetrates Azula to the bone is undeniable and radiating from one woman only.

Azula tucks Azusami into the makeshift crib next to a sleeping Kazumi and sits down across from Ty Lee in their temporary marriage bed.

The Monster of the West furrows her brow, lips pursed with concern. As she makes eye contact, Ty Lee softly sighs and then crumbles.

"What's going on?" whispers Azula, trying not to wake the newborn girls.

Ty Lee squeezes her eyes shut and then, as she opens them, whispers, "I don't really know how to tell you."

"Fast and straight, I would advise," says Azula, although she does for a moment wonder if she may not like what she hears without a layer of sugar.

"I just know you're gonna… I know no you don't believe in this stuff but I just feel… I feel really strong that, that like something… dark is coming." Ty Lee's lips contort in concentration as she visibly fishes around in her own mind for more useful words. But she comes up short, save for the small elaboration, "Not one specific thing. More… like a really dark time."

"We are already in one," retorts Azula coolly, and Ty Lee does not feel even a single prickle of pain, because she knew before she spoke she would be dismissed.

"It can always get darker," says Ty Lee.

Azula is shocked to hear something so sad and reserved from an obnoxiously eternal optimist.

"How?" Azula silently huffs and sits back on her haunches.

Her condescending expression makes Ty Lee draw into herself, but does not at all lower the anxiety in her bones.

"Because we've got a lot more to lose now."

Azula averts her eyes, shifting her gaze to the ugly, threadbare blankets. It is true. It is painfully, infuriatingly true that there are now, to Azula, even worse things to lose than power.

It makes her sick to know she has let herself become attached, and surrender to this weakness of her heart and soul.

Despite war, hunger, disease and tyranny, the most dangerous thing in this world is to love.

[X]

The lingering, lengthy days in this pathetic peasant protectorate make Azula want to scream, but she knows she has little choice with the babies and Ty Lee.

It seems, above all else, her journey separated from home has incessantly asked of her the one and only thing she does not have.

Patience.

In the weary, languid afternoon, Azula sits outside with Ty Lee. This entire town smells, looks and feels vile, but she does not mind a few minutes of rest from being a mother and soldier, sipping tea silently beside her beautiful but tired bride.

Azula finishes her tea and again suspiciously and bitterly eyes the aunt softly caring for the sleepy newborn twins.

"That hill from your story, the one you told me about all that time ago, is it real?"

"Of course it is," Ty Lee replies with a soft and sincere smile.

They fall into silence yet again, but it is not uncomfortable in the slightest. Someone once told Azula that the truest way to know if you have found someone special is when you can peacefully shut up for a while and just enjoy the silence.

"You do not seem to like this place as much as I thought you would."

"I just hate waiting, and I already really did my sentence sitting here and waiting before now and I'm waiting again."

"I know what we wait for now. What on Earth did you need to wait for then?"

"I guess when I was a kid I spent a really long time waiting for, I dunno, the rest of my life, I guess. To not just be part of a set and, like, be my own person and start my own life."

"Why didn't you do anything about it?" Azula does not intend to be rude or critical; she is simply curious. Thankfully, Ty Lee sees that.

She tilts her head to the side and Azula has to quickly tear her gaze from how temptingly the locks of hair fall and caress Ty Lee's breast. Azula locks eyes, albeit a little tentatively, with her wife as Ty Lee says, "Dunno. Maybe I'll figure it out someday, but I don't think we have a lotta time for philosophy 'til the war is over."

Azula just nods. She wants to argue, but simply cannot. Maybe she has no argument but she tells herself she is just tired. It may well be true; newborn twins are exhausting creatures.

The two new mothers try to enjoy the rare and lovely protectorate view of the wilderness that once was claimed by the long dead Earth Kingdom, but neither woman sees much but crumbling wooden houses and piles of dirt.

When she was forced to marry Azula, Ty Lee missed home every day, but now that she sees it again she supposes home is not a place, it is a feeling. A feeling she lost when she lost her family in whichever fashion they went away. Ty Lee missed feeling at home, but even stranded out here, in danger every day, she thinks perhaps Princess Azula, the Monster of the West, has someway and somehow become her home.

Not to mention a deep truth Ty Lee refuses to admit aloud, all she remembers of this place is an infinite longing to be elsewhere.

Maybe the hill never existed at all.

[X]

At dusk, when no prying eyes could catch even a glimpse of them and the babies are asleep, Ty Lee's sister takes her by the arm.

Her sister hisses in her ear, "There's something I need to show you."

Ty Lee frowns and studies her elder sister, truly befuddled by what she might mean. Her expression is so severe, far more intense and dark than her usual bouts of melancholy or snark.

It does not seem like whatever it is will be a sight Ty Lee likes. And despite her undying optimism, Ty Lee has grown truly paranoid enough to wonder if this is some kind of trap. Living in the heart of the royal court does that to a person.

And despite the explanation being fair and Ty Lee's lack of choice in learning how to survive a political battlefield, her sister sneers slightly at her once too trusting sister eyeing her with utter skepticism.

"What is it?" warily inquires Ty Lee, albeit while following her big sister through the flimsy door and out into the chilly night.

"I wanted to explain, to show you this right away, but then you kinda gave birth and I thought I should wait a couple days." When Ty Lee does not budge, she sighs and elaborates, "It's about our family, Ty."

After hearing that, Ty Lee shoves her doubts into the back of her mind and follows her elder sister without question. The once manicured land around their house is so overgrown that she and her sister have to pay attention to every step they take, and the tall, dead grass scrapes and tickles at Ty Lee's bare knees.

Ty Lee grimaces as her feet squelch in mud, but she still continues her march out of curiosity and love for her family.

But, as always, her sister does not hold back from making a rude comment.

"You don't have to make that prissy little face. It's still home no matter how much you've changed."

"How much I've changed?" snaps Ty Lee, eyes flashing irritably.

Her sister rolls her eyes so dramatically Ty Lee briefly worries they will pop right out of her head and roll away into the thick underbrush. "Leave it to you to not be even slightly self aware." Ty Lee's sister dramatically and emphatically sighs. "I never saw you as the kind of person who changed unless you were just pretending to for attention or getting what you want or whatever. But it's my fault for thinking you were too strong to let the Fire Nation change you. I thought maybe if I spent more time with you I'd recognize my baby sister again. But that girl is gone, and that girl would never look at Azula the way you look at her. You're never coming back, are you? And I don't just mean our protectorate or our house."

Ty Lee frowns. It feels unnatural on her face but occurs there regardless of the awkward muscles. "You're right I changed. But it isn't that I'm never coming back; it's that I'm not leaving Azula.. Ever."

Ty Lee resents the look on her sister's face, but keeps her own expression pleasant.

"Well, you're the most loyal person on the planet 'til you're not. You've always been like that."

Ty Lee clamps her mouth shut and shifts her gaze to her feet so she will not be pressed to reply.

Therefore, the sisters walk a few more meters in their bitter and uncomfortable silence.

Of course, however, as Ty Lee should have predicted, her sister speaks again, rephrasing her desire to bait Ty Lee into giving her the response she wants rather than the truth.

"Must be tough being laid back as you are and married to a girl that uptight."

"We balance each other out," replies Ty Lee, as she ounce was simply obliged to say, but now thinks she may truly mean.

"I didn't mean to be rude." The blatant lie makes it difficult for Ty Lee not to roll her eyes. "No matter who she is or where she came from, I know I only know the myth and infamy. I don't know her like you must by now. But I'm happy for you. I really am." She seems sincere, but Ty Lee has learned lately that she is often too trusting. "Never seen you look at somebody like that, with all your constant boy troubles and, I mean, you always were thinking about the next thing."

Ty Lee ignores the rising anger after taking wild offense from every sentence her sister just spoke.

She just says what she thinks she may think.

"It's more about her than me. She's got something I've never seen in anybody else. People would, like, follow her to the end of the Earth and back. She doesn't need a throne or crown, really, to be like that, or whatever. It's just who she is."

Her sister nods, wishing she could think of even one word to say. Their parents always complained about how it seemed Ty Lee would never truly grow up. She was wild and brash and bold because she could be. She was always looking for the cracks of light half-buried in the storm clouds and most everyone saw that as immature, if not delusional.

Yet, here Ty Lee stands, a wife, a mother, a warrior and a royal. She grew up more than anyone ever thought they could. Perhaps it is admirable, perhaps it is just sad.

Finally, they stop in front of the backyard graves. Four sisters, four brothers in law, their bodies rotting beneath their flimsy tombstones. Two more markers bear the names of their parents, but those graves are empty and always will be.

