Nope, not hallucinating, I finally updated woohoo!
Thank you so much for your patience, your kind messages and all, it made me so happy to see you invested in that story.
As usual, thank you so much to the best beta-reader of the world, emma . ray.
I wrote a longer author's note at the end because I don't want to spoil anything. I hope you'll like it and don't hate me too much.
"Land, land!"
I heard the men shouting as I was banding my breasts, trying to make it disappear under the fine cotton shirt I was about to put on.
"¡Dios mío! I need to hurry."
For three months I had managed to hide my womanhood to the whole fleet, to be discovered a girl as we were finally arriving would make me lose the trust I had built with the men, and probably my life. I was almost able to call Cortés a friend, a relationship cemented during those long nights watching the sea, talking about his previous journeys to the Indies and telling him about my research for this expedition. I wasn't going to lose everything just because I was a woman.
Someone knocked on my door.
"Señor McCullers, Señor McCullers, we're finally arriving!"
"I'll be there in a moment!"
I had mastered the art of masking every inch of my female traits but an overwhelming feeling was rippling through my whole body. For a minute, I paused to look through my window, my mind running back to Sevilla where my cousin Esteban died a week before we were due to weigh anchor.
He was supposed to be in my place.
My mother had died birthing me and my father never overcame this double tragedy - the other one being that I was a girl - and he had dropped me to a long lost relative who was paid a very impressive amount of money to just take me out of his sight. I was raised as a boy as it was easier, allowing me to live my life as I pleased and to get the finest education. Esteban and I had grown up together, sharing everything, from sword practice to our love of books and our fascination of the New Worlds. We dressed the same way, people often mistaking us for brothers, and I loved being able to simply walk free without having a chaperone because of my gender. A noble woman couldn't spend time in a tavern, listening to the tales of those returning from the Indies, who told of discovery and conquest, gold, Indians, and strange unknown lands. When Cortés had started to look for volunteers, Estaban was one of the first to enrol. His knowledge of the New World and of the savages' language, his belonging to one of the oldest Spanish families and his youth were all assets that were in high demand for this expedition, gaining him a private booth on the ship as the expedition's scholar.
I wasn't jealous, I was thrilled for him, because I knew my sex was an obstacle to my participation in this enterprise. We spent his last moments before his departure studying as we had never done before, reading everything we could about Aztecas, their culture, their pagan rituals... but fate had been a cruel mistress. A week before he left, he got run over by a carriage and died in my arms, making me promise I would take his place at Cortés' side. And as hurt as I did by his passing, I had to do it for him. To honour his memory.
It had been hard, pretending to be a man, but my slight physique had been a great ally - it appeared natural for a scholar to not be as muscular as other men and to spend a lot of time alone to study, allowing me to avoid the company of others.
Another knock on the door got me out of this reverie.
"I'm coming!"
I had finished dressing myself and was finally ready to join the carrack's bridge.
The men were running from side to side, preparing the pinnaces, the small boats that were to take us to shore, screaming to whoever was listening that they wanted to be on the first round to land, sick of these months spent at sea. But Cortés wasn't hearing any of it.
"LISTEN TO ME YOU CABRONES! The first to land will be me and only me. In the name of the Lord and our beloved King Carlos V, I will bear that flag and put it in the ground before any of your dirty boots touches the sand."
He then got closer to me as I was still standing in a corner of the deck, numbed by the agitation and the perspective of finally realising my dream. And Esteban's.
"Look at that McCullers, they can't wait to get dirty with some Indians. Three months is a long time for a man right?" he said jokingly while pushing my shoulder with his.
"Yes sir!" I answered, trying to lower my voice to make it sound more masculine.
"The Aztecas aren't like those Spanish whores that go to mass every Sunday and refuse to get a little dirty. Here we'll be treated like gods," he added.
He then turned towards me and burst out laughing.
"Dios mío McCullers, are you a virgin? You're all red in the face! Hasn't your padre taught you how to be a man already? Boy, mine bought me my first puta when I was 12! We gotta do something about that."
"Well sir... you know... with the studying..."
