so, its apparently Tifa's birthday. I should dedicate Chapter 61 to her just because. I guess here is where things really start to roll downhill. 'Bout freakin' time! On to my best beloveds. Cal and oceanee - every Sunday night/early Monday. Always three chapters. Every single week. I make it as close to a promise as anyone can get on . Also, oceanee - there's more Shera, there's more Tifa cluelessness, there's less snuggling - er, maybe... you tell me ;) zi-ling - don't worry, Cloud's gone less than monosyllables by the end of this set of chapters. Angsty ahoy! And, too cool - China! Too awesome! bring us all back something :D fairheart - you might need oxygen for chapter 61. Just warning. ;) I'm so glad you're along for this ride. Cal - here we are - Nibelheim! Hope I live up to your expectations :) demonegg - you so hit the nail on the head with Cloud and his memories, how they effect him, how he needs them and how he's worried about them. In depth, best beloved! Really in depth and spot on. By the end of this set, you're going to have to tell me what shape the rhombus is now - lol. Jianre - yeah, we're going to have to find something other than Hojo to haul Vincent out whenever his gold clown shoes decide to show up. Not to mention the fact that Cid and Shera are so writing themselves more parts into this story than I'd originally intended - but it's fun, isn't it? That's what I get for letting characters run rampant, right? biskitty - yep, I messed with the materia/mako a bit and I'm glad it makes sense. Poor Cloud's messed up enough without going off the deep end every time he needs to cast Bolt 3, right? and - please don't hurt Tifa for her conclusions by the end of this - lol. Peeka's already threatened to hit her over the head with a frying pan. And of course, as always, thanks to Peek-chan for calling Cloud an idiot and finding missing apostrophes.

Chapter 60: Love

"I just said 'girl stuff' and all of the sudden all the guys weren't in such a rush for pancakes anymore," Zack was explaining proudly as he sat across the table from Tifa in the galley. They were both nursing half empty cups of coffee as the cleanup went on in the kitchen behind them. Tifa was torn between enjoying not cleaning up after herself and having the distinct impression that she was really never going to get used to letting someone else do cleaning while she just sat there.

"Such a clever man," Tifa gave him his props and Zack shrugged with a grin.

"I was going to say 'crying girly stuff' but I didn't want everyone jumping off the ship in panic." Since they were a little distance from everyone else, Zack could mention the crying. And, sobering, just a little, he leaned forward on the table and asked:

"Is it Cid? Shera's got some kind of weird thing going on with Cid, doesn't she?"

"Weird thing?" Tifa asked to avoid the question and he gave her a look that said he knew what she was doing. But, being Zack, he let her get away with it.

"Sure, it's weird," he explained. "Whenever I flirt with her she just gives me a puzzled look."

It made Tifa smile. Bright, she suggested:

"Maybe you're losing your touch."

"Don't be ridiculous," he waved it away and then feigned sudden concern. "I'm not, am I?"

"Cloud," Tifa called over to the silent blond where he was pouring a cup of watered down juice back down the sink after Yuffie had turned green at the sight of it. "When Zack flirts with you, does it still give you that warm fuzzy feeling deep inside or is it starting to fall flat?"

Tifa could all but hear the silent collective gasp from the people that hadn't been traveling with the three of them for long. Not at the joke – but that someone would actually say something like that to the stoic blond warrior. Cloud dutifully poured the rest of the juice away and then handed the cup to Shera who was on 'dish duty'.

"Warm fuzzy," he answered calmly without a hint of humor on his face.

"See?" Zack spread his hands and then made a muscle with his arm as Cloud went back to dumping out the left over coffee cups everyone had used. "I've still got it."

"Well, I hope its not catching," Aerith commented from the table she was sitting at with the children, pouring over a map. They'd pulled out a chair for Red earlier and he was sitting between Denzel and Marlene, looking at the map as well. Cloud had already been summoned over several times to point out places to them and give his usual 'there are monsters here' 'there aren't a lot of people here' 'it's dry' descriptions. Zack leaned back in his chair.

"She wants me," he confided. Tifa shook her head with a laugh and stood up to collect his cup and hers and bring them over to the washing team of Cloud and Shera. Shera was still eyeing Cloud as if he'd sprouted a wing or horns at his actual participation in a joke but she took the glasses with a smile from Tifa. Tifa let her shoulder brush up against the side of Cloud's arm while she stood there as well, inwardly delighted that he'd answered.

Cloud had all the markings of a loner, but he'd been forced into close confines; first with Tifa's family and friends and then with Tifa and Zack. Now, surrounded by people, he was still a part of a whole and his teasing Zack had just proved it. He was concentrating on rinsing of the dishes Shera was handing him at the moment and didn't look at Tifa. But his shoulder moved and his arm rubbed up against hers in response to her touch.

Tifa had to resist the urge to kiss his cheek.

Instead she picked up the thermos Shera had filled with tea and gave it a shake.

"Going up to the bridge. It's my turn to ask 'are we there yet?'"

"Good luck with that," Zack was leaning back in his chair so it rested on its back two legs. Which incidentally let him see what Aerith, Red and the kids were doing at the next table. "Cid threatened to throw me overboard when I asked."

"You didn't have tea," Tifa smiled at him and then headed out the door. She wanted to get up on the bridge again and see the sky all the way around her and she also did want to ask if they were going straight to Nibelheim or not and how much longer they had. She didn't mind being up in the air – but it would be nice to know if she should start a thick novel or brush her teeth in the meantime. She was just coming around a corner when she almost ran into someone heading the other way. Jerking back in surprise, she found herself caught and steadied and she looked up at:

"Leon." She made a sound. "Sorry. I didn't mean to plow into you."

