AU! Muggle. This is a sequel for my R7 story where Ginny watches cricket and rants about it to her adoring girlfriend Luna. You'll still understand this without context.

Warnings: lots of teenage-boy-style dirty comments and swearing.

WRITTEN FOR QLFC, Season 10, Round 9

Puddlemere United, Seeker: Ginny

WC: 2425


"I cannot believe this!" Ginny snarled and raised her fist at her laptop.

They were seated on the sofa, their legs tucked under them as they both did their own thing. While Luna was trying to solve a crossword, Ginny was almost crushing the large cushion Luna had painstakingly stitched for their house.

Luna was tempted to ask her to stop destroying her hard work, but she knew Ginny by now. Ginny would apologise but would go back to squeezing the life out of the cushion anyway.

Cricket had always been Ginny's passion, and because Luna was her girlfriend, she had to at least support her as best as she could.

With a soft sigh, Luna asked, "What is it? Is it that Malfoy person again? With the blond hair you like so much?"

"How dare you assume I only like Malfoy because of his hair?" Ginny placed her hand on her chest and pretended to gasp. "I like his batting style!"

When Luna nudged her pointedly, Ginny grinned sheepishly and leaned over to kiss her. Luna smiled when Ginny admitted, "His hair reminds me of yours. All silky and smooth and blond…"

"Are you cheering for Malfoy's team this time? Weren't you cursing him during the last match?" Luna was, as usual, confused about cricket. The only thing she knew about the sport was that there were eleven players running around after one tiny ball while two people ran back and forth like maniacs.

"It's a series of matches, Lu," Ginny said with a slightly exasperated yet amused tone. "I liked the other team more in the previous match, but this time, I'm going to support Potter and Malfoy…that is if this bloody match begins already!"

Luna glanced towards the laptop screen. Two lines of men were preparing to come out on the field. Luna might not know too much about cricket, but Ginny had forced her to look at cricket jerseys and kits online, so she knew something was wrong when she realised both teams were wearing half-sleeved shirts and tiny shorts that barely covered their thighs.

"Why are they wearing shorts? Is this a special match? Maybe it's too hot for them to wear full trousers," Luna said thoughtfully.

Ginny groaned and scowled at the laptop. "No, no, and no. Something's wrong with the channel! Instead of the cricket match, they're broadcasting a stupid rugby match instead!"

"Why don't you watch rugby then?" Luna questioned innocently. "Maybe you'll like it."

Ginny turned her scowl on Luna, but it didn't affect her as Ginny had wanted it to.

"Fine, I'll give it a try, but don't expect me to like it," Ginny grumbled and hugged the cushion to her chest, leaning against Luna's side.

Luna smiled serenely and turned to her crossword puzzle.


"There's a man who looks like Wolverine and I love him already," Ginny said absentmindedly.

"That's nice, sweetie," Luna murmured but didn't look up from her crossword. What was the name of a post-minimalist sculptor known for her work with latex? What even was that?

"Their shorts are nice for summer—would be pretty inconvenient for playing cricket."

"Of course."

"Wolverine is hot, by the way," Ginny added again and nudged Luna's ribs.

Luna finally looked up at the laptop and cocked her head, wondering if Ginny was going blind from watching so much cricket on her laptop. There was no way the rugby player looked anything like Wolverine, but Luna only hummed in agreement.

"That one has glorious hair."

Luna glanced up again and found a player on screen with a head full of long, curly locks that flowed down to his shoulders. She agreed, "He does have nice hair. Better hair than mine most days."

Ginny shook her head and said, "No, his forehead and hairline is too far apart. Yours is absolutely perfect because you're an angel."

Luna chuckled and lowered her face to kiss the top of Ginny's head. Ginny slid down the sofa a little bit more to snuggle against Luna properly.

"That one looks constipated. He's singing the anthem but looks like he'd rather be anywhere but there," Ginny commented again.

Luna couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"His last name's Sexton—the jokes practically write themselves," Ginny said with a snicker.

Luna groaned and buried her face in her hands. "Ginny!"

"What? It's hilarious," said her girlfriend who had the dirty mind of a 13-year-old boy. Ginny suddenly perked up and exclaimed, "The referee has a nice arse!"