I tried to argue and give a figment of explanation as to why I hadn't sinned already but it only added to his hilarity. He then punched me on the shoulder with a malicious smile and went to order some men around as to how they were arranging the pinnaces. Cortés had made it a priority that some horses were the first to land because Aztecas were afraid of them. To them, a cabellero was like a divinity of some kind, a two headed beast, and Cortés had joked about it a lot since his last expedition to the Indies a few years ago. I was fascinated by all these cultural differences and I couldn't wait to meet my first savage.
"McCullers! Come with me!" yelled Cortés. The huge man was sporting an impressive beard with a large moustache, and had a smile in his eyes most of the time. Although serious and very noble, I had seen the potential of a great friendship as soon as I saw him.
To be one of the first to land was an incredible honour, and I ran by his side to not make the man wait.
"Gratitude sir, you have no idea how much this means to me."
"Well don't make me regret bringing you in, if we meet Indians you have to do the talking and tell them we come in peace."
Peace. What a strange concept it was, as the stories of his previous trips were of slaughter and conquest. Of course, those soulless creatures who knew nothing of our Lord weren't humans, but still...I was curious about their culture, the way they led their lives, even to know more about their gods. A thought I kept to myself of course, as it could sentence me to death to even acknowledge that their religion was as important to them as ours where to us. Maybe if we taught them the true faith they would understand their ways were wrong?
I stood next to Cortés as men were sitting in the pinnace, grabbing rows in a hilarious tango as they almost hit the commandante in the head from switching sides.
"Puta madre cabrones! Look what you're doing! Alright, get us down now!" he screamed at the men still in the caravel.
We hit the water a bit violently, almost overthrowing the pinnace, and Cortés mumbled something, probably cursing the men once more.
We were all exhausted from the journey, but a divine force was awakening us all. Land, finally. The promises of delicacies we only heard about in songs, the new land to conquer, the gold to bring home. The honour to our King. But if I were honest, my first wish was to find a fresh source of water and bathe away from the men. I had to be really careful on board, but on land it was going to be a lot more difficult to hide my true gender. The plan was to camp all together, I couldn't hope for a tent all to myself as these unknown lands overflowing with unknown fauna, flora and heathens could be deadly. Cortés knew of a tribe he had made contact with on a previous journey that was supposedly nearby and with luck, we could find them tomorrow.
I was in charge of mapping the land, tracing rivers and lakes, forests and villages on documents that will be precious for the good proceeding of our expedition. And who knows, if we ever leave this place alive, bring back to Spain.
We finally reached the sand and the whole pinnace was silent. All the men were looking at Cortés who was standing tall and proud on the boat. He grabbed the flag and a spear, attached them together, then proceeded to get off the pinnace. He took a few steps and planted the flag.
"In the name of our Lord and in the name of our King Carlos V, I declare this land property of the Spanish Empire!" he proclaimed before kneeling in reverence in front of the flag.
The cheers that came from the men were really far from human, and it took me some time to realise that I was yelling as well. Chaos reigned as they were all fighting to be the next one to touch the sand, to feel the ground under their feet and as sneaky and fit as I was, I managed to rejoin Cortés without breaking a sweat.
"Good job McCullers," he whispered in my ear.
Land, finally. It was a strange sensation, to have a steady ground under one's feet after these months at sea. Almost as if I was feeling the earth moving, turning. I shook off that heretic idea and started to focus on the forest not far from the beach.
I was excited. Scared too. It was something to be discovered a woman by the men – they would probably rape me and kill me – but to be able to almost touch this new culture, these undiscovered lands, their barbaric ways...it was all worth it. I wanted to move as soon as possible, to dive deep into those trees and meet my first savage. Try to establish some kind of contact.
Cortés was looking at the men and their happy rumble, some were kissing the sand, others praying on their knees to thank God they arrived alive. He turned his head in my direction, catching me in my thoughts.
"Don't worry McCullers, we're gonna leave soon. Just a few more minutes to get used to the ground, time for them to take everything off the boats and we' can go. You have your compass, right?"
"Yes sir!" I answered, almost in ecstasy.
"Good, good. COME ON NOW GUYS, HURRY UP! WE WANT TO SETTLE CAMP IN THE FOREST BEFORE NIGHT FALLS!"
The men gathered the horses, the weapons, and the many supplies necessary for our journey. Cortes lit up a torch, and once the boats were empty, set fire to them.
We all watched him in shock. Petrified by what he did.
