Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Chapter 15
*
I just laid there. Not feeling anything; just going with the flow. Waiting for the godly voice to talk again and do away with me. I had committed something terribly wrong but I'm not sorry at all. Going back and saving Giacomo, that was best thing I could've done. I smirked to myself and then I really began to think about it. I felt like I swallowed an anchor, a heavy weight was numbing my whole body. If I really did save Giacomo the first time, things would've gone so well for us. But I had to be a monster..a monster who's instinct is to kill. For the first time in awhile I really hated myself.
"Do you understand the damage you could've done if you continued this? Did you ever think about what you were doing?" The deep pious voice bellowed.
"I wasn't thinking…" I muttered
"Exactly, and for that you have done this to yourself. The one thing precious to you will now be inexistence to you" The voice echoed.
I didn't say anything. I just wanted to go back home. Preferably to the Cullen house. Visit Esme. And go on with my life which I would probably screw up again the next day.
"Or would you rather not exist at all?" The voice grew angrier after my silence.
"Who are you to take my life away?! I don't need to answer to anyone" I growled. I thought for a minute; I was always a catholic person but I figured since I'm immortal God wouldn't be talking to me. Me being alive is already a mortal sin. I gasped, grasping the fact that the Volturi might've stepped in. I exhaled and groaned internally, "Just…just take me back then"
The deep voice didn't talk again. Instead it felt like an earthquake was erupting. The sound of rumbles and ground cracking ran through my ears. I kept my mind blank and just let myself go with where ever I was going. Hopefully, somewhere where I won't cause too much damage with the terrible luck that I bring.
It was awhile after I felt or heard anything. Maybe hours had passed, I wasn't sure. I felt numb and immobile so I didn't bother making too much of an effort to move around. Maybe I was stuck in an infinite black hole forever.
"Sara, wake up" someone started shaking me softly.
I groaned. This time the sound left my mouth. "Sara, c'mon" The voice spoke again. I slowly opened my eyes to a slow flicker and saw Missy's face staring down at me.
"Hey" I said groggily. I shifted and felt the soft bed under me. I sat up to get a better look at my surroundings. I was back in my room in Pennsylvania. I smiled to myself. If I was in Pennsylvania then Giacomo would be around.
"C'mon mom's gonna take us hunting. You took one hell of nap so now we're behind schedule" Missy exclaimed as she stood up from where she sat on my bed.
"I'll be down in a sec" I said as I stared out the window. Missy nodded and turned towards the door. "Hey Miss, did Giacomo call or anything while I was sleeping?" I asked.
"Giacomo?" Missy asked, confusion rang in her voice.
Miss could be so useless at times. I sighed. She probably wasn't paying attention to the phone or anything while I was out.
I'll just ask later. I thought to myself. "Nevermind" I told her and shooed her out of the room. After Missy left I got up and checked the dresser's mirror. My eyes widened after realizing that I was still wearing the same outfit I had worn when I got back from Phoenix. I took off my shirt and replaced it with a white tanktop. I wiggled out of my blue jeans and tossed them on my bed and pulled out a pair of shorts from the top drawer. I looked in the mirror again and noticed something sticking out of the back pocket of my blue jeans that I had thrown on my bed. I turned around and got a closer look and then noticed it was the postcard Bella had last sent me.
I smiled and then put it back in the back pocket of my jeans. I heard rustling coming downstairs and knew that my sister and mother were waiting for me but I really didn't want to go on a hunt. I sighed and turned to the handheld calendar on the dresser and saw that it was indeed present time. I bit my bottom lip and decided that I'd rather go visit the Cullens rather then going hunting, and I'll stop by Giacomo's house on the way.
I skipped downstairs and saw Despina unlocking the door to get outside. "Hey mom, uhm I think I'm gonna skip out on this one" I called from the staircase.
"Are you sure? You haven't eaten in days" Despina exclaimed.
"Yeah, I'll just go visit Giacomo or something" I half smiled and then turned around to head back upstairs.
"Who?" My mother's voice echoed.
I rose an eyebrow and slowly turned back around, "Giacomo..you know" I shrugged.
"She said it again. I told you mom, I think she's going through something.." Missy voice's whispered to Despina.
"What's going on guys?" I called out more loudly, "How do you not remember Giacomo?" I gripped onto the stair's rail.
"Dear, we know Giacomo, but we don't understand why you want to see him" Despina said, taking a step forward towards me.
"Mom, are you serious?" I said, narrowing my eyes and then turning to Missy. "Guys, you both know Giac...is my boyfriend.."
"Boyfriend?" Despina and Missy both said at the same time in disbelief. I stared at them wide eyed and stared to grip on tighter to the railing, an indent was starting to form.
"Honey, you don't have a boyfriend. And Giacomo has been dating Caroline, you know the lovely young intern at my office.." Despina said, grabbing onto the head of the stair's rail.
"Wha-what?" I choked out. I started to breath heavily out of habit of being freaked out and turned to run to my room. I heard footsteps follow me so I slammed my door shut and locked it.
