more answers, more questions. Here we go! oceanee - thanks for the correction. I got it fixed ;) and yeah, gotta love practical Tifa. As for Cissnei... I think she's actually got more people worried than Leon! don't worry, she'll be showing up again at yet another really inopportune time. Fairheart - I'm trying! lol The chapters just seem to be breaking naturally themselves. Given my For Their Own Good collection, I have no idea why these are shorter. At least they write faster for me - do I get points for that? Biskitty - I'm so glad you're along for this ride, your reviews always make me so happy. Cissnei was a Turk that helped out Zack a lot in Crisis Core and she just insisted on inserting herself in this fic too. Though I've got to admit, its a hard toss up on whether her or Cloud is going to be less informative on their mutual history. Unless monosyllables count on Cloud's part. Glad you think I handled the filler chapters well. Its hard to try to make info you're just repeating sound interesting. In the game, I always just had Cloud go to bed instead - lol. The tricky part will be trying not to leave anything out that we all know anyway but that someone reading the story from scratch would really need to know. Poor Leon... besides, can you imagine what Cloud would do if his little sister started to date the guy?! Calenlass - I aim to please :D Glad you liked. I'll try to keep it up. Dis - yep. Evil minds make for hours of endless entertainment. I'm sure Shinra's got a 'off' or 'delay' button on those explosives they implanted in Gast - just in case they ever have to haul him in. Maybe the mako gang can go back after they get done saving the world and dig up the sensors on the perimeter that would trigger it too. In the meantime, dad's just gonna have to sit tight. Maybe we'll give Cloud a different mad scientist to rip apart. Somehow I don't think he's going to be too informative about his last meeting with Hojo. Can't imagine why not... zi-ling! - I was starting to worry about you! Glad you liked the father/daughter bit. I had to rush it, poor Aerith but I'm glad it came off well. And yeah... Cissnei seems to be drawing a lot of attention. LOL - I must be doing something right! oh - and Cloud actually does another of his 'more than two sentences together' in this chapter. Yeah, he's such a chatterbox. demonegg! - welcome back from your aerial hijinks. A rhombus?! I love that! Yeah, it seems we've developed a weird tangle with the love... rhombus that's going on. Yessss... worry for Tifa's heart. I plot evil - eVILE! - in Chapter 61... And of course to Peeka-chan who, despite overwhelming Real Life trying to stop her, has yet again corrected my its and it's and told me what a dork Tifa is being in her obliviousness. Your 'Mr. Emo snuggling' comment made my day.
Chapter 57: Climbing
"I hate tight places, man," Zack complained in a hiss at the back of their line. They'd been traveling in the darkness for Tifa wasn't sure how long. They'd passed the ladder leading upward a little while back. Even Tifa had been able to see it because of the dim light that filtered down but Cloud had moved to the side of that and then behind it and taken them deeper and lower into the darkness. Tifa was only guessing – but this seemed a lot farther than a mile to her.
"Why?" Aerith asked in the darkness and it was the first time she'd spoken since they'd left her surprise father. Her voice sounded small and Tifa gave her fingers, still threaded through hers, a gentle squeeze in the inky black.
"Uh," Zack seemed as surprised by the question as Tifa had been but he only hesitated momentarily. "Because I got buried once. A cave in or something. I just remember it was heavy and I couldn't breath or see anything. Why? What are you afraid of?"
It seemed like the wrong discussion to be having in the dark, swallowed whole by the earth, but Tifa realized that Zack was intentionally distracting Aerith from thinking about having to leave her father behind.
"The sky," Aerith answered quickly. "I – it seems so big and scary."
"Seems like a rough thing for an itinerant wandering Ancient to be scared of," Zack commented brightly and there was the sound of flailing fist in the darkness and his cheerful:
"Hey!"
Tifa felt Cloud's fingers tighten on hers just a little and found she was smiling too. Leave it to Zack…
Then Aerith's voice came softer.
"I'm sorry. We didn't get a chance to ask about the SOLDIER treatment or what the mako does to someone's memories."
Surprisingly, it was Cloud's voice ahead of them that answered, soft and low.
"Materia is concentrated Lifestream, solid mako. It's a memory – of fire or ice or lightening. When you use it, a part of you forgets who you are and remembers what it feels like to be fire or ice or lightening. Mako injections are like having materia set off in your veins but instead of one simple memory at a time while part of you still remembers who you are – it's a thousand complex, multi-layered memories. And they're constantly new memories. It's like having millions of insects under your skin, crawling and biting and setting you on fire and the whole time you're remembering being someone else, a thousand someone elses, all at the same time. That's why they only take the strongest minds in the program and they keep the doses small and carefully spaced out over time. Only the strongest minds don't break."
"Is… that what they did to you? In the SOLDIER program?" Aerith asked and it was quiet for a long moment before Cloud softly confessed:
"If – if the memory is mine… I was rejected for being too weak for the SOLDIER program…"
Something about the way he said it made Tifa's heart break in her chest.