"It has only been a one way ticket. We'll be rich, we'll be kings, we'll have putas and when the king sends settlers, we'll find good catholic wives who will bear us heirs! We will never be forgotten!"
He was so convincing, the primary shock we felt was replaced by total devotion for this man who had brought us here, this fearless giant who survived a previous trip to this land, our guide to immortality.
"McCullers, you'll ride with me. You, and you. You'll be scouts. As far as our eyes can see you. We're gonna settle a camp a few miles from the beach, and then we'll explore further."
As the rest of the men were settling camp, Cortés, a handful of men and I, started to follow some indications the commandante had from a previous journey. He knew of a village nearby, under the rule of the aztecas. Their leader, Montezuma, had conquered a large portion of this land. He had great admiration for the Spaniards, as their pagan gods had sent him dreams about us. Cortés was sure of it, we would be treated as gods.
As part of our expedition, one of Cortés' closest friends, Lorenzo de Aalis, was walking with us. We couldn't bring the horses into that dense forest as we needed to cut through the vegetation to move forward.
I really didn't like the man: he was of course way taller than I was, large as a wardrobe, and he had a way of setting his eyes on you with such an intricate mix of hate and amusement that I didn't know if he could see right through me, or if he just hated everybody the same way he seemed to do me. Maybe I was spending too much time for his taste with Cortés, but I couldn't help being literate.
Cortés whispered. "Stop. Do you hear that?" He paused, "Running water! Not so far from camp! McCullers, be sure to write everything down and mark the place in that map of yours!"
While I was messing with my quills, ink and paper, they all moved behind the curtain of trees that was blocking my view. Soon I couldn't hear anything, except for the sound of water nearby, and the possibility of finally being able to bathe – carefully – was filling my heart with joy. I ran a little bit, trying to catch up with them, and behind the trees was the most beautiful view I had ever layed my eyes upon. A splendid waterfall was pouring down into a vast lake, rocks offering refuge from the falling water, diving spots for the reckless...or perfect hiding spots for my femininity.
Everybody was speechless. I even think I could have cried, but that's not what men do. Cortés was thanking God, and the two scouts were already running toward the lake while undressing, falling sometimes in their haste under our mockery. I looked at the commandante who silently gave us permission, and we followed the scouts in a hurry. I obviously wasn't undressing myself, pretexting to go around the lake to map it.
"What's the problem, McCullers?" asked Lorenzo. "You're afraid we see your tiny cock?"
All the men started to laugh and I mumbled something while raising my shoulders. If they needed to think that to leave me alone, I wasn't going to contradict them.
I started to walk around the lake, going as far from them as I could, away from their inquisitive looks. Not too far from the fall of water, I noticed a small tree where I left my bag. I sat down and started to draw on the thin piece of paper I was using to map the area. Once I was done, I started to carefully undress when I felt eyes on me.
Hiding behind a rock, a young woman was observing me. She was keeping herself out of the water by holding on to the rock, grasping it as a way to protect herself from me.
I was probably the first white person she ever saw, wearing trousers and boots, my breasts still restrained under the bandage, and my hair, attached with a thin leather cord - so many cultural differences that created the weirdest picture for her.
I extended my arm a bit, slowly, and softly started to talk, all the things I would do to try to approach a wild horse.
"Hello," I said in Azteca. It was a wild guess, considering the number of languages spoken in these lands, but it was the one I mastered the most and logic told me she wouldn't be offended as we were in Aztecan lands.
"I'm not going to hurt you," I added.
I was weaponless. My bag was a few feet behind me, and there was no way I could have reached it and grabbed my sword to protect myself without her thinking I wanted to do her harm.
"We are explorers, we come from far far away to meet with your people. And your King Montezuma.
"Do you understand me?" I asked tentatively.
"It's pronounced Moctezuma."
She was still holding the rock but had relaxed her embrace a bit. I was totally shocked. Not that she understood me, I had faith in my abilities, but that what made her talk to me was to correct an – honest – mistake. Her voice was soft, and the musicality of it was fascinating. I hadn't talked to a lot of Aztecans, only a few male slaves that had been brought back from previous travels, and the words coming from her mouth were familiar but sounded nothing like what I had previously heard.
"What is your name?" I asked.
"What are those?" she asked in return, pointing at my books on the shore.
