Disclaimer: None of this is mine, nor will it ever be (sigh). I like to play with the characters that Stephenie Meyers created and make them do pervy things or become angels with a bad attitude.
Up next will be Bella's story. I'm warning you … it's not pretty. There will be some descriptions of violence and nonconsensual sex, but nothing too graphic. But, here's your warning.
Chapter Twelve
BPOV
Edward must have felt the emptiness inside me. He tightened his hold on me and shielded me from the world with his wings. He had wings. He chuckled. "I have wings, Bella. I'm shocked that you are so blasé about it."
"They're gorgeous, but why are your wings black?" I asked, tracing one of the feathers. "Is it because of what happened?"
"No. Our wings are as unique as we are. Alice's are delicate, shimmery and white. Her mate's wings are a shade of cream, with black at the tips of the feathers," Edward explained. "And they're not black. They're charcoal."
I giggled. "Minor technicalities." But, my smile faded. "I could just show you my past and you'd know everything."
"Bella, you don't have to tell me anything," Edward whispered, his fingers trailing along my jawline. I remembered when my jaw was broken from one of my foster fathers when I tried to fight back.
"I want to. You're the first person who has truly cared for me, about me in my entire life," I whispered. "My mom was a junkie and died from an overdose. I was moved into group home and then into a slew of foster homes, each one worse than the last. I was physically abused, beaten within an inch of my life for just breathing. When I got older, my foster dads and foster brothers saw me as a conquest, not taking no for an answer."
"No man has that right," Edward snarled. "You were a child."
"Once I had tits, I was fair game," I deadpanned. "The first time I was raped, I had just turned fourteen. My foster father was drunk and he mistook me for his wife. I begged him to stop, but he said that it was too late and that I needed to just deal with it. He was not gentle and I bled for days, weeks. He liked what he did so much, that he continued to do it, almost nightly."
"Did you tell anyone?" Edward asked, his voice pained and his eyes swirling with emotion.
"I did, but nothing happened. That was until there was a random home visit. One of their other foster children had missed too many days of school. Upon further inspection of the home, it was not deemed a suitable place for any further placements. I showed the social worker my bloodied sheets that I was forced to sleep on because Rick felt I needed a reminder of my place in the home. I was just his whore," I spat. "I spoke with the police, but nothing happened. There was no physical evidence …"
"The sheets," Edward breathed.
"The cops gave me some bullshit story saying that since I didn't press charges or submit to a rape exam, there was nothing they could do," I sneered. "Being a child, I believed them and was shuffled off to my next foster home where I was beaten by my foster mom."
"How many homes were you in?" Edward asked, holding me closer to his body.
"I lost count at ten," I said. "Each one worse than the next. My bones were broken, my spirit shattered and my innocence ripped away. Never once did someone say that they loved me. I learned that I could only rely on myself. It was the only person that was trustworthy. If I shared a secret, it was broadcast. If I showed weakness, I was exploited. If I loved, I was battered and reminded that I wasn't worthy of love." I shifted and moved out of Edward's arms, reaching for a bottle of water. When I was finished, I was back in his embrace and he nuzzled my neck with his nose. It was weird to have someone act so demonstratively with me. I was used to harsh blows, punches, choking, anger, revulsion. Edward's caresses were almost reverent. Protective. Loving.
"You are worthy of love," he whispered, his voice broken and his hold on me tight, but to keep me close to him. I bit back tears, wiping my cheeks and looking back at him. His green eyes were still fierce, trying to make sense as to why I was subject to such a horrible childhood.
If I knew, I'd tell him.
"It was ingrained in me that I wasn't, Edward," I sighed. "The only act of love I received was from my grandmother that I didn't know existed. Just before I aged out of the system, some attorney told me about my grandmother's death and my inheritance. With that money, I was able to go to college and get my teaching certificate. I wanted to help children, teach them and make their lives better. I wanted to give them the opportunities that I never had."
"How did you meet Riley?" he asked.
"I was at my first teaching position. I worked in Forks as a long-term sub. I graduated in December and there were no full-time teaching positions, so I ended up taking a maternity leave position. Riley worked at one of the logging companies in town. His niece, Bree, was in my class. Every so often, he'd pick her up when her mom was unavailable," I snorted. "Which was quite often. Bree's mom was an alcoholic and living in her mother's basement with her daughter.
