Chapter 19: Hero
By the time the Lockhart siblings got back from the playground they all had numb noses and ears but they were smiling. Technically they were all too old for seeing who could swing the highest on the swings and climbing backwards up the slide – somehow it didn't stop them and Tifa was just as bad as her siblings. The bar was still standing as they let themselves into it so Tifa took that as a good sign. Leon and Barrett were no where to be found but the stairs to the basement were clean and so Tifa thought they hadn't killed each other. Probably. Checking upstairs, Cloud and Aerith were still both sleeping and Cid was dozing in a chair next to Shera who was breathing much easier. Even her father was sleeping and Tifa helped the children unbundled and then let them help her make dinner. Which meant things got messier than usual but that was all right. There was a light mood in the house, which was odd. For itself but especially considering the circumstances. Tifa didn't question it. You didn't question good things when they came your way.
Efficient, she loaded her brother and sister up with trays with food for two each and sent them up to her room with strict orders to make sure everyone ate everything. Then she carried a tray up and left a bowl of broth and a plate for Cid on the small desk next to the bed, trusting the smell to wake him up. They'd had to fend for themselves for lunch and considering the food still in her kitchen she assumed that they'd forgotten to eat. She let herself into her father's room and kept him company while he ate but he wasn't really there. More and more as his body grew frailer and frailer, his mind would wander away from it. Tonight was one of those nights and so, while he ate, it was on automatic and he took his medicine without pause when Tifa gave it to him. It was hard – watching him fade away. And yet, a heartless part of Tifa wished it would just finish. Just – wanted it to finally be over. Horrible thoughts but she'd been taking care of him for so many years that she didn't have the energy to beat herself up for them anymore.
"Good night, daddy" she murmured as she helped him lay down and tucked him in like a child, kissing his forehead since he wasn't aware enough to protest or scowl. For just a moment more she lingered and then she let herself back out and went into the bathroom to change into her work clothes. She had to open the bar tonight. She was going to have to buy food tomorrow.
Peeking into her room on the way past she saw that Aerith was awake and eating. Cloud was propped up in the bed, eyes open and unseeing again but he looked like he was eating the food the children spooned into his mouth. Denzel gave her a thumbs up sign and Aerith smiled, still looking tired but looking much better than she had before she'd taken her nap.
"I'll be downstairs. Come and get me if you need me" she told them. She poked her head into the other room to tell Cid the same basic thing. His plate was already cleared and he was coaxing broth into Shera. Tifa took the empty dishes and washed them in the kitchen downstairs, catching bites off of her own plate as she worked. When she was finished, she moved over to the door and turned the sign in the door to 'open' before unlocking it. Then she went behind the counter and started setting things up.
Her customers drifted in as the evening deepened. Mostly men but some women. Blowing on their hands and stamping their feet as they came in. Settling onto their usual bar stools or at their regular tables. Murmuring or cheerfully cracking their greetings and Tifa greeted them each by name in turn and asked about specifics in their lives as she served up drinks. She knew almost everyone that came to her bar because most of them were regulars. She knew what to expect from each of them, how much they could drink before she cut them off, who to call to come and bring them home if it was needed. But there were always new faces too, transients usually, and Tifa paid the most covert attention to them. On the whole her regulars were protective, both of the bar itself and its owner that made them feel important enough to remember in a world that didn't care if they had a name. That wasn't always a good thing though. Tifa had learned to read the mood of the crowd from years of experience. Tonight it was – tired and yet restless. The loss of the Mako reactor in a different section meant power siphoned off of theirs, the slums were always the first to be stripped of their power to provide for the upper Plates. It also meant work, in this case even more than just repairs. Construction. Where simply having a strong back and a willingness to work was good enough. Temporary jobs. Temporary gil. Temporary view of how the world above them lived and all the things they didn't have. It brought up a lot of different emotions in a lot of people and they brought all of it with them when they came to her bar to drink and unwind.
Tifa rode it like a practiced wave rider, inserting a word here, a question there, a smile elsewhere as she smoothly moved from bar to tables and back again in constant motion. The noise level shifted in waves as well and it was during one peek – a large table of men who'd worked on the construction all day long laughing raucously over yet another of their leader's jokes, when Tifa looked up with instinctive reflex just as Denzel came trotting down the stairs. She nodded and he headed over to the bar where Tifa was pouring drinks onto glasses on a tray.
"Everything all right?" she asked, brows lowering as she saw the look in his eyes. Denzel shook his head, looking confused.
"Cloud's restless," he told her, reaching under the counter to pull out the beers Tifa pointed to. "He won't lay still and he keeps moving around. Aerith says she's going to have to sit on him soon because he's not settling down."
Tifa frowned as she popped the lids off the beers and slid them down the counter to the waiting patrons.
"Okay. I'll be right up" she told him and sent him back while she passed out the drinks on her tray. "Johnny, watch the bar for me for a couple of minutes, all right?" she asked the young man sitting near the edge of it. With two kids and a father, there were times Tifa needed to leave things and Johnny had always proved himself helpful. All it cost Tifa in return was a couple nights of free drinks and since the young man didn't drink to get drunk it was a pretty easy price to pay. He gave her a smile and nodded, picking up his drink to move behind the counter while Tifa rinsed off her hands and dried them on a towel before heading up the stairs.
She walked into the bedroom to find Cloud sitting up with his legs swung off the bed and his bare feet on the floor. His eyes were open and vague but they weren't the sightless blank she'd expected. His long hands gripped the sides of the bed. Aerith was standing in front of him, hands on his bare shoulders and it looked like she was trying to hold him down. Marlene and Denzel were standing a little to the side, leaving things to the adult – for the moment – but ready to jump in to help at a moment's notice. Tifa moved over to join Aerith.
