Ooh, Gokudera, finally! *flails hands in the air* Aaah, L'Arc~En~Ciel, they're love!
Shoot, I made this an angsty, Gokudera moment! *waves hands* Well, suppose I'm doing my forte now. Sort off... Wha-at?
Review makes the world go round, as always. It'll save Gokudera from dying from lung cancer.
I think...
Oh, I finally got a hitch with the angst part, but I'm not putting that on tabs. Actually, this would be one of the few where the song is actually related in the terms. *shakes head* what in the world am I thinking? But it was a nice exercise, to say the least.
Lost Heaven
"We'll say goodbye, lost Heaven.
How we longed for Heaven.
We're letting go of something we never had.
Time goes so fast, Heaven is lost."
---
His mourning for his death is inevitable. Of course, it is natural, even if he does not show it.
And, yet, she can feel that he had lost a part of him, a reason why he exist, that he is still here standing today and not astray like what he used to years ago. His death devastated him, and she knows it so well; it was obvious in his face anyway.
There was a hint of irony and she does not deny the fact of it. As an idealist, she is a believer of the reality as the female accepted the fact that he is dead; Gone, Kicked the bucket, Pushing in the daisies, And all the description of that word. Nobody is to escape the sole word that can bring fear even to the hardest of men.
And she knew that. She had 'dance' with death so many times in which, on all occasions, she managed to escape.
Unfortunately, escaping the dance of death was something she had disliked at some point.
He was dead and the ash-haired male was mourning for him. It was understandable that he had lost someone who he cherished the most.
Come to think of it, what does she had to do in this picture?
---
The clock droned itself in every tick-tock, time seems to move itself in a sluggish way as she leaned onto the wall beside her window, her wine-red optics gazing towards the dim surroundings outside.
It appears the sky is also mourning for his loss as well, she thought as a sigh escaped her lips.
Typical.
"Miss Chere?" She didn't have to look at the source of the voice as a maid stood just right outside the door, looking at the red-haired maiden with a wary look onto her face. "Uhm... Miss Chere, are you busy today?"
Silence.
"Mister Reborn wishes your presence in the briefing room, if you may."
Closing her eyes for a few seconds, the female inhaled a bit before opening them and turning around as she walked out of the door and towards the dreary corridor wherein she is headed towards the said room she was summoned. Whilst traveling, though, she had recalled the thoughts of the funeral happened a day ago where the ivory coffin of the 10th Vongola boss was laid upon the flowers neatly placed onto his resting place, the people around who are mourning and crying, while her- all in her black glory save for her unusual set of red eyes and hair- only staying away from the people, rather not to be noticed but only a few, her mind muddled with recollected thoughts of the events.
'You lucky bastard', The female thought begrudgingly, mildly biting her lower mouth to at least calm her a bit. It was uncertain by every member about the female's actual state of mind, but the Vongola boss knew her case; she was obsessed of death and her claimed attempts of suicide. He had told this towards his guardians, and he was the one who wanted to help the said woman of the disorder. He was compassionate, understanding... the one who understand the reason behind it. It was her childhood abuse and prolonged neglecting that had made her suicidal beyond belief. He thought his Right-hand man had it worse, but after finding out about this woman's case... he was wrong.
This is the real world; suicide is a lot more common than mafia assassinations, he believes, unfortunately.
I want to die and escape this world, was her reason, I don't want it here anymore, I don't have anyone to go back with anymore. She doesn't have a family, but she also doesn't want to taint her morale by killing other people only for her selfish whims, so when she was invited by the Vongola boss that she can be with his 'family', she felt like she was accepted; she finally found a home.
But with his loss... she won't be surprise if she would be treated the same still. Then again, that was only her whim of mind.
"I'm glad you finally arrived, Miss Cissnei Chere." The great Mafioso said as she entered the premises while the rest of the guardians watched the female with mixed emotions. Her eyes scanned around; every guardian was present, even those who are heavily alleged towards the core.
"As if there is any other choice," The female, Cissnei, replied back, expression placid and eyes slightly vacant. Nobody noticed yet. Good.
---
So he was dead; He's gone.
The Storm Guardian couldn't believe that the person he was serving all his life, that the person who had treated him as a human being and as a friend... died so suddenly. And he had plans that he would willingly follow till the end.
Gokudera couldn't believe it, but he have to. It just couldn't. Without him, what would the state of Vongola be right now? It was those fucking Millefiore, he grudgingly blamed, it was their fault and those bastards must die painfully.
It had been a habit for him to visit his grave, always bringing fresh flowers and guarding it from dawn till dusk when not in mission (then again, with the boss dead, there are only few missions much anyway). He sometimes talks to him, pretending that he was just asleep, or just away. Yeah, maybe he'll just wake up someday, right?
Wrong.
Though that was what he wished for, at first. Now, he just couldn't gut it in. Denial.
It was natural, to say at least.
Bastards.
As soon as he arrived at his grave, however, he noticed that the flowers surrounding the grave had already been chanced and that there is a plate of dumplings & a flask of coffee placed beside the coffin. Surely, this is not his doing, Gokudera thought as he ticked off some possible candidates for that act. But, then, whoever was doing this must have been close to him.... though he rather shrugs it off.
Unfortunately, for him, this kept on for days. Every time he goes to the grave, he see the same setting (though, sometimes, instead of those dumplings, there are other food placed in there to vary things) and the mysterious visitor still hadn't shown itself.
Until one day...
"I'm sorry, but will you forgive me?"
It was another day where the Storm Guardian pleased to visit his boss' grave once more when he overheard a conversation. He also noted that the conversation seems one-sided since only one was talking and, from the tone of the voice, it is a female.