"Oh...they are called books. We write in them. I am drawing a map so we don't get lost."
"Can I see?" she asked tentatively.
"Of course!" I heard myself answer quickly.
I was so happy. I was talking to an Aztecan girl, about my age, and she wasn't afraid of me. She understood me, despite my probably awful pronunciation. She was curious about me, about things she had never seen before.
I went back to my belongings, and she got out of the water, following me slowly but with determination and curiosity in her eyes. I was looking at her out the corner of my eye, carefuly, as she could have hidden a dagger under the water, but she was completely naked. She grabbed her clothes that I hadn't noticed were on the shore, a long white dress with red stripes at the bottom and on the sleeves, and tied a thin piece of white fabric in her hair. I had heard about it, it was a sign of virginity amongst savages. Maybe she was betrothed, or maybe she was a priestess of their weird gods.
She noticed I was very unsubtly staring, and smiled at me.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just curious about you. About your people. It's why I've traveled this far, to learn more about your culture. That's why we want to meet with Moctezuma, to give him gifts as we hope to stay here and create exchanges with my country, Spain."
"Spain?" she asked. "That's a weird name. Where is it?"
I sat on the grass. She was still standing, a few feet away, gauging me, probably still analysing if I was a threat.
We were hidden by trees, there was no way the men would have seen us. I would have time to tell them about her later, maybe introduce her, but first I needed to gain her trust as their beastly ways might scare her off.
I patted the ground next to me as an invitation for her to come near me. "I promise I won't hurt you. Come see, I'll show you."
I unrolled the map of the world I had, and waited for her to come see.
I always knew my frail disposition would help with natives - well not frail for a woman, but certainly for a conquistador - as I presented as harmless.
She must have thought the same as she decided to sit right by me, her shoulder brushing mine, her smell of unknown spices filling my nose.
"See? We are here," I said, while pointing where we landed. "And Spain is riiiight over here. Over the ocean."
She seemed quite confused with the map, or she was lost about how we had managed to travel across the ocean, but she was carefully listening to me as I was explaining to her how we did it, how big were our boats, showing her drawings of Sevilla, and basically everything I was carrying with me.
She was an amazing listener, stopping me sometimes to ask a question, laughing at some things that seemed really strange to her. While we were getting to know more about each other, the sun had started to set. Hours had gone by without me noticing, and the calling of my name by Cortés and the others drew me out of this moment I knew I would cherish forever.
My companion, alerted by the screams, was now standing, ready to leave.
"Please," I begged. "Stay. They won't hurt you."
"I can't," she pleaded. "I have to go back. Come visit my village tomorrow, we are an hour in that direction. My father is tecuhtli, I will tell him about you."
I stood up right next to her, grabbing her arm firmly but carefully as to not hurt her, locking my eyes on hers.
"Before you go...may I know your name?"
"Tekipanoa Ixtlauatl. Or I guess in your language...Emily Fields."
Author's note (part2)
So there it is. First chapter of "Conquistador". I wanted to write a longer author's note at the end to address some things and be at peace with these past lives.
I researched a lot for it to be as accurate as I could but having to stop every two sentence to fact check stuff, I decided to really write it as a fiction, and not just include Paige and Emily in immuable History. It would take chapters and chapters to be accurate and explain everything but that's not what "Afterlife" is about. So I took a lot of shortcuts. Like... a lot a lot.
Some facts are true but a lot of them are pure fiction (Cortés didn't come from Spain straight to Mexico -Aztecas country- for example and that kind of things, but legend has it that he actually did burn the boats when they arrived.) so I hope the liberties I took didn't make you cringe too much.
I don't mean to offend anyone. There were very religious times, so I want it to reflect that a bit.
I know Shay/Emily's ethnicity doesn't match where they are right now so I really wanted to take the time to tell you that I don't mean to disrespect anyone. Same will probably happen in other flashbacks (if there are... dun dun duuuun).
And yes I felt the need to say all that because it's 2017.
I hope none of you are expert on this or you have probably stopped reading, or rolled your eyes so far back you saw your brain.
I'm having fun. For example I looked for origins of the name "Emily" and translated Fields in Nahuatl. Truth be told I would have loved to be 100% historically accurate, but I just can't. I don't have the time, nor the ambition to teach you stuff, I just hope you're enjoying it as much as I do.
