? Akutagawa thought.
Time seemed to rush by as Atsushi helped him get ready for a day out at the zoo. He had changed his clothes at some point; they had even taken an Uber. It felt like he was under water, getting shuffled along by some mysterious hands, but here they were. He had just gotten out of the car at the front entrance of the zoo.
Did we talk about anything on the way over?
Akutagawa scratched his head and took a deep breath. It wasn't as cold today. That was one good thing.
"...so then, I had to have help carrying him home!"
I guess we had been talking, at least it seems Atsushi has. Why am I so nervous?
He noticed his palms were sweating. He wiped them on the front of his pants and tried to pull himself together.
"That sounds completely idiotic."
Atsushi laughed, "It really was, but you had to be there. Maybe I can introduce you to my friends sometime."
Akutagawa started walking toward the ticket booth. Atsushi jogged a few steps to get in pace with him, "How about I get the tickets, and you can get lunch? They have great corn dogs here."
"That hardly sounds appetizing." He wrinkled his nose. "Go ahead, we can think about food later."
Atsushi stepped around, got the tickets, and handed one to Akutagawa.
"We're all set! Let's go!" He touched Akutagawa's hand for a second to guide him to follow.
Akutagawa couldn't help but feel a small tug of excitement. He felt the urge to run after Atsushi, but he instead walked casually behind, turning his head to look around. Atsushi had stopped about 12 feet ahead, he was looking at a parrot that the sign boasted could repeat any one word you said.
Akutagawa wasn't particularly interested in the parrot.
Hmm , he hummed to himself and tried to stand on his tiptoe to peer around the parrot exhibit.
He caught sight of a sign that read the tiger exhibit was open today.
"Hey! Jinko, wanna go see the tigers?"
Atsushi didn't turn around, he was talking to the bird, "Aren't you a pretty bird? Pretty birdy!" And waved his hand around to keep its' attention.
Akutagawa cleared his throat, "Hey.."
"Oh?" Atsushi startled. "Sorry, I didn't think you were talking to me. Did you call me Jinko?"
He had. What is up with me?
"You called me Aku earlier so I thought we were rolling with the nickname thing."
Atsushi smiled, "That's fine! I'll gladly accept a nickname from you, Aku. I'd love to see the tigers."
Akutagawa felt a blush rising in his cheeks again.
Do I think Atsushi is ...cute?
He felt his heart flutter, but also disgust at the reaction he had to that man's smile. He had never had this feeling before, and it was making him very uncomfortable. He turned his gaze toward the pavement to escape that hypnotizing smile and set off toward the arrow on the sign, "Very well then."
Atsushi picked up walking with Akutagawa as he passed beside him.
"You know, I've always loved cats, and tigers are my favorite. I really hope there's a white one!"
Akutagawa nodded. He was under water again.
What is Atsushi saying? I can't even understand him. His lips are moving. All I can think about is...
Akutagawa started to reach for Atsushi's hand, but he averted it at the last second, feigning interest in brushing it through his hair.
What am I thinking?
"Oh wow, Aku, look!" Atsushi was hopping in place as he pointed to the left up ahead. "It's the tigers! Look how adorable they are! And there IS a white one! Eeeep!"
Atsushi ran and put his face directly on the glass.
Akutagawa started to smile, but disguised it as needing to cough. He stood beside Atsushi, hands in his pockets and peered into the expansive cage.
"They're so...big." He'd only seen them on TV before.
"They are just adorable! Look at that one over there licking his paw! And that other one is ...using the bathroom? Oh!"
Akutagawa was eyeing Atsushi from his peripheral vision.
No, you're adorable. He thought.
Akutagawa started into a coughing fit, he motioned that he was going to sit on a bench just a few yards behind them. He pulled out his cough syrup from his jacket and downed about 3/4 of the bottle in one go. He wiped his mouth off as a little tried to escape before he could swallow.
Maybe I'm still sick, he thought. That could explain why I keep feeling hot and dizzy.
Atsushi called back, "You ok, Aku?"
"Fine." He doubt Atsushi heard him, but he nodded his head, that seemed to do the trick.
Atsushi admired the tigers a few more minutes then joined Akutagawa on the bench.
"Ready to move on?"
"Yeah, how about that food? I may need to eat if I'm getting sick again."
" Good idea...hmm.." Atsushi stood up and looked around. He snapped his fingers and pointed, "It's over there!"
He led the way down a trail and they soon came upon a building with a sign that said "Food Court"
Atsushi held the door open and ushered for Akutagawa to go on, "After you."
Akutagawa entered the building and turned to ask what Atsushi wanted to eat, but he hadn't needed to ask.
"I really want a corn dog and a Coke icee!" Atsushi blurted out before the door had even closed.
