Edward's promise to his family about sharing things with Bella comes from my story My Family is Odd here on FF.

Beta: The incredible and amazing kiwihipp

(Updated 2 Jan 18)


Chapter 6: Five?


By Monday early evening I was too nervous and exited about Alice's prediction that Bella would receive my latest correspondence to concentrate, so I went to find Alice.

I wasn't the only one.

Alice and Jasper were in the living room sprawled on a couch together with Rosalie and Emmett on another. I took an armchair and tucked my legs under me.

"When does she get home again?" Rosalie complained shortly after I settled into the seat.

"Last year she would get home by half three in the afternoon. Her truck doesn't go fast, Rosalie," Alice reminded her in an irritated tone.

"I wish I had rebuilt the engine, just to speed her up," Rosalie lamented.

Alice giggled and Jasper as well as Emmett appeared to be holding in grins.

I shook my head at the changes I had been observing in Rosalie, but, since I didn't want to jinx it, said nothing.

When the living room clock was at 6:14pm Alice shouted, "Yes! She decided to check the mailbox before she goes inside."

I contained my giggle and eyed Jasper who shook his head indulgently.

"Well, then?" Rosalie asked irritated tapping her foot.

"I didn't make the rule about not looking," Alice pointed out snarkily. "I can only get something if she makes a decision, and I already told you some of the problems I have been running into."

"Yeah," Rosalie huffed. "I hate waiting."

If the mood of the room was any indication, none of us Cullens were really that great about waiting when it came to stuff like this. That certainly had not been the case in my early years. Not to mention that in my imagining of Carlisle the waiting had ruffled him. Although, in reflection he hadn't seemed as impatient or irritated as we were. Perhaps, we all had been spoiled by Alice's gift and all of us, not just Alice, could do with some lessons in patience. On the other hand, I considered, it could just be an expression of our collective nervousness, and put the thought aside.

As the minutes passed I really began to take into stock how much things had changed in our house since the beginning of December. We all still missed Edward. Nothing would change that until he came home. Nonetheless, Rosalie and Emmett were sitting waiting with us rather than escaping the tension. Rosalie seemed to be more engaged with matters regarding Bella rather than haughty and upset about her even being around. Jasper didn't look as strained and heavy-laden. Alice was using her gift in everyday life less and had regained some pep. Carlisle was working on making decisions from his heart when appropriate. And I was trying to see things as they were rather than how I hoped them to be, as well as increasing my courage to speak the truth, even if the other person might not like to hear what I might have to say.

More than us as individuals, though, our relationships with one another were changing, some more than others. Carlisle's and Jasper's relationship seemed to be changing a lot, for instance. Bella was continuing to impact us and change us even as she wasn't here. No matter what might happen next, it was something to be grateful for.

"She's going to look through the mail and find the letter," Alice squealed interrupting my musing.

Sighing in relief at least I knew for certain she would receive it. The rest was up to her.

"Since she decided to open it," Alice continued her voice more sombre, "it looks most likely that the blood is going to drain from her face. She's going to sit down at the table and take the letter out carefully. She's probably going to cry, but when she gets to the end will look calmer, more relaxed."

We all sat not making a sound waiting for Alice to continue.

A good thirty minutes later Alice spoke again. "She's oscillating between two decisions. Esme go get your phone in case she decides to call."

"I have it, Alice," I let her know. It was still in my pocket.

She simply nodded and went back to paying attention to what her gift would reveal to her.

Before Alice could even speak, my phone rang.

I opened it without checking the number.

"Hello," I greeted knowing immediately by the background noise and lack of immediate response that it was indeed Bella on the other end.

Giving her my full attention, I listened to everything that I could through the phone.

"Hello, Esme," I heard her say eventually like she had let out her breath for the first time in a long while.

With as much gentle kindness that I knew how to convey I told her, "It's nice to hear from you Bella." After a short pause with her saying nothing, out of politeness and not sure how else to start the conversation I asked, "Did you get my second letter?"

"I did," she said as if the words were difficult to say.

Patiently I waited for her to continue. There was a long pause and then her breathing began to hitch in ways that sounded irregular to me. How I wished Carlisle was with me to explain what these changes in her sounds meant. I knew so little about humans and how their bodies responded. Without the facial and scent cues to help me I felt entirely lost. In truth knowing the workings of the human body had always seemed like a temptation to me, causing me to admire Carlisle even more for his ability to be so curious about their functionings. Yet, as the minutes passed and I tried to understand her, I wished that I had more of his capacity, so I could assist her more.

My concern and confusion must have been clearly written on my face because Rosalie muttered lowly, so the sound barely travelled, her tone clearly irritated, "She's upset."

Taking my cue from Rosalie's assessment, I asked hoping my concern for her shown through, "What's wrong, darling?"

Her breathing was ragged like she was trying to calm herself, but was unable. "I didn't want … I just wanted … "

"I'm listening Bella. I'm just listening. It's okay," I spoke to her softly in a tone that I intended to be tenderly.