"You're small. You can anytime you like, Tifa," he told her with a smile and when Tifa tried to shift to go around him, his hands, still on her shoulders held her in place. The smile faded and his eyes softened.

"Still avoiding me?" he asked softly and Tifa inhaled to tell him she hadn't been. And stopped herself. Because she had.

"Maybe. A little," she admitted and he held her in place as he stepped closer. Tifa fought the strange reaction that wanted her to step back. It didn't make sense and it would hurt his feelings. She wasn't scared of him, or even angry at him. She just –

she didn't want him to kiss her again.

Leon lowered his head as he looked down at her.

"I'm not going to maul you." He sounded almost hurt and Tifa gave him a soft smile and touched his chest lightly.

"I know. I just – wasn't ready. For… before. You startled me."

"By before you mean when I kissed you," he clarified what she'd been avoiding saying and she exhaled and nodded. His eyes met hers. "Are you ready now?"

"No!" it snapped out of her before she could think to cushion it and her hands flattened against his chest immediately. Because it was definitely in his eyes to do again as he looked down at her. His lips thinned into a flat line and his brows came down, moving the scar between them.

"Tifa," he paused and exhaled himself as he took another step forward so that they were almost in the same space. "I want you. I want you as my friend but I want more than that. I told you I wouldn't wait forever to start chasing you. I meant that. I won't hurt you, I won't force you, I won't do anything you're not happy with – but I'm done sitting on the sideline."

"Leon, I – " her hands were pressed between their chests and he shook his head, gently cutting her off.

"I want my chance, Tifa. Give me that at least. If I can't steal your heart away, I'll let you go. But I want my chance. You have to let me try." He gave her a small, gentle shake. "I thought I had lost you. You don't know what that did to me. If I lose you because it's your choice or -" his head moved slightly, "because of him, that's one thing. But if I lose you because I never even tried – " he shook his head. "I won't go through that again."

"Leon…" She should just tell him 'no'. Otherwise she was leading him on and that wasn't fair. Except, a small part of her wanted to give him the chance. Because – what if she was wrong? What if he really could find a way to win her heart and save her from a life of loving someone who didn't love her? What if he could find a way for her to be 'completely happy' at the same time Cloud and Cissnei were 'completely happy'?

And when had her heart ever changed its mind? Ever? Even once?

That was answer enough. Her mind might change – but her heart never did. She shook her head.

"No," she told him softly. Looking up at him and hurting for both of them. "There's nothing left to steal, Leon. I already gave it away."

"Him," his voice was gruff and she nodded gently. Not even able to offer her usual 'I'm sorry'. Because she wasn't. Not about giving her heart away. Just that it hurt Leon in the process.

"Does he even know?" Leon's words were tight and Tifa gave him a soft, sad smile. And shook her head.

"Son of a bitch," Leon murmured, raising his head and shutting his eyes for a minute. Tifa stood where she was and looked up at him and felt –

lighter.

He was the first person she'd admitted where her heart was to. It hurt. She liked Leon and she was – she was more than flattered that he thought she was someone desirable. It hurt her to not be able to be what he wanted, what he needed. To not even be able to pretend.

But it also settled the decision she'd worked out this morning inside her and it fit so right, felt so right, as it snapped into place now that it actually made a weight lift off of her heart. She really was in love with Cloud. And she'd finally admitted it out loud.

Leon lowered his head and rested his forehead against hers.

"Lucky son of a bitch," he repeated quietly and Tifa gave a weak smile. Not about to insult Leon by mouthing platitudes about 'it's not you, it's me' or 'maybe in another life'. Reaching up, Leon gently cupped her face. He leaned in and very lightly kissed her lips. A goodbye kiss and it felt bittersweet to her heart. Then he let go of her and continued on the way he'd been going before. Tifa pulled in a deep, shaky breath of her own and started walking toward the bridge again.

She handed the thermos over to Cid and got a gruff 'thank you' in response. She was the only one he actually ever said 'thank you' to and she suspected it was either because he thought she would kick his butt if he didn't or because she'd been his hostess and he'd gotten into the habit of doing it back then.

He looked rougher around the edges than usual. And that was really saying something.

Tifa left him to go stand near the glass and look out at the sky beyond. The world was below but she liked looking at the clouds and pretending the sky went on forever both ways. It calmed her down and let her focus on something other than herself.

She knew Aerith would have probably said something to Cid and maybe she should. But she really had meant what she'd told Shera. She'd learned a long time ago to point out what you saw but never to give advice. It tended to backfire and that was on the rare occasions when anyone actually listened to it. Cid and Shera were in the position they were in because they'd put themselves there. They were unhappy with it because it wasn't working anymore – if it had ever worked. Pointing out either of those to Cid seemed kind of pointless because there was no way he didn't already know that. And she wasn't about to try to sooth out the problem he was having with his guilt. He pretty much deserved that as far as she was concerned.

It wasn't entirely his fault. Shera could have tossed him to the curb anytime she wanted to and she hadn't.

Love was a lot more complicated than the movies or the fairy tales that she'd had read to her when she was little made it out to be. The thought made Tifa smile dryly at the glass window. Yes, she definitely shouldn't be trying to give out advice on love. That would definitely be hypocritical.

"We'll be settin' down on the other side of Mount Nibel in about an hour," Cid announced. "Better go tell the others so y'all can work out Leon's entry plan."

Tifa nodded and turned away from the window to give Cid a small smile. She took one last look at the clouds and went back down the stairs.

Yes, she thought dryly. Tifa Lockhart was probably the last person in the world that should be giving out romantic advice.