I have to be honest: I totally forgot to post this chapter. I wrote it a while ago but I wanted to wait to have started chapter 5 before posting it but as you know, with the show, the videos and all that I have been quite busy (and nope, I haven't written anything for chapter 5... shame.) So apologies if you were waiting for an update as Rapunzel was waiting in her tower.
Thank you so much for the reviews they mean so much to me. Thank you to emma . ray, best beta-reader of the world. For everything.


I wasn't sure why this question had passed my lips. Why of all the things I could have asked this was the only sentence I had been able to formulate. This was beyond madness.

Maybe her eyes had communicated with me on a silent level, maybe I had felt something in the softness of her looks, I don't know. But the words I had said couldn't be unspoken.

I looked at her with terror in my eyes, fearing any sort of answer as a positive or negative one would have had the same result: it wouldn't change anything. She would still be a ghost who wanted something from me.

She was obviously baffled by my question and measure was easily discernible in her traits. She was probably determining what answer I would want to hear, or maybe she was just trying to figure out what her really answer was.

"I...I have loved you in every life we shared. And you have always loved me back," she said slowly, as if every word was torture for her to pronounce.

"Something happened, forbidding me to be born again in this life, to be new."

She paused, trying to calm herself, and sadness replaced agitation.

"I carry our memories with me which has never happened before. So yes, I love you. And all the remembrance of you. Even if these memories are kind of a fog, the feelings I have are there, images are present in my eyes and I felt it when you freed me."

"This is insane," I grumbled. "Freed you from what?" I asked in a frown.

"I think I was...a sort of a bubble I guess? I had been wandering for decades now, and a strange sensation kept me here. And when you touched me I knew."

Her voice was still soft, peaceful, even if I could hear it shiver at some words. I had no doubt that she was telling me the truth, or at least her truth.

"Wait. So you're telling me, you have some foggy memories, you have been a bubble for decades and now you say I am the one who freed you?"

"Yes."

It wasn't a definitive "yes", it was a "Please trust that I'm genuine" yes.

"Let's say I believe you," I said with a sigh. "What do you want from me now?"

She dipped her head, looking at her lap. I hadn't noticed she had been fiddling with her outfit for a while. Even if it was mostly transparent, I could notice the wrinkles left by her hand.

"I...I don't know exactly."

"Great."

"There has to be a reason I haven't been brought back to this life. We are meant to be together Paige."

"Maybe there is another explanation, maybe we're not soulmates. I mean...I...never had those kind of feelings for a girl and erm...I have a boyfriend that I love very much."

This was a risk. I didn't want to upset her or make her angry. But I had to be honest. I didn't want to lead her on as she was obviously deluded into thinking we were meant to be.

Her face dropped. She stood up and walked for a bit, hiding her face from me, before sitting again, further away this time, still not looking in my direction.

"It happened four times before, this isn't a coincidence."

To my surprise, her tone wasn't angry or sad. It was something else. Determination.

"Maybe if I was alive it would have been different. It would be different."

"I...I don't know what to say Emily."

She raised her eyes towards me without lifting her head. This was the first time she heard me say her name and it seemed to have a special significance for her. It was as if a light had been turned on behind her eyes, even though they were mostly lights themselves. She wasn't smiling but I could see something positive in her face, almost like... hope.

But her last sentence was bugging me.

"So erm...you think you can come back to life?"

"With your help, I do. There must be an explanation somehow, somewhere, as to why I am not made of flesh and bones in this life."

I stayed silent. Maybe this was a trap, maybe she wanted to take control over my body or something...I couldn't fathom what she wanted me to do and this was beginning to be a little too much for me. I needed space, I needed to clear my head and to think by myself for a while.

I stood up and she finally raised her head to look at me. I took a few steps towards the window, only to see my parents' car approaching and passing the gate. Perfect timing.

"I have to go."

"I...I understand." she answered, hesitant. "I will still be here if you need to talk. And if you never want to see me again...I will leave."

"My mom is here," I said, apologising. Of course this would give me time to regroup but if I was totally honest with myself, I didn't want her to leave.

"I'll come back tonight if that's okay with you?"

She stood up, approaching me a bit.

"It's perfect," she said softly.

I nodded and she mirrored my gesture, adding a smile to the movement.

"Bye."

I didn't even wait for her to answer, I was out before she was able to murmur a single word.

I ran down the stairs to greet my mom and help her with the stuff she had bought. Brooms, brushes, a lot of chemical products and some paint.

"Hi Paige! I trust you had a good morning?" she said in a giddy tone.

"Yeah, it was okay," I answered, taking one of the bags she was struggling to carry.

"So how do you like the attic?" she asked, walking towards the living room as I was following her.

"Yeah it's cool."

"Well I was surely expecting more enthusiasm," she said, laughing. "If you don't like it you can stay in the room upstairs and we'll just store some things there."

"No no it's fine, I love it, thanks!" I said quickly.

Even if I hadn't got the time to rest my head and think clearly I knew one thing: as soon as I had passed the door I wanted to go back. I wanted to see those images again, I wanted to learn things about my supposed past lives. I wanted to know more about her and deep down I knew my guts were telling me to trust her.