"I know you'll hate me for it, but I can't take it anymore."
Decided not to let himself reveal to whoever was talking, Gokudera hid behind a tree as he stole a peek onto the person who was conversing, only to find out that it was the red-haired female, Cissnei. What she is doing here, he thought, but he noticed that she was holding something from her hand that was hidden from the sleeves of her dress.
'No... it can't be.... How...'
"Everyone's been pretty desperate these days," Cissnei spoke, sitting in front of the coffin as she fiddled the sleeve of her dress. "Especially your Right-hand man, I understand why he was sad when you died." A sigh escaped her lips as she went on. "They were sad and worried because you are important to them, that you have done something to change their lives." A sad chuckle. "It can't be helped; you were lucky." He couldn't tell what se was talking about until now, but Gokudera was sure as heck that what she is doing is going to get ugly. At first, he did not believe it, seeing that it is irrelevant and that for as long as she does not annoy him, he's fine. Then again, he did noticed that every time he pass the room, he could hear a muffled voice from the other side or the time when he bypass her room and noticed the disarrayed things or....
And then it hit him!
No wonder Tsuna seems so worried about her; she finds a way to kill herself!
But why?
She doesn't look like a suicidal teen (noted, she is twenty-four) or that she always show a cool and arrogant facade (Hell, he could have swore he can hear her bitching stuff with the Rain Guardian's katana-freak Fiancée of his) but.... she's serious, right?
Right?
"I don't think anyone would miss me," Pulling out something from its hiding place, the ash-haired male finally make it out that she was actually holding a pistol in her hand (Where in the world she got those, he thought) as she looked at it for a moment. "Besides, with you dead, I don't think the rest of them will miss me... I've been horrible to them." Another sigh. "I think mom's right about me; I don't deserve to live at all." What kind of parents does she have, Gokudera thought bewildered as he eyed at the woman, and then at the gun and back. He doesn't like where this is going. "At least there are people who actually care for you. I'll just relief everyone in your family from their duty you left behind and just get it over with."
"...She was abused by her mother for the fact that she had wished for a son to be the successor of the family wealth. The woman began her abuse towards Cissnei and it seems she had kept it lock up all these time. I don't know what happened to her social life as well after that, but from what I can see, she had been bottling things up long enough and it seems she had told no one about it."
Listening towards his boss's summary of what he had known about the female he had recruited recently, Cissnei, Gokudera only thought that the only reason he was listening was because it was Tsuna who said so about it, though he couldn't help but feel a pang of pity towards the female.
"So, boss," Gokudera cleared his throat. "He's somewhat like me, then?"
"Unfortunately," Tsuna's voice sounded grave. "She's far from your case."
"What... happened?"
"Her mother got killed by her father after seeing how his wife abused her and had enough, and then told her to run away before he killed herself. Ever since then, she was placed in one orphanage from the other and she never experience any love from anyone. Like you, she became a loner, but the sight she has seen had scarred her to the point that death was the only escape she could lean on." He took a pause, eyeing onto the window with a gloomy state in his face. "I don't know what happened to her from that day onwards, but it appears due to her nature of not telling to everyone about her, many had not known that she had already lost her will to fight. I don't know what forced her to live up till now, but it would probably because of people stopping her at the last moment... luck or something." Shaking his head, he looked at his Right-Hand man with a concerned look in his eyes. "I wanted to help her in the long run, want her to feel that there is still a reason not to back down. I didn't accepted her just because I pity her or that she had potential; I just wanted for her to know that there are people who still cares for her, that she had an importance in life somehow."
"Boss..."
"I just want her to have a second chance in life; she's just lost, we just need to help her find her way back."
There are instances that he had to choose something.
"Well..."
Nearing the nozzle of the pistol onto her forehead, she gave a wry smile as she spoke, voice as soft and melancholic as ever.
BANG!
"You idiot... "
He could understand her, which is why he was here to help her.
"If you fucking die here, everyone thinks I'm the one who killed you, dammit."
It appears that, in a pure attempt of human nature, Gokudera had somehow 'saved' the female from actually killing herself by grasping her wrist tightly, pulling it away from her and that when she pulled the trigger, instead of her forehead, the tree became the target.
It was logical for humans to save other humans who wanted to commit suicide.
But, now, Gokudera understands why.
"I'm not going to let you killed by yourself, stupid bitch."
He didn't knew that he just saved her life, forcefully pulled her back on track and guided her to where she is to go.
It was in the human nature to long themselves to their own salvation... but it takes more than that to realize where to look.
-----------------------------------
Yeah... somehow it sounded vague and, to be honest, a bit in the dark side, but trust me on this one, I did my homework and researched about suicide.... despite in this drabble to be a bit inaccurate or something. *shakes head* I don't know who requested the Gokudera oneshot, but this is suppose to be the original plan... until I forgot there is something called 'character outline' and I have to scratch this. Haha! It appears that Suicide is common amongst teens from age 12 - 24 years of age and that one of the causes is due to family abuse (though there are far more reasons for suicide). I was thinking of incorporating about the character about it with the song for some reason... though I realize you guys might beg to differ since I look like I don't understand a thing. Actually, I do understand about them (but ain't telling how or why) so it's up to you people.
Gomen! So the request goes to drabbles here (while still up to the rests) so yeah.
*way to ruin the moment, girl.*
The song would be 'Lost Heaven' performed by L'Arc~En~Ciel from the anime Fullmetal Alchemist: the Movie (Wow, I realize that one just now, yo!) Information about (Teen) Suicide can be searched on Wikipedia. I don't own Reborn, the characters, and the song; only the story, my own characters and my excuse for relief. I own them and Verde would have more screen time. *cough*