"I saw Laurent on Saturday," she blurted out in a rush.

Everyone in the room became completely still, no doubt waiting to hear what she had to say next. Alice looked one part curious, one part guilty, and two parts grieved.

I waited for Bella to say something more. It sounded like she was holding her breath waiting for me. So, I asked, allowing my concern to coat my words, "Are you all right?"

"Yes." I heard her take a breath and then, as if the next word almost wasn't said, there was the most slightest of sound. "No."

Having no idea what she needed or how to assist her, I relied upon our last family conversation. "I'm here, Bella," I reminded her hoping that my presence would be a support to her. "Take your time," I encouraged her hoping that they had been correct that her letter had indicated a desperate need to talk.

Hopefully she would choose her words carefully and not say anything that might give away our nature.

After long minutes had passed she spoke again. "Um … so he said that he was here as a favour for Victoria who wanted to get back to me for James." She paused a long while.

"Go on," I offered as a form of reassurance.

"Could he be lying?" she asked slowly like she wasn't sure she wanted an answer.

After waiting to see if she would say anything more, I asked equally slowly, "Do you want the truth?"

"Yes," she finally said after a long wait.

"No matter what?" I asked with the same measured slowness as before.

Only her breathing could be heard for a few minutes.

Nothing in the world existed but her. This in and out was so vital for her.

As each second passed, I found myself growing more and more furious. How could Edward have left her unprotected? How could we have? How could have Carlisle left me? How was it possible that leaving someone so vulnerable, so fragile to fend for themselves be love? I knew I had forgiven Carlisle, so where had this anger come from? No matter its source, it couldn't help Bella and she was my priority. Giving Bella and her sounds my full attention, I pushed everything else aside to be sorted out later.

"Yes," I heard her barely breathe out.

There was fear and trepidation, but I knew there was strength within her too. She had existed in our world for all those months. She could take the truth. I would have. The mothering part of me wanted to protect her from the consequences of the truth, but then that thinking had been what had led to Carlisle's and my trouble. This was the moment to put that lesson in action. I had to trust that she knew her own limits and what she needed, even despite my own desire to keep her from the pain the truth might cause.

Taking a deep breath myself and finding my own source of courage I told her, "There's always a chance that he was lying. At the same time, if Victoria was …" I hoped that I paused long enough for her to catch my meaning while it still sounding natural, "married to James, then it is likely that she might seek revenge. We're a large family. It would be easier to hurt us by getting to you than to attack one of us."

It sounded like tears were running down her face, but her breathing was calm.

"Are you okay?" I tried to make my voice warm and comforting.

"Scared, but thank you for the truth Esme. It means a lot to me," she stated in a voice that sounded too calm for the circumstance.

"You're welcome," I told her sincerely, proud of myself and impressed in how she had reacted.

Minutes passed.

"How are things otherwise?" I asked softly.

"They're fine. Charlie's working and fishing like normal." Then she stopped like she was afraid to say whatever she had been thinking.

I waited what seemed like a long time, but she didn't speak, so I asked gently, "Were you going to say something else"?"

"Um," she began but seemed hesitant to continue her thought.

"It's okay," I encouraged.

"Well, see," she began then stopped. When she continued her words rushing together, "I was wondering if you have plans on coming back to Forks."

"Ah." I paused wondering what she was really asking, but after a few seconds and being unable to fully decipher her meaning decided to just address her question. "Truth?" I asked needing verification.

"Yes." There was no hesitation this time.

Without indecision believing that if she could be brave, so could I, I told her earnestly, "We are considering it, but a decision has not been made. It would help to know if you would like to have us return."

Her breathing escalated and her heart rate increased.

"Would he be with you?" she asked so softly that the sounds barely reached me through the phone.

Her physical reaction sounded erratic in comparison to what I had come accustomed to from her.

Had Rosalie's accusations towards Edward been even greater than she had suggested? Could his parting words been so cruel as to have done that to this sweet girl? Could have it simply been our departing or maybe the lack of goodbye that she had mentioned in her letter? Then I realized my arrogance in assuming that what was happening to her was in direct relation to our family. She might have something else going on completely unrelated. She did almost die at Laurent's hands. I suspected that alone would be enough to make a human respond in concerning ways, not to mention Carlisle's tentative diagnosis, since I had no idea how that might change her sounds.

"At this point no," I said calmly trying to not jump to conclusions and simply be present with her. "He," I said copying her language and not saying Edward in case that was important to her, "has gone off on his own and our decision will be made without him. If, after we have moved, he wanted to live with us again, we would discuss it and its implications at that time."

She gasped.

I wondered if I had said too much. Had I been too straightforward? There was so much about our family that she couldn't possibly know, as Edward had promised the family to share only things about himself with her.

"Why wouldn't he be automatically welcomed home by his family?" she asked angrily clearly defending him.

My mind tried to place this reaction along with her letter and what she had said thus far. Honestly, I felt as confused as I had when I had read her letter.