"So I brought you lunch because I noticed you ate a lot last night," my mom said with a smile.

"Oops. Yeah sorry, I was starving."

"It's okay. Eat and then we'll start cleaning. First the kitchen and the living room, but if you want you can start with the attic. I bought some products to clean the wood and then I figured white paint would be your choice colour so you can decorate the walls."

"Wow Mom...thank you! I'll help you downstairs first if that's okay."

This would be the perfect opportunity to not be in the attic and to have time to think. Even if I would probably have to use my awesome small talk skills to entertain my mom, I knew a part of my brain would be focused on a single task - figuring what the hell I was going to do.

"We did a great job! I'm so proud of us! said my mom.

"Paige go grab the Polaroid, I want a picture of us!"

I laughed frankly while going upstairs to grab it in my bag. We had cleaned nearly everything downstairs and we had already painted the living room. We weren't those kind of people who had floral wallpaper in every room and I was grateful that we stuck with white. It made the house brighter, less sinister to be honest, and I loved the smell of fresh paint. My Misfits t-shirt was ruined with white stains but it just gave it an original look. And I could always buy a new one if they ever came nearby for a concert.

I grabbed the Polaroid and ran down the stairs just as my dad was arriving, which stopped me in my tracks. Ugh. I wasn't too eager to see him again, especially considering the nice afternoon I had spent with my mom. Okay, let's assess his temper. I walked carefully towards him as he was looking around, probably judging our work on the paintings, and obviously turning the volume down on Grease's You're the One That I Want."

"Hi Paige."

"Hey Dad. How was your day?"

"Pretty good to be honest. The team is really invested and seems serious. I'm probably gonna have to fire their last recruit because I didn't like the way he answered me but blah blah blah..."

My mind was already in the wind. Little birds. Unicorns. Rainbows.

"Paige are you listening to me?"

"Oh yes, sorry, I misheard, what did you say?"

"I said you and your mom did a pretty nice job down there," he answered with a frown.

Of course he wasn't duped that I had been paying attention to what he was saying but I think I won points just by asking.

"Thanks Dad! We had a lot of fun."

"Good. That's...that's good."

Wow, calm your titties down there.

"Oh Paige, did you find it?" asked my mom.

"Find what?" he asked quickly.

Uuuugh, she didn't ask youuuu. Why did he always have to put his nose into things that had nothing to do with him?

"Yeah I got it," I answered, raising my fist to show her the Polaroid.

"I agree, this totally deserves a picture. Come on women, strike a pose for me."

He was really scaring me. Maybe his new position of power and the prospect of ruining other people's lives had defrosted his cold black heart...?

"Oh and Paige by the way, did you train today?"

Or not.

My mom answered before I could.

"I told her not to as she carried a lot of boxes and furniture today. But tomorrow our little champ is getting back in the pool, right Paige?"

"Yes Mom."

"Okay now, picture time ladies!"

My mom grabbed me and passed her arm around my shoulder. If anyone had looked by the window he or she would have seen a perfect and loving family. And in my heart I truly hoped that this place would help us become that.

Dinner went smoothly and I was now lying in my bed, waiting for my parents to be asleep. I had checked a few times in the corridor but the regular sound of my dad's - or mom's for that matter - snoring wasn't audible yet. That would give me time to think.

I knew it wasn't good to ruminate those thoughts again and again but that was me, over planning everything. I had to make some decisions and more importantly, I had to stick to them.

Touching Emily had given me images of what were apparently some of my/her/our past lives. So touching her again would probably trigger some more now that I knew what to expect. The problem was that we weren't really touching, I was more passing through her, or she was passing through me, so maintaining contact would probably be difficult. And nothing was proving to me that it would work or that I would see something else than just flashing images.

There was no use in me asking myself questions that I couldn't figure out on my own. It was time for action. I stood up and walked quietly towards my parents' room. Snoring. Good.

I climbed the stairs slowly, careful not to make the wood crack under me and walked towards the attic's staircase. Deep breaths. That's it. I was up there before I even knew it.

Emily had her back turned to me - must be a habit - as she was watching the outside world through the big round window. There wasn't much to see inside so I figured the night's sky was as good as any other distraction. I cleared my throat to announce my presence and she turned quickly towards me. A huge smile adorned her lips as soon as she saw me. It was pretty dark here but she was illuminating the room all by herself. If I was being honest, her smile wasn't innocent from the glow that was irradiating the attic. Without noticing, I had mirrored her expression. Maybe out of relief because she was still here, maybe because her expression had calmed me or maybe just to reassure her, I didn't know, but a smile was there on my face.

"Hey," I said softly.

"You came back."

Her voice was as smooth as silk. Perhaps she had time to compose herself while I was gone, or was it just the fact that I was back that had created that effect on her?

"I did. I mean...I am. Back."

Her smile grew even wider.

"Are you making fun of me?" I asked, a bit grumpy but not mad.

"No Paige, I am not. I'm just happy you came back."

We looked at each other in silence, like the two teenagers we were, one of them older than the other considering the memories she was carrying. The air was a bit cold there, probably caused by the old thermal insulation. Once again I crossed my arms on my stomach yet this time it wasn't out of fear. Emily noticed my shift of position but the smile that hadn't left my face reassured her.