Her lips part in pure shock and agony. Tears well in her eyes as she stares at graves of people she assumed were alive and well. Or at least alive.

"Why were they killed? What did they do?" croaks Ty Lee as she gestures at the eight unexpected graves.

"After everything happening here, they became healers and sheltered any refugee who needed help. They only ever wanted to stop the suffering, not commit treason. Not one ot them even ever picked up a weapon. But for helping rebels the Fire Nation tortured them, and hung them from our barn. They made me watch. I had only just gotten back here and they didn't have anything on me, so they said they'd spare me so I could spread the story and be a warning to everybody else."

Ty Lee softly squeezes her shoulder and says, "Their sacrifice won't be for nothing. I promise."

"Can you promise that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I can."

Their walk back to the house is silent.

[X]

Once upon a time, Azula perpetually had a plan to rival that of the Universe itself.

She would think more by halfway through sunrise than most people would think in a season. Those who knew her had often said that if she spent half the time she did scheming on her lessons she would be the most educated scholar in history. It was, perhaps, something of an insult but she always wore it as a badge of honor.

Yet, somehow, in a deep failure that haunts no her every waking and sleeping moment, Princess Azula was not prepared for any of this. Not one passing second or single event since marrying this peasant bitch with bright beautiful eyes and a smile that could melt the entire South Pole.

And all her excessive pride has wilted into shame, no matter how deeply she loves Ty Lee.

Once upon a time, Azula was utterly certain that she had charted the stars.

Her compass pointed to power, glory and her father's love. It never wavered once.

But she looked up one day and saw the North Star became the madness of love and the family she made for herself.

The very thought makes her sick to her stomach, but somehow, she does not think she would change it for the world.

In the words of her stepmother, Mai, every blessing comes with a curse.

Azula never had an ounce of anxiety about the sky that once guided her. But now she has two helpless daughters reliant on her to survive a single day, and despite Ty Lee's truly unquenchable fire, deceptively impressive strength and stunningly honed combat skills, she has a soft fucking heart. Azula's wife happens to be the type of girl who would bring a kiss to a knife fight. Some would say that is endearing; Azula finds it concerning.

She sits on the edge of their bed, watching Ty Lee in the dim morning light. Ty Lee seems distant, not her usual brand of ditzy and spaced out. As Ty Lee examines and caresses the neglected houseplants in cracking pots, it is almost as if her mind is gone and her body is all she has left.

Azula's lips twitch with the trace of a teasing smirk before she snidely snarks, "Don't tell me you're going to try to rescue those plants. One Katara is more than enough."

Ty Lee smiles faintly and reanimates.

She looks at the leaf that broke off in her tan, calloused hand and admits with no embarrassment, "I'm really not good with plants. I think they're way better off without me." She giggles, but her smile is too strained and soft to be genuine.

That is mainly because the confession unexpectedly brings back a bitter memory. Ty Lee killed a plant once by giving it too much water. She did not know why it died when she would place it in perfect sunlight and sing to it, but her father explained overwatering to her. It was the first time in her life she wondered if love was like violence.

Shaking her head to try to erase sore thoughts, she strides over to the bed and sits against the pillows facing her wife. She draws her knees in to her chest as a comfort. Not to mention she has not been able to move her body that way in what feels like ages.

"This is a lot, isn't it." Flat. Azula's tone is flat, and far too much so.

Ty Lee turns to her. "It is. But I'm here and I'm always gonna be." She reaches out her hand and squeezes Azula's before continuing to cling. "I really meant it when I said I loved you. It wasn't like the pregnancy and giving birth stuff. And super sadly I was sober."

Azula offers a weak laugh. "I meant it too."

"I'm happy we're married. I guess I always was, y'know? And now kids! Two! I wanna be the best wife to you." Ty Lee is beaming. Some darkness lingers behind her smile, but otherwise it seems quite clear that she is actually happy for once. Azula likes that. She never cared much about how other people felt unless those people had power over her or had something she wanted. But it is different when it comes to her wife.

"So do I," replies Azula. Her own enthusiasm startles her. She wants to be the best at everything she does, down to flossing her teeth, but she hears and feels those three words as deeply as a vow to the spirits.

"And if we're gonna do that, I think you've gotta finally decide what we do next and where we end up when this is all over. I don't care what or where and I'd follow you to Koh's Realm and back, you know that. But you need to make a choice."

Bitterly and through a frigid frown, Azula demands, "What choice, precisely, are you asking me to make?"

Ty Lee certainly did not think she would get this far in the conversation, Azula's gently threatening tone notwithstanding, and so it takes her a few panicked moments to compose her thoughts.

"I guess it's your pride or your family, your revenge or living long enough to see the girls grow up, your crown or your—"

Azula's sneer and glare abruptly silence Ty Lee. As soon as what Azula considers to be frivolous whining ceases, her expression softens and she comes quite close to smiling.

"Shut the fuck up and kiss me," harshly yet huskily breathes Azula, seizing Ty Lee by the waist and crushing their bodies into each other.

The rush of lust and radiating heat make it impossible for Ty Lee to refuse that order, and they sink into a deep kiss composed of equal parts love and violence.

Azula moans under her breath as the first kiss breaks, and after two short seconds of catching her breath Ty Lee does not hesitate to dive in again.

Azula loves it.

Ty Lee's mouth is soft but insistent, a soft and steady fire that makes Azula's skin flush. She drapes her muscular arms over Ty Lee's shoulders and leans ever deeper into it.

Azula kisses her and kisses her, the intense contact making the rest of the world and all of her shameful mistakes disappear.

Ty Lee feels the same way as her lips curl into a sweet smile before being smothered by another deep, forceful kiss.

Azula swipes her thumb over the dip of Ty Lee's collarbone and despite the lightness of the contact, elicits the tiniest moan from Ty Lee's lips.

Ty Lee presses her body hard against her wife's and lets her tongue trace the soft seam of Azula's lips.

Azula roughly shoves Ty Lee down on the dirty bed and straddles her, pressing down her hips and sliding them over Ty Lee's hot body to send shivers of pleasure through her clit.

Ty Lee cutely, coquettishly smiles and gazes up at her wife with sparkling, adoring eyes.

Azula smirks and leans in deeper.

And they fuck their way to self destruction, navigating by nothing but unknown and uncharted stars.

[X]

Once upon a time, a prince died and was reborn as a rebel.

It sounds like a prettier story than it ever was.

It sounds like changing your life and your view of the world is as easy as dying, as easy as being born. That there were not so many ugly, angry days that seemed to have no end. That Zuko had secured his moral compass and stood his ground without faltering or losing his way even once. It was not easy. It was not romantic or heroic. It was his only choice. He could boil himself alive in his hatred or bow like a dog to his father or he could join up with the people fighting to end the tyranny that landed him the scar on his face. So he did what he had to do, as torturous as it was.

And no matter what his uncle and girlfriend say, or what he wants to believe, he does not think everyone is capable of doing it. Especially not his father or Azula.

Katara, however, disagrees.

And so, this afternoon, they sit in an overgrown garden bitterly arguing again about whether Azula could be made into a rebel, turning Ozai's greatest weapon against him.

Zuko barely has the strength to deal with this any longer, but one of the things that made him fall for Katara in the first place is her stubbornness and persistence.

"She disgusts me and so does everything she's done. I don't like talking to her. I don't even like looking at her. But not only is she the biggest asset the rebellion can gain, I think she could use some decent people in her life for once. At least I think that when I see her with Ty Lee. There's no lie in that kind of love."

"She's a pretty good liar."

Katara huffs irately but Zuko does not budge.

"Have you ever thought that she has no chance of being anything other than a villain if you don't stop treating her as one? People change when they have love and support. People change for each other and for the ones they care about, not out of fear of punishment or the expectation of reward. Show her she has people worth changing for, people who believe she can, and she very likely may! Ty Lee and their daughters have already had such an effect on her. Can you put your jealousy away for a moment and admit that although she did fare better than you in many ways, she had much less opportunity to experience the things that made you into the remarkable man I see now rather than the spoiled asshole prince you used to be? What would your Uncle say? He's the one who explained to me what I'm trying to explain to you!"

Zuko cannot help but stare at his feet and feel the exact same way he did when his mom would sit him down after he got into trouble and tell him he was better than whatever he had just done.

"My uncle believes in redemption, but even he wouldn't be so certain. And it isn't like you want to change her mind about the world to help her. You want to help the rebellion. She'll see right through you before you even get a word in. Trust me."

Katara ignores that fair criticism. If the argument were really about the rebellion and redemption Ake might listen, but this is about him and his issues with his family, and she will not rest until she gets him to properly talk about it.