"You still ended up mako doused," Zack pointed out from the back. "And you're not nuts. Much."
Tifa felt Cloud's hand in hers relax. Just a little. He made a sound that was either agreement or an almost silent laugh ahead of her.
"How do you – ,"Aerith paused. Wanting to ask but not sure if she should. Ahead of them, Cloud made a humming noise.
"How do you figure out which memories are yours after that?"
Cloud was silent another long moment before he answered and Tifa realized… he was giving Aerith her answers because he thought she deserved to hear them. Even if it was causing him personal pain to do so.
"If you're strong enough… you remember who you are. If you're not – if you're not, you don't. You end up thinking all those other memories are yours."
Cloud's fingers had tightened almost painfully on Tifa's as he admitted the last and she felt as if they were standing on the very edge of something between them. Something terrifying that she instinctively wanted to avoid and yet couldn't leave alone. Before she could ask though, Zack's voice, slow and thoughtful, came drifting up to them.
"Do you think – do you think that's what happened to me? I've got someone else's memories inside my head?"
"I remember knowing Zack after he already made SOLDIER First Class," Cloud answered. "That's after the mako treatments. And you sound like your memories flow in a stream. Mako poisoning – it fragments – everything... Mm. I wasn't sure if my memories of Zack were mine or right or even really about Zack until Aerith remembered the same things."
"So the guy with the messed up memories and the girl that can talk to the planet think I'm the crazy one?" Zack asked brightly and there was the sound of more flailing in the dark and a solid sounding blow landing on leather. Zack started laughing and even Cloud coughed a chuckle. But his hand stayed tightly around Tifa's and even though it was making her fingers start to tingle and her bones ache, she didn't protest or try to loosen his grip.
He'd thought he was remembering someone else's memories about Zack, thinking they were his…
Did he think…?
"Light," Cloud said the word, back to monosyllables now that he'd assured Zack he was 'normal'. Tifa squinted ahead but couldn't see anything but darkness at first. In time though, she started to make out Cloud's back in front of her and then the glint of his hair. His eyes, when he flicked them back over his shoulder to check on everyone, were reflective blue and aqua.
"Might be trouble waiting for us," Zack commented and Cloud made a noise of agreement in his throat. With that, Zack managed to squeeze past Tifa and Aerith and join Cloud at the head of the group. Cloud let go of Tifa's hand and she was very careful not to shake it to get the feeling back or indicate that it was starting to throb now that he'd let go.
With some unspoken agreement, Zack went though the old wooden trap door at the top of the tunnel first, bursting out into the light, sword swinging clear. He let out a yell almost immediately but the words were:
"Damn monsters! It's like they're just randomly materializing or something."
It wasn't the first time he'd complained about the inconvenience of wandering monsters and it made Tifa smile as Cloud went through the door to join him in battle. Tifa paused in the 'doorway' and shaded her eyes with a hand in the sudden light to see Zack and Cloud ripping their way through several giant looking bugs. While they were distracted, she held out her throbbing hand to Aerith.
"Can you fix it without using materia?" she asked quickly and Aerith looked at her hand and frowned. Tifa knew her hand didn't look bad but it was red and felt a little swollen. It wouldn't be any good to her that way if she needed to hit something but more than that, she never wanted Cloud to know that he'd hurt her while he was wrestling with something going on inside himself.
"What did you do?" Aerith asked, taking it in her hand. "Hit a wall or something?"
"Sure," Tifa agreed calmly as she felt the familiar warmth of Aerith's touch seeping into the bones of her hand. She gave her friend a smile. "I'm surprised you didn't hurt your hands hitting Zack like that. He's built like a brick wall."
To her surprise her friend's cheeks went pink.
"He's not so bad," Aerith admitted and Tifa grinned while the sounds of the boys cutting bugs to ribbons covered their conversation.
"You're just saying that because he tried to kidnap your dad."
"Thanks for thinking of the phone," Aerith told her and Tifa shook out her hand now that Aerith was done with it and flexed her fingers.
"You over dramatic types – 'live well and think of me,'" Tifa put the proper intonation into it, raising the back of her hand to her forehead. Aerith started to giggle and gave her a gentle push. The guys finished up their battle and came back over, both of them smiling, Cloud's just barely there and Zack with a huge grin.
"Now I feel better," Zack announced and then put his fists on his waist to look around. "Man! It looks like we came right out the other side of the mountain."
Cloud nodded, a barely there movement and lifted his face to the horizon.
"We'll hit the coast, and probably a fishing village, if we head that way." He reached into his pocket and handed Tifa his phone. With what looked suspiciously like a smirk at the edge of his mouth. She snatched it away from him.
"I told you one of us would lose our phone," she informed him primly, trying not to smile and flipped open his phone to put in Barrett's number.