In a gentle tone I told her, "It's not that he wouldn't be welcomed, but there might be stipulations. For instance, when he left before and then returned Carlisle made it clear that to stay with us meant he had to commit to our diet. Not that we loved him less or he was less of our son, but this is Carlisle's request, not just for nomads that pass through or friends that come visit, but for us Cullens. Do you see?"

She paused for a long time. "Kind of like being grounded?" she enquired.

"Grounded?" I asked perplexed, as the term was foreign to me.

"Let's say a kid runs away like I did to Phoenix," she started explaining her tone lighter than it had been thus far. "When I came back to Charlie's he grounded me. He had rules and chores and extra stuff for me as a kind of consequence for my actions, but he still loved me."

"Yes, like that," I agreed even though it didn't come close to describing the complexity of what I was attempting to convey, but it was near enough for the time being. "If you wanted to become a Cullen, and were by that time, then you too would get a say," I let her know excited about the possibility.

"Why, Esme, would I get a say?" She sounded as if she doubted my sincerity. "He's your son. Even if were to become a Cullen, I'm not one in a family sense," she said firmly as if this explained her doubt.

Perhaps in my exuberance to speak with her and to have my hope of the future be true I had overstepped and shared too much. It seemed like with each expression from Bella everyone else in the room had just got more and more statuesque, as each statement revealed a new layer of surprise.

"There are many reasons, Bella," I told her with a slower pace than I usually spoke in hopes that doing so would aid her hearing me, "many of which would be better explained in person. I fervently hope that you know that we are family, not by what flows through our veins, but by choice. Like I said in my letter, you hold a place in my heart. If you wished to make your life with us, then that comes with certain rights and responsibilities," I explained sincerely. After a short pause I added, "At the same time, we would completely understand if you had no desire to join our family. The costs are steep."

After waiting a few minutes and having no response, I continued in hopes that doing so would help make things more clear to her, "We, as a family, have come to believe that we made a mistake in making a decision that effected you without your direct input. Edward claimed to be speaking on your behalf, and in our family couples often do that, but we see that choice differently now. We won't do that again." There was no room for argument in my tone. "I need you to know Bella that we have no desire to impose upon you. If you wished to never hear from us again, then we would respect that choice. Please don't feel pressured in any way. I am simply asking what you believe is best for you, as we should have done in September. Nothing more, nothing less."

She gasped once more, and then tears could be heard flowing down her cheeks.

When she spoke again all her words were jumbled together and her voice hitched with her crying. "Really, Esme? Really? Are you sure? I mean that much to you?"

It took me half a second to ensure I had heard her correctly, and then once I was fairly certain that I had grasped the words, their content made little sense in comparison to what I had said. It was if we were having two different conversations. Nevertheless, I decided to address her comments, even if they confused me.

Her hand could be heard being rubbed against her cheek, probably wiping her tears away.

"Yes," I answered emphatically. "I am certain that you matter to me, as certain that I am that there is a sun behind those clouds in Forks."

She made no sounds apart from those that indicated her humanity.

When she would be with us and had become surprised she would freeze. Was this what had happened? Had I surprised her?

"So, what would your thoughts be about us returning?" I asked as softly and gently as I knew, after I heard her shift her body slightly.

"All but him?" she asked as if the question made her afraid.

"Yes," I confirmed.

"Um," she started and then paused, "if it's not too much trouble … "

Remembering her reaction when I had taken her upstairs to change clothes with her, after our initial encounter with Laurent's coven, caused me to pause and consider what she might be conveying in this hesitation.

Assuming that she still believed herself a burden, I interjected wanting to make sure she was clear regarding our intentions, "This isn't about Laurent. Those are separate things. I'm asking you to state your desire for us to return or stay away, which, I believe, is what we should have done in September. Nothing to do with what happened with Laurent," I told her and then tacked on, "or even whether or not you might wish to be a Cullen."

She took in a great big breath. "It isn't?" she asked dubious again.

"Absolutely." I paused briefly. "Even if Laurent had never shown up, we made a mistake. At the same time that we don't wish to repeat our mistake, we are unsure what is the best choice here. I need you to tell me what your thoughts are, and to be completely honest, even if it might hurt my feelings. I'm durable. I can take it. Promise."

She started giggling near breathlessly when I had made my comment about my durability.

A smile graced my lips. It was good to hear make such a sound. Giving her time to collect her thoughts, I waited.

After a few moments, she pressed me, "Are you sure, Esme?" She sounded very hesitant and unsure of herself.

"Yes," I confirmed firmly. "Positive."

She took in a deep breath and paused.

Hopefully that meant that she was finding the courage to speak her truth.

"I miss him the most, but I miss all of you. It hurts, Esme. It hurts more than I can bear at time, but I think," she paused briefly, "maybe," she hedged and then in a rush added, "it would be easier, in a way, with you here." The whole statement had been made extremely softly as if the words might hurt her.

"Are you sure?" I verified after mentally checking what she had said. "I want you to be sure. Absolute truth?"