She huffs and demands, albeit more gently now that she is forced to recognize she has extreme ulterior motives when it comes to Azula, "What's so different between you and her anyway?"

"She's proud of what she's done. I never was." Zuko frowns when Katara does not react, and adds, "Not to mention that you don't earn the nickname 'Monster of the West' without doing things that are extreme even by the standards of the Fire Nation." Since Katara does not say a word or shift her steely expression in the slightest, Zuko gives her the most convincing example he can. "In Ba Sing Se, she dealt with an underperforming unit by killing the commander in front of everyone, and then ordering one tenth of his unit to be killed by the other nine tenths. When she overthrew the king, instead of hanging or beheading him, she covered him in pitch, lit him on fire and threw him to his death from the outer wall."

Katara falls silent for a moment. She knew a great deal more about Fire Nation atrocities than she often let on, given that the rebellion came from diverse backgrounds and she always was a shoulder to cry on and a person to lean on, but she never knew that story.

And, while she trusts Zuko, she is still somewhat sad that it is so easy to believe.

It is the truth, regardless.

"I'll say what I used to say to you, while you were fighting a war with yourself. An inheritance as sinister as yours can't come without consequences."

"Yeah. You also used to say that just blaming my dad was a convenient excuse and I had to look at myself too."

"Look, all I'm saying is that none of this can be coincidence. Your family, those twin girls and one of them probably being the Avatar resurrected, and…" Katara closes her eyes and sighs. "I think we have an opportunity to change the tides of this war forever if you and Azula can finally start to heal from the trauma of your childhood. We have the right environment to maybe push her in the right direction and I don't know when we'll get a place like this or an opportunity like this again." Katara pauses to let that sink in before adding the careful bow on top. "You saw how she ran at those men when they attacked you. How she wanted to protect you so desperately that she risked her life. She's not completely lost. Not yet, at least."

Zuko cannot argue. Maybe he can, to be honest, but he no longer wants to.

To him, it is clear that Katara is like the moon. She shines most beautifully when immersed in darkness.

It is when her mind works best, and when if he looks in her eyes, he can almost see her thoughts aligning to solve any problem she faces.

Zuko groans, his posture softening as even his broken body gives in to her immense willpower and the fractured memories of the trauma in which his arm was chopped off, which, among the haze and panic and pain and stench of blood and crushing of bones do include something in his sister he had never before seen. He doubts Katara is right, but maybe he owes it to her to at least try.

"What do you want me to do?" he reluctantly asks.

Katara stares at him with steely eyes and says, "You need to make a choice. In or out. Are you gonna fight to live or just lie down in the dirt and die?"

His Uncle told him once that he should never draw his sword unless he is fully willing to get blood on it. The same went for love, as well as violence.

"Marry me."

"What?"

After a quick, nervous breath in, he lowers himself onto his knees and gazes up at her. From down here, he can see why she donned the disguise of the Painted Lady. She looks like something from the Spirit World, something to worship.

"Marry me," he repeats, more confidently this time.

"Why?" asks Katara so softly. "I mean, why are you asking me, not why I should marry you."

"Because I'm in love with you. I don't really know if there's a better reason than that. But… I mean, I won't be hurt if you say no. Okay, I'll be hurt, but I'll understand, and I'll still love you. I get that I don't have all that much to offer, not even just money or jewelry but even stability or safety or the basics," grimly says Zuko, each word feeling something like poison on his lips, despite none of it being untrue or unfair.

To his surprise, Katara bursts into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, causing him to clench his jaw and furrow his brow intensely.

"If I cared about that nonsense, I don't think we'd ever be together in the first place. You realize that, right?"

"So, uh…?" Zuko blushes nearly as red as his scar.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to marry you."

Katara drags him to his feet and passionately kisses him on the lips.

Her gran gran always did say, as much as she loved Katara's ferocity, she had more opinions than sense. As much as Katara argued against the claim, she knew deep down that it was true, and that small flaw is what always has led her into such sticky situation as these.

She loves him despite his fire, he loves her despite her ice, and, oh, what a pair they make.

[X]

After getting their daughters to sleep, Azula and Ty Lee pop open a bottle of basement brewed rice wine. Zuko and Katara are still out on their romantic excursion and Ty Lee's sister is quite evidently avoiding the princesses, a fact that everyone has noticed but no one is keen on being the first to mention and so it remains unsaid.

Speaking of things unsaid, there was a great deal lingering beneath the unfathomable ocean of thick, intoxicated silence tonight.

The worst part is that neither woman has a firm grasp on what it is that she is so reluctant to speak into existence.

Ty Lee can only bear the tense, silent drinking for so long before she pipes up, "We ought to make a toast. I'm no good at coming up with speeches on the fly but you're amazing at it, princess."

Azula accepts the flattery despite her vague discomfort; she does not know any other way to live. And Ty Lee? As she watches the subtle shifts in Azula's expression, the gleam in her gilded eyes, she for the first time in a long time thinks about her mother telling her about how love — in an arranged marriage especially — is not a romantic whirlwind but rather something built over time, brick by brick.

"I cannot say I am certain what we are celebrating. We have reveled in the name of our daughters' existence since their birth plenty and beyond that…" Her tone is so fragmented, so worn and so small that it serves as a sobering slap to the face for Ty Lee. Violence, torture, battles against just about every faction in the conflict, treks through the wilderness, sinking ships and caring for newborn twins would tire anyone, but none of those things had stifled Azula into the person she is tonight.

Ty Lee opens her mouth to bravely and bluntly ask what is troubling her wife, but, and spirits it makes her feel like a useless coward, another phrase slips from her lips in its stead.

Ty Lee shrugs one shoulder, takes a hearty swig straight from the bottle and as she refills her small sake cup she suggests casually, "We could toast to tomorrow, like usual."

"Why? Either tomorrow is another day in this shithole isolated from any real impact on the war while we play house with daughters who will die if we don't fight and win, or we get attacked, or somebody dies. Why the fuck would we toast to tomorrow?" Azula sneers and swallows a hefty gulp of the rice wine. Maybe she is too harsh. She has done her best to conceal her bitterness, her resentment, her depression, but it spills out of her like the warm alcohol spills on Ty Lee's sleeve.

Ty Lee was not wrong to suggest it, although she could have predicted Azula may not be feeling too optimistic about her future, but truly a toast to tomorrow had seemed like an easy option to get over the hurdle, get around mentioning any awkward topics and get wasted.

Besides, up until recently, Ty Lee has heard Azula give a thousand brilliant and poetic toasts to tomorrow both publicly and privately.

Ty Lee's stomach twists and her muscles tense but her instincts kick in before the mood in the room can worsen. She smiles, bats her eyelashes and flirtatiously jokes, "Forget about fate or boredom or war. I like toasting to tomorrow because my sexy wife and I both get better looking every day."

Azula laughs and Ty Lee winks. She cannot remember the last time her wife laughed or genuinely smiled, save for at the babies, or a cruel smirk when mocking her brother and Katara.

"Sometimes I don't know how you do it," says Azula. "Make jokes during times like these or point out some stupid bug you think is pretty like it should matter. You were forced into a political marriage and a war you have no reason to fight, survived nightmares while pregnant with twins and you're concerned about if the sake cups for our cheap, colony swill booze have matching patterns." She gulps down another cup and moves to refill it before noticing Ty Lee lightly biting on her lip, a blatant sign she is hurt but hiding it. "I don't mean that as an insult, Ty." Azula leans in and softly caresses the side of her wife's face. "I envy you. I would sacrifice my own life to get what I want and yet… you did not want any of this but somehow managed to…"

She trails off, unsure how to describe what she means, especially now that the strong drink is rapidly overtaking her head.

"None of it was what you wanted either. I wish I had the ruthless calculus you have and the ambition to follow through. That's why we're a good team. We balance each other out."

Balance. Ty Lee did not think twice about the weight of that word until she had already said it, killing the mood she has been desperately trying to raise in an instant as they both become acutely aware of the danger one of their daughters is likely to be in, but they have know way of acquiring any certainty until it may be too late.

"Well, we could toast to balance among the elements, if such a bullshit utopian idea is even possible." Azula laughs again but it is hollow and rueful. Ty Lee can find no joy in that. "There's nothing to celebrate tonight, but I… I will admit that moments like these mean something to me. Maybe, if the two of us can make this ridiculous marriage work, we can make the rest of the world bow to our demands."