"At first, Riley was charming and sweet. I thought he was a good guy. He doted on his niece. Once the school year was over, Riley asked me out. He seemed okay, but I was still hesitant. I'd never really had a relationship before due to my … um … past," I ground out. "My roommate told me to go for it. So, I agreed to go out with him. The charm and sweetness continued, but about a month into our relationship, Riley wanted to take our physical relationship to the next level."
"He wanted sex," Edward said, his voice flat.
"Pretty much," I shrugged. "I told him that I wanted to take things slowly because of my past. I wanted to be sure. With the loss of my innocence, I didn't want to give my body to just anyone. He said he understood. He said he'd wait." Edward pursed his lips, probably reading my thoughts. "He didn't."
"Show me," Edward whispered, his voice broken and his face a vision of torture.
I closed my eyes and I showed him the first time that Riley …
xx OOTD xx
"I'm going over to Peter's house. I think he's going to propose," sang my roommate, Charlotte. "If he does, will you be in my wedding party, Bells?"
"Get the ring first, Charlotte," I snorted.
"I can stay, if you want. With Riley being a first-class douche … standing you up and making you cry," Charlotte growled. "Perhaps you should end things with him. I know I told you to go for it, but something about him freaks me the fuck out."
"Lately, me, too," I replied. "Anyway, I have a date with the washing machine and my stacks of grading. These spelling tests from summer school are not going to grade themselves. But, have fun with Peter. Show the ring." Charlotte squealed, dancing out of the apartment. I went to the bedroom, gathering my clothes and walking down to the basement and loading the washers. I left them down in the basement, going back to the apartment. Inside, I locked the door and began working on the tests with a glass of wine and a bowl of M&Ms.
There was a harsh knock on my door. "BELLA!" growled Riley. "I know you're in there."
His words were slurred. I put my wine glass into the sink and blew out a breath. No time like the present. Walking to the door, I opened it, but left the chain on it. "Riley, you're drunk. We need to talk, but not when you're like this," I said.
"You're a cock tease," he said, using his shoulder to force the door open. I fell onto my ass as Riley barreled into the apartment. He kicked the door shut, his eyes dark and filled with lust and rage. "I've waited for you. I've been patient. Kissing you, holding your hand, but nothing has been for me." He grabbed my arms, throwing me against the wall and pinned me against the door. "My turn, you whore."
"Riley, please," I sobbed. "I'll give you what you want." He didn't care and he backhanded me. Blood poured from my nose and he tore at my clothes. I cried for him to stop as he thrust inside me. He didn't. He was relentless and cruel, punching me and doing things that I never wanted.
"You're mine, Isabella," Riley growled as he tucked his flaccid cock into his jeans. "When I want this …" he grabbed me and rubbed me harshly, "I'm going to take it. And don't be going to the police. I'm good friends with the chief and he'll never believe you. Clean yourself up, whore. You're bleeding all over the carpet." He stomped to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. I crawled to the bathroom, scouring every inch of my body, but I couldn't get clean. Riley also wasn't done, either.
It was a nightmare and I couldn't get out of it.
I just wanted to die.
xx OOTD xx
"That was the first time," I whispered. "He got more violent each time. I'd black out."
"And he stole from you, too?" Edward asked.
"Just before the end of the summer, I was helping Charlotte pack up her stuff to move in with her fiancé. He had proposed that night that …" I trailed off. Edward cradled my head against his body. I melted against him, relishing in his calm and tender care. "Anyway, we were loading up Peter's truck. I kept my cash in a shoe box in my closet. While we were outside, someone had ransacked the apartment, but most of the damage was in my room. My shoe box was gone and I found Riley's pocket knife on the ground. That was the last I saw of him and I moved to Port Angeles shortly after that, getting the teaching job where we're at now."
"How long ago was that?" Edward whispered.
"I've been teaching for five years, so three years ago," I answered.
"What happened to Charlotte?"
"She wanted me to press charges. She never knew what Riley did to me, the rapes, you know?" I said, shivering. "She was so oblivious. She never noticed that I was jumpy or refused to be touched. Even now, I struggle with touch."
"I'm so sorry," he said. "If I could, I'd take those memories way."
"Most of them, I don't remember. He liked to fuck me when I was unconscious," I said flatly. "I'd go to bed and then wake up, covered in bruises and blood."
"Did you go to the doctor? Bella, he could have," Edward said. He moved his hand, pressing it to my stomach, just above my womb. "No …"
"I'm okay with it," I shrugged.