"So...how are we gonna do this?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"Grmblf. well. You think there is a reason why you didn't reincarnate this time, and I wanna know more about my past lives. So how about we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" she asked, intrigued.

"How about you send me back and I'll try to figure out if there are clues about you not erm...reincarnating?"

I wasn't sure AT ALL about what I was proposing but that way we would both have what we wanted. I'd take a free trip to the past and in exchange I'd promise to look for weird supernatural stuff that could be clues to her actual state.

"I don't know if I can send you back," she answered, hesitant.

"I had no idea that what happened when we...touched...would be possible. But I guess we could try again...if you want to?"

This time I was ready. I walked towards her and raised my arm, the same way I did when I was introducing myself.

She smiled at me, covering the last few steps I had left between us to let her decide if she wanted to try again right now.

"Are you ready?" she asked softly.

"Yup. Born ready."

She slowly lifted her hand and I clenched my jaw. Let's do this.

The sea. Huge trees. A steam train. A weird pyramid. Horses. Gold. Nothing.

I took a step back.

"I saw flashes again," I said without hiding my disappointment.

I was hoping I'd jump into one of my past lives and live some kind of epic destiny. Maybe I was a pirate as the boat I saw on yesterday's flashes and the sea were hinting on. Or the queen of some ancient tribe. Or even a Duchess during the French Revolution.

"I had them too. They are parts of the foggy souvenirs I have left, but with you they become clear."

She paused. "We can try again if you want. Maybe if we focus on the first image that comes we will be able to have all the memories of that life?"

"We can try..." I answered.

I had lost some faith in this adventure, I feared that once again only flashes would happen. I rubbed my hands together, preparing for Emily's cold "touch". She smiled shyly at the movement.

"Apologies. I guess the warmth that I feel when my hand passes through yours must be proportionally cold to you..."

"It's okay, don't worry. Let's try this again if you're ready."

I was taking no shit. We were standing closer than we ever were and she was breathtakingly beautiful. I was fascinated, not only by her ghost state and by what was happening, but just by her. The softness of her voice and...I shook those thoughts out of my brain. Focus Paige. Past lives. That way you'll nail History this year.

And once again, flashes.

I let out a frustrated "Fuuuuck."

"I'm sorry Emily, I think I need to walk for a bit. Breathe the fresh air outside. Maybe try to regroup so I could focus better."

"Do you want me to come with you? We could just...talk if you want."

If she hadn't been light blue and almost transparent I would have bet she had turned red while asking me this. I was a bit surprised by the question but maybe getting used to her presence wasn't such a bad idea.

"I didn't know you could walk out of the attic."

"I...I can. At least I think I can. But only if you want me to. I wouldn't jump on you, I'll stay here for whenever you want to see me."

"Yeah sure, the night is beautiful, it will do us both some good."

She had told me she had been trapped for years and I thought that walking outside together, "allowing" her to see the stars, would put us both in a better state of mind. We both walked towards the staircase at the same time and during the three seconds it took her to pass through me - a result of our awkwardness - a vivid image came before my eyes. I heard men shouting "Land, land!", I was on a very old boat, entirely made of wood, a desk was covered in books and weird looking maps...and the vision stopped.

"Did you see that?! And hear that?!" I screamed, shocked.

"I did!"

She seemed as baffled as I was. Not only did we see images that weren't flashes but for the first time we heard something.

"Do you think it's erm...because we were more...in contact?"

Again, shyness was perceptible in her traits but I didn't really care, I was too rapt to pay attention to anything else than what had just happened.

"Probably yes! Want to try again?"

To say I was excited would have been an understatement. She smiled at me, indulging my ecstatic state, and moved in my direction without saying a word. She passed through me again, allowing me to go back to that boat, to fill my lungs with the sea breeze, but once again the vision was short.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I think...I think it's because you moved. Or I moved. I guess as I am passing through the contact is lost," she said apologetically, as if it was her fault.

"Don't move, I have an idea."

I was back in the attic faster than it takes to say "ghost". I had fetched a few blankets that I put on the floor. Emily was looking behind my shoulder, intrigued as I was setting up some sort of bed. I stood up, looking at it with a satisfied smile.

"Here, that should do it."

Emily looked at me with big question marks in her eyes.

"I thought that if the problem was staying in place, if I was lying down it wouldn't be an issue anymore," I said shyly.

"Indeed, very clever of you," she said in a smile. Another tone than hers would have made me question if that was sarcastic but there was nothing more than kindness in her voice.

"So are you ready?" she asked.

"Yup."

I lay down and moved a bit, uneasy even with the different layers I had put together. Emily walked towards me, her head above mine and as I raised my eyes towards her, I noticed she seemed uneasy.

"What's going on?" I asked "We can do this another time if you want."

"No no, it's okay," she said quickly. "Okay here we go."

She said the last sentence more to herself than for me, maybe as a way to give herself courage. For a moment she vanished from my sight then reappeared above me, floating in the air in the same position I was. I clenched my fists a bit as she was slowly descending, her body entering mine wholly.