Ty Lee averts her eyes. She wants to drink in silence and perhaps curl up against Azula and delay thinking about any of the mess outside of this room for a while, but her persistent need to behave like someone in a raid shelter trying to raise everybody's spirits despite artillery strikes and the smell of burning flesh outside forces her to speak.

"Or maybe we're just happily drunk." Ty Lee hazily smiles to herself. "It'd be nice if something was that simple for once."

Azula, a sudden, strange gleam in her gilded eyes, raises her glass. "There is our toast."

"Huh?"

"To simply being happily drunk."

They smile and kiss and melt softly into each other, tangled up, semi-comfortable and fully clothed.

The only other words passed between them that night tumble weakly, almost accidentally from Ty Lee's lips just before they both drift off to sleep in tandem on this ugly protectorate sofa.

Her breath is damp and warm against Azula's ear as she whispers, "Everything I've ever let go of in my life has claw marks on it."

And before Azula can demand clarification, sweet honeysuckle darkness gently consumes them both.

But soft and warm and sacred as tonight is, still sleep has not brought Azula any peace since her conquest of Ba Sing Se, or even before then, and since nearly drowning and seeing her own little daughters drafted into a war before they can even speak or sit up for themselves has worsened the nightmares that plague her.

She still feels the hands of the civilians she had gleefully slaughtered dragging her into the deep.

Her memories are dripping red ribbons composed solely of sinews and sorrows.

And they alone rule over her in the realm of dreams.

[X]

Once upon a time, Mai made a choice and made herself bleed.

And despite her apathy and ice, she cannot help but think that perhaps she developed a taste for blood while licking her own wounds.

She lies in bed, awake but not alone. The sun is bright and the bitter Earth Kingdom skies are grey. Mai hates weather like this. She'd rather have smoke in her eyes than this cheap imitation of sunlight, but she is stuck with Ozai seeking Azula and starting fires.

He slumbers beside her so casually, so easily.

She hates him for a little while, and probably will until they share a moment that changes her perspective so suddenly that it gives her fucking whiplash. Mai would like to say that did not happen with June. It never happened with Azula, but, despite their heated sex affair, the thin, fragile love between them never was anything but filial at best, and the sex was just for fun, almost as harmless as playing boyfriend and girlfriend as preteens.

Mai has a few moments of peace before Ozai rises with the hideous sun and lazily wraps his arm over her, pulling her close and kissing her forehead.

She stays silent and, to be fair, amongst the misery of the rural protectorates and her life since Azula got married, she enjoys it when he takes a few minutes feeling her up.

But it does not last forever, and soon they both must get out of bed and face the day.

It always happens.

The sun persists in rising, and Mai grows more and more tired of it as time goes by.

Things are uneventful, also known as boring, as Ozai coordinates and calculates while she paces around the army camp, forcing herself with what little will she had left in her not to go looking for June. If she is alive. Mai hopes…

Mai does not hope. She refuses to fall into that trap that killed so many others with neither hesitation nor mercy.

As the obnoxiously bright and colorless sun reached its apex, she joined Ozai for tea.

Their conversation is as forced and dull as always.

For someone who refuses to let anyone get close to her, to know much more than her name and drinking habits, Mai learned as a young girl how to properly observe. Standing silently by people to humanize them was her business then and became her business yet again once married.

She would lose her mind if she had to endure that boredom without making a game of it.

So, albeit with sealed lips, she made studies of people. At first with assumptions and amusing little games at parties. Then, later, with the people close enough to her to drive a knife into her neck when she slept most of all.

Azula, Ozai, June…

She knows them very well but never shows her tiles a split second too soon. She knows what they will do before they do it, knows where they have been, and knows where they will be.

In a world filled with nothing but the two things she hates most — boredom and incenserity — it is one of the few little blades up her sleeve.

And he thinks she is such a fool.

She can tell as they sit across from each other. He speaks and she technically listens, but she cannot care about the surface level lies. He, not unlike either of his children, says far more underneath the surface.

Like a word puzzle. One of those stupid poems they made Mai learn in school where the characters at the beginning of the lines would all form a key word when looked at the right way. Acrostic? She cannot say she cared enough to know the right word, and poetry has never been very relevant to her life.

It is easier to read between the lines with him than one would think, even if they only spoke about the weather. June was — is — more difficult than most, but with enough scrubbing becomes crystal clear. Azula? The best liar Mai knows, and, even if Mai could figure her out, she doubts she would want to.

But Ozai? Ozai is easy.

She discovers a great deal from their little lunch, all the while coming off as an apathetic and relatively unintelligent teenage girl.

Somehow, they always manage to underestimate her. Well, all of them but Ozai.

He knows her well enough not to fall for even her most well-practiced tricks, but that also means he is too confident in his ability to control her.

After the meeting, in which Mai feigned enough ignorance, boredom and innocence to escape with a kingdom's ransom's worth of military secrets and information, she eyes him almost as cautiously as he eyes her on their way to the slim amount of privacy granted by the war tent.

The noose her marriage hung around her neck always has a few inches of give, and perhaps it does make her arrogant, cocky even. She may keep herself monotone and monochrome but more than one person has seen through the facade lately. There is only so long she can hide the fire that has always burned within her soul.

"All of you just want to make some fucked up legacy and be remembered. I don't care about that. It's all just boring run of the mill egotistical bullshit. It's just a shame the main thing you slap your names on are other people's tombstones."

His hand twitches, as if about to strike her, but she feels and shows no fear.

"You'll get yourself killed saying petulant little insults like that, and I forbid your death."

"And if I die without your blessing?" asks Mai expressionlessly, but with the faintest hint of a teasing tone.

"I will go to the underworld, drag you back to life, and then kill you again."

She breaks free of him and after a brief, tense moment of indecision, habit overtakes them both as they begin the ritual of getting ready for bed.

After undressing and redressing, the sun has all but entirely set, and so Ozai lights one candle with his bending and moves to the sparse others lined on a table meant for meditation and illuminating the room at night. Mai holds her hand up, seizes his wrist, and without waiting for a reaction lights the rest of the weary wicks.

"It only takes one candle to light a fire, and then the darkness is no more," echoes a memory in the back of her crowded mind.

"Have you considered that Azula may have turned on you? No one in that room dared to bring it up, but believe me, there were at least a few doubtful old men who made it pretty clear that they don't think she wants your rescue."

"Why? Because you didn't?"

"Because love can make a fool out of the kid wisest person, and she loves Ty Lee. She certainly loves Ty Lee more than she fears you."

Mai braces herself for a violent eruption from Ozai, but receives none, and, therefore, continues her line of questioning. "Is there a reason you're so confident that you stand a chance if I'm right and Azula doesn't want to be rescued? Do you truly believe you could defeat her if she turned?"

"Yes." He is confident. She believes he believes that. "But even if she has made some fool mistake over that girl, it will not be difficult to return her to the righteous path of my crown princess."

He takes her by the hand and to their bed.

She grinds her teeth; she had craved a confrontation when she began such a hazardous conversation, to feel anything in a sea of apathy that consumes her more day by day, but instead she had been quietly dismissed. Instead of adrenaline and pain and hot sparks, she has nothing but the weak light of the moon and the faded sound of the winter wind.

Fuck it.

She kisses him.

If she can't have anger, she will settle for lust. At the moment, feeling anything but apathy will do.

The way he takes her in his strong arms, roughly and without hesitation, makes her feel alive in the way she has not been able to attain since she was torn from her chance at escape with June.

She lets him run his coarse hands over her skin, the tapestry of scars that she can never erase shivering beneath the fiery touch.

They linger for a few messy moments before he knots her hair in his fingers and pins her to the bed.

And despite all the godlike grandeur and propaganda, his weight on her is no different from anyone else's.

But just as she closes her eyes, they flash open as he lowers his lips to her ear.

"You need to make a choice," says Ozai, tightening his grip on her lush raven hair.

"I choose myself. Just like I always have."

She does not say another word. Neither does he.

Once upon a time, Mai made a choice and made herself bleed.

She buried her dissent in a bed of dead fire lilies.

He bites her lip half-tenderly half-brutally and tears her clothes from her frame.

She watered them with her blood.

He lowers his hand to his pants.

And all of the beautiful flowers grew back as nothing but barren, bloody, black thorns.

[X]

Azula and Ty Lee both are tending to the baby twins when Zuko and Katara arrive back at the house to share their big news.

"We're getting married!"

They could have easily predicted the responses they receive (and, honestly, they had). Ty Lee leaps to her feet and yanks them both into a hug, the babies complain about the disruption in small sounds of discontent, and Azula's expression moves swiftly from shock to rage to derision and, finally, to what seems like utter homicidal.