"No, you're not. Bella, he took away your choice and took away your ability to have children," he said, his voice pained. "There's got to be a way where I can help you."
"Edward, I don't want children. My past? What kind of mother would I be?" I snorted derisively and shooting up off his lap. "There was too much damage."
"Bella, you'd be a wonderful mother," Edward said, standing up and taking my hands in his.
"I can't even bear the thought of doing more than kissing," I said. "I can handle your touch because I know that you'd never hurt me … but I'm broken, Edward. My past, it broke me. I'll never be put together." I tugged my hands from his and ran out of the house, stumbling through the forest and collapsing at the edge of a small stream. I broke down in tears, curled up in a tiny ball.
I heard the distinct flapping of wings and I looked up, just as Alice landed gracefully next to me. "I want to be alone," I spat.
"Too bad. There's a hungry bear and you'd be dinner if I didn't come. Come on," she said, putting a coat around my shoulders.
"I can't go back there," I whispered. "He pities me."
"Edward does not pity you," Alice said, guiding me to a small building behind Edward's home. "Jasper and I spent the night here. It's the guest house. Jasper, despite his hatred of your mate, is trying to calm him down. He's worried about you, Bella. He loves you."
"He loves me because he loves me or loves me because of some weird wacky connection making him think he loves me." I growled.
"Both," Alice said, sitting down in front of me. She curled her wings inside her and she stared at me. "I've known Edward since he was a baby. He was always protective of the ones he loved. He'd do anything for them, but for you, he would die for you." Blowing out a breath, she sat back. "Bella, he could have spent the rest of eternity with his wife and child, but he chose to do God's bidding. Something in his heart told him that there was more for him. It led him straight to you, Bella. You're his other half."
"Then, why can't I love him back?" I asked.
"You do," she whispered.
"How do you know that? I mean, can you read my mind? See into my soul? Do I have a soul?" I growled.
"If you didn't love him, on some level, he'd be dead," Alice said bluntly. "And yes, I can read your mind, but not as clearly as Edward can. I'm not your guardian angel, nor your mate. You have a soul, too, but you're at a crossroads."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"By in large, you are inherently good. You are a teacher, you are kind and you are selfless, but because of your abuse, it puts you at risk to turning to the dark side," she said, her voice calm, but the fear behind it was there. "If you commit suicide, which was and is still a distinct possibility, you will join Lucifer. He will take what you have, corrupting the goodness within and ruining everything."
"And if I remain good?" I questioned.
"He will be banished," Alice answered. "But, it's up to you. With Riley lurking around, he can tempt you, trick you."
"Is Riley evil?"
"Lucifer has taken up residence in his body," Alice replied. "Bella, you must be safe. Riley got close to Edward and nearly killed him. There's no telling what he'll do to you." She blinked a few times, giving me a smile. "I'm joining the staff at your school. We need to protect you."
"How? All of the positions are filled," I said.
"I'm going to be a teacher's assistant," Alice responded. "There was a posting this morning and I applied. I interview on Thursday." She stood up and smoothed her clothes. "You have to be wary. Riley will do anything to bring you to the darkness."
"You make it sound like it's the Force," I snorted.
"It kind of is," she said. "We need to maintain the balance and you, Isabella Swan, are the key to maintaining that balance. Riley knows it and we know it. There is something special about you, Bella. I'm not privy to that information, but you must be protected." She turned, walking toward the exit. "I know you need time. Edward understands too, but he's upset about it."
"He's cursing a blue streak?" I asked.
Alice moved her head, as if listening. "Such colorful language, but yes," she sighed. "Take all of the time you need, Bella."
"Okay," I said, curling up on the couch. "Tell Edward I'm sorry for running off. I … I just need to come to grips with what he's told me and dealing with the suck that I call my life." She smiled sadly, ducking out of the tiny cottage.
I lay down, exhaustion from the day catching up with me. Everything was so fucked up and I was so confused.
Did I love Edward? I don't know.
Could I love him? I don't know.
Could I trust him? I don't know.
Could I trust myself? I don't know.
I don't know anything. Not anymore. Everything was confusing, garbled and … I just don't know.
A/N: I tried to breeze over the icky parts. I hated writing the icky parts, but they were a part of Bella's past. It's a part that made her what she is today. But is her life such a huge part of the puzzle in the grand scheme of things? I'm curious to hear your theories.
Leave me some loving. Thanks for reading! ;-)