"What's going on?" she asked her friend.
"He just – sat up," Aerith started. "Jolt upright. He's not listening to us and – "
"Who's here?" His voice was rough and raw, familiar in its softness.
"Cloud?" Tifa reached out and then realized she wasn't sure where to touch him. A shoulder to push him back down or his forehead to feel for heat?
"Who's here?" he repeated, his eyes unfocused, somewhere beyond her.
"Customers" Tifa answered, a part of her wondering why they were having this conversation. Wasn't he supposed to be unconscious? "I had to open the bar. I have a bar."
"Seventh Heaven."
It made Tifa's brows rise because she knew she hadn't told him so. Had someone else mentioned it? Because she couldn't imagine him having been aware enough to actually read the sign when they'd first staggered in.
"Yes." She rested the hand she'd raised on her hip. "And its open and I need to go back downstairs and make sure they pay me for their drinks. But I can't leave you up here if you're going to be trouble for Aerith and the kids."
He paused, brows low over his 'elsewhere' eyes. As if he were trying to make things make sense in his head. When he did speak it was slow and hesitated as it stumbled along.
"Because – your dad is… sick. So you help in – in the bar. No." He shook his head as if frustrated. "You run the bar now." He paused and Tifa was too surprised to try to fill the silence before he finally spoke again, light colored brows twitching down over his eyes.
"Tifa?… Why don't you play the piano anymore?"
Tifa's eyebrows came down and she pressed her lips together. With a motion, she got Aerith to move out of the way so she could kneel down in front of Cloud. To catch his attention she rested her hands on his knees. And it worked. His blue eyes moved to her and they burned even in the light of the room. Yet – she wasn't sure if he was really seeing her because… there was something unfocused in his eyes.
"Cloud" she kept her voice steady even though her heart wasn't exactly. She'd sold her piano over ten years ago to help pay the bills. Shortly after her mother had died. His head shifted, as if he was making it a point to hear her. "How do you know I used to play the piano?"
His face shifted, flickered young and vulnerable and unsure. His eyes narrowed and moved back and forth as if searching inside himself for something. One of his hands rose and hesitantly touched her cheek. Guilt and embarrassment rose to the surface of his face and his eyes moved like a blind man's searching for something he couldn't see as he tried to look at her face.
"I – " even his voice was younger, some of the throatiness and weight stripped away. "I've listened to you. I sit outside – in the alley. When it's not cold you leave the window open when you practice and I can hear you. Sometimes…." His eyes changed and went hopeless. "You cry."
Tifa's throat tightened so much that she couldn't even get out a reply. He hung his head and his eyes disappeared behind his blond hair but his hands covered hers on his legs.
"I – like it when you cry. Because I'm the only one that ever knows about it. You never cry for anyone else. Not even when you hurt yourself or get lost or when your father yells. I'm the only one that knows you cry and it makes me feel like I'm – " his voice faded. "Like I'm special to get to share, even though you don't know I am."
"You're the boy. The one that found the ball we lost when I was all alone."
It was hardly enough description but Cloud's head nodded, setting his hair swaying.
"Everyone had left you. I thought – I thought you might not chase me away the way everyone else always did. I wanted – I wanted to hear you talk to me. You – " his hands over hers moved. "You called me your hero when I found your ball. You kissed my cheek before you ran home." His fingers played unconsciously with hers and his shoulders straightened. "I joined the army. To become SOLDIER. I – I was going to make sure that I could always be your hero." His shoulders had straightened while he talked about it but suddenly they slumped inward and he hunched forward, head still lowered. His fingers went slack. Tifa wound her fingers through his. "I failed" he whispered it. "I'm not your hero at all."
Something in her heart seemed to break into little pieces and without thinking about it, she rose on her knees. Hands linked she couldn't hug him and she didn't want to pull away from him – reject him – not even just for a second. So she laid the side of her face against his and rubbed lightly, cheek against cheek.
The little boy from so long ago. She had remembered him and remembered right. But she obviously hadn't remembered it all and it did something horrible and wonderful inside her chest to hear his memories of the incident. The man in front of her turned his face into hers and breathed a single word in exhale.
"Tifa…"
For some reason it made her smile. And it made her want to cry. Holding his hands in hers, she moved her arms behind her so that his arms were wrapped around her.
"It's all right. It's all right, Cloud." His arms tightened around her and it freed her hands so she could reach up and hug him close. "I saw how you fought for my brother and sister. You're still my hero." She whispered it soft against his ear and then turned her face to press a kiss to his cheek. Her lips lingered there despite her intentions and he turned his head, just a little. Bringing them closer and resting that way. And then he exhaled and his body relaxed into her arms. His head fell to her shoulder. But his arms stayed around her and for a very long time, Tifa just held him that way and felt him breathing, slow and steady, against her. Her little sister's:
"Tifa?" finally had her stirring and she softly said:
"Aerith? Help me move him back onto the bed, will you, please?"
Aerith stepped forward immediately and between the two of them they got Cloud back in bed and comfortable. Aerith looked at her friend's face but Tifa just shook her head. Not yet. She had to think about everything, really take it in, first. Denzel and Marlene looked worried and confused so she kissed them both on the top of their heads and gave them smiles.
"It's all right. I'm fine and Cloud should be fine now too. Go get ready for bed. You can sleep in here with Aerith tonight, all right?"
They nodded, still watching her and she smiled again and let herself out of the room to head back down to the bar. But for the rest of the night her mind wasn't entirely on what she was doing.