Before she can ruin the celebratory mood, she storms outside and slams the rickety kitchen door behind her.

Ty Lee hastily finishes congratulating Zuko and Katara, reassures the babies, and then pursues her wife out into the cold night air.

Ty Lee expected to find the light of livid blue fire, or at least a flurry of spat out filthy words, but instead she sees Azula leaning against the scorched, dilapidated railing and looking up at the starry sky.

"The stars are really pretty tonight," says Ty Lee. Her stomach churns anxiously as Azula neither speaks nor moves. She just seethes. "Not as pretty as you, of course."

Ty Lee enjoys the sweet victory of the frozen, angry and statuesque Azula at least slightly rolling her eyes at that comment.

"What do you want? Don't let me ruin your fun time celebrating with my mortal enemies, wife."

Ty Lee takes a hasty gamble and wraps her strong arm around Azula's back, and, before the Monster of the West can react, pecks her on the lips. When she pulls back, she drags Azula's shadowy gaze with her and holds eye contact without any fear.

"I know it must be painful for you to be stuck in one place with no intel about the war or rebels and the babies certainly aren't easy to factor in to your plans without including Zuko and Katara but…"

Azula sighs and huffs and averts her gaze.

"My plans disintegrated about eight or nine horrible misadventures ago."

"You never stop scheming and you're amazing at it. There's no way that I can see the benefits of Zuko and Katara's trust in us but you, my brilliant and beautiful bride… can't."

Azula resents that Ty Lee makes an excellent point but just as she is about to confess that her mind isn't as devious and clever as it was before the shipwreck and that sleep deprivation cannot be the only explanation for the change but the words stick in her throat like a clump of overcooked rice.

And so she breaks out of the embrace.

"You're coddling me," snaps Azula.

Ty Lee shrugs. "Is it working?"

"No," lies Azula, but Ty Lee sees through it.

Still, she cannot manage to be happy about it.

"Do you think I want to be here? I know I want to settle down one day with you and the girls and I won't lie and say I haven't enjoyed our time away from politics or military operations just focused on each other and our own family but I hate being here. I hate it because everything in this place that used to be my home, in this place where most of my family was murdered and everyone I used to love has left in ruins, reminds me why I should be out there fighting. I feel even more stuck than you do but I'm stuck with the expectation of being the strong, sweet optimist raising everybody else's spirits. You can pitch a fit about the wedding or being stuck or about me doing my best to befriend two probably really powerful allies while you treat them like dirt and look for any reason to destroy them. I'll clean up your mess. I'll do it for you. But I just keep wondering if you'd ever make any sacrifices for me. And seeing as you haven't even sacrificed a little pride or comfort or whatever it is to ask me where my family is buried or why I'm so friendly to Zuko and Katara or how I'm feeling being stuck in the ruins of the home I had to give up to give you babies, I doubt you'd stop me from choking to death if it meant going a step out of your way."

"I do not ask you such personal and potentially offensive questions out of respect. I simply assumed you were leaving the details out on purpose," lies Azula. "You have a right to your privacy."

"No. I was just waiting for you to ask." Ty Lee's smile strains, yet does not falter. "But I've come to understand it's not in your nature to care about other people. It's who you are."

"Who I am?" Azula is shocked by her own venom and vehemence. "Say it fast and straight next time. I know I am selfish. I never had a reason to be anything else. This marriage was never supposed to be what it is now, I never thought I would care for you the way I do, and so take it as a compliment of the highest order when I say that I want you to cut through the hand holding and tell me what exactly is so wrong with you accepting me as I am. Do I not properly accept you as you are?"

"You want to cut through the hand holding? Fine. It isn't about who you are or who I am! What about who we are? What about who we need to be now, regardless of who we've always been?" She pauses only for a beat, long enough for Azula's lips to open but not for her to offer any defense. "I knew I was marrying the Monster of the West, I knew I was marrying into the family that killed my family and I knew you were a woman too. I fell in love with you anyway and as much as I want you to grow and change, I love all of you or none of you. So you can choose if you want to love all of me or none of me. That's it. There's no loophole or secret third option. All of me or none of me."

Ty Lee waits for some terrifying repercussion but instead just watches Azula swallow what seems like a mouthful of wildfire, watches the emotion rising in her wife's ordinarily cold and calculating eyes, and at last watches her hands bunch into fists and then, just as they begin to burn, slacken.

Azula, still shockingly wordless, slumps her shoulders, pivots on her heel and storms out of Ty Lee's sister's house.

Because Ty Lee is right about them being a cohesive unit, a united front, two halves of a whole marriage.

And Azula knows damned well she hasn't done her part in making that work.

Mostly because she is not good at it and she has always been good at everything.

There is nothing more to say, so she just starts marching aimlessly towards the horizon.

If only it were so easy to leave it all behind.

The worst part is that Ty Lee, for no clear reason, has always had Azula's back, even when she disagrees or suspects Azula is wrong. The worst part is that since breaking free of Fire Nation surveillance and rigid enforcement of law she has at last realized Ty Lee does not do that out of fear.

She does it out of love.

And that's more uncharted territory than the forbidden landscapes tucked between the protectorates, just outside of Ozai's control.

And, although she probably would have ended up lost or worse were it not for an obstacle in her blind path, she would have taken an angry moose-lion over her brother's terrorist whore fiancée.

"What do you want? You have my blessing. Eight thousand congratulations to the blushing bride. Now get lost."

"What I want is to talk to you about the fight I just overheard."

"You may lack the deduction skills that come with a proper upbringing and formal education but I would find it hard to believe that you were surprised by anything you may think you heard."

"It's what I didn't hear, actually."

Azula scoffs melodramatically with a very flippant and pointed roll of her eyes. "Oh, what a dramatic twist. Remarkable!"

Katara does not give her the satisfaction of any emotional or physical reaction. She simply stands her ground.

"I want to talk. One on one."

Azula cracks her knuckles. "Can you talk and dance at the same time?"

Katara cannot help but chuckle as Azula steps into the overgrown, deserted road and beckons. She rolls back her shoulders and confidently strides over.

"Oh, I can dance." Her cobalt eyes sparkle.

They smoothly shift into position for sparring. Katara tosses off her water skin as a show of good faith and Azula acknowledges it with a nod, her assurance that bending, maiming and murder are off the combat training table.

"Don't let my good looks fool you, peasant," calmly purrs Azula as she glides away from Katara's first punch. She easily blocks the next. "I have my fair share of scars."

They continue the spar.

"Ty Lee made some good points." Katara dodges and just nearly grabs Azula by the arm before it escapes her grasp. She ducks and pivots to avoid the retaliation strike flying in her direction. "What exactly are you willing to sacrifice or do to get the throne?"

They tousle for a few fleeting moments before they end up circling each other at a small distance again.

"Anything. My father will accept no less if I fight for him — the safest and most assured way to get what I and my family need — and he will do no less if I end up stuck fighting against him in the end. There's nothing I will not do to end this war with a crown on my head and my head still attached to my living body."

Katara fakes left before coming in with a right jab that Azula barely blocks in time.

"And what about Kazumi and Azusami and Ty Lee? Are they a part of your plan? Seems to me like that was all your wife wanted you to tell her, but you couldn't." Katara dodges and then flips Azula to the ground. Before she can pin the princess, however, Azula leaps up and lands a punch just to the side of Katara's jaw. Katara quickly recovers as Azula leaps backwards and the circling resumes. "Or at least you wouldn't. I'm not sure which of those options implies something worse."

The fight reaches its peak intensity before Azula at last, after catching her breath and narrowly avoiding a chance to pin Katara, manages to speak.

"I made a vow to protect them." She wipes her mouth. "I will. They are always a part of my plan and they have been all along."

Katara looks skeptical but Azula does not care.

"You vowed to protect them. And, in most cases, I'm sure you can."

"Most cases?" snarls Azula.

"Can you protect them from your father?" Katara dodges a punch and then grabs Azula while she's off balance, throwing her to the ground. It knocks the winds from Azula's lungs and she cannot get up, even when Katara gently sets her foot on Azula's abdomen to signify the end of the fight. "More importantly, and honestly I guess it's connected given it's obvious you doubt yourself without daddy to guide you, can you protect them from the consequences of your own ambition?"

Katara steps back and offers her hand. Azula bats it away, pushes her own self up, spits out a mouthful of dust and a few small clumps of blood from the laceration on her inner cheek, and wipes her mouth.

Then she advances, each word she speaks more intense than the last, the fire in her raging more fiercely with each step she takes, while Katara stands as still as an ice sculpture.