"Ginny!" Luna cried, her face warming at Ginny's crudeness.

"Oh, look! All of them are running in one direction and now they're on top of each other—people are lunging and now running in the other direction, and now they're on top of each other again. Look at all those legs and thick thighs and bare skin," Ginny said with a laugh.

"You're supposed to watch the sport! Not the men!"

"Eh, I can do both—but it's mostly because I have no idea what's going on."

"Pay attention to the ball," Luna said, hoping there was a ball in the sport and it wasn't just macho men running around throwing themselves on top of each other.

"The referee's arse is not visible anymore. I'm disappointed—Oh, one guy kicked the ball and now they're running again. Now, they're not. I wish they could tell me why," Ginny deadpanned.

"Why are you narrating this to me?"

Ginny shrugged and said, "So you can enjoy the way my mind works."

"Alright then, keep narrating," Luna said, but she was half-tempted to cover her ears if Ginny was only going to comment on the players' bottoms throughout the match.

"Someone looks like he's cursing the other's mother, and they're on top of each other again. The ball is under them. One steals the ball and runs again but gets caught by the others, and now they're in missionary position with the man under. It's like a fivesome—orgy actually."

Luna didn't know whether to cry or laugh until her sides ached. She wasn't looking at the screen, but the images Ginny's words were conjuring were enough to entertain her.

"No one has scored yet—how do they even score? And now someone's cupping himself while running, and everyone is running to the left again."

Luna burst into peals of laughter at Ginny's commentary.

Ginny began talking in a deep voice like a sports commentator, "And now one guy is being straddled before they run to the left again—and now they're running to the right—and the referee is talking in an accent. The accent is sexy, sends shivers down my spine."

"Please stop," Luna choked out through her laughter.

Ginny continued her act, "This other man is wearing a weird helmet type thing, and his teeth are blue for some reason. Another player looks like a cricketer, so I like him. And now they're running again! Some bloke in a suit is glaring/staring at the team—and now the men are on top of each other again! One man's standing in the corner and thinking what the fuck have I got myself into?"

Luna laughed even harder as tears streamed down her face.

"And one is tugging on the ball and someone's shorts. Fortunately, they didn't come off—wait, did I say fortunate? I meant unfortunately," Ginny explained with a snicker. "But, look! An arm's coming out from between someone's thighs! It looks like a tail but also a dick, but it's going in the opposite direction of a dick."

Luna squealed and rolled onto the sofa away from Ginny, her shoulders trembling. "Ginny, please!"

Ignoring her, Ginny went on, "Now they're on top again. One other bloke wants to join in, but they're not letting him— Oh, it's Sexton. Figures! But the poor bloke doesn't get some. One bloke is pressed up against the other's arse…The whistle blows for another penalty, and now there's a headshot. No, Luna, I didn't say the other word."

Luna's sides ached at how hard she was laughing at Ginny's comments.

"Oh, oh, look! That one's on his front and they're on top of each other again—one bloke almost kicks someone's teeth in, oh, what fun! The other grabs onto the other's shorts and drags himself after him on his knees, begging him and saying please don't go, don't leave me," Ginny cried, a huge grin on her face. She sat up straighter and leaned towards the laptop. "The other bloke leaves him though—I'm getting breakup vibes here. My OTP's broken!"

Only Ginny would create a fictional relationship between the players. Still, it was hilarious hearing everything—even though Luna's sides ached and her belly trembled with every burst of laughter from her lips.

"The ref is kind of annoyed, and the sexy accent is heavier now, but hey, someone's head is in between the other bloke's legs! One jumps up in the air, but the others grab his legs and drag him down to the earth. The teams destroyed the man's goal of flying off to Jupiter and becoming an alien's sugar baby."

"Whaa—" Luna tried to squint at Ginny, but the tears of mirth in her eyes made her sight hazy.

"Now they're on top of each other again. One is trying to escape the grip of the others but doesn't work. The rest have their way with him and then they score a run? Or is it a goal in rugby? Anyway, one hot dude runs to a line and falls. Why? I don't know. Another one comes up and he's got a thick beard and looks mouthwatering," Ginny said and trailed off.

Luna just knew Ginny was imagining one of her (millions of) favourite cricketers running his fingers in his thick beard.