"I just need to find the journals and I'll be fine" I said, falling onto my knees and looking under my bed but nothing was there.
"Sara, honey, please open the door" Despina called from outside the room, turning the knob of the door.
I ignored her and ran to the closest and started digging into it, but the journals didn't turn up. I growled and started to just grab everything in the closest and throw it behind me. Once everything was emptied from the closest, I turned and stepped over the pile of clothing.
"Sara, open the freakin' door!" Missy said more strictly and began pounding on the door.
I kept on ignoring them and went to the dresser and started to pull out the drawers one by one. Still, I couldn't find my journals.
"Where are my journals?!" I snarled as I turned to look at the locked door.
"Honey, there are no journals. You've been asking us that for weeks but there were never any journals" Despina called, concern echoing from her voice.
No journals? That's not possible. That's how everything started…
"There has to be journals! Despina, you were the one who told me to write in them. You told me too!" huffs of air began to leave my nose as if I was angry bull.
"I never did! Something in your head keeps triggering you to think that. Sara, there have never been journals!" Despina shouted.
My eyes widened, everything was getting fuzzy but it wasn't like the feeling like before. I felt like I was not myself, as if I was turning into something else. Maybe the monster that I always knew I was.
I shut my eyes and started screaming. I wasn't feeling any physical pain, nothing physical could compare to what I was feeling right now. I felt like I was having my body torn into pieces from the inside. My whole existence is gone. The reason why I woke up every morning was in someone else's arms right now. He was never in my life and worst of all I was never in his.
Then it was like I got an epiphany. Bella's postcard, I still had it. Suddenly Missy had bombarded the door and broke it up. An anger Missy and a worried Despina pounced in the room. I backed away and threw myself on my bed to find my pair of jeans that I had worn earlier. It was a mess since I had thrown every piece of clothing in this room all over the place.
"Sara, you need help" Missy cried as she grabbed onto one of my arms. I yanked it away from her and continued to dig through the pile of clothing nearest my bed.
"Sweetie, please we know people—vampires that can help with this sort of disorder" Despina exclaimed.
I growled and tried to block them out of my hearing. Luckily I spotted the pair of jeans and snatched the postcard in the back pocket. I stood up hastily and jetted to the bathroom next door and locked the door. I walked over to the bathtub on the other side of the bathroom and slid on the ground. Banging and thrusting began to come from outside the door.
My hands began to shake involuntarily as I held the postcard up so I could read it.
"Dear—Dear Sara…" I breathed. My body began to jump every time Missy collided with the door to jam it open.
"Things are fine here in Phoenix." I spoke more prominently, "Phil and mom finally got married and I got to be the maid of honor. Joy. But mom is at last happy—"
The room began to shake just in time. Missy had barged through the door and was about to pounce on me when I began to go through another hemorrhage. I felt myself let out a chuckle that rang through my ears as everything blacked out.
Suddenly I felt a thud and I found myself back in Tanya's house; back in my room. I let my back fall to the floor and I stared up to the ceiling. I needed to leave this house. Being here and having to know that Edward was still a skeez wouldn't make me feel better. I turned over and laid on my stomach. I stared at the beaten glass window and without thinking I got up and rammed through the window. Glass shattered all over my room and on the ground as I landed in Tanya's backyard. I ran to the front of the house and looked back to see a disheveled silhouette approaching the window downstairs. But I didn't stay behind to watch, I just kept on running. I didn't know exactly where I was heading but I knew that it was better then just staying here.
I was a gust of wind to the average person, or maybe a blur of quick light. I didn't care though. I didn't care who saw me at this pace. I just wanted to keep on running until I got every bad feeling out of me. I felt a little uneasy thinking that, since I could probably run forever.
Once I began feeling less crappy about myself I decided that I wanted to go see the Cullens again. Mainly Esme. I stopped suddenly and found myself surrounded by a forest-y scenery.
"Hm..which way from here.." I thought to myself as I looked around my surroundings. I sniffed the air, but then suddenly I wished I hadn't. Some sort of burning scent whisked into my nose. I shook my head furiously, trying to shake the scent away.
All of a sudden a deep growl came from behind me. I slowly turned around and saw a gigantic wolf like creature crouching less then 10 feet away from me; and it didn't seem happy.
I put my hands in front of me and slowly backed away. "Good boy.." I said softly. The huge mutant animal stepped forward and bared out it's teeth.
Then I did something that I thought I would never do. I had stumbled onto a tree trunk and held onto it. I slowly slid to the ground and covered my face and let out a whimper. I always thought of myself as being better then a wimp and taking things head on. But I couldn't force myself to stay strong any longer. I shut my eyes and waited for the beast to just eat me. I felt the huge animal's hot breath heat my skin, it was definitely right in front of me by now.
I was ready though. I didn't need to stay in this world anymore. I lost everything so I knew nothing else mattered. I was ready.
Read & Review