"Yes, I'm sure." Her tone was stronger this time. She sounded surer. "Even with you here I will miss him. I might even miss him more with you here. And I am a hot mess right now. It's not pretty. I'm afraid you won't like this version of me. You seeing me, as I am, might change your mind about me." She sounded like she was scared to admit these things to me, maybe even to simply voice them out loud. "But I do miss you all so much, that I think that yes, I would like you here, even if it would be without him." By the last sentence she was sounding nearly certain, although her vocal wavering at her references to Edward remained constant.

"You listen to me well," I commanded upset that she thought that my sentiments for her would be so fickle or that she thought so little of herself. "Nothing will change how I feel about you. Nothing." I was nearly growling at the end.

As her breathing changed I hoped that she knew that I meant it.

Calming myself I continue, "Please know that I cannot promise anything. We will be weighing your choice in the discussion. I hope you know that the decision will be made by all of us. Nevertheless, I will tell them that your vote is yes and why."

"Thank you, Esme." She said this with such passion that I wondered if she was also trying to say something else.

"You're welcome," I offered hoping that what I had said had helped her in some small way. "Are you feeling any better?" I checked.

"Yes, actually," she replied smoothly and calmly. "It's good to talk to you."

Her answer made me think that Carlisle and Jasper had been onto something.

"I feel the same," I let her know.

I waited for her to say something, but she didn't seem to want to say anything more.

"Was there anything else?" I asked hoping my tone was inviting.

"It's silly," was her reply.

"Nothing is silly," I encouraged.

"Well, my friend Jake isn't taking my calls." Her tone died off at the end as if she wasn't sure it was okay to talk to me about this.

"Do you know why?" I asked curiously hoping to convey that I meant when I said that she could talk to me about anything.

"His Dad says he's sick and can't come to the phone," she explained with an exasperated tone.

"And you don't believe him?" I asked trying to gain clarity.

"Sometimes Billy says one thing when he means something else. I feel like he's trying to tell me something else, but I don't know what."

"Any ideas?"

"To stay away from Jake, but that makes no sense. I've known Jake since I was in diapers," she huffed.

"Could Billy be trying to warn you about things that might be dangerous for you?" I asked her trying to see the world through Billy Black's eyes.

There was a long pause. "Maybe," she muttered, then there was another long pause. "Hey, Esme, have you ever come across wolves near Forks?"

This shocked me, but I modulated my voice into a neutral curiosity. "Large wolves?"

"Uh-huh. The largest," she answered as if we were talking about wildlife and not man-beasts that made my skin crawl.

"Yes, actually, many years ago. Why do you ask?" I asked carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I saw five of them when Laurent found me," she explained completely calmly with no fear or concern.

"Did they hurt you?" I couldn't help but ask.

I was scared for her. They terrified me. I couldn't imagine the impact they'd have on a human girl.

"Oh no, not at all." Her tone was if I was being ridiculous. "They were focused on Laurent, and I ran back to my truck."

"I'm glad you're safe." I was genuinely relieved and I tried to convey that in my tone. Pushing aside all the emotions that were threatening to bubble up, I focused on her question and my desire to convey that I agreed with Mr. Black in warning her away. "Wolves generally stay away from humans," I explained, "but it's also best if humans give them space. They are dangerous creatures."

"I see," she said with a detached tone.

Hopefully she had heard my warning.

"Do you?" I searched hoping we were on the same page. "Please take Billy's advise. He is the Quileute chief and from what I understand cares deeply for you. I doubt he would want to see you hurt. Neither would I."

"I'll be careful, Esme," she told me as if my warnings were silly, and then added, "Promise."

I didn't doubt her. Nevertheless, given what Alice had seen about her recent activities, I simply wasn't sure what her definition of careful was, though.

Sensing that we needed a change of topic, I asked her, "Are you eating? Drinking?"

"Esme," she chided.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're such a mom," she told me whining on the last word.

"I might have been told that from time to time." I chuckled.

After a moment's pause, she said heavily, "Truth is that I'm doing my best. Please don't worry."

"I show my care by worrying," I told her hoping to assuage whatever concern she was attempting to convey. "It's in my nature."

"Mine too, I guess. Maybe that's something we share in common," she mused.

"We both like to cook and take care of others as well," I told her.

I could hear her smile. "Yes, I suppose I might be guilty of both those things also."

"Just don't neglect yourself," I requested.

"Okay, Esme," she whined my name in the same tone she had mom.

"Anything else, darling?" I checked.

"No," she told me casually adding after a second, "Thank you. This has helped."

"You're welcome," I told her earnestly. "Call day or night. I'm only ever a phone call away. You know I don't sleep much."

She giggled. "Yes, I remember. Tell Alice hello for me, okay?"

"I will," I promised. "Do you want me to relay anything else?"

"Um … just that I forgive her. I'm sure she had her reasons. And that I miss her."

Her faith in Alice, in us astounded me, not to mention her generous spirit demonstrated through her forgiveness. She really was a remarkable girl.