"What's the score?" Luna distracted Ginny on purpose. Just because Ginny wasn't going to see her favourite cricketers do 'filthy' things in real life, that didn't mean Luna wasn't jealous sometimes.

"Oh, yes, the score," Ginny muttered, shaking her head. She focused on the screen and said, "Uh, it says 3 for 10—is that how you read the score? That's how you read the score in cricket, so I'm going with that. How they score is a mystery though."

Luna made a mental note to check the rugby rules afterwards.

"The bloke with the wide forehead and gorgeous hair just made this awesome jump and grabbed the ball, but strangely, the others are on top of him again. Someone's head peeks out from between someone else's thighs and now it's getting steamy. Now they're straddling him and squeezing their thighs to hold him down—not a bad way to die, huh?" Ginny wiggled her eyebrows and made Luna burst into laughter again.

"Look at all the muscles being squeezed—Oh, the weird helmet man is here now! They're running to the right now. They try to grab the one with the ball, but he kicks out like he's on the wrong-way escalator. And now the green men have the ball and they kick at each other's faces to grab the ball."

"Okay, enough with the violence," Luna said with a laugh. And she had naively assumed that cricket was a violent sport.

"Someone's arse is on display! Finally! The green one is on the ground again, and the others like that, I think…They hold him down, and I think he's into it." Ginny cackled and clapped in delight.

"Now they're on top again, but this time it's in 69 position! 69, 69, 69, 69? So many arses! Beard Bloke is here," Ginny rambled, her eyes wide with excitement. It was a testament to how delighted her dirty mind was that she had forgotten all about the cricket match she was supposed to be watching at that moment.

"Beard Bloke's arms remind me of Rowle's," Ginny said with a goofy smile.

I was wrong. She still remembers cricket.

"Now one man is on his knees, and they're touching him over to see what's wrong. Weird way to check, but hey, physios have their kinks too. Get it? Kinks? Kinky? But also because the man probably has a kink in his neck?" Ginny grinned at her own joke, and Luna replied with a roll of her eyes.

"They're not taking him off the field? Wow, that wouldn't have happened in cricket…Anyhoo, the players are running again, and this time they end up in doggy style! And now it's 69! The ref is telling them you're on the ground. Such a nice way to tell everyone what's happening. It's so obvious, Dude With the Nice Arse!" Ginny booed at the screen loudly.

"Now, number 10 has the ball. He looks like Señor Senior Junior from Kim Possible! Remember him, Lu?" Ginny grew even more excited at making that comparison.

Luna looked at the screen and had to admit that Ginny was right. He did look like the dark-haired man-child with huge biceps and a tiny waist. "Yeah, I can see the resemblance."

"Now, one bloke has his hand on the other's thigh and seems to be caressing it. One player's sniffing his armpit and wiping sweat on his shirt sleeve which doesn't even cover his thick biceps. Show-off!"

Luna couldn't help but look at the man's biceps, which were almost as big as her head. Just a tiny bit impressed, Luna turned to pay more attention to the screen.

"That one's trying to shove his face in the other guy's arse. He just tried to push his way in—into the group—not the arse. It's like the human centipede thing, but this thing's hotter."

Luna pursed her lips to stop herself from blurting something stupid.

"And that other one's holding the ball to his cheek. Seems like he's thinking of something."

"Maybe he's thinking 'I never thought I'd be holding balls to my face all day'," Luna finally blurted out.

Ginny was silent for a few seconds before she burst into hearty guffaws. She slapped Luna's back and howled, "That was hilarious, Lu! Can't—believe y-you said that!"

Luna's face warmed at the words that had come out of her mouth as if out of nowhere. Maybe Ginny was rubbing off on her more than she had thought.

"Tell me what you think of the helmet dude," Ginny said, grinning and dragging Luna into her side.

"He looks like a drowned rat with all that sweat," Luna admitted.

GInny cackled and squeezed Luna tighter. "He does! Ooh, don't you think that one looks like my brother Charlie? Except he's got blue hair and…"

Luna's shoulders slumped with the realisation that she wouldn't be able to finish her crossword puzzle soon. But maybe, commentating on the rugby match with Ginny would be more fun.