"I don't give a damn about the consequences. This is a war of attrition and if you're thinking about anything other than winning at any cost required you are destined to lose," Azula says, crossing her arms over her chest. "My father does not care what he must destroy to be victorious. So neither can any army with a chance at defeating him."

But even Azula's confident and cruel glare that has stopped grown men twice her size and three times her age in their tracks has no effect on Katara.

"So, you're content being queen of the ashes?"

"Better than being part of the ashes. I am fighting for more than revenge or pursuit of my birthright. I am fighting with the intention of surviving. What could your rebellion offer me but martyrdom?"

"If my rebellion manages to win, and you seem like someone who knows how to attain real victories, we all could be free," says Katara. "When's the last time you were able to say that and mean it?"

Azula desperately wants to protest, to argue, to rend Katara to ashes with her tongue, but, to her utter shock, she comes up short.

Katara replies to Azula's silence as if she spoke. "It's been a while for me too."

Azula hesitates before remembering her daughters sleeping inside.

And so she says a sentence that will forever change the course of history:

"I will take your suggestion into consideration."

[X]

It is only day two of wedding planning, and despite Ty Lee and her sister's enthusiasm, and Azula's mumbled explanation over dinner the night before that she would allow a 'ceasefire' between the two couples as her wedding gift, there are so many unanticipated subjects that surface.

Especially when the traitor prince spoke little of his home culture and Katara's fell victim to genocide.

Broaching the topic of tradition has been more uneasy than the other small surprises, like how Zuko hates orange and does not want it at the wedding, or the way Katara agonizes over each character of her vows to the point that if she crumples up any more drafts she will cause a protectorate-wide paper shortage.

But, finally, Katara sits down across from him after his evening meditation and swallows her nerves.

"It's tough to give up your whole upbringing, your traditions." Katara gestures at her mother's necklace, as if Zuko would be able to see it as comparable to a scar on his face or his father's features on the faces of his nieces — daughters — whatever the twins were. "The Fire Nation isn't some faceless evil; it's a real culture with a lot of good people just the same as the bad. Your Uncle told me once he kept his tea traditions and his bending practice and the way he wore his clothes not because he missed the Fire Nation but because if he gave up his upbringing he'd give up who he was. Look, you're from the Fire Nation, and I want it to be a part of our wedding if you're okay with that. I want the Water Tribe to be with me in my spirit for our ceremony and since Ty Lee has barely stopped bouncing in excitement about wedding planning since we told her, I assume the traditions of the protectorates will end up thrown in the mix, and so… is there anything from Fire Nation weddings you want included? Anything."

"I… maybe…"

Katara knows she should let him think aloud but does interject, "I won't take a brand. That's my only limit."

Zuko holds up the stump where his wedding brand would have been seared into the absent skin.

"That won't be a problem." He forces a laugh. "But I'm… I actually think what I do want might be even more of a stretch."

"What is it?"

"It would require Azula's cooperation and since her wedding gift was promising not to kill either of us until after the ceremony…"

"She may surprise you."

Zuko just snorts. "Yeah, and my father may have a change of heart and surrender to the rebellion."

Katara wishes she could be surprised by his asshole attitude, but she cannot.

"It can't hurt to ask. She's outside having her morning tea." Katara says no more, which implies he has to be the one to make the next move.

And, due to the imploring look in her eyes, he sighs, gets up and leaves the serenity of their room, walking past Ty Lee and her sister working on decorations or outfits or whatever that mess of fabric and thread is while watching the twins.

And, as much as he loathes to do it, Zuko walks outside to sit next to his sister.

They remain in silence for what seems like eons.

Until, "It pains me to say it, but I agree with you," says Azula abruptly, startling Zuko into tensed nerves and straightened posture.

He did not say anything. They do not talk to each other, and, therefore, he has no idea what in the name of Agni she's on about.

"I'm really flattered but, uh, what exactly do you agree with me about?"

"That I will never join the rebellion."

"I—?"

"I know it as well as you do, even if Katara has yet to figure it out." Azula's lips contort into a small, half-entertained smirk. "You know the score, even if she refuses to see it."

"Yeah."

"Come on." She nudges him with her elbow, but it feels all wrong. They have not been anything close to siblings in at least a decade. "Don't be too upset, brother. We both know I never stood a chance."

Zuko sighs and pushes away from the railing.

Her brother frowns, but not with anger or disapproval or seething resentment. With undulated sorrow that Azula had seen him show only once, upon the death of their mother.

"That's the sad thing." He pauses for a slow, bitter breath. "You did once." She looks away, so he changes the subject by blurting out his request. "I want you to officiate my wedding under royal authority. I want you to make it legal and give it the royal seal so no one in their right mind would challenge it."

"Why would I want to give her that title or that privilege?"

"I'll owe you a favor. I know you won't do it out of the kindness of your heart but having me indebted to you has to be at least a little tempting, right?"

Azula's lips twitch. "I will think about it."

Zuko stands up and shrugs. "Guess that's all I can ask."

He leaves his sister to her tea.

The conversation could have gone worse.

[X]

Since the night she at last spoke her mind, Mai lost an inch or two of the give in her marital noose. She has been banned from the war rooms after an argument with her husband in front of his underlings which in Caldera would not have been as explosive… or perhaps she never would have been under enough pressure to do it at all at home.

She is not certain why he can make her feel small day in and day out but the moment she is the one to embarrass him it becomes an entire fiasco.

Now disconnected from any real involvement with the brewing war in the protectorates, Mai finds some form of solace and solitude sitting on the ground down by a creek she found after being cast out of the Command Tent. She hates the mud. She hates the sun reflecting in the water.

But she likes watching the moon begin to rise and the obnoxious orange light of sunset gradually become a dark, amber liquid that floods the encampment and quenches the thirst of the day with its sweet darkness.

As she tries not to think too much – the best survival method she has found to date – she unearths a round, flat stone from the dirt and absentmindedly presses the smooth coolness to the side of her face.

For a time, her husband had a war hero who became a vital politician, respectable, admired and an absolute shitstain of a person. Mai never liked him despite — or perhaps due to — his fame.

Ozai found him useful, which is the highest affection of which he is capable.

One evening, at a dull and dreadful political event a year or two ago, he complained to the table of legends and liars that it was "all too damned loud" then immediately suffered a heart attack, flopping face first onto his meal and smudging the finery.

Mai has a special fondness for him these days.

Sometimes it is all too damned loud.

She is about to find somewhere to vanish off to in the darkness and then make her way back to the tent where she sleeps and bites her tongue until it bleeds when something strange catches her eye. Two vaguely familiar young men in disorganized, disheveled militia uniforms she cannot quite place are speaking urgently. The glint of a blade being passed between them in the twilight is too noticeable and unusual, even in a place filled with militia conscript recruits and deadly weaponry.

Mai rises and begins her pursuit. She fades into the shadows, making them work to her advantage. The key to invisibility, which she learned early on as the child of prominent politicians, is to imagine an aura radiating from her and to breathe methodically as she drew it into herself until it could no longer be felt or seen. The focus made it so she did not misstep, catch someone's wandering eye or make herself known. With it, the shadows themselves become her ally and she traverses them noiselessly with throwing stars tucked up her sleeves ready to snap into action.

She follows the misfits through the sprawling fortress of a camp for what feels like eons but she is a patient predator stalking her prey. They take every precaution to avoid being followed, furthering Mai's suspicions.

At last, they enter a tent Mai has never before been inside. That is not uncommon, seeing as she has scarcely been away from Ozai and he always remains in the most heavily guarded core of the camp and her little field trip has taken her almost to its utter outskirts.

Fire Lady Mai has no doubt that this is a terrible idea, but she follows them inside.

What she sees almost immediately slaps away the past few weeks of weariness and resignation she has worn as reliably and effortlessly as her crown and her dark clothing.

June.

And despite Mai's relative invisibility mere moments before, her ex-girlfriend immediately lunges forward and pulls Mai into a tight embrace before kissing her as sloppily as possible on the mouth. Her heart erupts like an artillery strike and it makes her want to puke.

Just as the reunion is about to get too raunchy for public viewing, Mai shoves June away and steps into the dim light of the alien tent.

It is neither a torture chamber or a prison of any kind, which is where Mai would have expected to find her ex-rebel ex-girlfriend. In fact, everything about the tent seems entirely ordinary for the bare bones bunks of recruits. The only thing aside from June — a woman who by all rights should not even be alive, much less standing with a casual swagger and lethal glint in her eyes — that is out of form for the camp is the appearance and garments of the other people inside it and the nervous, amiss energy radiating from them.

Mai drags her eyes away from what appears to be an army inside of an army and locks her gaze with that of her former bodyguard.