"Okay, I'll be sure to tell her," I said attempting to sound neutral, but wasn't sure how well I kept my emotions out of my tone.

"I'm still mad at her though," she added, albeit slightly reluctantly. Then with more conviction she told me, "She owes me big. I haven't figured out how to can make it up to me, but she will have grovelling to do."

I smiled at this new mix growing within her. Despite whatever negative consequences she might have paid for us leaving, her ability and willingness to ask for what she needed and stand up for herself in this way pleased me. It made the mother part of me proud of her.

"Makes perfect sense to me," I told her hoping that my agreement would encourage this budding aspect of her. Then I waited to see if she wanted to say anything more. After what seemed like a reasonable amount of time I asked, "Bella, how would you like me to let you know about our decision? Would it be all right to call you?"

"Um," she muttered and then paused, "well," she started to say and then stopped. After a bit she finally told me, "there's only Charlie's number here at the house."

Given the hesitancy in her tone I let her know, "I still have it, but I understand if you would rather I didn't call."

"When you do think you guys will decide?" she asked without much pause.

"That's hard to say," I admitted. "Carlisle's still at work. Sometimes these things can take days."

"Days?" she repeated astonished.

"Yes," I affirmed. "Our move to Forks took forty-one hours to decide."

She whistled softly in a form of disbelief. "What happens if Carlisle has to go to work or someone has to go to school in the midst of these negotiations?"

"They resume when we can all gather again," I explained.

"That could take ages," she stated clearly astonished.

"Sometimes," I agreed. "The record is 10.6 days."

She giggled nervously. "How about I call you at the end of the week?"

"Whatever you think is best," I told her.

"We could come up with some code. So I could call and you say one thing if it's yes and other if it's no."

I smiled at her silliness. "What if you have questions, like, when will you be here?"

"Hum, good point." She paused. "Can you impersonate someone else?" I could hear the smile in her voice.

Smiling at her smile, I admitted honestly, "No very well. Emmett's not bad at impersonations, though."

"Hum," she said while clearly considering her options. "I guess we'll have to stick with me calling you then."

"I guess we will," I agreed pleased to hear her taking the initiative.

She giggled again. "Thank again Esme. I haven't felt this good since before my birthday."

I winced at what she was implying, but attempted to hide that from her. "You're welcome. I'm glad I could help," I told her sincerely. "I wish it hadn't come to this. That's all."

"Me too. I've got to go. Dad just pulled up."

"Okay. If you're ever in trouble call collect, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks. Bye."

"Talk to you at the end of the week. Bye, Bella."

I closed my phone and stared at it not knowing what to make of the call at all.

"Esme?" I barely registered hearing Jasper ask concerned.

I looked up at him stunned as if in a daze.

"Spit it out," he insisted sending me the calm I knew so well and dulling some of my more acute emotions. "You're not feeling so good."

Allowing Jasper to use his gift to aid me in this way, I tried to collect my thoughts. "Did she just say there were five wolves in the meadow with her along with Laurent?" I couldn't believe my own ears.

That sentence wouldn't possibly be true.

"Excuse me," I said cordially leaving the room as quickly as seemed polite.

I ran until I was far enough away that I could hear nothing but nature, found a tree not entirely dissimilar to the first tree I used to climb as a newborn, and placed myself on a branch.

Familiar hands wrapped themselves around me.

"When did you get home?" I asked the figure behind me.

"Minutes ago," he replied worry evident in his tone.

"Did they let you go early?" I asked confused.

"No, Esme, it's Tuesday," he told me clearly troubled by my question.

Turning my head, I stared at him.

"How is that possible?" I asked shaking my head at him. "Just minutes ago I left the house after talking to Bella."

"No, my love," he insisted his features sad and his tone grieved, "that was eleven hours ago."

Wrapping myself around his chest, my whole body started to shake.

He held me tight telling me that he was with me and that I was safe.

Once I was calmed enough to form words, I told him over his reassurances, "I can't, Carlisle. I can't lose someone else. One was too many."

"Hush now," he reassured me, "we are all safe."

He just repeated himself over and over until my body was more at ease.

When I withdrew slightly from his chest and looked up at him he whispered into my ear, "Hope and faith, remember?" But it was almost at if he were reminding himself.

Saying nothing I slumped back into him and nodded into his chest tightening my grip.

"Esme, you scared me," he admitted quietly after a while had passed. "You haven't run off into a tree since before Edward came home from his rebellious years. First you sitting on a window still lost in your imagination and now this. Please talk to me."

"I'm sorry that I scared you, Carlisle," I told him. Taking his scent deep into me, I attempted to collect my thoughts. "Every time I love there is a risk of loss. We could lose her. We almost did on Saturday. We almost did before when it was James. I don't know if I have the strength to survive these near-misses, let alone if she were to die. The thought was too much," I admitted ashamed of my weakness. His worry clearly told me that he needed me to be stronger.