Barrett picked up the phone on the third ring.
"Where you at, baby girl?" he asked without preamble and Tifa turned to look at the mountain behind her.
"Somewhere on the other side of the mountains from Wutai. Where you at?"
"Comin' ta get you," his voice was gruff. "Leon's got a lead on some weird sh- stuff goin' on back on the other continent. So we're pickin' you up and headin' over."
"All right," Tifa let the words draw out. Looking around. "I'm not sure where the nearest road is though."
"Don't you worry 'bout that. Just get to a cleared off space. We'll be over inna minute to get you."
She gave her companions a puzzled look and shrugged. Gestured to a nearby clearing where the shrubbery was emptier.
"We're going to one now," she told Barrett and then hung up. She gave her companions a shrug.
"He says he's coming to pick us up and we need to go stand in a clearing."
"Cause that makes all kinds of sense," Zack agreed cheerfully and bounded off toward the clearing Tifa had indicated. Cloud shrugged a shoulder and started off after him at a more calm pace. Aerith snickered.
"He's like a puppy, isn't he?"
"Makes me want to buy a leash for him all the time," Tifa agreed with a grin as they trotted over to catch up with Cloud.
Tifa was just in the process of digging through the pack on Aerith's back for something to snack on when Cloud raised his head. Several seconds later, Zack did the same and since they were both looking at the sky, Tifa raised her face as well.
"Made you look," Zack chimed and Tifa leaned over to bump her shoulder against his. But she squinted in the growing gloom… thinking she saw –
"Is that - ?" Aerith asked after a moment more. Tifa blinked in surprise.
"Barrett's got an airship?"
"So awesome!" Zack announced.
Soon the ship was hovering over them and a rope ladder was dropped down. Shera leaned over the side of the ship – boat – aircraft and called down:
"Cid says to get your butts in gear; his tea's getting cold."
"Ten gil says Cid said it much more colorfully," Tifa offered as Aerith started up the ladder and Tifa caught the first rung after her. No one took her up on the bet though and Tifa got to enjoy the not entirely pleasant sensation of climbing up a swaying ladder made of rope where each rung up made the potential drop from it that much more painful.
Shera greeted her at the top of the rope and helped haul her up.
"Did you find out whatever you were trying to find out?" she asked and Tifa gave a nod and then a shrug.
"Kind of."
"Come on," Shera gestured and headed down the deck of the ship as Zack hauled up the ladder after Cloud got off of it. "Everyone's in the pilot's nest. Barrett won't let Denzel and Marlene out on the deck when the ship's in the air and I think they're fomenting a rebellion."
Sure enough her siblings were waiting for her with the rest of the team when they reached the pilot's nest and Tifa went down on her knees after she cleared the door to collect her brother and sister as they rushed to hug her. The multiple chattering started almost immediately afterward and their eyes were huge and shining in their faces as they both tried to explain everything they'd seen and done and wanted to do on the ship at the same time and in what sounded like the same breath. Red came trotting over and sat down near them, just close enough for Tifa to reach out and pull him into their hug as well. Which was probably why he'd sat as close as he had. Tifa listened with delight as Cid barked orders. Leon came over to stand behind the kids and look down at her with one of his shy, pleased smiles.
"You sounded like you needed a lift."
She gave him a smile as well, arms around her siblings and Red.
"You certainly know how to do things in style. Where'd you get a ship?"
"Cid's," he gestured to the smoking, scowling man at the wheel who hadn't looked this happy in – well, as long as Tifa had seen him. "We – ah… liberated it. You won't believe how easy it makes things."
"No more walking?" Tifa guessed and a part of her was sorry to see that go. Another part of her thought it would be nice to get somewhere faster than a week or two's worth of travel though. Then she raised her eyebrows at him. "Liberated it, huh?"
He thought about the word choice for a moment in all seriousness and then nodded.
"Yep."
It made her laugh and she asked:
"So where are we going?"
"Nibelheim." Leon's eyes darkened. "We got news that there are some abnormal monsters coming out of the area and that reactor's been on my hit list for a long time."
Tifa nodded with a soft sound and stood up. Ready to go again. She had her family back – but she still had a promise to Shinra to fulfill. Red shifted to stand at Denzel's side.
"I've been to Nibelheim," Cloud's voice, low and quiet, came from behind them both. "I'll help."
Leon turned to look at the other man and his smile was a half smile and both resigned and real.
"I thought so. We'll need your codes again."
Cloud gave one of his barely there nods and Marlene tugged on Tifa's hand now that the 'adult business' was over.
"You've got to see the inside of the Highwind, Tifa. It's really neat."
Laughing, Tifa shot a look at Leon but apparently the 'adult stuff' really was done because he just smiled quietly and nodded. With that she let Marlene and Denzel drag her off. Aerith came with them as well because Tifa grabbed her arm on the way by and Red simply followed them calmly out the door.