"Start talking," the Fire Lady commands.

And June, for once in her life, obeys an order.

[X]

If Ty Lee and her sister have one true talent, it is making a remarkably well organized and decorated event with less than a week's notice in advance. Even Azula, who finds this sort of thing — planning a party, sewing, doing grunt work preparations made for peasants or hired help — degrading and beneath her wife's stature, would admit she is impressed.

Another wedding.

Most likely another disaster, as they seem to attract the ire of the spirits lately, but still, it's something other than the monotony and frustration of being fugitives.

At the moment, Azula and Ty Lee are standing, fully dressed and decorated to the best their current resources allow, waiting for Katara to finish getting dressed and made up in the other room.

They have only been talking about their daughters, briefly interrupted by Ty Lee dashing in to help Katara with a few pins, and then they slip into soft silence.

Within its embrace, Azula softly runs a fingertip over her wife's sweet but tense smile.

"Why are you upset? I thought you would be thrilled for the ceremony today."

"What makes you think I'm not happy?"

"Your lips look just a little too tight when your smile is fake," explains Azula.

Ty Lee is startled. She may not be an expert liar or flawless political manipulator, but no one has ever managed to see through her veil of smiles and sparkling eyes.

"And your eyes change, just a little bit, when you lie," is Ty Lee's soft albeit kneejerk response.

"When have I ever told a lie?" teases Azula.

"For most people it'd be easier to assume everything you say is, uh, ambiguous. Is that the word? But for me, I can tell most of the time now. Which is one of my many special powers." Ty Lee laughs, a real laugh albeit small and soft, and Azula kisses her on the lips.

When the kiss breaks she says, "I will have to be more mindful of my tell. Thank you for letting me know about it."

"Oh, don't worry, you even can fool yourself without a problem, and I'm not gonna blow your cover anytime soon."

Ty Lee had assumed that the light but intimate tone of conversation would continue, but Azula's small sneer shatters that belief.

"Fool myself? What exactly am I fooling myself about?" she snarls coolly.

"Mostly just about your dad," mumbles Ty Lee, her face flushing beet red.

Azula has always believed, in response to critique of Ozai or the treatment of Zuko, that love stretched thin is more malleable, more porous. Judgment is easy from an unloved child, a neglected wife, an absent parent. It is far less simple when the bond had seemed unbreakable before the illusion fades.

So how can she pretend to be in the same position as anyone else here?

"My father has done terrible things, but I love him. I have done terrible things, but he loves me."

"Well I love you too. Your father only loves you if he gets something out of it. I love you no matter what, and so do Kazumi and Azusami."

The Monster of the West is stunned by her lack of any coherent response and Ty Lee too cautious about the situation to speak any further.

But after a few dreadful and long moments, Azula at last breaks the agonizing silence, once she has composed herself enough to compose a proper speech worthy of her reputation.

"It is harder than one would think for children to truly judge their parents. How can they not lack distance and objectivity when it comes to those who brought them into the world and raised them? I can denounce my father all I want but I will never be able to stop loving him and missing him. So don't ever ask me to again."

Ty Lee listens and she nods. She cannot pretend to fully understand but she does know Azula is being wholly honest, which is a rare occasion.

Thankfully, the ensuing silence only lasts a brief second or two before Katara opens the door, making the last adjustment on her wedding outfit.

"Oh!" happily exclaims Ty Lee. "Your aura is so, like, radiantly purple! It's gorgeous!"

And Azula, to even her own surprise, begrudgingly yet regally admits to her soon-to-be sister-in-law, "Well, I suppose wonders never cease in this world; you somehow clean up quite well."

Katara smiles wryly as she eyes Azula.

"That was dangerously close to a compliment."

Azula frowns and rolls her eyes. "Don't break an arm jerking yourself off, dear. It was just an observation, not an invite into my bedchambers."

All three women laugh but Ty Lee and Azula's eyes linger warily on each other just a little too long to delude themselves into believing the occasion is truly as free of conflict as they pretend.

[X]

The unorthodox wedding ceremony begins with a protectorate tradition Azula with which is wholly unfamiliar. Her own wedding is the only one she ever cared to pay any attention to and it was steeped in isolationist Fire Nation tradition and complex political intrigue.

This simple set up that Azula spent the entire night of her loaned help — which amounted solely to watching the twins while everyone else worked — making snide remarks about actually turned out to be remarkably lovely at sunrise.

Azula will never admit it, but even without the glitz and glamor of a Calderan event, this is one of the most beautiful occasions she has ever laid eyes on, and the entirety of that fact comes not from the couple, whom she despises, nor the overgrown invasion of nature creeping into the all but abandoned protectorate, or even the way the shimmering fabrics and freshly painted decorations at the makeshift altar look. It is because she watched every detail of it be created in front of her and something impossible, ugly and entirely beneath she and her wife's caliber turned out to be striking in the bright orange light.

At the opening of this tiny ceremony with a only disgraced controversial conqueror, a washed up rebel icon in love with her monstrous wife, a muted ghost of that icon's sister, two colicky twin infants and the creatures of the woodlands in attendance, they begin with what is apparently a protectorate tradition. The bride and groom exchange gifts, one for each element, a total of eight when combined.

Zuko goes first.

"To my wife, I first present a gift of fire. Please accept this band symbolizing my commitment to you. Next, I present a gift of earth. Please accept these flowers as a symbol of your beauty. Next, I present a gift of air. Please accept this empty bottle as a memory of the night we first met. Finally, I present a gift of water. Please accept this carved necklace to sit side by side with the one from your mother, the one you touched when you told me of her on the day I fell in love with you.."

Katara responds, "To my husband, I first present a gift of water. Please accept this carved bracelet symbolizing my commitment to you. Next, I present a gift of air. Please accept this seashell so even when we are apart, you can listen to the sound of the ocean and think of me. Next I present a gift of earth. Please accept these seeds as a symbol of what we can plant side by side and watch grow together. Finally, I present a gift of fire. Please accept this band to stay on your finger for as long as our passion continues to burn."

They then, after the exchange of the gifts themselves, say in slightly uneven unison, "With our souls and these gifts we will build a house of stone, we will build fishing boats that bring bounty, we will build a hearth to rest side by side, and we will build wings to soar together through the sky."

After they sort out safe places to set the gifts and say a few more traditional verses and words, the wedding moves into the portion that borrows from Katara's culture.

They take the bracelet with carved stone fastened to a strip of silk and the nearly identical necklace that they had exchanged as gifts and help them into each other before they begin.

Katara nods at Ty Lee and Azula is shocked to be handed one of the babies as Ty Lee gets up to be the officiant of a Water Tribe ritual. Her betrayal and irritation is written all over her face but Ty Lee wants the wedding to be as untainted as possible, and so she just does her best not to look at her wife. She can deal with the ramifications later. Right now she honors her word to Katara.

"I killed a plant once," says Ty Lee as Zuko and Katara set up and fill a basin of water. It is meant for washing, but it was the best they could do so it ended up dragged outside. "I did everything I could to keep that plant alive. I carried it on walks to give it air and sun. I pruned it and sang to it and kept it on my best shelf with the ideal light. I watered it and watered it. That's how I killed it. My dad explained overwatering to me after that happened. We held a silly and dramatic funeral for the plant right here. That really was more about getting some actual attention in a family of six sisters than my feelings towards the plant. But the more I thought about the overwatering, the more I worried that love isn't all that unlike violence. Mainly when you love too much. I forgot all about that until just a few days ago and it's been bouncing around in my head since then. The truth is, though, the problem wasn't too much love. It was that because I loved the plant so much, I didn't think about what the plant needed. I only thought about my love for it and what I needed and so I drowned it. Katara, you asked me to do a little speech during the set up and your instruction was to make it relate to the Water Tribe. I don't really know much about the Water Tribe but I know a decent amount about love and marriage, and I know a lot about the cost of overwatering a plant. I think in times like this, where nothing seems to make sense and every minute feels like our last, a wedding is a promise that you'll always come home. And I hope you're marrying somebody who feels like home to you. I'm glad I did. Home isn't a place. It's a feeling. And I guess I just want to say that real love means letting someone go if it's best for them, it means looking out for them even if it isn't what you'd prefer. It means learning how much water is too much for them to live and not crossing that threshold even if giving water is the only way you feel like you can show them your love. This wedding is, to me, at least, a reminder that love is about being able to step back or drag on forward or let go of the people you love most because you love them enough to want what is best for them, and you know they love you enough to never be gone for too long. So… uh, I guess that's all I've got. Is the stuff ready?"