"Together we will, Mrs. Cullen, together. Hope and faith, remember?" he asked this time with more strength and assurance.

"Hope and faith," I repeated, but my heart wasn't in it.

"Yes," he assured me. "Together we will have hope in our family's combined ability to change and have faith that those changes will strengthen us."

Letting out a breath, I accepted his words. We could not control the future any greater than any other creature, even with Alice's gift to aid us. I could not have stopped my son from dying, and as difficult as his passing was on me, it had brought me to Carlisle. If I wanted Carlisle to lead with his heart a little more, perhaps I could have faith that all things worked for a greater good and not have my fear rule me.

Sensing my body had relaxed into his, he told me, "Now, let's get down from this tree, go home, and try to calm our four very distraught children. Can you imagine what they might do to the house without you there?" he asked playfully winking at me.

"They wouldn't dare," I growled imagining the destruction they had caused in the past.

"Oh, I don't know. They were all pretty upset when I got home. Good thing we don't have neighbours."

I looked at him dubiously.

"Just saying," he said slightly defensively smiling at me as we landed softly on the forest's floor.

As we ran back hand in hand I asked him, "Can you forgive me for running off, Carlisle. They needed me, and I just disappeared."

After a moment he replied in a slightly tired tone, "There is nothing to forgive. I go to work. You go to trees. Quite the pair we are."

I smiled at how much Bella was like him in their easy forgiveness of others and of the image he had portrayed. "Yes, I suppose we are," I agreed.

"Do you love your trees?" he asked sincerely.

"Yes," I asserted.

"Do they help you feel better?" he asked.

"Yes," I agreed.

"Then you did what you needed to do," he told me as if it really was that simple. "I've left work. You've left the tree. Together, we'll do this together."

"Together?" I asked with more confidence than I felt.

"Together," he told me assuredly.

Once we got near the house, it was clear that Carlisle had been right. It was certainly a good thing that we didn't have neighbours. Anyone would think they were a pack of wolves the way they were growling, hissing, and yelling. I giggled at my thought. A pack of wolves indeed. Maybe Carlisle was right that the Quileute shapeshifters and us weren't so different after all.

I walked in the door putting my hands on my hips and with my mothering voice asked, "What is the meaning of this? I leave for a few hours, and?" I wave my hand towards them.

They all turned to me and had the decency to look guilty. Then they all looked at each other trying to convince the other to tell me what was going on.

Carlisle stood strongly behind me supporting me but also enjoying watching me handle our children.

Eventually Jasper spoke, "We were all pretty upset about what we heard Bella say. Statements of observation quickly turned into throwing around blame. I apologise Esme for letting tempers rise so much. I wasn't doing a great job with my own emotions."

"Nothing's broken?" I verified.

"No, we hadn't quite gotten to that point yet," Jasper admitted.

"Well, that's something," I muttered.

All except Jasper nodded like they just had done the most amazing thing in the world. He looked at me as if he was evaluating me curiously.

"Sounds like I missed an eventful conversation. Do we have enough information now to have a table conference?" Carlisle asked genuinely, but there was an underlying concern there as well.

"Yes," we grumbled, said, or spat.

We all went to the dining room table and sat in the position we had taken the last time we had been gathered here. If nothing else, it was a visual reminder of how our family was changing.

"Someone fill me in," Carlisle requested.

Rosalie was the first to speak. She relayed verbatim Bella's and my exchange.

Carlisle was stunned.

Each of the children looked irritated in their own ways, but we all waited for Carlisle.

"Five wolves?" he asked in awe when he came to.

"Ironically that was nearly exactly Esme's reaction when she got off the phone," Jasper informed him.

I wondered if he was also talking about our emotional states. Given Jasper and my recent conversations, probably, I concluded.

"Glad to know we're on the same page," Carlisle stated absentmindedly. He reached for my hand and I gave it to him. Holding it tight, I could tell that he was working at containing his worry.

"I want to hear each of your thoughts and impressions," Carlisle stated. "Rosalie, would lead us off please?" he requested authoritatively.

She sat up straight seemingly pleased at his request. "It seems likely, given the combination of what Bella said and what happened in Alice's vision, that the shapeshifters are back in Forks. We have a treaty with them. In 2002 the Quiluete elders said they would hold to the treaty forged with Ephraim, but that was when there were no wolves. I don't think we can be guaranteed that the treaty will be upheld by this new pack." She hissed the last word.

After a short pause she continued, "Edward is hunting Victoria and thus if Laurent was telling the truth about Victoria seeking revenge we would know, one of the few advantages of his ability. At the same time, Laurent was right. I might have disagreed with the decision to engage with James and Victoria, but the family had made it clear to Laurent and his coven that Bella was placed under our protection. As a result, Jasper had insisted from that first meeting after Phoenix that there was some risk from Laurent and/or Victoria seeking revenge. His concerns were dismissed and were not discussed during our vote to leave Forks. Alice seeing Bella dead at Laurent's hands proves that Jasper was right. I don't really want to move. And I really dislike dealing with those dogs, but we shouldn't leave them to protect Bella from the likes of Laurent. Therefore, no moving, but minimally we have some obligation towards Bella."