Akutagawa nodded and went off in search of the corn dog vendor. Atsushi went and sat down at a table by a window in the corner.
Aku is acting a little strange, he thought, maybe he didn't really want to come after all. He sighed and watched a tree swaying it's branches in the wind.
"Two corn dogs and a Coke icee." Akutagawa announced as he set the tray down.
Atsushi turned his attention and clapped his hands together, "Thank you! Oh..but..did you not want a drink?"
Akutagawa had forgotten to get two drinks. He was about to say he didn't need one, but Atsushi cut in, "We can share, hold on." He disappeared for a few seconds and came back with another straw, waving it at Akutagawa. "Here you go!"
Akutagawa opened the straw and put it in the lid beside Atsushi's.
"Is this ok?" Akutagawa seemed unsure.
"Of course it is!" Atsushi picked up the drink and held the straw up to Akutagawa's face. He took a drink.
"It's not bad. Pretty good."
"You've never had a Coke icee before?" Atsushi took a turn having a taste. "Man, you've been missing out."
"What if I forget which straw is mine?" It was a valid question. He'd never shared a drink before.
Atsushi shrugged, "It's just for formalities I think, I won't mind if you do."
This thought was comforting to Akutagawa, for some reason. He relaxed a bit and they both enjoyed eating lunch.
"So where to? Anything you want to see?" Atsushi asked.
Akutagawa paused to think. "Do they have penguins here?"
"I think so! Let's go look!" And Atsushi grabbed Akutagawa by the hand and led him off at a small trot.
Akutagawa pulled his hand back, and slowed his pace.
Why was that so easy for him to do?
"You ok? They're up here in a separate section usually- just follow me."
"Ok, I'm coming.." he tried to keep up, but was still confused. How was it that Atsushi held my hand so easily? Was he just being friendly?
"Jinko, wait up!" Akutagawa called out. Atsushi was already grinning at the door to the penguin exhibit.
"Man, you're slow, Aku. " Atsushi pushed the door open, again, for Akutagawa and he walked inside.
He put his arms across his chest and shivered a bit.
"It's colder in here." Akutagawa said, running his hands up and down his arms.
"Mmmm ya it is a bit. Want me to put my arm around you?" Atsushi opened his arm wide to offer room.
Akutagawa's heart skipped a beat. He really wanted to.
"I'm sure I'll be fine."
Atsushi shrugged and stood beside him, the penguins were getting fed, and they kept diving gracefully into their little pool to scoop out the fish, then popped back onto the rocks scattering the area.
"So you like penguins? They are pretty cool! Do you know much about them?" Atsushi was curious.
"Not really, a bit maybe. I know the dads will take over for the mom if she dies before the egg hatches."
"Really? That's amazing." Atsushi was very attentive.
Akutagawa watched a penguin bring a baby one of the fish it caught, and he hugged his arms tighter across himself.
Atsushi noticed Akutagawa looked uncomfortable.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked Akutagawa.
"Holding hands." Akutagawa had answered while his brain was still spinning, and the cold air was entering his senses. He realized what he had said only when he wondered why Atsushi had stopped talking. He was staring in his direction also. He didn't look angry, he looked blank like he was caught off guard. Of course he was.
Akutagawa turned, he started coughing, and walked quickly toward the door, throwing it open and looking for relief in the rest of his medicine.
Atsushi thought back, is he mad that I grabbed his hand back there? Of course, I probably should respect his boundaries. He left to catch up with him outside.
Akutagawa threw down his empty bottle and crouched on the ground, hugging his knees.
"Are you..ok?" Atsushi asked, bending beside him and putting his hand on his back.
Akutagawa shrugged off his hand, "I'm out of cough medicine and my chest hurts."
Atsushi sighed, "Let's get headed back home." He got his phone out of his pocket and put in a request for Uber pickup.
"They'll be here in 5 minutes. Let's just walk up to the front and wait."
Atsushi looked over at Akutagawa. He was curled up on the ground, coughing into his knees.
"Can you stand up? Do you need me to carry you?"
Akutagawa heard Atsushi, but he couldn't respond. His head was spinning from the cough syrup and embarrassment. Atsushi bent down and scooped Akutagawa up. He was very light, and cradling him like this, he suddenly realized how frail he seemed. They walked to the front in silence, Akutagawa pressing his eyes shut, with his arm over his face.
This is humiliating. Why is it always like this with you, Jinko?
By the time they made it to the ticketing gate, their Uber was there. The woman walked around and held the door open for them. Atsushi slid into the car, slouched in the corner, and laid Akutagawa's head down in his lap.
He smiled, "I had a good time, Aku."
Akutagawa grimaced and turned over to hide his face in Atsushi's lap. He was pretty sure it was the cough medicine talking, but he mumbled, "You smell amazing, Jinko."