Katara nods. Azula stares, feeling lightheaded and anxious after hearing Ty Lee's speech. She feels like every word tightens a vice around her heart and the pain is almost as awful as the way her brain ravenously devours any hint of discord or disloyalty directed at Azula.

She adjusts herself in her seat, brings her daughter closer to her chest, and forces herself — and not without great effort — to not cause a scene and go off on Ty Lee.

She hardly pays attention to the silly little homage to Water Tribe wedding rituals. Her head is racing, her temples are pounding, and she has just realized, as Ty Lee sits back down beside her, that she is going to give Zuko what he wants.

Being owed a favor from him could not hurt, especially if Ty Lee is planning to bail.

Finally, after finishing unifying them in the names of the Ocean and Moon, Zuko waits a few anxious seconds to see if Azula has made up her mind about the portion dedicated to the Fire Nation.

She does not make him sweat too long, at least; Azula strides over and gives Zuko the slightest of nods. His debt to her is confirmed in his response and so she begins to speak.

"War has been our scourge, for all our lives, yet it has also made us wise, and, that wisdom has taught me and, hopefully, the two standing on this altar, that we need to take what breaths of air we can get. Enjoy a wedding for a day, take a moment to admit our feelings, rest in a soft bed even if only for one night, lay down our weapons to watch the sun rise. It has also made me recognize that in the moments when we are fighting for our freedom, we are free." She glances at Katara and they silently acknowledge the double meaning of her word choice. "I will not waste your time with anything grander than that. I doubt the squirrel-mice or the birds care much about what I have to say and the less I think about these two the happier I am. But I will grant with my authority as crown princess and the authority of the entire Fire Empire that these two, Zuko and Katara, shall be legally wed and entitled to any and all legitimate claims that come with such a status. Princess Katara, Prince Zuko, may the spirits preserve your union going forward from this day, in the name of Sozin, Azulon, Ozai and Agni. The fire in our blood is both a blessing and a curse, as we will never be cold or weary, but we will always need something to burn. May it not be each other. So say we all."

"So say we all," says Zuko on instinct as Katara hastily tries to catch up and stumbles through the words with him.

Ty Lee cheerily sets off the fire crackers as Zuko kisses the blushing bride.

[X]

After the wedding, Ty Lee's sister plays music and Ty Lee ensures there's plenty to drink in the small, overgrown, messy backyard. It is not much of a party, especially compared to her own royal wedding, but she still thinks everyone here could use a little fun to brighten their fading, grim auras.

Azula grabs a drink without speaking to Ty Lee and then goes to lean on the railing beside Zuko, who is nursing a strong homebrewed cup of swill of his own.

"I suppose you owe me that favor. I have the paperwork and everything." She smirks at him.

"I suppose I do," he drawls. He is clearly happy, too happy to even bicker with or insult Azula. Maybe he deserves to be happy on his wedding day, regardless of how much Azula hates him.

"I look forward to cashing it in once the opportunity presents itself." She takes a sip and pretends to admire some flowers near her arm.

"Are you and Ty Lee having problems?" Zuko is shocked at his own bluntness and the fact that he said something like that at all, but he also cannot exactly take it back, so he may as well keep going. "I know having twins can't be tough and you two have been through a lot but you actually seemed pretty in love for an arranged marriage."

Azula purses her lips. She wants to tear out his throat and with her teeth and gouge out his eyes with her nails, but instead she chooses silence.

And yet, despite her grace, he keeps talking. "It's okay to be unhappy. I know this isn't where you want to be. But don't make it her fault."

"I will be fine. This is temporary. As soon as the twins can travel with us, we part ways and I pursue my rightful place on the throne. I have been through war. I think I can handle a few weeks of babies and boredom. I assure you that Ty Lee and I are not having any problems, and even if we were, you are the last person I would ever want to talk to about it."

Zuko looks at her, and as much as it may be newlywed bliss and the strong drink, he thinks he finally figures out what has been so off about her lately. He cannot believe he overlooked something so honest and simple and clear but it is Azula, and things involving her never are honest, simple and clear, so maybe he cannot blame himself for not seeing it until now.

All of their guards are down a little too much for their own goods tonight. Even hers.

"You're ashamed."

"Ashamed of what? I am ashamed I married a woman who was raised in this shithole, perhaps, but great things often have small beginnings. No one will ever remember Ty Lee as a girl from a filthy protectorate. They will remember her only as my Queen when I reign over all nations."

"You're ashamed of yourself. You are. I can't believe I didn't see it. You're ashamed of the things you've done, you're ashamed of yourself for ending up here, you're ashamed that you are living quietly and protecting your daughters instead of commanding an army. You're ashamed that you don't have a better plan yet than hiding out here. I didn't think I'd ever see the day when you were so depressed and miserable over feeling ashamed."

Azula's words drip with hatred and elegance as she slowly snarls, "My pride and honor will easily be restored. I cannot say the same for yours."

Maybe those words could have offended him, but despite her attempted bravado in posture and speech, her insult that ordinarily will be cutting lacks any bite.

He shrugs it off and says, "Uncle told me once that pride is not the antidote to shame; humility is."

"Humility is not as positive of a quality as you seem to believe. And if we are quoting our mentors now, father told me once that those who are meant to lead never are satisfied to follow. He was right. What I need is to be in command again, not to go on a guided meditation journey with a chubby has-been."

Zuko launches into an intense explanation but Azula only catches the beginning of it. She has little interest in the topic or having discussions with her brother at all, but what distracted her was not boredom but a sudden rush as she sees Ty Lee dancing by herself in the beautiful outfit she made for the wedding, vibrant and alive in a way Azula cannot wholly recognize. She is not sure if she wants to kiss her, kill her or be her, but Ty Lee is stealing the night in the most stunning way.

"Are you listening?" snaps Zuko through bared teeth. His eyes flash with irritation until he notices why Azula is ignoring him.

She is too busy staring at — no, gazing dreamily at — Ty Lee. It would be cute if it were anyone else on the planet than his little sister. But at least she has an excuse for ignoring him that does not turn his stomach.

"No. Now, I have more important matters to attend to than your feelings, ZuZu." She smiles a very real smile as she strides over and asks Ty Lee to dance with her. Here, mostly alone, in the middle of a mostly dead protectorate.

As they dance, Azula at last assuredly knows to her core that Ty Lee is far too full of life to be only half loved by others.

When Azula gets back on top, there is only one person she cares to bring with her.

She mentions something about it and Ty Lee has a brief look of concern before smiling and embracing it as the compliment it is.

"Do you not want to be by my side when I take my throne? You don't have to worry. I'll protect you from any harm."

"Thank you, princess, but I can protect myself." It is not the issue she took with Azula's fixation on throwing their family into danger to gain power but it is an easier thing to chide her about than stirring back up the anger and emotion and torment that comes to the surface whenever Ty Lee even thinks about how much she would rather run away with Azula and the twins to wait out the bloodshed in peace and humble comfort.

"I know you're capable on your own," snaps Azula. "I've seen you in combat. I wish I had you at my side during my military career."

"Then—"

"I know you're capable on your own, but I want you to know that so long as I am breathing, you don't have to be."

Ty Lee smiles her first true, free and genuine grin of the day as Azula dips her, lifts her and pulls her back into the dance. She cannot stay angry, even when Azula goes on and on about her hunger for power and dominance even at the cost of her family's security, because that is possibly the sweetest thing anyone has ever told Ty Lee.

They keep on dancing.

The rest of the night somehow miraculously manages to go off without a hitch, at least externally.

But even as they return to their current home and clean up what they can and fall into the arms of their loved ones while drunk on romance and rice wine the cracks in their minds, hearts and souls still show through the veneer.

Maybe the emotions, the tension, the interpersonal conflict, the looming ever-present war outside the rickety windows all appear complicated, mismatched and nigh impossible to unpack.

But as Azula lies down beside her immediately unconscious wife, her daughters tucked in and holding each other as they sleep soundly after the busy, overstimulating day, she knows every single issue they face comes down to one fallacy.

People want to believe they know other people.

Parents are convinced they know their children. Siblings are convinced they know their siblings. Married couples are convinced they know each other. It's a nice thought.

But like most nice thoughts, in Azula's opinion, it is actually utter bullshit.

It's the main reason why no matter how at peace she feels half asleep with Ty Lee and their daughters after an admittedly blissful party, her mind swirls with the same questions that play on repeat in the allegedly ditzy and airy head of her wife.

They are the questions that haunt every brand of marriage, whether arranged or not.

What are you really thinking?

What are you really feeling?

What have we done to each other?