Trying not to stare at her in utter surprise, I had no idea that she had it in her, and was proud of her. I squeezed her right hand under the table and then put my hand back in my lap.

Rosalie looked at me out of the corner of her eye and nodded slightly.

No one said anything for a few minutes.

"Emmett?" Carlisle prodded.

"Yeah, well, lots of what Rose said. The dogs shouldn't be the ones to protect Bella. We should have taken care of the coven in the field rather than be a pansy and run. I was an idiot when I didn't consider them when we were voting to leave Forks. Victoria was flighty according to Rose. Laurent is a smarmy bastard. With what Alice saw we should move back at least until Bella has graduated. It seems like Edward is having some luck finding Victoria, so we keep Bella not-dead for a few months at least, maybe by then he would have found Victoria and ended her. It should be our job to protect Bella. She sounded blubbery and wet, but I miss her." Emmett looked down at the table.

Keeping my eyes on him, I waited until I had his attention and then smiled at him encouragingly.

Alice looked at him to confirm he was done.

He nodded.

"I will have to grovel according to Bella, but I'm willing to do that and more to have her back in our lives, wolves or not," she said sounding scared but determined.

Jasper didn't miss a beat. "It's high risk: risk of exposure, risk of conflict with the wolves, risk of Victoria collecting information to use against our family, and Laurent could easily cause tension between us and the Denalis. It would not be the lay low and hide thing that we usually do. If that were not enough, we stand a good chance of attracting the attention of the Volturi, especially with the wolves. It's a horrendous environment to be stepping into. At the same time, not protecting Bella goes against everything I was led to believe it means to be a Cullen.

"We will have more options once she graduates from high school. That's only in a few months. For our kind that's a blink of an eye, but much can change in a blink. The events thus far make that clear. I believe it is our duty to keep her under our protection. Perhaps, after her graduation we could convince her to move to Ithaca with us, and she could attend Dartmouth, or to go to Alaska, somewhere where we could control the variables better. But until her obligations are over, returning to Forks, at least till the end of the school year, I deem to be the best strategic option that the family would be willing to agree to. All my other options require faking Bella's death, which I presumed everyone else would rather do only if we've run out of other possibilities. My preferred course of action is that we put her under our protection until she is turned or that we consider turning her straight away, but thus far these possibilities have been repeatedly refused for consideration."

Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a look, and then Carlisle turned to me.

"Bella voted yes to us returning. She believes us being near her will be positive for her well-being. I have to trust that she knows what is good for her in this regard," I started with. "I miss her. Wolves or not and irrelevant of the events regarding Laurent, I think moving back is the right thing to do for her and for us as a family."

The fury I had felt while on the phone with Bella started to rise up in me again.

Jasper caught my eye and raised his eyebrow.

I squeezed Carlisle's hand slightly to let him know I was done speaking.

"We are unanimous, then, in our belief that we are responsible for Bella." He paused.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"The question then is how to best proceed. Jasper is the best tracker of scent between us. However, the nature of Forks means that older trails would not linger and we have no guarantee there would be a fresh trail in order to determine how much of what Laurent said is truth. At the same time, the fact is that he was near Forks at all, when the expectates were made clear to him, and supposedly is sweet on Irina, is deeply concerning. Given this seeming conflict, treading carefully until more clarity of the situation is ascertained is vital. Therefore, relying solely on Alice's visions complications our ability to communicate what is happening with the Denalis. Given the importance of our relationship with them, it might take some time to sort fiction from fact and gain a clearer picture. Additionally, I have to agree with Emmett that even in our limited exposure to Victoria she seemed unusually difficult to corner, which is only supported by the fact that Edward hasn't found her yet, despite his assurances that he is closing in on her. Even with the remote chance that Laurent spoke the truth, and Victoria is in the midst of plotting revenge for James, Bella is not at risk from her, given Edward's pursuit."

Rosalie straightened up even tighter.

"And it seemed that Laurent and Bella's meeting was by chance and he had not set out to harm her."

All the children rolled their eyes bar Jasper who was studying Carlisle curiously.

He held up his hands. "Nevertheless, his presence in the area at all is disconcerting. Ultimately, my preference would be to not have to kill Victoria or Laurent."

Except Jasper, who looked like he was puzzling out a mystery, the kids all looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Hold on," he requested. "Victoria has yet to attack us directly, and we have no way to know for certain if Laurent was lying to Bella or not. Even if what Alice picked up from Laurent was true, according to Laurent, Victoria sent Laurent rather come herself. It is therefore a reasonable conclusion that she is too timid to attack Bella directly. And even in Alice's vision, Laurent hadn't sought Bella out. It was a chance meeting."

Even I was internally grumbling at his comment. Still, I waited patiently to see where he was going with this.

"However," and just like that he had all their attention, "we cannot forget that our kind can be notoriously patient when they have a purpose in mind, and we are lacking facts. Given Bella's fragile nature, it seems neither wise nor honourable to take the chance to risk her life on our hypotheses. I appreciate your simultaneous admonishment and reminder, Jasper. Even if we weren't the ones to tell Bella, we are responsible to keep her safe from Laurent, and potentially Victoria. Prior to Bella's phone call my only hesitancy was my concern that our return might negatively impact her well-being. However, Bella has voiced her yes and we have no choice but to trust her assessment of her own needs.

"That concern resolved; a new one has developed. We need to seriously consider the re-emergence of the wolves. We would need to inform the tribe elders of our intention to return and insure the treaty is still in tact. Depending on their response, we would have different options. We could move to Victoria, British Columbia and attempt to manage things from there, for instance, or even from Seattle if need be. Given the fact that we have no solid information regarding Laurent or Victoria, cannot determine the true impact of moving back on Bella's mental and physical heath, and the uncertainty of the treaty, I recommend we address where the treaty stands next. In the mean time, will you four please begin assessing what we will need for every contingency? I will call Billy Black in a few hours, given the time difference, and see what he says. We will reassemble once I have spoken to him. Any objections or comments?"

Rosalie looked to be in the most disagreement, but said nothing.

Carlisle paused long enough that it was clear no one was going to say anything more, got up, and went to his office.

I went to follow, but Jasper stopped me at the base of the stairs.

"Esme," he said softly but hesitantly. There was also a warning in his tone.

"Yes, Jasper?" I asked confused by his tone.

He lent into me and spoke too quietly for the sound to carry anywhere further than my ear. "In all our years with you I have never felt from you anything above ire or irritation, usually at something broken, and it disappears quickly with indulgence and happiness. In the last twenty hours you have been truly angry twice. Whatever caused that emotion to rise up within you I recommend you address it. I don't want it to change you and it can, if you repress it or ignore it. I speak from experience."

Then he pulled back and looked at me in my eyes. "Only because I care deeply about you, Esme, would I even say something," he whispered softly. "You have used who you are to help heal me." What was left unspoken I understood. He was afraid I wouldn't let him also heal me.

I pulled him into a hug without considering the normal physical distance he kept from everyone but Alice. "Thank you," I murmured into his ear. Then I realised the closeness might be making him uncomfortable and I pulled back. I looked at him carefully to make sure I hadn't offend or upset him.

"It was unexpected, but I'm okay," he informed me his voice sounding unsure.

"Do I owe you an apology?" I asked watching him carefully.

"Certainly not," he insisted his accent especially strong. I took that as a sign to the depth of how my gesture had meant to him.

"Well then, I won't." I smirked slightly at him. "You might even have to prepare yourself for a repeat at some point," I teased.

"I'll be on guard," he said back seriously, but there was a light teasing in his tone and his eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Thank you again. I will consider your wisdom thoroughly," I assured him.

He nodded in his southern gentlemanly way and left to go back to the dining room. I imagined him commanding troops and knew we would all be in good hands while they came up with different strategies.

Naturally, I found Carlisle in his office, his place of retreat and sanctuary, where he could think through and reflect on his day and on the family. However, instead of writing in his journal, as I expected that he would have been, he was hunched over his desk with his face in his hands.

"Let's go find a tree," I suggested.

He looked up and smiled slightly. Taking my hand, we dropped out of the closest window, and ran together.

"How's this one?" he asked when we came to the one where he had found me earlier.

"It served me well. Perhaps it will again," I told him smiling.

"On the ground or in the trees?" he asked his eyes sparkling with delight.

"High in the trees," I ascertained. "I think we might need a view."

"The lady is wise," was his reply before he bounded up.

I followed after him unsure if I had the strength within me to support him in the manner that he might need.

He found a sturdy branch and positioned his back against the trunk with a leg on each side.

I sat down in front of him my back leaning into his chest.

"What troubles you, my dear?" I asked him after some companionable silence.

"So much." His voice was heavy with grief.

"What is the greatest?" I asked him gently giving space in my question for him to fully hear that I wanted to be his support.

After a moment he admitted his voice soft and low, "Fear that we might lose Bella. I can't imagine what it will do to you, to this family, not to mention Edward, if that were to occur."

"And to yourself?" I asked feeling that anger rise up in me again.

"I have lost many humans through the years, Esme," he told me his voice equally burdened and fully of an audacity as if my question was foolish. "They are not designed to last, and I cannot save everyone." Never in all my years had I ever heard my husband sound so superior. Certainly it was a statement of truth and one he possibly told himself regularly to ease the reality of creating a connection with his patients in order to heal them and watch helplessly on those occasions when they didn't improve.

Despite my intellectual understanding of what he was most likely intending to convey, the fury that I had felt while speaking to Bella came back flooding me tenfold. In one lithe movement I turned around furiously and faced him snarling roared, "She is not just any human!"

For the first time in our marriage my husband cringed moving his body back slightly into the tree appearing to be frightened of me.